


Overcome

by EmilyFairy, Kalimyre



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Epic, First Time, Fluff, Humor, M/M, No wives, Sex, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-04-27 01:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 147,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14414811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyFairy/pseuds/EmilyFairy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalimyre/pseuds/Kalimyre
Summary: Ryan and Colin onSurvivor. No, really.[ Read this classic fic, which is now COMPLETE! ]





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> To my knowledge this is the longest _Whose Line_ fic in the fandom. Written in 2006, exchanged entirely in Livejournal comments... it was never completed originally, but (with Kalimyre's consent) I'm aiming to finish it. :) 
> 
> It starts kind of abruptly because it wasn't exactly intended to be a full-blown fic... but then we just sort of took it and ran with it. And here we are. 
> 
> Also, don't ask why they're on _Survivor_. We don't know. *helpless shrug*

Colin and Ryan in a tent on _Survivor_... that works.

No, really. I can see them slinking inside this ramshackle homemade tent, some canvas thrown over tied together tree branches and it's tiny inside, especially for these two big guys. So they're kind of jammed together and it's hot out there in whatever tropical place they're doing the show in and they're in shorts and tee shirts except maybe not the shirts. I haven't decided yet.

And Ryan looks up when Colin crawls in and slides onto the sleeping mat next to him, wincing and wiping sweat off his forehead, and he says, "You too?"

Colin nods and says, "It's not like I'm not used to cameras, but..."

"Yeah," Ryan agrees. "It's nonstop, isn't it?"

"I keep thinking they expect me to do something," Colin grumbles. "What is there to do out here?"

"I know," Ryan says, half-laughing. "Survival sounds exciting and all, but it's really boring. Oooh, let's make a fire. Wow, look, we can tie tree branches together. I mashed up some grubs for dinner, everybody party."

Colin snorts, shaking his head. "We better not be having grubs. There's rice or something, isn't there?"

"Rice. Thrilling," Ryan says dryly. He yawns, wriggling in the tent and trying to stretch his legs out. His knees bump against Colin's and Colin shifts, curling until he fits comfortably against Ryan's side.

"Taking a nap?" Colin asks.

"Yeah, probably. They can make television history without us for a while."

Colin nods, already sleepy and limp from the heat of the day, glad of the faint breeze that sneaks beneath the crooked flap of canvas and cools the sweat on his skin. He can hear the others talking, faintly, and he's fairly sure they're speculating about what he and Ryan are doing, but he can live with that. People have been guessing for years about them, after all.

***

And it's so nice for Colin to just lay next to Ryan, without having to worry about the stupid cameras following him everywhere, recording his every move. Like he's a trained circus seal instead of a human being. Although wasn't he a circus seal on the show once? Maybe. All the games kind of run together in his head after a while.

"I thought this would be like a vacation," Ryan mutters. 

"You thought _Survivor_ would be a vacation?" Colin bursts out laughing as he props his head up to look at Ryan. 

Ryan flops over on his side, facing Colin. "Well, you know, beautiful locale, girls in bikinis, lots of games... instead I get stuck in a tent with you. And bugs. And it's so damn hot that I don't want to move, and I'm so hungry that tree bark's starting to look good..." 

"Maybe we can add some to the rice tonight," Colin says.

Ryan wrinkles his nose. "Nah. I'm not that desperate. Give me a few more days." 

"In a few more days you'll be gnawing off your own arm," Colin says, picking it up and squeezing it thoughtfully. "Hmm, on second thought, too bony."

Ryan wrenches his arm away, giving Colin a wounded look. "Maybe I'll cook it up on your shiny head."

"You better be nice to me," Colin says. "Or tonight I'm gonna let your ass freeze." 

Ryan wraps his arms around Colin. "No, you won't. 'Cause you need me too." 

Colin loves it when he and Ryan easily fall into teasing each other like this. He's glad that if he has to be stuck on a sadistic game show miles from home, at least he's here with Ryan. And when Ryan hugs him he suddenly doesn't mind the heat or the cameras or the constant speculating of the other players. Because it's like having a little piece of home, here with him.

***

"I don't think they like us very much," Colin says later that evening, when they're awake but still hiding in the tent. There's a fire sputtering not too far away, and the silhouettes of the rest of their "tribe" are thrown against the tent walls, misshapen and hypnotic.

"And I'm all broken up about it," Ryan mutters, one arm flung over his eyes. Some of the heat has leached from the day, and the breeze has a slight bite to it now; a small hint of the chilly night to come.

"Maybe we should try to make friends."

Ryan lifts his head, giving Colin a smile that is a little disbelieving, but mostly affectionate. "You hate when people don't like you, don't you?"

Colin shifts, shrugging. "No, it's just... I mean, we're here, we might as well try a little."

"Nah," Ryan says, resting a hand on Colin's stomach. "If they hate us, they'll vote us off sooner and we can go home."

"Hmm." Colin smiles, lacing his hands behind his head, pleasantly aware of Ryan's fingertips skating along the hem of his shirt, almost tickling. "I could go for a hot shower right about now."

"I _know_ ," Ryan says, wrinkling his nose.

"Oh, shut up," Colin laughs, kicking Ryan's leg lightly where it rests against his. "Like you're a bed of roses."

Ryan is about to reply when there is a rustling outside their tent, and Matt, the self-appointed tribal chief, sticks his head in. "Um, hey," Matt says, glancing uncomfortably at Ryan's hand, the fingertips just tucked below the waist of Colin's shorts now.

"Hey," Ryan says, and although he feels Colin's belly tense, he doesn't move his hand. "Did you want something?"

"Well, you know, we do expect everyone to contribute," Matt begins, frowning. "Did you two come up with anything for dinner?"

"We were just discussing that," Colin says, biting back a smile. "Recipes, you know. Have you ever tried tree bark and grubs?"

Matt grimaces, and the irritated line between his eyebrows deepens. "You didn't catch any fish today, did you?"

Colin and Ryan look around the tent, peering into the corners. "Did we?" Ryan asks, bright and innocent.

"You know, I don't think we did." Colin smiles sweetly up at Matt. "Sorry."

Matt huffs and withdraws from the tent, making a futile effort to slam the canvas flap. Ryan snickers, curling against Colin's side, his chest shaking where it is pressed against Colin's arm. "Oh yeah," he says. "We're so out of here."

"I thought he liked us," Colin says, affecting a wounded tone. "Why wouldn't he like us?"

And Ryan throws an arm over Colin's chest and squeezes him, laughing until Colin gives in and laughs with him.

***

Colin exchanges uneasy glances with Ryan. It's dinnertime, and unsurprisingly, no one liked their tree bark and grub suggestions. They're eating the fish that Matt caught, because he's the big strong chest beating provider of their tribe. Colin wonders to himself if maybe they'd eat Ryan's arm. Judging from the stony stares directed at them, he's thinking they might, if given the opportunity.

"I'm guessing none of them are fans," Ryan whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

Colin scoots closer to Ryan until their knees are touching, needing the contact. "Not that we have anything to sign autographs with anyway." 

The cameras circle around them in the darkness, and Colin wants to retreat back to the safety of the tent. For some reason, no one will film them while they're in there. Colin grins as he lets his hand lightly brush Ryan's knee. He can't imagine why. 

"We could find something," Ryan says. "We're supposed to be survivors, right?"

"Oh. Yeah," Colin says sarcastically, knocking Ryan upside the head. "Maybe someone left a Sharpie out here somewhere."

"I was thinking sticks in the dirt."

"What good would that be?" Colin gives Ryan an exasperated look. 

Ryan shoves him. "Well, I don't see you coming up with anything better." 

"Maybe... mud," Colin says. "We could write using mud." 

He pauses, thinking of writing his name on Ryan's bare chest in mud. How it would feel all soft and squishy between his fingers as he spelled out each letter, marking Ryan as his own. He imagines himself blowing it dry, his breath tickling across Ryan's chest, and Ryan shivering… 

"Mud, huh?" Ryan laughs while he gives Colin a speculative look, like he's wondering what Colin is thinking. 

"It was just a thought," Colin says.

He bites his lip, grateful that the cameras have moved away and it's dark enough that Ryan can't see the blush on his face. There is no way that Ryan will ever find out, not even if he tickle tortures him for hours tonight. He busies himself with eating more of the tasteless fish, and prays that he will be able to get through the rest of the night without anymore trouble.

***

They almost make it back to their tent unscathed. Almost, except for the camera crew that cuts them off and waves a microphone in their faces and asks in a forced, polite way that is not really asking at all if they'd do an interview. Colin sighs and puts on a good-natured smile, aware of Matt and the others glaring at them from the other side of the campsite and Ryan glaring right back, his lips in a hard line.

"Sure," Colin says, before Ryan can make the kind of biting comment Colin can sense trapped behind his tightly clenched jaw.

So the crew does some rearranging and plays with the lighting and makes them go back to the fire for the flickering reality of it all, and they sit on a rock and look at the camera. Colin is aware of Ryan's shoulder jostling his, of Ryan's warmth in the rapidly cooling evening, and he's also aware this is all very orchestrated, the angle and the light all set to show exactly how closely they're pressed together. 

"Can you share any feelings or predictions about your fellow tribe members?" the director asks, leaning in eagerly.

"I don't think they like us," Ryan says plainly. "Can't imagine why."

"It's a mystery," Colin adds, feeling just a little pleased at the way the director sighs and shakes his head.

"Do you feel there's friction within the tribe?"

Ryan shrugs. Colin smiles sweetly. "Maybe we don't play well with others," he says, and he knows it's petty, tweaking the director this way, but he's tired and sticky and sick of people following him around and wanting to pry into his life. Even if he did kind of sign on for it this time.

"Who do you think will be the next one voted off?"

This time Colin shrugs, tilting his chin slightly toward Ryan, who takes the hint ably. "Probably me," he says, perfectly bland. "Maybe I should have caught a fish."

The director nods, quirking his eyebrows a little as if Ryan has just stated the blatantly obvious. "And how do you feel about that?"

"I feel like I'm going to be eating something better than burned rice."

The director closes his eyes for a moment before rallying, and he turns back to Colin. "What about you? You two have quickly become a pair, separate from the others. How will you deal with it if Ryan is voted off and you have to integrate with the tribe?"

Colin blinks, startled. Because of course they won't be leaving at the same time, of course it doesn't work that way and he _knew_ that, he did, but... he hasn't really thought about it. About being stuck out here for at least a week with people who don't like him and trying to stay warm at night alone.

"I, uh," he says, shrugging. "I don't know."

"That's enough," Ryan says, rising to his feet and pulling Colin along. "We're going to sleep now."

They leave the camera crew behind, flustered and trying to unhook lights and catch up, but they're in the tent before the pursuit can trap them again. Ryan stretches out and immediately rolls to his side, pulling Colin in against his chest and rubbing his back.

Colin gives him a questioning blink, and Ryan smiles. "I'm cold," he says, as if he needs an excuse.

"Me too," Colin says, burrowing close. The ground is hard and unforgiving and the tent does nothing to keep mosquitoes out, but Ryan's shoulder makes a warm and resilient pillow and his arms are enough to ward off the chill.

Colin closes his eyes and hopes--a little guiltily--that he is the first one sent home and not the one left behind.

***

"You know," Ryan says, and Colin's stomach lurches. When Ryan says something in that tone of voice, it's never good.

He sighs and moves his head away from Ryan's chest, whimpering at the loss of heat. "What?" 

Ryan rubs Colin's shivering arms. "I was thinking..."

"I figured that out already." Colin knows that he is being a little impatient tonight, but he is so hungry and tired and confused that he's not completely himself right now. He hopes that Ryan will realize that and forgive him. 

"We don't _have_ to get voted off," Ryan says, and his deep voice soothes Colin, taking a little of the edge off his anxiety. "I'm not sure I want to leave just yet. C'mon, do you really want an asshole like Matt to win this thing?" 

"Well, no. But it's not like we need the money," Colin says, tugging down the sleeves of his shirt to cover his freezing hands. 

Ryan pulls Colin's hands underneath his shirt, and warmth curls all the way down to Colin's toes as he flattens his palms against the smooth skin of Ryan's stomach. "We could donate it, if we win. To our favorite charities. Wouldn't that be great?"

Colin smiles. Ryan is a dreamer, always has been, even though he hides it from everyone else. "That would be an amazing thing to do," he says. "But isn't it kinda too late? They already hate us. They're not gonna keep us around."

"Yeah, but we've got one advantage they don't have..." Ryan says, leaning against Colin's forehead.

"What's that?"

"Privacy," Ryan breathes. "We can say whatever we want in this tent. We can strategize. And anyway, you're lovable, at least. I bet we could make them like you if we tried."

Colin wrinkles his nose. "I'm not sure I want them to like me." 

Ryan curls into a laugh, giving Colin a fond look. "Liar."

"Okay, _maybe_ I want them to like me, but--"

"I knew it!" Ryan tickles Colin's ribs. 

Colin gasps, and his fingers bunch into the top of Ryan's shorts. Sometimes he wonders if Ryan enjoys torturing him like this. He lets out a shaky breath and says, "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. But don't expect a miracle, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan agrees, beaming. "Now get over here. I'm still cold." 

"How much closer can I possibly get?" 

"Much closer," Ryan whispers, pushing against him until every inch of their bodies are wrapped around each other. 

Colin snuggles deeper into Ryan's arms, burying his head back into Ryan's chest, smelling sweat and sand and something else that belongs only to Ryan. Colin closes his eyes, pressing his temple against the place where he can feel Ryan's heartbeat, and he feels like he is covered in a blanket of Ryan. 

Ryan's hands skate along Colin's back, before they duck underneath his shirt. Colin hisses when Ryan's cold fingers touch his bare back, and he senses rather than sees Ryan's shrug of apology. Colin's hands are still on Ryan's stomach, tracing lazy circles around his navel. He loves how the fuzz of Ryan's hair tickles his fingertips. 

They both sigh, and Colin knows they are warm at last. In fact, Colin feels almost hot, having Ryan this close, but he doesn't mind. 

He mulls over this new turn of events. Tomorrow is the immunity challenge. If they can win it, then maybe it will buy them enough time to maybe make a couple friends on the tribe. 

And if they lose, well... at least they'll be one step closer to having a hot shower and a decent meal.


	2. Day Two, Part I

Colin wakes early in the morning, when the light is still gray and delicate, barely beginning to warm into pink and gold with the sunrise. The world is perfectly silent around him, and if it wasn't for the steady sound of Ryan's breathing, he'd wonder if he'd gone deaf.

Colin is reluctant to leave the warm nest Ryan and he have made together, but sometime during the night he's made his decision; he doesn't want to give up. Losing he could live with, but losing without even trying is something else entirely.

So Colin carefully slips from Ryan's arms, leaving his friend frowning and curling around the warm place he left on the sleeping mat. The morning is damp and cool, the air leaving a feeling of clammy chill on his exposed skin, and Colin hitches his collar higher on his neck. He knows it will be hot later, suffocatingly hot, and he wishes this place would get a thermostat.

The fire is weak, mostly embers and ashes, and Colin stokes it carefully, coaxing a flick of bright orange flame, and then another. Soon it is crackling and he warms his hands for a few seconds, then sets about putting together breakfast. They're all expected to contribute, after all, and Colin feels sure he can at least come up with something better than tasteless fish and gluey, overcooked rice.

The others begin to gather around the fire as the scent of fried oatmeal and sausage wafts into their sleeping area, and Colin hands out the food with his best winning smile. Matt looks vaguely resentful, but he eats quickly enough, glaring at the others when they sit close to Colin. Colin blinks innocently and makes conversation.

He looks up when a warm hand slips down his back, and Ryan is behind him, smiling knowingly. "Morning," Ryan says, plopping beside him on the makeshift seat, an old fallen tree.

"Morning," Colin replies sunnily, handing over half his food to Ryan.

"We have sausage?" Ryan asks, wolfing it eagerly. "Why didn't we have this last night?"

"We need to conserve our supplies," Matt says, but that doesn't stop him from taking seconds.

Ryan looks like he wants to say something distinctly unfriendly, but Colin rests a hand in the crook of his elbow and smiles blandly at Matt until he feels Ryan relax beside him. He knows without looking that Ryan is following his lead, becoming smooth and unflappable.

"Anyway," Matt says when it becomes clear Colin and Ryan are not going to give him an argument. "We have the immunity challenge today. I know we're all going to do our best to win the tribe immunity."

The others make assenting sounds, although Colin notices a few rolling their eyes at Matt's officious tone, and he smiles behind his hand.

Several people thank Colin for breakfast before heading off to wash in the river, and Colin nods, putting on his best smile. Ryan elbows him in the side and leans down to whisper in his ear, warm breath tingling on Colin's neck. "Told you you were lovable."

Colin nods. "We'll see."

Ryan helps him clean up the dishes, and they both take a quick dip in the river. The water is breathtakingly cold, but it's a relief to not feel sweaty and grimy anymore, and Ryan is happy enough to huddle with him by the fire until they are dry and warm again.

Then it's time to begin the hike to the challenge area; Matt takes the lead, of course. Colin and Ryan trail along at the end of the line, side by side on the cramped jungle trail. Ryan's hand brushes against Colin's as they walk, their fingers tangling together occasionally. "You ready for this?" Ryan asks softly.

"I hope so," Colin says, shrugging. "I don't know what it'll be, and let's face it, we're not in the best shape."

"We'll be fine," Ryan says, and their fingers brush again with studied nonchalance. "I guess you decided you want to win?"

Colin smiles up at him. "I decided I want to try."

***

Colin sighs with relief when they finally reach the clearing where today's immunity challenge will be held. His feet feel like they're about to fall off from all the walking. He wishes he would have done more exercise before he came on the show, to try and prepare for all these physical challenges. He certainly feels his age right now.

Beside him, Ryan is puffing and wheezing and suddenly Colin doesn't feel so bad. He pats Ryan on the shoulder to let him know they're almost there, and Ryan gives him a strained smile. Colin hopes that his back isn't bothering him too much.

He can see the other team moving in from the opposite direction. One or two of them gawk at him and Ryan, and he wonders if they watch the show. It figures that the fans are on the other team.

Jeff Probst stands with his arms folded, smiling cockily at them as they approach. Behind him are two covered blocks, which Colin guesses have something to do with today's challenge.

"Survivors!" says Jeff as they file in front of him. "Welcome to today's immunity challenge. As you know, if you win this challenge, your team is safe from Tribal Council tomorrow night. And you will receive this immunity necklace." Jeff gestures to a primitive looking bone-and-teeth creation.

Ryan smirks at Colin. "Are we supposed to ooh and ahh?" he whispers.

Colin snorts and glances around at the bored faces of the other castaways. "No one else looks terribly impressed, so I'm guessing no."

"Do you think we have to wear it?"

"I think Matt should wear it. Wouldn't he look hilarious strutting around trying to catch a fish in that thing?"

Ryan leans towards Colin when he laughs, and their arms brush together. He places a hand on the small of Colin's back, wiping his eyes. Colin just smiles and watches and lets Ryan's warmth flow down his spine.

There's a break in filming while the crew members pull covers off the blocks and get everything set up. Colin squints, trying to figure out what exactly they'll be doing, but it's too far away to tell. Ryan hops from foot to foot beside him, as the cameras roll into place.

Jeff claps his hands. "All right, Survivors, listen up. Today's challenge is a puzzle. First, you need to retrieve all of the puzzle pieces from various hidden locations using the clues we will provide. Then you all have to work together to put the pieces in place. The first team to correctly put together the puzzle, wins immunity from Tribal Council."

Colin and Ryan exchange relieved glances. At least it won't be too much of a physical challenge.

Jeff hands each team an envelope with their first clue. "Okay, Survivors ready," Jeff says. "And... go!"

***

Right away, Matt tries to rally the troops, shouting directions as they all crowd in around the envelope, everyone trying to read it at once. Colin catches Ryan's arm, and they hang back, waiting. Matt reads off a little rhyme that Colin supposes is meant to indicate a location, but everyone is clamoring and shouting suggestions and he can't quite hear it. There's something about falling and rainbows, which doesn't make a lot of sense.

"Go, go, start looking!" Matt yells, waving his arms. People scatter in all directions and Colin and Ryan exchange a glance. Ryan shrugs, and Colin smiles wryly, and they pick a direction and lope off.

"Do you know where we're going?" Ryan asks, pushing tall grass out of the way as they cut across a field.

"No idea," Colin replies. "I think we're not alone in that, though." And it's true, the rest of their tribe is wandering aimlessly, with much shouting and thrashing of the plant life and foot-pounding enthusiasm. The day is beginning to really heat up, and just watching them makes Colin feel like lying down in the sweet smelling grass and taking a nap.

"I heard something about swimming," Ryan says.

"I heard falls and rainbows," Colin answers, and he pauses, cocking his head to the side. "So, swimming means water, and falls..."

"Didn't we pass a waterfall on the way here?" Ryan asks, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

"Yeah, and the mist at the bottom, when the sun hits it..."

"Rainbows." Ryan grins and catches Colin by the hand, pulling him into a run. Suddenly they are whooping and hollering like the others, out of breath and covered in grass seed and laughing like kids.

The river is just a little up the trail, and it's more of a stretch of rapids than an actual fall, but there is a section where the riverbed drops a good six feet, and there's a pool there, the water crashing and churning up spray. Sure enough, the morning sun is high enough now to catch in the layer of mist and make reflecting prisms of color, sparkling and untouchable.

By the time they get there, Colin has a stitch in his side from running and he hunches over, panting, one hand pressed into his side. Ryan's hand rests on his back, steadying him, and they peer into the water. There's a rustling in the bushes on the other side of the river, and a camera pokes out, the operator grinning from behind it and giving them a thumbs up.

"Think we're on the right track?" Ryan asks dryly.

"Could be," Colin says, and that's when he spots it, something gold and shiny just beneath the surface on the far side of the pool. The water is calmer there, swirling in little eddies away from the force of the waterfall, and the shape is wavering with the current, tucked neatly between two rocks.

Ryan elbows him a little closer to the water. "You feel like another swim?"

Colin laughs and quickly pulls his shirt over his head, eager to dip into the cool water and wash off the sweat and bits of dried grass clinging to his skin. He toes his shoes off and slides in, giving the churning water at the base of the fall a wide berth. He has to swim in the middle, where it gets deep, but a few strokes and he can feel mud beneath his feet again, oozing unpleasantly between his toes. The gold box is at chest height, a few inches below the surface, and he carefully wriggles it out from between the rocks.

"Here," Ryan says, standing at the bank and holding his hands out.

Colin nods and throws, Ryan catching it neatly. He's back across the pool and climbing onto land again by the time Ryan's figured out the little clasp. The camera stretches out over the water on an extendable arm to get a close up as they huddle over the box, Colin dripping on the ground and Ryan automatically moving a little closer to him, sharing his warmth.

"This should be the next clue, right?" Colin asks.

Ryan nods and pulls out an odd shaped piece of metal, vaguely Aztec in appearance with some inscription on the front. It is obviously a small piece of a larger whole. There is also a small roll of paper, and Ryan opens it, holding it carefully away from Colin so it won't be dripped on.

He is about to begin reading it when Matt appears on the trail behind them and scowls when he sees they've gotten here first. He comes forward, holding his hand out. "Let me see it," he says.

"We found it," Ryan points out, and Colin is suddenly glad of the camera.

"We're all on the same tribe," Matt counters, gritting his teeth into a forced smile.

"We can all read it," Colin offers, and Matt nods, moving in close. Ryan angles the paper so they can see it, and they read it together.

***

They all worked together from then on, and managed to uncover all eight clues in quick succession. Colin clutches onto his puzzle piece as they run back where Jeff stands waiting for them. Each member of their group is carrying one piece of the puzzle, making it easier for them to keep track.

The other tribe is nowhere in sight, and Colin grins. His chest is heaving and his hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat but dammit, he feels good. 

"Orteza," Jeff says. Orteza is the name of their tribe. "Please bring me your puzzle pieces so I can verify that you have them all." 

They each hand over their puzzle pieces, except for Eric, who blanches and tries to hide. Eric is Matt's friend, and Colin dislikes him even more than he dislikes Matt. This morning during breakfast, Colin overheard Eric telling Matt that he wouldn't eat any food cooked by a fag. As if being gay was a disease that you could catch.

"Shit," Eric swears, and Matt's head instantly swivels towards him.

"What the hell, man? Where's your piece?"

"I don't fucking know!" Eric yells. 

The whole group groans, and Matt smacks Eric. "You're so stupid, man! What's wrong with you? When was the last time you had it?"

"I can't remember!"

Colin shuts his eyes, trying to block out the sounds of the screaming match that's threatening to dissolve the unity of their tribe. Ryan lays a comforting hand on his arm, strengthening him. 

"Quiet! Everybody be quiet." And oh god, Colin realizes that he is the one who's speaking. 

Everyone pauses and gapes at him, because he has been mostly shy and quiet with the rest of the group. But Ryan is grinning at him, nodding his head appreciatively. "Listen," Colin says calmly. "We don't have time to stand around arguing like this. Let's just go back and retrace our steps. If we hurry, we might still have a chance." 

Eric looks like he wants to say something, probably spew some more venom about fags or queers, but Ryan's menacing glare is enough for him to think twice. The rest of the tribe nods, even Matt, and they race back the way they came.

Colin squeezes Ryan's hand for a quick thank you and then they follow after their tribe.

***

They backtrack frantically, forming a rough line stretched across their path, everyone scanning the ground. Colin is aware of Eric muttering something, and he tries very hard not to hear, because he suspects the muttering involves implications that one of "those two" might have stolen the piece. Which would be patently stupid, since they'd only be hurting themselves in the end by losing immunity for the tribe, but Colin has the feeling that Eric and stupid are on good speaking terms.

He notices Ryan's pause before the others, and he follows his friend's gaze to the glint of slivery metal nestled in to a tuft of grass. Ryan raises an eyebrow at him, and Colin sighs. He would rather they weren't the ones to find it, but they don't have the time to waste letting someone else from the tribe notice.

Colin nods, and Ryan bends down, plucking the piece from the ground. "Here," he says, holding it up. "Is this it?"

"Give me that," Eric snaps, snatching it from him. "What'd you do, plant it there?"

Ryan stares at him for a long moment, his lips pressed into a firm line. Then he shakes his head and turns away, refusing to engage. That's a go-nowhere argument and he knows it.

"Forget it," Matt urges, already heading back toward Jeff and possible immunity. "Let's just go, man, while there's time."

Colin feels a little spitefully pleased that Matt refuses to let Eric carry the piece this time, instead holding on to it himself. He and Ryan take up the rear again, trotting along side by side as the rest of their tribe draws ahead.

They've already handed over their pieces, so there's no need to hurry, and Colin is suddenly very tired, the exertion of the day catching up with him. The top of his head feels sunburned and his shirt is unpleasantly damp with sweat. The air is hot and muggy and thick with bugs, buzzing in lazy clouds around all of them.

"I'm not looking forward to the hike back," Ryan mutters beside him, and Colin nods, closing his eyes for a long moment. He stumbles a little and Ryan's arm loops easily around his waist, guiding him. "Okay?" Ryan asks.

"Sure." Colin offers a smile, tired but genuine. "I could go for a swim and a nap, though."

"Same here," Ryan replies. "And I think we may be in luck." He waves ahead at the others, clustered around Jeff and scrabbling over their puzzle pieces. Putting them together is more of a formality than anything else; there aren't that many, and they fit together in an obvious way when the inscription is taken into account.

Colin and Ryan catch up just as they're completing the puzzle, which forms a ring shape. It's thick and heavy with metal links and actually rather pretty, in a vaguely art deco kind of way.

The other tribe is running across the field now, but they slow as they see Orteza already gathered, and a collective groan goes up. Colin surprises himself by grinning, pleased at their victory despite the stress of the day. Jeff holds up the completed ring in one hand and the immunity necklace in the other. "Congratulations, Orteza," he says. "You have won immunity for your tribe."

Everyone cheers, and several people even clap Colin and Ryan on the back, smiling at them. Ryan slips an arm around Colin's shoulders and squeezes him tightly for a moment, and Colin laughs. "I knew you'd get competitive about this," he says, poking Ryan in the side teasingly.

"Like you're not," Ryan replies, and Colin can only shrug and smile. Eric is still casting baleful looks in their direction and they still have a long walk back to camp with another meager meal to follow it, but for now they're winners, and that's something.

***

Colin faints when they finally reach their camp, falling into the sand. "Oh, my. Is he all right?" he hears Gina, who is kind of the "mother" of their tribe, ask Ryan.

Ryan laughs and toes Colin. "He's just acting. He always does this. C'mon, Col. Stop scaring Gina here."

Colin opens his eyes, pouting. He pretends to shoo Ryan away. "You're blowing my cover."

"See? He'll do anything for sympathy," Ryan says, and Gina smiles. Ryan leans down, offering a hand. "Up you go now."

Colin grasps Ryan's hand with practiced ease and allows himself to be hoisted up. Ryan doesn't drop his hand, so Colin doesn't either. Ryan pulls Colin a little closer, so their shoulders touch as they walk. And Colin laughs a little, thinking that here they are, sweaty and exhausted and starving, walking hand in hand down the beach like a couple of lovers without a care in the world. It just seems so... normal, and for a moment he misses Canada so much that an ache spreads through his shoulders.

"Are you two... um, together?" Gina asks as they walk towards the fire, where the rest of the tribe is whooping it up.

Gina doesn't sound rude or disgusted, and Colin feels a bit relieved. All the same, he shakes his head at Ryan, biting back a smile. "No," he says.

"We're friends," says Ryan, squeezing Colin's hand in a way that undermines his words.

"Oh," Gina replies. "I'm sorry, I... I thought for sure that you were, you know, a couple. Please forgive me for assuming."

"It's all right," Colin says, giving her a reassuring smile. "It happens all the time."

"One of my brothers is gay," Gina says, shooting them a thoughtful look. "He's been with the same man for almost fifteen years now. He's got a better track record with relationships than I do!"

Ryan runs his thumb across Colin's palm, making Colin shiver. "We've known each other for over twenty years," he says, jerking his head towards Colin. "I tell him all the time I want a divorce, but he thinks it'll be too messy."

Colin laughs and covers Ryan's thumb with his own. "Yeah, me and Ryan, we're big with the tabloids."

"In Canada," Ryan finishes, and Colin nods.

Gina lets out a surprised laugh. "You two are a riot," she says.

Colin beams. "Thank you," he says, scratching one ear. He always gets all flustered when someone gives him a compliment.

And then they are in front of the fire, and Ryan is dancing beside him in celebration, and someone presses a plate of hot food into his hands... and for a while anyway, Colin feels like he belongs.


	3. Day Two, Part II

Colin doesn't even taste what he's eating, too hungry and tired and caught up in the euphoria of winning to even care. He gobbles it beside the fire and feels a little primal, but he figures that's just the heat and exhaustion making his head a bit swimmy. Ryan is a constant presence at his side, as always, and Colin lets his eyes slip shut. Ryan will catch him if he starts to slide sideways.

The happy, excited babble around them dies down as people drift off, for a swim, for a nap, to catch some dinner. Matt has been talking about laying traps, hoping to catch whatever small furry animals are around here, and Colin thinks that sounds like a good way to get someone a broken leg when they walk into it unaware, but he is too tired to argue. He makes a mental note to step very carefully next time he's in the woods.

Then Ryan nudges his side and takes the plate from his drooping fingers. "You still with me?" he asks, a low, amused murmur in Colin's ear.

Colin jerks slightly and nods. "Sure," he mumbles. "Do we have to go fishing or something?"

"Nah." Ryan's arm slips around his waist and pulls, and Colin gets reluctantly to his feet, groaning as his legs and back protest. "I think we've done enough for one day."

"Good," Colin says, shuffling at Ryan's side. He knows Ryan must be tired too, and he really shouldn't lean on his friend so hard, but it's so very easy to ignore that and relax and let Ryan steer, just for a little while. It's not that far to the tent, and it's still a slipshod chunk of canvas thrown crookedly over some branches above a thin sleeping mat in the dirt, but it's come to mean home and safety and privacy somehow. He's glad to crawl inside, and even more so to lie down beside Ryan and rest.

Ryan makes a few soft, pained sounds as he shifts, his breath catching in his throat as he searches for a comfortable position, and Colin wraps his arms around him, his hands automatically searching out the small of Ryan's back and pressing there, rubbing gently. "Mmm," Ryan says, the low rumble of his voice warming Colin where their chests press together.

"Sore?" Colin asks, rubbing a little harder. Ryan squirms into the touch, sighing against Colin's neck.

"Yeah. I'm too old for this shit."

Colin chuffs softly. "I'm older than you are."

"I'm taller," Ryan says, as if that's a comeback.

Colin shakes his head, smiling. "Yes, you are," he says, indulgently. "Good for you."

Ryan just grunts and relaxes against him, his breathing growing deep and slow. Colin knows he should be following Ryan into sleep; there's more to do in the day, and if they miss dinner, they'll have to fend for themselves. But he can't quite resist lying there in the quiet, hazy afternoon and watching Ryan sleep.

He watches the tiny expressions that flicker across his friend's face, one corner of his mouth crooking into a smile when Colin runs a firm hand down his back, the brow furrowing slightly if Colin leans away, the eyelids flickering when Colin leans close and breathes on his skin. Colin tilts his head to the side, curiously, and trails two fingertips feather light down the side of Ryan's throat, where the skin is thin and delicate and he can feel a pulse. Ryan shivers, mumbling something low and guttural, and Colin grins.

There is a muffled thud of footsteps outside the tent, and Colin quickly closes his eyes, feigning sleep. More rustling, and then a hushed voice, one he thinks belongs to someone on the filming crew. "You want to get a shot in this one?"

"Dunno, man," another voice replies, with an edge of scorn. "Who knows what they're doing in there."

"Yeah," the first voice says, laughing, and the footsteps move on. Colin sighs, shaking his head. He'd hoped that Eric was alone in his views, but apparently not. Still, it gains them privacy, and he can live with a few rumors. He's been living with them for years, after all.

Ryan frowns in his sleep, and Colin indulges himself, pressing a small, chaste kiss to his forehead. Ryan tastes of salt and summer grass, of dirt and river water. Colin smiles against his skin, rests his head on Ryan's arm, and lets out a long, slow breath. Ryan's breathing rocks him slightly, and the wind is low and steady, a calming sway of sound, and Colin drifts off as easily as if he were in his own bed at home.

***

Colin opens his eyes against Ryan's smooth chest. He keeps his head down for a few minutes, giving himself time to wake up, and secretly enjoying the little sighs escaping from Ryan's lips.

When he raises his head, he is honestly surprised to see Ryan's open green eyes, gazing down at him adoringly. "Hey, Col," Ryan whispers, hugging him.

"Hey, Ry," Colin answers, pretending like he knew all along that Ryan was awake.

"Sleep all right?" Ryan asks, and Colin knows that he isn't fooled.

"Mmm..." Colin stretches, cracking his back. "Well, considering the circumstances..."

"You mean the cold, hard, unforgiving ground, the mat so thin it might as well be nothing? Col, I'm surprised at you. This is luxury living right here."

"Oh?" Colin's mouth twitches. "Where's the mints on the pillow? Where's the pillow, for that matter?"

Ryan grins. "I'm the pillow," he grumbles good-naturedly, nudging Colin with his shoulder. "And we've got grass and bark to chew."

"Hmm..." Colin says thoughtfully. "But the river is way too cold to be a jacuzzi."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But every luxury resort has a pool," Ryan says.

Colin laughs. "As long as no one pees in it," he says.

"Eww!" Ryan shudders. "There will be no peeing in our pool, as long as I'm on duty."

Colin smiles to himself, picturing Ryan wearing a pair of orange shorts, with a whistle hanging around his neck and a triangle of sunblock spread over his nose. He imagines Ryan patrolling the river, walking back and forth on shore, inspecting the tribe closely to make sure there is no hanky panky or god forbid, peeing, going on.

"I suppose," Colin says, "that this makes our tent a penthouse suite."

"Absolutely. With a balcony."

"A balcony?" Colin asks, propping himself up to get a better look at Ryan, whose chest is shaking with held in laughter.

"We'll have to build it first," Ryan manages to say.

Colin's eyes gleam with excitement at the idea of a new challenge. "I'm game," he says.

***

They spend a pleasant fifteen minutes conspiring about their balcony, which soon becomes a small part of the larger tree fortress they're planning. Colin finds a twig under the sleeping mat, and they smooth a section of dirt and use it as a drawing board.

They lie side by side on their bellies, propped up on their elbows, hips leaned together. It's just the right time of day, early enough for mellow daylight to fill the tent and warm it, but late enough for the heavy heat and humidity of the day to be gone. Colin knows they will have to leave their shelter soon, face the tribe and whatever godawful thing they've come up with for dinner, but he lingers just a little longer, drawing in a water slide.

"How are we going to get water up to it?" Ryan asks, grinning.

"With the indoor plumbing. We'll need a bigger spot of dirt to draw that in proper detail," Colin replies primly.

Ryan snorts. "Ah. Of course."

Colin looks at him, at the crinkles in the corners of his eyes and his slim, mobile mouth, always eager to smile, and is suddenly very tempted to roll him over and pin him down and tickle him till he cries with laughter. Until he's gasping and hiccuping and lying helpless, wrecked and happy.

Maybe Ryan reads some of this in his face, because he leans back slightly, his eyebrows raising. "Colin? You've got that evil face." Colin blinks innocently. Ryan snorts and rolls his eyes. "Don't even," he says. "You can't pull off the innocent act anymore. Not since the Jello and Brie Incident."

Colin flops onto his back and laughs, one arm slung across his eyes. Ryan rolls to his side, head propped in one hand, and lays an arm over his waist, squeezing him.

That's when Gina pokes her head into their tent, smiling when she sees them sprawled out and giggling. "Evening, boys," she says. "Sleep well?"

"Slept great, thanks," Colin says mildly. "What's for dinner?"

"Anything but fish," Gina says with a theatrical shudder.

They nod agreement and crawl out of the tent, Colin offering Ryan a hand up. Gina walks with them toward the campfire, chattering amiably all the while, and Colin exchanges a smile with Ryan over her head. _Lovable_ , Ryan mouths at him, waggling his eyebrows. Colin shoots him a quelling look, but he can't help but be glad they've made at least one friend. This way, if Ryan is sent home, he won't be completely alone.

***

Dinner is a celebration. Matt has somehow managed to hunt down some sort of bird that vaguely resembles a chicken. True, it's served with rice again, but this time there's beans mixed in, and whoever cooked the rice didn't burn it.

It's the little things, Colin reflects.

By the fire, Matt regales them with the tale of how he tracked two of the birds through the brush, armed only with a couple of stones and a sharp stick. "So, there I was," he begins. "Just me, alone. When suddenly, I heard a rustling noise far off, and I ran towards the sound, keeping my stick pointed outward..."

Ryan, Colin, and Gina sit slightly apart from the tribe, rolling their eyes at Matt's pompous gestures and overblown voice. "Do you believe a word of this?" Ryan whispers out of the side of his mouth.

"It reminds me of the story my Grandpa used to tell all of us grandchildren, about the big fish he caught once. Said it was like twenty feet long or something ridiculous like that. And my Grandma would stand behind him, shaking her head at us and holding her fingers apart a few inches," says Gina with a snicker.

"I bet he found them dead on a path somewhere," Colin says from behind his hand.

And they all collapse into giggles. Colin almost falls backwards off the log, until Ryan's hand steadies him. He smiles his thanks at Ryan, who ducks his head.

Gina watches them with a knowing look on her face. She looks like she is about to speak, but she is interrupted by a fourth person perching on the edge of their log.

***

"What the hell is so funny?" Eric asks, leaning into Colin's space. Colin edges back automatically, his side pressed against Ryan, and he feels Ryan's hand on his shoulder.

"We're just talking," Colin says, blinking placidly. He's always been good at keeping a straight face, no matter what he'd rather say.

"Talking," Eric echoes, curling his lip into a sneer. "That's all you two do, isn't it? Talk and whatever the hell you're doing in that tent."

"Sleeping?" Ryan asks, a bright, snide edge to his tone.

Eric snorts. "I doubt it. That's not why you wanted your own tent. What, too good to sleep with the rest of us?"

And Colin knows he shouldn't, he really, really shouldn't, but he can't quite help it. "Why Eric, if you wanted to sleep with us, you only had to ask."

Gina laughs, the sound startling in the suddenly quiet campsite, and Eric's eyes bulge, just a little. Colin is aware of the cameras swarming in, getting angles on his face, Ryan's face, Eric's rapidly purpling expression. There is a hushed expectancy to the air, and Colin closes his eyes briefly when he realizes the director is not going to put a stop to this; that in fact the director is probably thrilled and doesn't want to miss a minute.

"You... you fucking... I'm not..." Eric sputters some garbled denial and Colin already regrets his smart remark. Too used to thinking fast and making the quip for a laugh, too accustomed to the safety of the stage and he has to break that habit before it gets him into trouble. More trouble, that is.

"I know," Colin says, quietly. "Neither are we. Please just drop it."

Ryan's hand is squeezing his shoulder now, and he can feel Ryan's tense posture, ready to jump into the fray if this turns violent. Colin offers a sincere smile, and waits.

For a moment, it seems like it will happen, Eric lurching to his feet, one hand drawn back, tightly curled. Colin raises his hands defensively and Ryan shifts, trying to get in front of him as much as he can.

"Eric!" Matt says sharply, banging his tin plate down on a rock, the flat smacking sound drawing everyone's attention for a moment.

"But," Eric protests, waving at Colin and Ryan, who track his movements with watchful eyes.

"We're sticking together, remember?" Matt says, as if they have some prior agreement. "And how will we do that if you get kicked out for fighting?"

Colin flicks his gaze to the director, who is frowning now, perhaps sensing his moment of drama going down the tubes. It's true that physical fighting is not allowed, and is grounds for immediate removal from the island, but Colin suspects the director would have waited until he had the whole fight on tape before taking disciplinary action.

Eric wavers, glaring at them, and Colin elbows Ryan in the side until the expression he can see out of the corner of his eye eases to something vaguely conciliatory. "Sorry," he says, which is a lie, but he prefers to think of it as acting.

"Don't fucking talk to me," Eric growls, brushing roughly past them and stalking off into the trees as noisily as possible.

The tension goes out of Ryan in a rush, and Colin feels him sag against his side, taking a deep breath. "Hey," Colin says softly, catching his eye. "That was fun."

Ryan gives a thin, startled laugh. "Oh yeah. Hysterical. This is gonna be a fun vacation, isn't it?"

"Hey," Matt says from across the fire. "You two owe me for that."

Ryan raises his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"I just saved your asses. Next time the smartass," he points at Colin, "wants to mouth off, you're on your own."

Colin puts a hand on Ryan's arm, silencing his reply before he can make it. "I'll be more careful," he says. "Thanks."

Matt seems mollified by this and goes back to his dinner, halfheartedly picking up the threads of his hunting story, which seems to have changed considerably since before he was interrupted. Ryan gives Colin a disbelieving look and mouths _thanks_?

Colin shrugs. "More flies with honey," he murmurs.

"That wasn't your method when he first sat down," Ryan points out, and Colin nods sheepishly.

"Yeah," he says. "Sorry, it slipped out."

"Don't worry," Ryan tells him. "I would've said the same thing if you hadn't beat me to it."

"I thought it was funny," Gina adds, smiling brightly at both of them. "Did you see how purple he got? I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel."

Ryan snickers, and Colin finally relaxes, his stomach muscles untying themselves from the knot they've been in. Ryan loops an arm around his waist for a moment and Colin finds his appetite, even listening to the rest of Matt's story with relative interest. He figures the guy gets points for creatively making up complete bull, at least.

Eric comes back when they've finished eating and started hanging out, chatting idly in the firelight. He gets his plate of cold food and picks at it sullenly, not looking at anyone. Colin and Ryan draw a little closer together.

"I think we should go to bed early tonight," Ryan says, speaking out of the corner of his mouth.

Colin nods. "Good plan. I'm still tired anyway."

So they stay and talk for a little while, but sneak off to their tent when the camera crew begins hunting again, plucking off the unwary for interviews. Colin decides that it's his personal goal to not do one more interview while he's here. He's never liked them anyway.

The tent is familiar and cozy and Colin immediately feels safer. Even more so when Ryan scoots close, slips an arm beneath Colin's neck to cushion him, and sighs sleepily. "So," Ryan yawns. "Tell me more about our tree fort."


	4. Day Three, Part I

Colin wakes up in the early morning, blinking and groggy and cold. Ryan is gone, and Colin can't help the little swoop of disappointment that lodges itself in his stomach as he looks as the slight sag in the mat that Ryan has left behind. He hugs himself close, wishing that his arms were Ryan's arms instead. 

Water drops onto his side, rolling down his back and his chest, and Colin thinks to himself, _That's odd_. He wonders if the tent is leaking. But he doesn't hear the sound of rain or even thunder. All he knows is that he's wet, and now he'll never get warm unless he can make it to the fire...

And then Ryan is laughing from above him, and Colin turns. Ryan is wet and dripping from his morning swim in the river, and what an appealing vision he makes. For a moment Colin almost thinks he's still dreaming. Ryan's golden curls are dark with water, and for the first time Colin notices how long his hair is getting. It spills over his forehead, making him look younger somehow. And then there's Ryan's skin, tanned and glowing and... beautiful... Colin gulps, and tries to push that last thought away, but it doesn't want to leave. 

Ryan smirks at him, and Colin realizes that he is now soaked through almost to the skin. "Couldn't you at least grab a towel?" he asks.

"They were all out at the courtesy desk," Ryan replies. 

Colin laughs. He loves how easily they pick up the threads of old conversations. It's always been that way with Ryan and him. "Is anyone else awake yet?"

"No. I think they're all sleeping in. We probably won't have much to do today, because the other team will be at Tribal Council tonight, and everybody will be focusing on them."

"Good," says Colin. "Maybe all of the cameras will go bother them, and leave us alone." 

"I don't think it works that way," Ryan says, and in one quick motion he rolls back in to join Colin.

Colin sighs as he settles against Ryan, their arms tangling together. Ryan's skin is cool and a little clammy next to his, and Colin feels him shivering a bit. He bites his lip. Ryan is usually the protector, the one who makes Colin feel better, and even though Colin knows that he is over six feet tall, and a grown man besides, he likes having someone around to take care of him. 

He decides that he wants to be that for Ryan too, if he needs it. Ryan's lips are blue on the edges, and his teeth chatter, and Colin thinks that this time, he definitely needs it. He pulls Ryan into his arms, cradling Ryan against his chest. "Mmm," Ryan murmurs, curling into a ball so he'll fit. 

Colin stares at the top of Ryan's head, and then rests his chin there. Ryan's hair leaves a wet patch on his shirt, but he doesn't mind. He rubs Ryan's arms, his back, his sides... anywhere he can reach. Trying to give some of his warmth back to Ryan. Ryan's shivers slowly subside, and Colin lets the pride spread all over his body. He did that. He helped Ryan. 

"You know what this means?" Ryan asks after a few minutes of silent cuddling. He pops up his head, so he can see Colin's face. 

"What?"

"We can work some more on our fort," Ryan replies, grinning broadly.

***

Colin chuckles, because Ryan is so irrepressible sometimes, and he's oddly tempted to kiss the tip of Ryan's nose, close to his face as it is. Instead, he bites his lip and wriggles a little, wincing at the sodden squish of his clothes. He's warm now, but the damp is making the dirt stick to his skin, and they've made their sleeping area rather muddy. It'll dry when the day gets hot, though, and he can't make himself regret the time he spent warming Ryan up.

"Okay," he says, letting go reluctantly. "But let's do our planning somewhere drier."

Ryan ducks his head, smiling ruefully. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Eh," Colin says. "I'm not." And he smiles at Ryan as he holds his hand up, offering help as they crawl out of the tiny tent. Ryan flicks him one of those unreadable looks he gets sometimes, speculative and knowing all at once. 

The fire is almost dead, nothing but a few hot coals under a mound of ashes, but Ryan feeds it bits of dead grass and twigs and manages to coax it back to life without needing to dip into the tribe's meager store of matches. Colin watches him, his intent expression, his careful and measured movements, and finds himself thinking that Ryan has very skilled hands. Very clever, very gentle. Heat comes to his face and he looks away, clearing his throat.

"What?" Ryan asks, glancing over his shoulder at Colin.

"Nothing. Hey, uh, is there any of that chicken bird thing from last night left over?"

Ryan snorts. "Chicken bird thing? Don't get all technical on me now."

"Shut up," Colin says, playfully shoving Ryan. Ryan laughs and grabs his shoulders, pushing back, and Colin snags his heel on a tree root, stumbling. Ryan catches him before he can fall, yanking him close for a moment, and Colin finds himself pressed against Ryan's chest. He closes his eyes and Ryan still smells of his early morning swim, like water and damp earth.

"Careful," Ryan says, stepping back.

"Yeah," Colin replies, looking up at him. "So, breakfast?"

"Oh, we better not take anything," Ryan says, slipping a note of prim pretension into his voice. "It's got to be _rationed_ , after all. Best to ask our fearless leader's permission first."

"Oh yes, what _was_ I thinking?" Colin says, biting back a smile. "We owe him, after all."

"Yeah, could you believe that shit? He really thinks he did us a favor." Ryan shakes his head. "I can't decide who I want to vote off first, him or Eric."

Colin sits by the fire, leaning in close so the heat will dry his clothes quicker. "I'd say Eric. Matt doesn't like us, but Eric really hates us."

Ryan sits beside him, leaning their shoulders together, their knees jostling companionably. "Yeah, that's true. Okay, he's first, then Matt."

There's a muffled step behind them, and then Colin feels a strong hand on his shoulder. He turns, startled, just as the person says, "Making plans?"

***

Colin starts to glare, until he sees that it isn't Eric or Matt. It's the fifth and final guy in their group, a loner named Dave. Dave is strange, to put it mildly. He spends a lot of time off in the woods surrounding their camp, doing god knows what.

Colin isn't quite sure what to make of him yet. He doesn't seem openly hostile towards them, like Eric or Matt. But he's not exactly friendly either. 

"Hi, Dave," Colin says, giving him an easy smile. "I didn't know you were awake." 

"Oh, I'm always up early," Dave says, giving them both an odd look that makes Colin a little uncomfortable. "You never know what you might _miss_ if you sleep in." 

Dave's hand is still on his shoulder, nails pressing down through his wet shirt, and Colin shrugs it off. Beside him, Ryan growls, and Colin elbows him in the side, mentally telling him to please, at least attempt to be civil.

Ryan's lips stretch into a tight smile. "So... Dave... you want to help us make breakfast?" 

"Oh, I think the two of you are doing just fine on your own," Dave says, leering at them. "I wouldn't want to intrude on your _plans_ , after all." 

_Okay_ , Colin thinks to himself. _This is getting just a little creepy._ Ryan leans defensively against Colin, and Colin can tell he agrees. 

Colin opens his mouth to reply, but Dave is gone, retreating off for a swim in the river. 

"That was weird," Colin says, but he smiles and shrugs and tries to play if off like it doesn't mean anything.

Ryan's eyes are wary. "I don't like him."

"You have an entire list of people you don't like," Colin reminds him. "Maybe... more than a list. You might have a database for all I know." 

"I like _you_ ," Ryan says, giving Colin his most charming smile. He takes Colin's hand and kisses it.

Colin smiles daintily and sits up straighter, allowing his hand to be kissed. "I'm not sure if I like you yet."

Ryan clutches his heart and jerks backwards, as if Colin has wounded him deeply. "I'll change your mind," he says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

"I look forward to it," Colin purrs, leaning in so close to Ryan that their noses almost touch. 

And he leaps off the log to start breakfast, leaving Ryan staring after him with a dazed expression.

Colin whistles to himself as he puts the pan in the fire.

***

Breakfast is fried leftover mystery chicken bird and some of the fruit they've found growing in the area. It's pink and tropical and Colin thinks it might be passion fruit or guava or some variation thereof. It's an odd breakfast, but the meat is hot and tasty and the fruit juice is a welcome change from all the constant water; sweet and sticky. Ryan gobbles his share greedily, and the others start trickling toward the fire just as they're finishing.

"Morning," Colin says, dishing up more food. He hands the first plate to Gina, who smiles at him and sits down. She has one of the other women with her this morning, a small, bony girl named Shannon with frizzy red hair and a face full of freckles. 

"Morning," Gina replies. "You cooking for us again?"

Colin shrugs. "Wanted to contribute," he says glibly, flicking a mild glance at Matt, who is hunched on the other side of the fire, Eric by his side. Matt doesn't look up, pointedly avoiding his gaze, and Eric picks sullenly at his food and glares.

"It's good," Shannon says, joining them on the log. "Gina was telling me about you two."

Colin and Ryan exchange a glance. "Oh?" Ryan asks.

"You're on TV, right?" Shannon blinks curiously at them.

"Oh, right," Colin says, smiling to himself. Just from the half-awed way Shannon is looking at them, he decides they can count one more tribe member on their side.

"It's not real television, though," Ryan says, lowering his voice confidentially. "It's all made up."

"And it's mostly bad impressions and bald jokes," Colin adds. "Really, I'm amazed we get paid for it."

"Good lawyers," Ryan says, nodding. "That's the key. Never sign a contract without good lawyers."

"Exactly," Colin agrees. "I didn't read mine closely enough, and now I have to shave my head so they can keep making bald jokes." He darts a dirty look at Ryan, pursing his lips. "I still think you put that clause in there on purpose."

Ryan smirks and rubs his palm over Colin's head, ruffling the fringe of his hair. "I think you look better like this, actually. Well... shinier, anyway."

Gina can't take it anymore and starts to laugh, covering her mouth with both hands. Shannon looks completely baffled, half-smiling and looking back and forth between them. "Is that... is that what you do?"

"Pretty much," Ryan says, shrugging. "Except with music."

"But we don't do the singing parts," Colin says. "And believe me, that's better for everyone."

"We do some singing parts," Ryan argues.

"If you call that singing."

"Okay, stop," Gina cuts in, still laughing. "You're confusing the poor girl."

"No, no, I get it," Shannon protests earnestly. "You're kind of like insult comics, right? Except you only make fun of each other."

Colin blinks, and Ryan wraps an arm around his shoulders. "Yeah," Ryan says. "You've got it." He squeezes Colin, grinning at him, and Colin shakes his head, chuckling. He rests his forehead against Ryan's shoulder for a long moment, glad all over again that Ryan is out here with him, that he may not have showers or a bed or decent food, but he at least has someone to laugh with.

When he lifts his head, Gina and Shannon are giving each other a meaningful look, and Gina is beaming. "What?" Colin asks.

Gina shrugs. "It's just nice that you're so close. You don't often see guys who are so..."

"Demonstrative," Shannon supplies helpfully. "You know. Friendly."

Colin can feel Ryan sigh, and he smiles tolerantly. "Yeah," he says, shrugging. "It's part of our charm."

"Okay!" Matt calls from across the campfire, clapping his hands for attention. "Listen up. We've won immunity for the week, but that doesn't mean we can slack off. I need volunteers for fishing, gathering firewood, setting traps, and improving on the field latrines. Oh, and some people to pick more of the local fruit."

"Shouldn't that be them?" Eric asks, pointing at Colin and Ryan. "You two must be real comfortable with _fruit_ , after all."

"I like it better than latrines," Ryan says pointedly, narrowing his eyes. "But I'm sure you can handle that, seeing as you're so full of--"

"Ryan," Colin interrupts sharply. He meets Ryan's eyes for a moment, quieting him with a glance. "We'll get firewood, okay?" And he stands before anyone can argue, pulling Ryan with him. 

"This is going to be a long week, isn't it?" Ryan mutters as they pick up branches.

Colin sighs, nodding, but he's thinking of how very much longer and harder it would be without Ryan here. He still has laughter and teasing and warmth at night, comfort and familiarity and someone he trusts completely, and that, he decides, is worth all the flack they're getting and more.

***

"So much for our relaxing day off," Ryan grumbles as they pick their way through the trees.

Colin pats him reassuringly. "We can look for wood for our fort too," he says.

At the mention of their fort, Colin is rewarded with a smile from Ryan. "Yeah," he says. "What's more important anyway? A stupid fire, or an amazing tree fortress?"

"Nice to know where your priorities lie," Colin says dryly, but he's trying not to smile and Ryan knows it.

Ryan shrugs, but he doesn't look sorry, and Colin's happy to let their conversation go. 

They amble through the woods together side by side, sometimes holding hands, sometimes not. Sometimes Ryan looks over at Colin, and Colin wonders what he's thinking behind that smile. Colin thinks he would love to find out, someday. Or maybe he already knows. 

Ryan points out a brightly colored bird, singing high above them. Colin picks a few berries, ones that Matt has deemed safe, and feeds them to Ryan one by one, his fingers lingering against Ryan's lips for a few moments. The stack of firewood in their arms grows higher and higher, and Colin even spies several logs that might be nice to have for their fort. 

It doesn't occur to Colin until almost half an hour later that he and Ryan haven't said a word. And yet, he feels closer to Ryan than ever. He wonders how that's possible. Maybe sometimes, words just get in the way, clouding what's really there, unspoken underneath it all. 

Then footsteps crash through the brush, breaking their connection. "Well, well," a voice says. "Look who I found, way out here. It's the twins." 

Dave steps into view, grinning broadly. But Colin doesn't trust that grin.


	5. Day Three, Part II

Ryan takes a step forward, placing himself between Colin and Dave. Colin frowns and moves up until he is at Ryan's side, their arms brushing together. "Hi," he says, trying for a pleasant tone. 

"What are you two up to?" Dave asks, rocking back on his heels, still with that wide, toothy smile.

Ryan looks deliberately at their armfuls of dry branches. "We're getting firewood," he says after a pause. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, you know," Dave says, twirling one hand. "Checking things out. Decided to be team players, huh?"

Colin sighs and shifts, the branches growing heavy in his arms. He dumps them on the ground and dusts bits of bark and dirt from his shirt, trying to make the motion brusque and efficient, rather than the nervous fidgeting it wants to be. Ryan follows suit and then throws an arm around Colin's shoulders in a gesture that tries to be casual and friendly, but misses the mark.

"We're all in the same tribe," Colin says.

"Uh huh, sure, we are," Dave agrees, nodding rapidly. "But I thought you guys were, you know, like the gruesome twosome or something. Joined at the hip, right?"

Colin thinks Ryan might edge away at that remark, but his friend surprises him by squeezing even closer, drawing to his full height and looking narrowly down at Dave. "We're friends," Ryan says flatly. "Difficult concept for you?"

Colin sighs, but he should have known, really. This is what Ryan does; he gets defensive, protective, he makes cutting remarks thinly disguised as jokes. This is how Ryan copes with problems, and Colin isn't so sure he can judge, not when his own approach is to become quiet and bland and agreeable.

"Friends," Dave echoes, and there's something very odd about his eyes. They are flat and blank, unblinking. Colin wonders if he's somehow on something, way out here in the jungle. It doesn't seem possible, but who knows? It's not like the crew did a cavity search before turning them loose.

"We're here to play the game," Colin says quietly, as if he can calm the other man by being as cool and soothing as possible. "Same as you."

"Oh yes, of course," Dave says, nodding again. "Playing the game. Isn't that what we're doing? I mean, how do I know your whole gay thing isn't some head trick, huh? Maybe that's your secret, maybe you're playing at it to throw people off, maybe they won't vote against you because it's not PC, right? Nobody wants to be the bigot, the bad guy, the asshole who hates for no reason, right?"

Colin blinks, a little dazed at the rapid tumble of words. "I think Eric might disagree with that," he points out.

"That's just his angle," Dave says, waving a finger in a dramatic sweep. "Thats his thing, his hook. I've got him figured. And Matt, he's easy, and Gina, she wants people to like her so she's nice to everyone, says what they want to hear, Shannon follows her like a puppy, the others, they're not competition. But you two... what's your hook? Hmm?"

Ryan smiles, showing his teeth. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

For the first time, Dave's fixed grin wavers and his blank eyes are aware, calculating and intelligent, but it's fast, barely a second and he's back to bouncing on his heels and giving them the empty stare. "I'll find out," he says. "I always find out." He nods sharply, one last time, and then turns and heads off through the trees at a jog, rapidly moving out of sight.

Ryan leaves his arm around Colin for a little longer than is strictly needed after Dave leaves, but Colin doesn't mind. Dave makes him nervous, and not in the same way that Eric and Matt do. Those two, he understands; it's not pretty but it is, at least, familiar. Dave is an unstable element, unpredictable and therefore dangerous.

"Wow," Ryan says after a long stretch of quiet.

"Yeah." Colin turns into Ryan's side a little, resting his cheek against Ryan's shoulder, and his friend needs no more encouragement to wrap both arms around him. Colin sighs, closing his eyes, and he feels Ryan's chest rise and fall against his, Ryan's heartbeat fast and strong, slowing gradually to a steady thump, barely perceptible.

"Maybe we should vote _him_ off first," Ryan says, and Colin smiles. He loves the way Ryan's voice rumbles in his chest, the way he can feel it when they're close like this.

"I don't know. If we get rid of Eric, then Matt doesn't have his buddy anymore. We should break them up first."

Ryan nods, his chin brushing the side of Colin's head, bristly against his skin. "That's probably what they're thinking about us, you know."

Colin squeezes his arms a little tighter around Ryan's waist and says nothing. He knows. He just hopes it doesn't happen.

***

When they arrive back at their camp, Dave is nowhere to be found, but somehow Colin doesn't mind. It's now almost noon, and the heat is nearly unbearable. Gina and Shannon sit on the beach, listlessly playing a card game with the deck of cards that Gina brought as her luxury item. Gina frequently wipes her forehead, and Shannon fans herself with her hands. 

The others are dozing in the big tent to escape from the sun. Colin notices a string of fish hung from one of the trees. Matt must've gone fishing while they were gone. 

He and Ryan drop their firewood into the pile. Colin's elbows ache, and he rubs them absently. Ryan automatically steps over and pushes Colin's hands aside, massaging his arms. 

Colin grins when he sees Gina nudge Shannon and jerk her head in their direction. He waves at them, and for some reason this makes them giggle and collapse into the sand. 

Colin shakes his head. He doesn't understand women at all. 

"Better?" Ryan asks, peeking his head around Colin's shoulder.

Colin leans his head back against Ryan's chest, and Ryan's arms wrap around his stomach for a quick hug. "Better," he agrees.

"I could use a swim," Ryan says, stepping away and tugging off his shirt. 

Colin tries not to stare. He tries to tell himself that he's seen Ryan shirtless hundreds of times. Maybe even _thousands_ , after all the years they've known each other. But somehow, today it's different. His eyes travel over the sheen of sweat coating Ryan's chest, the soft patch of blonde hair, the sweet-looking hollow of his navel... Ryan's lean muscles tighten as he walks towards Colin, and Colin almost falls over onto the sand.

He hears Gina laughing again, and Ryan's arm reaches out to steady him, and suddenly the world is too bright, too full of color and sound, and he's moving like he's stuck in molasses or... or _mud_...

Colin whimpers as he again thinks of mud, cool over his fingers, spreading across Ryan's naked body, and jerks away. 

"Col?" Ryan asks, and he's in front of him and he's still shirtless and Colin can't breathe, can't take his eyes away... "What is it?"

"Nothing," Colin says. He shakes his head, and things go back to normal. It must've been the heat, or maybe the scare with Dave back in the woods... "Swimming sounds good." He smiles at Ryan, and Ryan smiles back. 

Colin tosses off his shirt too, and they walk down the beach towards the river, because it's too hot to run. "Hi, ladies," Ryan calls to Shannon and Gina as they pass.

"Hi, RyanandColin!" they both chorus, stringing their names together all in one breath. 

Colin smiles as he steps into the water. Today, he likes being RyanandColin.

***

They swim for a little while, and Ryan is especially playful today, coming up behind Colin underwater and snatching him around the legs, deft fingers tickling his belly, making him laugh and thrash. Colin retaliates with several unexpected grabs to Ryan's ass, feeling absurdly smug every time his friend yelps and jumps, whirling with wide eyes.

Then they play cards with Gina and Shannon for a while, drying in the sun and talking quietly, but soon both of them are limp and sleepy with the heat, sagging against each other, shoulders propped together. The women keep giving them sly, knowing smiles, which get a little wider when Ryan announces that it's naptime.

The tent is dry and warm and pleasantly shaded, and Colin snuggles against Ryan's side automatically, feeling lazy and loose and content. He is vaguely aware of Ryan's fingertips sifting through the soft fringe of hair on the back of his head, but he's asleep before he can think about it too much.

Colin doesn't know how long he sleeps, but when he drifts awake again, the tent is still hot and dim, and the jungle around them is quiet but for the lazy buzz of insects and the occasional bird call. Colin has a sense of being watched, and he stays still, keeping his breathing slow and deep. He can smell Ryan, familiar and close, and the hand spread flat on his bare chest is instantly recognizable, and Colin is tempted to smile when he realizes Ryan must be watching him sleep.

Then Ryan's hand moves, a slow, easy stroke down the center of Colin's chest, leaving a trail of lingering warmth. Fingertips brush over the small pudge of his belly, dipping curiously into his navel for a moment before moving on to trace the waist of his shorts, where the skin is soft and pale and vulnerable. Suddenly it is much harder to keep breathing steadily.

There is a wash of warm breath on his skin, and then another touch, but not Ryan's hand this time. Colin would know his lips anywhere, even pressed against the spot just below his ribs that sends a tingle all the way up his spine. Colin bites his tongue to keep quiet.

Ryan's mouth moves, bumping lightly over each rib, soft and unhurried, and his lips are just a little bit open now, leaving spots of moisture that feel cool on Colin's skin, slowly evaporating. Ryan is _tasting_ him, and Colin swallows, dimly aware that his breathing has sped up.

He knows there is more between them than friendship; he's known that for years. It's something they don't talk about, but it's always there, in the easy affection and touches that aren't quite casual, the glib excuses to get closer that are never questioned. Like so many of the best things about their relationship, this has always been unspoken.

Ryan's mouth is at his collarbone now, nuzzling a little, his unshaven bristles waking the skin up, making it sting slightly, and his lips soothing and smooth in comparison. When Ryan kisses his neck, Colin can't quite hold back a low whimper, and he knows he's moving, squirming slightly. Ryan has to know he's awake, doesn't he? Or maybe Ryan thinks he's having an especially good dream.

He wonders what Ryan will do, if he opens his eyes right now. Act surprised? Laugh, like it was a joke, a tease? Or maybe he won't stop at all and god, what if he's done this before? Maybe this isn't the first time, because Ryan certainly seems comfortable, even _knowing_ in his exploration of Colin's skin. Maybe this is just the first time Colin has woken up for it.

He feels Ryan's breathing on his face before Ryan touches him, and then the slightest brushing of Ryan's lips over his. He can feel that Ryan is smiling, and he's aware of the heat radiating from Ryan's body, poised over his, not quite touching. Another kiss, pressing just a bit more, and then Ryan draws back, he's getting ready to move away and this will be over and Colin still doesn't even know if Ryan thinks he's sleeping and if he lets it go now, he might never find out.

Colin wraps him arms around Ryan befor he can get away, pulling hard and Ryan lands full length on top of him with a surprised whuff of breath. "Col?" Ryan begins, but then Colin slips a hand around the back of his neck, arches up, and kisses him. Ryan is still trying to speak, his mouth moving against Colin's, but Colin doesn't care.

Ryan is heavy, hot and smooth and solid against him, breathing and vibrant and alive. His mouth is uncertain and eager all at once and he tastes so _good_ and Colin doesn't want to ever stop. He's clutching at Ryan, holding on as tight as he can and he can feel when Ryan gives in, when he stops wriggling and trying to speak and seems to melt.

Colin doesn't know how long it goes on, but eventually he has to breathe and he lets Ryan lift his head. They're still wrapped together, faces inches apart, and Ryan is flushed, breathing hard, licking his lips dazedly. "Colin?" he says, blinking slowly. "What...?"

But Colin doesn't want to talk about it. It's always better between them when they don't talk, and this has been coming for years without a single thing being said about it. He sees no reason to change that now that it's finally here. So he smiles and pulls Ryan close again, and when they kiss, he can feel that Ryan is smiling too.

***

Colin gasps and opens his eyes. Ryan is still sacked out beside him, and Colin reaches out, wanting to touch him... wanting to test reality. And in the warm, dim tent, Colin aches for the fantasy. 

His heavy breathing fills the tent as he remembers the dream. He wonders how he is ever going to be able to look at Ryan again, without imagining Ryan's lips, how they taste like fresh grass, and exactly how Ryan's tongue feels when it slides into his mouth, how it awakes this urge deep inside to fill himself with Ryan... 

And all Colin can think is that he has to get out of the tent, before he turns the fantasy into a reality. Because it's obvious that Ryan doesn't feel that way about him. Yes, Ryan touches him a lot, and sometimes he thinks he sees _something_ lurking in Ryan's eyes... but it's just Colin imposing his own deeply buried desires on Ryan, reading too much into things that probably don't mean anything at all. 

Colin bursts out of the tent and runs to the river. And with the cool water lapping against his shoulders, it's easier to convince himself that Ryan doesn't have feelings for him. That he doesn't have feelings for Ryan. That they're just friends. No matter what he thought in that dream.

His heart skips in his chest, and he knows he's lying to himself. But he dunks his head underwater, not wanting to see that clearly. Not right now. 

"It's a dream," he mutters to himself. "It's just a dream. It doesn't mean anything."

And suddenly Colin's not sure what's real and what's not.

***

Colin swims until Matt comes out with a fishing pole and yells at him to quit scaring all the fish away. He's tired and waterlogged, his fingers pruny and his face sunburned, and he gets out of the water without argument. He leaves Matt to his fishing and heads off into the trees, walking aimlessly. 

It's early evening now, the heat leaving the day quickly, and Colin shivers a little, dripping on the ground as he walks. He's still dressed in nothing but sodden shorts and a pair of shoes, and he knows he'll pay for this in bug bites later, but at the moment, he doesn't really care. 

It's silly to be depressed, he knows. Nothing has changed. He hasn't lost anything. Ryan is still his friend, and for more than twenty years, that's been enough. This is a reaction to the stress of being out here, he decides. That's all it is. He's feeling isolated and anxious and cut off from his support system, so he's seeing more to his relationship with Ryan than is really there.

Colin finds a patch of soft grass and lays down, hands laced behind his head and feet propped on a tree stump, and he watches for a while as the daylight fades from the sky. Sounds drift over from the campsite, muffled voices and the snap of the fire, a faint hiss of something in the frying pan. Colin wonders if they've noticed he's missing.

"Knock it off," he mutters to himself. Self-pity has never been a good look for him. So he shakes his head, puts on a smile, and decides he's going to go back there and be friendly and funny and lovable and Ryan won't see a thing wrong. He's going to do that. In a minute.

A shadow falls across his chest, and Colin turns his head curiously.

"Hey," Ryan says, smiling softly at him. "Found you."

Colin nods. "Yeah," and he has to swallow because his throat is suddenly aching again and this is no good at all. If Ryan _smiling_ at him does this, how's he going to handle it when it's time to sleep again and Ryan wants to get close?

Ryan sits beside him, folding his legs and resting a hand on Colin's shoulder. "Okay?"

"Sure," Colin says. Sure.

"Aren't you cold?"

Colin shrugs and sits up, brushing bits of grass from his arms and back. "A little," he admits, which is not quite accurate. He's still not dry, and the breeze has a bite to it now, sapping the warmth from his damp skin.

"Come on," Ryan says, standing and pulling Colin up. He's wearing a shirt now, and he wraps his arms around Colin, banding him with warm, soft cloth and heat and Colin can't help closing his eyes and resting his cheek on Ryan's shoulder. It's okay to do that, he decides, because he's so tired. It's okay to lean a little.

Ryan leads him back to the fire and Colin knows he's not smiling enough, knows he's too quiet. Ryan has already noticed, and if he asks what's wrong, Colin isn't sure he can lie. Not to Ryan.

He can't decide if he wants Ryan to ask or not.


	6. Day Three, Part III

Ryan disappears for a few minutes, and when he comes back he is clutching Colin's sweatshirt. "Figured you were cold," he says, grinning as he holds it out.

Colin takes it gingerly, making sure that his fingers don't go anywhere near Ryan's. "Thanks," he says. 

"Need help?" Ryan asks, slipping an arm around Colin's waist. He tries to grab the sweatshirt back, but Colin steps away. And even though it was only for a few seconds, he can still feel Ryan's touch burning through his shorts. 

He sees the hurt in Ryan's eyes, but he doesn't know what to do about it. "I'm all right," he says. He slips the sweatshirt on in a hurry, his eyes downcast. 

"Col?" Ryan tips Colin's chin up, and Colin's eyes flutter shut for a moment. How come he never noticed before how soft and gentle his friend's fingers are? "Did I do something wrong?" 

Colin sighs. Here it is now. The moment of truth. And there's cameras everywhere, and he's surrounded by virtual strangers, thousands of miles from home. He's exhausted and he probably looks _horrible_. And Ryan is just going to laugh in his face when he hears... when he hears that Colin... 

"Hey, boys!" Gina says, pushing next to them with a sunny smile. "Matt actually caught something in one of his stupid traps!"

Ryan's hand leaves Colin's chin, and he shoots Colin a look that says, "Later." 

Colin decides that breathing is a good thing. He takes several large gulps of air, filling his lungs. 

"It better not be a rat," Gina continues, wrinkling her nose. She looks expectantly back and forth between Ryan and Colin.

Colin indulges her with a smile that doesn't feel entirely genuine, while Ryan stares off into the distance for a moment. Then he comes back with, "Rat? Don't you know that's a delicacy in Asia? All the four star restaurants serve rat." 

"Oh, really?" Gina giggles as they grab their plates and line up for dinner. "I never heard that before. How do _you_ know about that, hmm?"

"Oh, I'm a big star in Asia," Ryan replies. "Big, big star. Tours all across the whole continent, every summer and holiday. Right, Col?" 

Colin nods, but he can't think of anything else to add. He just wants things with Ryan to go back to normal. He hopes that he will be able to beat whatever this thing is that's taken over his brain. Maybe after he's eaten something, he'll feel better. 

He'll be able to touch Ryan again.

***

Colin stays quiet through dinner, eating something he suspects is related to rabbit and more of the ubiquitous rice and beans. Matt is eager to capitalize on his successful trap by convincing them all to lay more, based on his oh so clever design. Colin nods assent when Matt's attention turns on him and he keeps his head down the rest of the time, and that gets him through the meal with minimal trouble. 

Rationally, Colin recognizes this. It's how he always deals, withdrawal and silence; refuse to face the problem and hope it goes away. He's very aware of Ryan at his side, especially since his friend keeps pressing closer every time Colin tries to edge away. Ryan is all too familiar with his tricks, and he's clearly not going to let Colin get away with it.

For the first time since they came out here and built their ramshackle little tent, Colin isn't looking forward to the upcoming night with Ryan.

There's more conversation after dinner, and some idle games of cards, more planning and directing from Matt and sullen avoidance from Eric. A lot of speculation about the other tribe, who will be at Council by now, voting one of their own off the island. That's where most of the camera and crew are now, and there are only a few token cameras left with them. That makes it easy to slip away unnoticed in the darkening evening.

Even though it's early yet, Colin heads for the tent, mostly because it's too dark to be wandering the jungle. He has a half-formed plan of pretending to fall asleep before Ryan can catch up with him, but of course, Ryan doesn't fail to notice him leaving the fireside. Not with the way he was determinedly pressed so close.

Colin lays down on the sleeping mat and folds his hands together on his chest, staring up at the dirty canvas over his head. Ryan hesitates at the flap for a moment, then sighs and comes in, lying at Colin's side. He mirrors Colin's posture, joining him in staring blankly upward. "So," he says. "What's going on?"

Colin closes his eyes. "Can we not do this?"

He hears Ryan shifting, and feels the other man's gaze on him, but he keeps his eyes shut. "Do what?" Ryan asks.

"Just... I think some things," Colin says very carefully, "are better not talked about. Sometimes talking only ruins things."

Ryan is quiet for a long moment, and then he puts a hand on Colin's chest, resting it there, the fingers spread wide as if he wants to touch as much of Colin as he can. "Okay," he says. "If that's what you want."

Colin nods, swallowing, and he can feel his eyes burning and that's ridiculous, this is nothing to get upset over and he seriously needs to _get a grip_. He takes a deep breath, letting it out in a controlled exhale, and Ryan moves a little closer. Colin rolls suddenly, turning on his side and looping an arm around Ryan's waist, pressing his face into Ryan's shirt. Ryan catches his breath, startled, but he goes with it easily enough, wrapping Colin up, winding around him and surrounding him with warmth.

"Okay," Ryan says quietly, and Colin wonders who he's reassuring. "Okay."

"Okay," Colin echoes, his voice muffled against Ryan's chest. And it is--it's not great, but he thinks it'll be okay. He can do this. Maybe, in time, he'll forget that he wants so much more.

***

They lie curled together on the mat, until Colin isn't even sure how much time has passed. He's discovering that out here, time, at least the way he's used to keeping it, doesn't matter so much. Every day passes by quick and slow all at once. Schedules and clocks are meaningless. Time's measured out in senses-- in the breaths that he takes, in Ryan's heartbeat, in sunrise and moonrise and the positions of the stars.

Colin lifts his head, checking to see if Ryan is still awake. Ryan's eyes are bright gleams in the dark. "Hey," he whispers. "I thought maybe you were asleep."

"No," Colin replies. "I'm definitely not asleep." 

"We should sleep," Ryan says, stroking the hair on the back of Colin's neck. Colin pinches the inside of his leg several times, the pain dulling the inner shine that Ryan's fingers coax out of him. "I think I heard one of the crew members say we have another challenge tomorrow." 

"A challenge?" Colin repeats a little dumbly. Ryan's hands are still winding through his hair, and Colin is finding it very hard to concentrate. "But we just did immunity."

"Maybe it's a reward challenge," Ryan says with a grin.

Colin considers that. "Mmm, that's good," he says, arching his back as Ryan's fingers creep down his neck. He blushes and tries to pretend like that was just a response to the conversation. "I mean, a reward challenge, would be good." 

"Yeah," Ryan says roughly, and Colin can hear the smile in his voice. He leans his head against Colin's forehead. "Good." 

Colin lets out a shaky sigh. How is he going to get out of this? He can't possibly sleep like this, with Ryan's face hovering so close to his, close enough that if he wants to, he can tilt his head just a little... and if their lips happen to touch...

Colin raises one trembling hand and runs it down Ryan's fuzzy cheek. He's sure that Ryan's quick intake of breath is just his imagination, just wishful thinking. "You're getting a beard," he says.

Ryan smiles. "So're you," he breathes, trailing two fingers along Colin's chin. "You're all scratchy." 

"Yeah?" Colin replies. "Well, at least I can still grow it somewhere, I guess. Not where I want, of course, but..."

" _Do_ you want your hair back?" Ryan asks. "I mean, does it bother you?"

"Sometimes, but not as much as people think. And when it does, I always think that if that's my biggest problem, I'm a pretty lucky guy."

Ryan laughs. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he says. "And anyway, I like your hair." And Colin shivers as Ryan runs one thumb across the back of his neck, teasing him. 

"You... you do?" Colin says, hating himself for the way that Ryan makes him stutter like that. 

"Yeah," Ryan says, nuzzling Colin's cheek with the side of his nose. "It's kinda... kinda sexy." 

Colin blinks, and he thinks that Ryan might be _blushing_. And then Ryan hides his face in Colin's shoulder, and Colin almost convinces himself that he is just seeing things that aren't there, as always. 

Colin laughs nervously. "I've never heard that before, but okay," he says, trying to lighten the situation a bit. 

Ryan raises his head, and gives Colin an anxious look. "We should, uh... get some sleep," he says. 

Colin sighs. "Okay," he says, even though curling up with Ryan is the last thing he wants right now. He doesn't want Ryan to discover just how aroused he is at this particular moment. 

He tries to think of how he can get himself out of it, and then it occurs to him. "Um, listen. Can we try something else tonight?" he asks.

He dies a little when he sees the open amusement dancing in Ryan's eyes. He prays that Ryan doesn't know. "What?"

Colin feels silly, but he has to ask. It's the only way. "Would you... um... I mean, could we trying spooning? I just... really like sleeping that way sometimes and..." He blushes, and he's sure that Ryan can see right through him. 

"Spooning, huh?" Ryan asks, poking him teasingly. "Okay, I guess. Although I'll miss seeing your face."

"What?" Colin says, gaping at him. 

Ryan squirms in his arms. "Well, you know, sometimes I wake up and I just... like to see you, I guess," he says, not quite meeting Colin's eyes. "Uh, forget it. Turn around."

Colin turns around, loving it and hating it in equal measure as Ryan's arms slide around him and clasp against his stomach. He covers Ryan's arms with his own, and notices that Ryan doesn't press quite as close as he normally does.

Colin closes his eyes, while Ryan's breath warms his neck, and wonders what it all means.


	7. Day Four, Part I

Colin doesn't sleep well. He feels as if he's waiting for something, and every time it seems like it might happen, he jerks awake, perfectly still in the dark tent, holding his breath. He wishes he knew what he was waiting for. Ryan feels calm and settled against his back, warm breath flowing steadily over the back of his neck, stirring the fine hairs there. His arms are strong around Colin's chest, holding him securely in place, and Colin supposes this would be very nice indeed in an actual bed, but they're lying on hard ground and he misses using Ryan's shoulder as a pillow.

He gives up on sleep entirely when the gray light of dawn casts a weak glow into the tent. It's another damp, chilly morning and he wraps his arms around himself, shivering as he makes his way to the fire. This time, there is no coaxing of hot coals; the fire is cold and dead, nothing but a hollow of fine, papery ashes and half-charred wood. Colin is vaguely pleased to have something useful to do.

He methodically builds up a loose stack of dry grass and twigs, and takes one of their precious matches to light it, making sure to get it on the first try. Then he crouches and feeds more bits of wood, gratified when the fire responds eagerly, licking up the wood and crackling hungrily. Soon he has a respectable blaze going and he reaches one hand behind him toward the pile of firewood, casting about blindly for a good sized branch. He feels the scratch of bark as one is pressed into his palm, and he turns quickly, almost falling over.

"Hey," Ryan says, holding the other end of the branch. "You're up early."

Colin is caught for a moment, transfixed, and the heat of the fire to his side seems to rush over his whole body all at once. "Um," he says, and clears his throat. Ryan is rumpled and sleep dazed, soft eyed and mussed, damn near _golden_ in the sunrise. His smile is patient, affectionate, just a slight quirk of the lips, a crinkle to his eyes and Colin is suddenly flooded with the knowledge of how that curved mouth would feel beneath his, how the eyes would go wide, then close as Ryan sank into the kiss.

"Col?" Ryan tilts his head to the side, raising one eyebrow.

Colin laughs awkwardly and gets to his feet, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "Sorry," he mutters. "I really don't function without coffee in the morning."

"Eh, seems like you're doing all right," Ryan says easily. "Couldn't sleep?"

"I, uh..." Colin casts about for some reasonably sane reply to that which doesn't include an embarrassing confession of how Ryan's proximity was maddening and exquisite at the same time. "You're up too," he points out, weakly.

Ryan shrugs. "I was cold."

"Oh." Colin sits on what he is starting to call 'our log' in his head, and Ryan settles beside him, both of them warming their hands over the fire. The air is still and quiet, and for a long, peaceful stretch there is only the whispering rush of the river and the low crackle of the fire. Colin finds, much to his relief, that Ryan's side pressed against his is warm and pleasant and reassuring, just as it has always been. Maybe this was a fluke, he thinks. Maybe things will go back to normal now.

And then Ryan leans over and wraps a companionable arm around his shoulders, giving him a sideways hug. "So," Ryan says, and Colin can feel the rumble of his chest, the waft of breath against his ear and why does Ryan's voice always sound so _inviting_ , somehow?

"So?" Colin echoes, closing his eyes for a moment when his voice squeaks audibly.

"What do you want to do today?" Ryan asks.

Colin bites his lip, hard, because his instictive first response is to turn his head to the side and kiss the hinge of Ryan's jaw, right there in the hollow where it joins his throat, where he would be able to feel a pulse beneath the skin if he pressed hard enough. He shrugs, not trusting his voice, and Ryan doesn't seem inclined to stop touching him anytime soon. In fact, Ryan's fingers are _roaming_ now, rubbing gently through his sweatshirt, kneading like a cat wanting to be petted.

Colin thinks this is going to be a very long day.

***

"Tree mail!" Matt bursts onto the scene, breaking the early morning calm. Colin feels a little disappointed, because he's come to look forward to this time with Ryan.

"We have tree mail!" Matt yells again, waving it around while Ryan and Colin exchange amused smiles. 

Groans and grumbles emerge from the big tent. "Wake up!" Matt hisses. "We got tree mail here!"

Ryan leans over, his lips against Colin's ear. "Popcorn," he whispers. "Get your popcorn here!"

Colin claps a hand over his mouth to stifle his grin and pokes Ryan in the arm. Ryan bends over, slapping his hands on his knees, and Colin can hear him gasping quiet laughter. God, he loves to watch Ryan laugh. 

"Fucking damn idiot," Eric mutters darkly as he emerges from the tent, and for once Colin finds himself in agreement with Eric. 

The rest of the tribe staggers out of the tent. Gina is the only one smiling. Everyone else looks ready to stage a sleepy mutiny. They scratch and yawn and glare. 

"Tree mail!" Matt exclaims again, as if they hadn't heard him the other nine million times. 

"Okay, we get the damn point. Fucking tree mail," Eric says. "So are you gonna read it or what?" 

Matt rolls his eyes. "Shut up, Eric, and just chill. I'm gonna read it," Matt says. 

He unfolds the scroll in his hands, and what looks like an insect shell falls out. He clears his throat, and begins to read:

_"Don't be scared_  
_to try new things_  
_Because you'll find_  
_You might like wings."_

"Interesting," Colin says, mostly to fill up the dazed silence from the rest of the tribe. They still aren't awake yet, apparently. And even though Colin would rather spend another lazy day here, with Ryan, he finds himself very curious about this new challenge. 

***

Breakfast is full of anticipation and curiosity and speculating about what the challenge might be. Colin is privately sure that they will be forced to eat something disgusting, but he's been to family reunions in Scotland that included haggis, so he feels up to handling anything they can throw at him.

"Do you think it'll be bugs?" Colin asks Ryan as they're finishing their oatmeal.

Ryan shrugs. "I'm not worried. Although I might need you to feed it to me, whatever it is."

"What?" Colin half-smiles, tilting his head to one side.

"It's all mental, these things," Ryan explains. "And if you're feeding me, I can pretend it's helping hands and I _have_ to eat it, no matter how nasty, because it's for a scene."

Colin laughs softly, and next to him, Gina looks between the two of them curiously. "You feed him on stage?"

"Sometimes," Colin says. "Ryan has a strange fondness for licking my fingers, so I try to indulge him from time to time."

"Hey, you're the one who tends toward groping," Ryan points out. "He's known around the studio as the guy who makes the censor work overtime," he adds to Gina.

"Excuse me? I'm not sure who you're talking about," Colin protests with an innocent blink. "Aren't you the one who likes to slip random profanity into hoedowns?"

Ryan spreads his hands, shaking his head. "They're _hoedowns_. What, you're telling me you're not tempted to do it too?"

"Sure," Colin says, "but being tempted and actually doing it are two different things." And then he pauses, feeling heat spread from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. "Um," he mumbles. "Guess I'll clean up." He gathers their breakfast dishes into a messy stack and heads for the river, aware of Ryan's gaze on his back as he walks away.

"Stupid," he murmurs softly to himself as he rinses oatmeal residue from the metal bowls. "One tiny little reference to temptation and you blush and stammer like you were still in high school." He sighs and splashes a little cold water over his face, rubbing his eyes.

When he brings the bowls back, Gina is in conversation with another tribe member, and Ryan mercifully doesn't mention his brief escape. Instead, he stands, puts a hand in the small of Colin's back, and steers him away from the fire. "Feel like a swim before this challenge thing?" he asks.

"Sure," Colin says. "Might wake me up a little." _Or cool me down_ , he thinks.

"Race you!" Ryan calls, already darting ahead of him. Colin laughs and hurries to catch up, pulling his shirt off and kicking off his shoes. It's early yet, and the water is heart-stoppingly cold, but Ryan is grinning and splashing him and Colin slings his arms around Ryan's waist, holding him still. Ryan puts his own arms around Colin, both of them standing chest deep in the water, shivering, teeth chattering, grinning like loons.

"Awake now?" Ryan asks, pulling Colin a little closer, huddling for warmth. Colin can feel the water slide over his skin and it makes everything slippery, Ryan's chest slick against his, smooth and resilient. He can imagine how Ryan's skin would taste now, mostly water with a undertone of salt, and how it would be to bend down and lick up the stray drops on Ryan's shoulder, beading there and gleaming in the morning sun.

"Yeah," Colin says, taking a steadying breath. "I think my eyes are finally open."

***

From his place in the river, Colin sees the director walking around again, searching for more victims to interview. He hides behind Ryan, and then Ryan hides behind him. They share a laugh, arms tangling around each other.

"Run," Ryan whispers, as the director's head swivels in their direction. 

"We're in the water!" Colin protests. "He's not gonna--"

But the director surprises him by donning a pair of rubber galoshes that go nearly up to his thighs and splashing right into the river, an intent expression crossing his face. 

"Oh, he's gonna," Ryan says, smirking. 

"Shit," Colin swears under his breath, making Ryan gape at him comically for a moment. 

"Let's go deeper," Ryan says, taking Colin's hand.

"But--"

In spite of Colin's protests, Ryan is tugging him along towards the middle of the river, where the water looks rougher and deeper than it is along the shore. Colin gulps as he stares at all the rocks jutting out of the surface. 

He doesn't like this. He doesn't like this at all.

***

"Ryan, maybe we shouldn't..."

"It's okay," Ryan says, leading them a little further in. "I'm a good swimmer."

"And I'm sure that will be very helpful when you get knocked against a rock and _break your head_ ," Colin mutters. He's holding tightly to Ryan, trying to get his footing, to stand against the current. Ryan has a slight advantage in being both taller and thinner; he stands higher out of the water and there's less of him for the current to press against. 

"Hey!" the director calls, waving at them. "Hey, I want to talk to you!"

Colin pretends not to notice, focusing on trying to peer through the murky water and see where he's putting his bare feet. Ryan feigns deafness, cupping a hand around one ear and shrugging. They move a little further from shore, and Colin stumbles, his foot slipping off a slick rock. Ryan's arms catch him around the waist, holding him close until he gets his balance again.

"We can't stay out here forever," Colin says, alarmed at how high and strained his voice sounds. He's cold and his leg muscles feel like they're about to give up the battle with the relentless current, and he's not at all sure that Ryan can hold both of them up.

"He'll lose interest eventually," Ryan says. "Besides, you hate interviews."

"I'm starting to think they're the lesser of two evils," Colin replies. He slips again, and his head nearly goes under before Ryan can pull him back up. They sway precariously for a few seconds on the edge of balance, and then Ryan manages to plant his foot just right and hold them both steady again. Colin closes his eyes for a long moment, pressing his face into Ryan's neck and trying to calm his breathing.

"You okay?" Ryan asks, lifting Colin's chin with one hand.

Colin shakes his head. "I don't like this."

"Okay," Ryan says, turning them carefully toward the shore. "Okay, I'm sorry, maybe this was a bad idea."

"It's okay," Colin says, and he wants to say more, he wants to thank Ryan for trying so hard to help him avoid an interview; he knows Ryan doesn't mind them nearly as much. He wants to show Ryan how much he appreciates not being teased or mocked for being scared of the river, for the way he can't quite stop clinging. But they are cautiously negotiating the rocky, uneven riverbed and Colin needs all his attention for that; besides, he's pretty sure he doesn't need to say those things. Ryan always knows. 

The director stands in his hip waders in the shallows and waits, arms folded sternly across his chest. "What kind of a stunt was that?" he asks when they get close. "We don't like to lose people to injuries, you know, and I'm sure you got the instructions on field safety before coming out here."

"We wanted to see how deep the water was, to check for places to set fish traps," Ryan lies glibly. 

"Right," Colin adds, pleased that his voice doesn't shake. "Got to provide for the tribe, after all."

The director eyes them narrowly, then nods. "Okay. Let's get out of this water, it's your turn for an interview."

Colin and Ryan exchange a glance, sighing together. "Okay," Ryan says, pasting a false smile on his face. "Sounds great."

***

Colin sighs as he is paraded in front of the camera again. He shivers as the morning air hits his damp skin and sags against Ryan. Ryan glances at him, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"Wait," he says to the director. "Can you wait a second? We're freezing." 

"Should've thought of that before you pulled that little stunt in the river," one of the camera men says, and Colin wants to withdraw from the contempt filling his eyes. 

He's tempted to pull away from Ryan, but he won't. He can't. He needs him now more than ever. 

"Quiet, Harry. I don't pay you to run your mouth," the director says, waving one hand. He looks at Ryan and Colin, sizing them up. They must look extra pathetic, because he says, "Fine. Go change your clothes. But I want you back here in ten minutes. And if you're not, I'm hunting you down in that damn tent and I don't care what you're doing in there." 

Harry the camera man grimaces at the thought, but Colin doesn't mind. He shoots Ryan a grateful look, and Ryan smiles. 

"All right, Col?" he asks as they slip into the tent. _Our home_ , Colin thinks before he can stop himself. 

"Better now," Colin says, giving Ryan a wavery smile. 

Ryan melts and pulls Colin into his arms. "C'mere," he says roughly, slinging his arms around Colin's waist and drawing him closer. "Love you, Col." 

Colin whimpers and heat flashes through his veins. Ryan's said 'I love you' thousands of times and in thousands of ways throughout the years, but this time... This time Colin wonders if it means more. Something in the way Ryan's voice catches a bit makes him think that maybe... 

"Love you, Ry," he manages to choke out of his closing throat. 

"Mmm," Ryan sighs contentedly, stroking Colin's back and nuzzling his neck. "Let's stay here. I don't care." 

"We can't," Colin says, pulling back abruptly. 

His heart skips in his chest when he sees the soft look in Ryan's eyes for just a moment, before Ryan reels it back in. "Why not?" Ryan asks, and Colin wants to kiss the adorable pout off his lips. 

"Because," Colin says, as if that answers everything. 

He fumbles around for his sweatshirt, and then he feels a tap on his shoulder. Ryan beams, the sweatshirt dangling from his large hands. "Lift your arms," he says. 

"Ryan!" Colin knows that they don't have time for this. Not right now. He reaches for the sweatshirt, but Ryan pulls it back. 

"Do it," he says. 

Colin rolls his eyes, but obeys. Ryan steps up behind him, and Colin feels the soft material of his sweatshirt brushing up against his back. 

Ryan sighs hot and close in his ear as he tugs the sweatshirt over Colin's head. His hands guide Colin's arms into the holes, and Colin wonders how the hell even something as simple as Ryan dressing him manages to be sexy... And then Ryan slips his hands underneath Colin's sweatshirt, pulling it down his torso from the inside, and when it's flat his fingers slide teasingly back and forth along the sides of Colin's waist. 

Colin turns his head, and gasps when he realizes how near Ryan is pressing. He steps back, needing to get away before Ryan sees just how much his chest is heaving. 

He scoops up Ryan's sweatshirt and tosses it at him, practically running out of the tent.


	8. Day Four, Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: do not read this if you are eating! Or if you have recently eaten. Gross food challenge ahoy! :D

Colin feels a little guilty for rushing out like that, but Ryan doesn't seem to mind, settling beside him on a large rock as they face the cameras. He puts a hand on Colin's shoulder and pats him lightly, as if verifying his presence; it's something Ryan does a lot. He likes to touch to make sure.

"If you two are ready?" the director begins pointedly, tapping one foot.

"Fire away," Ryan says, with the same expression of forced cheer that he uses for hoedowns.

"Okay. After the tension and arguments with Eric, how are you handling living so closely with him?"

Ryan tilts his chin slightly in Colin's direction, and Colin takes his cue. "We're not really talking to each other. I think that's for the best."

The director nods before Colin finishes speaking, as if dismissing the answer. "Yes, yes, but that can't last forever, can it?"

"We can only hope," Ryan says.

The director sighs. "Right. Any thoughts about the upcoming reward challenge today?"

"I'm hoping it's closer than the immunity challenge was," Colin says.

"Yeah," Ryan agrees. "That was a long walk. Why is everything so far apart, anyway?"

"Maybe it's to stall for time," Colin suggests. "I mean, if we crammed every interesting activity in the day into the first couple hours, the rest of the time would make for pretty boring TV, wouldn't it?"

Ryan nods, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Okay, I see your point, but it's not like they film us walking there. They could just edit it together later and pretend like it was a long walk."

"Maybe they want us to lose weight. Got to appeal to that young demographic, after all," Colin says. "That's why we have the forced marches and the fish diet."

"Lose weight?" Ryan raises his eyebrows and pats his bony chest. "Speak for yourself."

"Oh, right, Mr. Universe. And what's this?" Colin pokes Ryan in the belly, where he has a small but noticable pudge.

Ryan squawks a protest and pokes Colin back, pinching his side gently. Colin laughs and bats his hand away, holding his wrists, and Ryan twists, trying to reach Colin's belly again.

"Hey, hey!" the director snaps, waving his hands. "What the hell was that? We can't use any of that."

Ryan turns slightly, hiding a smile. Colin widenes his eyes and blinks very earnestly. "You can't? Wow, I'm really sorry." He's aware of Ryan making muffled sounds beside him, his shoulders shaking, one hand over his mouth.

The director glares at them. "I don't think you two are fully appreciative of the spirit of this show," he says. "You're not being very cooperative."

"You wouldn't want us to _act_ , would you?" Colin asks sweetly. "I thought it was supposed to be reality."

"You think you're very clever, don't you?" the director says.

"Obviously not," Colin replies. "Clever wouldn't have gotten me here."

Ryan gives in and starts to laugh, his eyes squeezed shut and his whole body curled, trying to contain it. The director throws his hands up in the air and gets up, taking the camera operator with him. Colin allows himself to grin once they're out of sight, and he rubs Ryan's back, waiting for his friend to catch his breath.

"You know," Colin says brightly, "I'm starting to not mind interviews so much."

Ryan slings an arm around him, rests his forehead against Colin's shoulder, and laughs. "I don't think he likes you," Ryan wheezes between chuckles.

Colin shrugs. "I can live with that." And when Ryan hugs him, fierce and implusive, Colin can't help but hug him back.

***

Matt stands up on a rock to get the tribe's attention. "Okay, people!" he hollers, flailing his arms every which way. "Listen up!"

Everyone continues chattering away, except for Dave, who is skulking by the fire doing god knows what. 

Colin and Ryan exchange amused looks as Matt jumps around on the rock. Matt is only about five-foot-nine, which is probably why he's trying so hard to be the leader. _Overcompensation_ , Colin thinks to himself. 

Ryan steps up to Matt. And even though Matt is on the rock, he still has to look up to meet Ryan's eyes. "Allow me," he says in a low voice, and Colin's chest fills with love just watching him. 

Ryan straightens up to his full six-foot-six-inches and bellows, "Attention, Orteza!" 

Colin hides his smile in his hand as everybody freezes. Ryan's deep voice is impressive when heard at full volume. Impressive, and maybe even a little intimidating. Fortunately, he knows just how tender Ryan can be... 

Colin blushes and mentally slaps himself. He can't allow himself to be swept up in his emotions right now, not with the challenge coming up. He has to keep his head clear. 

"Uh, yeah," Ryan says in a quieter voice, ducking his head. "I guess Matt has something to say." 

He slouches as he walks back over to Colin. Colin wishes that Ryan wouldn't spend so much of his time hunched over. Not only is it probably the reason for all his back trouble, it also makes it seem as if Ryan is ashamed of himself. And he doesn't want Ryan to hide any part of who he is. 

"Line up!" Matt says. "It's time to start the hike to the reward challenge!" 

And once again, like lemmings their tribe tramples off down the path. Ryan and Colin wait for everybody else to go ahead. They share a private smile, and Ryan presses his hand to Colin's shoulder. _I'm right here if you need me_ , he seems to say. 

Colin takes one last look at the empty camp, and thinks how amazing it would be to have this whole place to themselves. He wonders if Ryan will be sick of camping by the time they make it back home.

***

Colin is glad when they take a different trail than the one that led to the immunity challenge, and it does turn out to be a shorter walk. He's still a bit winded when they get to the small clearing, knee high grass swaying in the wind and bordered on one side by a babbling creek. He notices Ryan putting a hand to the small of his back and wincing occasionally, and makes a mental note to rub it for him later.

They all gather in a semi circle around two cloth draped tables, each with assorted mysterious lumps beneath their coverings. Jeff is waiting for them with his entourage of cameras, microphones, and lighting equipment. He stands with his hands clasped at his front and regards them all steadily until the curious murmuring dies down and there is impatient silence.

"Orteza tribe," he begins, nodding gravely at them. "Congratulations once again on winning immunity for your tribe." Matt beams and angles his chest so the cameras can get the immunity necklace that he insisted on wearing. Colin thinks privately that it looks heavy and uncomfortable and likely to poke in tender places, but if it makes Matt happy and less inclined to shout, it's fine with him.

"Today you have a chance to win something more," Jeff continues. "You face a reward challenge, and if you can meet that challenge, you will win... this!" He yanks the cloth from the table on the left, and an appreciative groan goes up at the plates heaped with food. Fried chicken and steak, potato salad and macaroni and cheese, corn on the cob and crisp green salad, watermelon and strawberries and even better, chocolate, coffee, and beer. Colin licks his lips, and he hears Ryan make a longing whimper deep in his throat. The sound sends a shiver down his spine and he closes his eyes for a moment, imagining it in a very different context.

"But to taste this victory, you must first taste something a little harder to swallow," Jeff says, moving to the other table. "First, let me ask--how are you all doing out there, fending for yourself? Is everyone getting enough to eat? Enough protein?"

"I've been catching a lot of fish," Matt pipes up. "Also setting traps and hunting and I've provided a lot of food for the tribe."

Jeff doesn't quite roll his eyes, but it looks like a close thing. "That's great," he says. "Still, we like to make sure your nutritional needs are being met. That's why we have a special treat for you all today that's sure to really hit the spot." He grips the edge of the cloth, lifting it slightly. "Everybody ready?"

Colin draws a little closer to Ryan and feels his friend do the same, bracing for something unpleasant. Matt and Eric shout brave things about how ready they are, and Gina mutters something about being as ready as she'll ever be. Shannon looks distinctly green around the edges and they haven't even seen it yet, but Colin has the worrying impression that some of those mysterious cloth-covered lumps are _moving_. Maybe his great aunt's haggis didn't quite prepare him for this after all.

"Okay," Jeff says, "you asked for it!" He whips the cloth back, and a collective gasp goes up from the tribe. Colin's hand fumbles for Ryan's arm and grips it for a moment, and he closes his eyes, swallowing hard.

***

It is an entire table filled with an assortment of disgusting looking things. Colin thinks to himself that some of them look like they could still be alive.

Jeff walks in front of one of the tables, looking like he's enjoying this a little too much. "Each of these exotic foods are considered great delicacies to the natives here on this island. These foods have been keeping them strong and healthy for generations. First we have the Greater Anatolian Grub, one of the largest species of grub in the world." And Jeff gestures to a large, bulging, wormlike creature that's still wiggling.

Colin feels his stomach lurch. "Next, a very special treat indeed," Jeff says, and now Colin _knows_ that Jeff is getting some kind of sick pleasure out of all of this. "This is the gizzard of the Kalakabula bird, one of the native birds on the island." And Jeff gestures to a white, stringy thing that's covered in some sort of goo. 

"Then, we come to my personal favorite, the tail end of a queen termite." Jeff lets these words sink in for a moment, smirking at them all as he points out the jellylike section of something that's obviously dead and might have been a termite, at some point. 

Colin swallows. He wants to shut his eyes, but he won't. He'll be strong. He does allow himself to squeeze Ryan's hand. 

"And this," says Jeff, showing them to a bowl of something red, slimy, and all in one long piece. "This is Anteater placenta."

"Oh, my god," one of the women from the other tribe whispers. 

Jeff steps over to the fifth mystery food in their lineup. "And here we have an old favorite, the cockroach." Jeff picks up the largest cockroach Colin has ever seen, dangling it in front of the camera dramatically. Colin can see its limbs trundling. 

"Cockroaches are found all over the world," Jeff says. "But nowhere are they bigger than they are here." 

"Of course," Ryan whispers in his ear, and Colin smiles tightly. 

"We also have the eyes of the Huzzol, which is a native species very similiar to the white-tailed deer, only smaller. The eyes are the most savory part, and it is an honor to be allowed to partake in them." Jeff shows them another bowl, and inside is something small and round and white that Colin doesn't want to see too clearly. 

"And then..." Jeff grins, and Colin's heart leaps into his throat. "A cheeseburger, topped with good old American cheese." 

He holds up the plate, and both tribes moan and lick their lips. Colin sniffs the wonderful scent of cooked meat and cheese wafting through the air and almost collapses against Ryan. Jeff sets the plate back on the table, protecting it with a curl of his hands. 

"This is the one everybody prays for," Jeff says smarmily. "Now please put on your blindfolds."

Colin ties his blindfold around his eyes and then grabs Ryan's hand again, enjoying the calm, steady support of his best friend. 

"I am now covering each plate and switching them around, so you will not know which plate is which. When I tell you to take off your blindfolds, the challenge will begin. You will each pick a plate. You must eat all of the food on your plate. You must not spit any of it out. The tribe that eats the most food wins. Good luck, Orteza! Good luck, Maguela!"

***

Colin stands, holding tightly to Ryan's hand, waiting for the signal to take off his blindfold and choose a plate. It's oddly peaceful, standing like this, unseeing. He can hear the faint swish and rustle of plates being moved, a clink of china and an unpleasant wet squishing sound. He wonders if one of their meals has just tried to escape. Ryan's breathing is fast and audible, with the occasional thick swallow and he knows Ryan is nervous. Colin squeezes his hand and feels Ryan squeeze back.

"Remove your blindfolds," Jeff says, and everyone does, dropping the blindfolds in a pile on an empty spot of table. The dishes are covered and identical, in a neat row. Colin peers at each one as if he might suddenly develop x-ray vision.

"Each player will now choose a plate. Pick any one you want and stand in front of it," Jeff tells them, spreading his hands. He looks downright gleeful, and Colin wonders, not for the first time, why he let himself be talked into this thing in the first place. Peace and quiet, Ryan said. Like a vacation. Good publicity, get away from it all, spend some time together. Colin suspects it was that last bit that convinced him.

There is a brief scuffle of shoving and elbows and people scrabbling for the best choice, although they all look the same. Colin winds up pushed to one end of the table and Ryan is halfway down the other side, staring dubiously at the shiny metal cover of his plate. He meets Colin's eyes briefly, and Colin puts on a reassuring smile.

"Everyone set? There will be no changing of plates once the covers are off." Jeff waits while a couple people make last minute trades, and then he lifts both hands in the air. "And... now!"

Colin takes a deep breath, squeezes his eyes shut, and lifts the cover. He can hear disappointed groans and whines from all around him, and the smell wafting up from his plate is definitely not cheeseburger. He sighs, presses his lips firmly together, and cautiously opens one eye. It's the white gooey thing, the gizzard, and he thinks at least it wasn't the placenta because _yuck_.

He looks down the table and sees that Ryan has drawn the deer eyeballs, which shouldn't be too hard. They're small enough that maybe Ryan can just swallow without chewing, and not really taste them. Dave is gloating because he got the cheeseburger, and he tells everyone to enjoy their meals because he's certainly going to enjoy _his_. Colin hopes he eats too fast and throws up.

Jeff claps his hands together and holds up a stopwatch. "You have five minutes to finish your meals, or as much as you can. If you fail to clean your plate but keep some of it down, you will be credited for the portion you ate. If you throw up, you will get no points at all. And if you eat everything within the first two minutes, you earn double credit. Everyone understand?" There is general assent, and Jeff nods. "Okay, ready? Three, two, one, begin!"

Colin snatches up his gizzard and holds his breath, his free hand digging fingernails into his palm. It's small, fitting neatly in his hand, and he puts it all in his mouth at once, hoping to get it over with quickly. The goo turns out to be vaguely jelly like, if the jelly had been left out on a hot beach and gotten sand mixed in for a few hours. The gizzard itself is very chewy and stringy and Colin closes his eyes when his stomach lurches.

He can hear people struggling all around him, and someone gives a gurgling moan and there are sounds very much like that someone throwing up and Colin doesn't look. That would be the last straw. He has to breathe, and when he inhales the taste hits him and his stomach does another greasy roll. It's like gristle and marrow and there are hideous little pops and hard bits that he doesn't want to think about.

Then there are familiar hands on his shoulders and Ryan's voice in his ear, Ryan's chest pressed against his back. "You've got this, Col, this is nothing. Come on, I ate mine, you aren't going to make me go through that and not do it too, are you?"

Colin grunts unintelligibly and shakes his head, but he keeps chewing and Ryan's hands are rubbing his shoulders now, his voice low and even, a steady stream of words for Colin to focus on. He tilts his head back and Ryan's nose brushes his neck, warm breath raising the fine hairs there and Colin swallows before he even realizes what he's done. 

"There," Ryan says, rubbing his back. "Easy, hold on to it. Breathe slow."

"I am never," Colin wheezes, "ever, ever letting you talk me into anything again. Ever. Also, I hate you."

"You love me," Ryan says, grinning, "and you know it."

And Colin nods and rests his head on Ryan's shoulder, breathing him in until the roiling in his stomach settles to an uneasy ache. He hopes he hasn't just poisoned himself. 

There is shouting and carrying on and someone else throws up, much to the groans of their tribe, and Jeff is counting down the last seconds and Colin manages to lift his head and watch it end. Everyone just sort of stands numbly as Jeff examines plates and calculates portions, and the table piled high with delicious food no longer looks even remotely appealing. Colin seriously considers never eating again.

"How are you so calm?" he mutters to Ryan. "You just ate _eyeballs_."

Ryan shrugs, stroking a hand down Colin's back again. "Pretended they were grapes. Kind of bitter, but not that bad."

Colin shudders and finds it a little mortifying that he's the one with the weak stomach after all. 

"All right," Jeff says, coming back to the table with the good food. "It was close, but we have a winner--congratulations Maguela!"

The other tribe cheers, and there are scattered groans from their own group, but Colin is frankly relieved. Matt and Eric seem to be arguing vehemently over something, and Colin watches them, frowning. "What's that about?" he asks no one in particular.

"Eric threw up," Ryan says, and he doesn't even bother to hide the smug lilt to his voice. "He probably lost the challenge for us, if it was really that close."

"Ah," Colin says. "What did he have?"

Ryan wrinkles his nose. "The placenta. Seriously, people eat that? Like, on purpose?"

Colin shakes his head and leans into Ryan again, pleased when strong arms wrap loosely around his waist. He can play it off as being disappointed at losing, or still feeling shaky from his upset stomach, but he knows he doesn't really need an excuse. That's the best part.


	9. Day Four, Part III

Colin's stomach feels unsettled throughout the entire hike back to their camp. He thinks that for once he would give anything to have his aching joints and muscles be the only thing bothering him. 

Ryan tries to distract him by playing various improv games. They even end up getting Gina and Shannon involved. 

Gina laughs too much, but Shannon turns out to be surprisingly good. "I was in Drama Club in high school," she says, grinning. "We did a little bit of Improv. I totally forgot about it until we started playing, but it's coming back to me now." 

"Let's teach them 90 Second Alphabet," says Ryan. 

"Okay," Colin replies. 

It's an easy game, one that even Drew can play without too much trouble. Most of the time anyway, Colin amends to himself with a fond smile. He can remember several instances where Drew couldn't remember which letter came next and the game ground to a complete halt... 

"I can't..." Gina giggles, clutching her stomach. "I can't do another game. You guys and Shannon can do it." 

Colin and Ryan shrug in unison, and then smile at each other. "All right," Ryan says. "It's really easy. You pick a letter, and start a scene. The first person has to say a sentence that starts with that letter. Then the next person has to say a sentence that starts with the next letter in the alphabet. And you go all the way around the alphabet, until you return back to the first letter."

Shannon nods. "Okay," she says. "That doesn't sound too hard." 

"Why don't you pick the letter, Gina?" Colin says.

"I've got a letter," Eric grumbles ahead of them. "Q. Q for fucking--"

Ryan rises to his full height, towering over Eric. "What was that?" 

"I ain't afraid of your pansy ass," Eric says, but his voice trembles a bit. "You're always off cuddling and hugging your little fuckbuddy over there. You're not foolin' me!" 

Ryan's eye narrow into slits as he picks up his pace to match Erics. " _What did you just call him?_ "

***

Colin puts a hand on Ryan's shoulder, slowing him, and Eric stops, turning to face them both. Gina and Shannon have stopped as well, and the rest of the tribe has already gone on ahead. Colin is suddenly aware that for all intents and purposes, they are alone in the jungle. No cameras, nothing to stop this if he doesn't.

"Try it," Eric says, low and goading. "C'mon, you're so fucking big, try it. You'll see what happens."

Ryan... Ryan seems to _grow_ somehow, his shoulders wide and high, his whole body stretched and he looms over Eric, who steps back, very slightly, and thrusts his chin out. "What are you going to do?" Ryan snaps. "Throw up on me?"

Eric snarls and lowers his head, and Ryan actually draws a hand back, fisted, but Colin catches his wrist. " _Ryan_. Don't." 

"Why not?" Ryan asks plainly. "He's had it coming for days."

"He's not worth it," Colin says, still holding Ryan's wrist, stroking the inside a little, soothingly.

Ryan looks at him, eyes dark and intent. "You are." And Colin understands what this is about now--not that Eric insulted Ryan, but the Eric did it to _him_ and Ryan has always had a protective streak a mile wide.

"And I'm asking you to let it go," Colin says evenly. "Please."

Ryan glances at Eric, who watches them both with narrow, glittering eyes, and his mouth draws into a rarely seen expression of contempt. He shakes his head, turning away, dismissing Eric as beneath his notice.

It's then, when Ryan's back is turned, that Eric attacks. His first punch catches Ryan low in the back, over a kidney, and Ryan staggers and before Colin can do anything, even try to catch his friend, Eric is on him, spinning him, punching his stomach, his face, and Ryan's lip is split and he's bleeding and Colin has pulled Eric away before he even realizes that he means to.

He's aware of Eric's startled face, of the solidity of him; the man is built like a bulldog, muscular and compact. Colin hits him without pause, not his face because Colin isn't stupid, he hits the neck, the gut, the groin, everywhere that's weak and soft. Eric goes down, perhaps catching his foot on something and Colin doesn't care why, he just starts kicking because that was Ryan's _blood_ , Ryan was _bleeding_ and don't you _dare_ , don't you _ever touch him_ \--

"Colin!" Strong hands yank him away and he kicks air for a few seconds, not wanting to ever stop. "Colin," again, softly, and Ryan's hands grip his upper arms, turning until they face each other. "I think you got him."

Colin blinks until Ryan's face comes into focus and there is a strange rushing in his head, everything over bright and wavering and he sits down very fast, legs tangled beneath him on the ground. "Ryan," he says dazedly. "Are you all right?"

Ryan crouches beside him and nods, half-smiling like it hurts him to move his mouth. He's got the start of a fat lip and he's moving carefully, like an old man, but at least he's wiped the blood away. "I'm fine," he says, stroking a hand slowly up and down Colin's back. "It's okay."

Colin stares as Eric picks himself up off the ground, brushing dirt from his clothes in short, furious swipes. "You're done," Eric growls, pointing at them both. "I'll get you kicked off for this."

"There's four people here who'll say you started it and you sucker punched Ryan like a _coward_ ," Gina says, and this is the first time Colin has seen her not smiling. "Besides, do you really want to tell everyone who kicked your ass?"

Eric spits on the ground and glares. "This isn't over," he says, and slinks away, limping down the trail and quickly out of sight.

Colin looks at the place where Eric was lying curled, the ground scuffed and gouged, and down at his own hands, trembling, the knuckles bruised and scraped. "Oh," he says, thinly. He feels hollow and light, his heartbeat rushing in his ears and his skin cold everywhere but his hands, which are hot and aching.

"Col? You okay?" Ryan tilts his head, trying to see Colin's face, and Colin stares up at him. 

"I..." Colin says, and then he lurches up, bolting for the bushes just in time to throw up. Ryan's hand is on the small of his back by the time he's done, holding him steady, and he wipes his mouth and spits and wishes they had toothbrushes out here.

"Come on," Ryan says, an arm around his waist guiding him to a soft patch of grass just up the trail. He sits Colin down and turns him until his head rests in Ryan's lap, and he rubs Colin's chest lightly. "Just give it a few minutes," Ryan tells him. "Until you're feeling settled."

"Is he okay?" Shannon asks over his head, wringing her hands together anxiously.

"He's just a little worn out," Ryan says. His fingertips find Colin's hair, smoothing it, and Colin closes his eyes. So far today he's nearly managed to drown himself in the river, he's pissed off the director, he's eaten things that he wouldn't feed a dog, and he doesn't think he would have stopped kicking Eric if Ryan hadn't pulled him back... and oh god, it's not even noon yet.

***

Colin allows Ryan to hover over anxiously him, smoothing what few hairs remain back from his forehead. Even though Ryan is the one with the split lip, and Colin doesn't have a scratch on him, Ryan has once again taken his rightful role as Colin's protector. And Colin wouldn't have it any other way. 

They are back in the tent now, and the day is quickly becoming overcast. Grey light filters through the canvas flap, and the temperature becomes noticably cooler in a matter of minutes. The wind speeds up, shaking their tent. And Colin smells the wet and clean scent of rain in the air. 

He reaches up for Ryan, pulling him down. Ryan comes easily enough, his eyes never leaving Colin's. Colin hesitates, then brushes his fingers across Ryan's lips, wiping at a speck of blood lurking in the corner of his swelling underlip. Ryan's lips curve underneath his fingers, and Colin pulls his hand away as if he's been burned. 

Outside, the wind gusts, and Colin thinks he hears the first splatters of rain hitting the river. He shivers and burrows his face into Ryan's shoulder. Ryan's arms steal around him, warming him down to his toes. 

And even though Ryan is holding him, even though he's safe and warm and he knows that nothing can hurt him now, not here in this tent, Colin begins to shake. Eric is an asshole, a lower species. But Colin _hurt_ him. Colin kicked him and hit him and maybe even punched him, and he's never done that before. He's never lost control like that before. It scares him, to think that he is capable of hurting someone that way. 

The rain roars in his ears, mixing with the thunder. And Colin begins to cry, his hands fisted in Ryan's shirt, clutching at him. Ryan makes wordless sounds of comfort deep in his throat and rubs Colin's back. 

And through his tears all Colin can think of is the rage that filled him at the sight of Ryan, bruised and bleeding. Flashes of lightning bring stark clarity into the tent, and Colin hides his face further into Ryan's shoulder, ashamed. Ryan rests his head against Colin's, and Colin is aware of Ryan's breath on his cheek, soft and hitching. 

And then Colin feels something wet dripping down the side of his neck, and for a moment he wonders if maybe the tent has a leak. He raises his head, and Ryan is crying too. And Colin blinks, because this is the first time he's ever seen Ryan cry. 

The lightning and thunder move away, leaving only the rain behind. And Colin puts his arms around Ryan, suddenly feeling small and alone as he tries to soothe his friend.

***

Colin isn't sure how long they sit like that, wrapped around each other, but he feels like they're in their own little pocket of reality. The rain drowns out any other sounds and their tent is dim and small, full of stormy gray daylight that gives everything a washed out look, pale and unreal. 

Eventually Ryan clears his throat and sniffs, pulling back slightly, and Colin shifts, resting his cheek against Ryan's chest and blinking slowly, sleepily. He feels drained, wrung out, but peaceful.

"Hey," Ryan says, a puff of breath stirring Colin's hair where Ryan's lips are not quite touching.

"Hey." Colin smiles faintly and picks Ryan's hand up, turning it slowly, examining it. He's always been fascinated by Ryan's hands, and right now, he feels like he can get away with it. Like the rules are suspended, just for a little while.

"Uh, sorry about..." Ryan mumbles, shrugging. His hand tries to curl and Colin spreads it out, pressing their palms together briefly.

"It's okay," Colin says. He thinks he should probably be embarrassed, falling apart like that, and he would be if anyone else had seen him but this is Ryan and he crumbled a little too and that makes it all right.

"You sure you're feeling okay?" Ryan asks, turning his hand, lacing his fingers with Colin's.

Colin nods and is very tempted to bring their joined hands to his face and rub his cheek on the back of Ryan's knuckles, to kiss each one... but the boundaries are still there, stretched a little but not quite enough. "I'm tired," he says instead, because it's the truth and because he knows how Ryan will respond.

"Let's get some sleep then," Ryan says easily. He turns Colin, still handling him as if he's spun glass, cradling him, and Colin closes his eyes. He seeks out Ryan's back by feel, tracing with his fingertips, noting each sore place and stroking gently. He can feel Ryan's little sighs against his neck as the muscles relax, and he hears a tiny, quickly suppressed pained sound when he finds the place Eric punched Ryan's back. Colin lays a palm there, lightly, as if the warmth and closeness will somehow fix things.

Maybe it does, because Ryan falls asleep before he does, his face smooth and defenseless. Colin gives in to what he's wanted to do since they got back, and he kisses Ryan, very gently, where his lip is swollen and tender, just beginning to bruise. He can still taste the faint copper tang of blood there, and he closes his eyes, resting his forehead against Ryan's and listening to him breathe. Ryan is fine. He knows that. He just needs to check frequently to be sure.

Colin doesn't know how they're going to explain this when they have to face the tribe again. Ryan's bruises aren't going to disappear, and he's sure Eric must have a few marks on him as well. Colin's own swollen and scraped knuckles will tell their story and he wonders if they'll all get kicked off for this. 

The idea doesn't bother him as much as he thought it would. At least that way, he'll know he tried, and he and Ryan will go together.

***

A bright light shines in Colin's face, instantly waking him. Beside him, Ryan rolls over and throws his hands across his face, shielding his eyes. "Get out of here!" he yells. 

Colin blinks as he realizes that it is a camera. After four days here on the island, a camera has finally dared to intrude on their little nest. Colin smirks, wondering what took them so long. 

He thinks about how this will look, played out on tv. Him and Ryan, napping together, arms wound around each other with easy familiarity. Oh god, what if this causes problems for Ryan on _Drew Carey_? Or for both of them on _Whose Line_ , for that matter? What the hell were they thinking, signing up for _Survivor_? What the hell had he been thinking, letting his guard down about his long-repressed feelings for his best friend? 

Ryan sits up, chucking loose clothes and shoes at the camera, but it won't budge. If anything, it moves closer, angling for the perfect shot. And then the tent flap pushes open and Colin understands why.

Mark Burnett himself peeks his head through the tent. "Ryan, Colin. Please come with me," he says. "We have to talk."

Colin and Ryan pad barefoot behind Mark, the camera trailing after them. They walk up the beach, away from camp. Colin sees Shannon and Gina waiting for them, anxious looks on their faces. And then he catches sight of Eric, shirtless to accentuate the fresh bruises on his body, and guilt and pride fill him.

"Shut that thing off," Mark says to the camera operator. 

He turns back to the group assembled on the beach, eyes stern and serious. "I'm not pleased with what I'm hearing," he begins. "As you know, fighting is grounds for being sent home immediately. Now please tell me what happened out there." 

"He kicked me! That little fucking fag kicked me!" Eric screams, pointing at Colin, who shrugs mildly and tries to smile. "Just 'cause I hurt his precious _boyfriend_."

Colin's hands ball into fists, and Ryan leans down, whispering in his ear, "Breathe, Col. Just breathe." Colin nods, taking a deep breath, letting his hands relax against his side. 

"Yeah?" Ryan says so everyone else can hear. "And why don't you tell Mr. Burnett here about how you punched me when I was walking away?" 

Gina pipes up, "He did! We both saw it." 

Shannon nods her agreement. "Eric attacked them first. Colin was just defending himself." 

"Yeah. That's real fucking convenient, that their two little lapdogs just happen to be the only witnesses," Eric says, spitting into the dirt. 

Mark rubs his temples, sighing. "Okay," he says. "I think I've heard enough. Why don't you return to camp for now. I will be calling you back shortly with my decision." 

"Queer," Eric mutters as they walk back to camp, shooting icy glares in Colin's direction. "I'll make you sorry you ever started this..." 

And Colin prays that Eric at least will be sent home.


	10. Day Four, Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally come to the end of Day 4, at nearly 30k words... I tell you what, if you get through this fic, _you're_ a survivor! 'Cause I'm pretty sure this puppy is going to clock in at over 100k words, possibly closer to 125k. *blush* Are you up for it? :)

The camp is full of furtive muttering and strict territories. Eric waits by the main tribe sleeping tent, in the shade of a tree, kicking at the ground and pacing. Colin and Ryan withdraw to the river and dip their feet in the cool water, muddied from today's rain. The day is still overcast, but warmer now, the air lying on them like a thick, wet blanket.

Someone from the crew takes Eric first, leading him alone to where Mark is waiting, and Colin and Ryan watch him go. Gina and Shannon have apparently chosen sides by standing with them, and Matt stands alone by the fire, frowning after Eric. Dave, as usual, is nowhere to be seen.

"What does that mean?" Shannon asks, worrying at her bottom lip. "Is he leaving? Are you two staying?"

"I don't know," Colin says. He has the strangest urge to just close his eyes, bury his face in Ryan's shirt, and hope this all goes away. It feels like he's been running on fumes for days and he knows it is the meager diet and the bad sleep and the physical exertion taking it out of him but that doesn't change the feeling. He's _tired_ of it, of everything. He just wants it to be over, one way or another.

"We'll see," Ryan says, and his hand rests on Colin's back, keeping him close. 

"It wouldn't be fair at all for him to make you leave," Gina says. "Eric started it! He's been on you from the beginning, the hateful little git. It just wouldn't be fair."

That doesn't mean it won't happen, but none of them say that. They wait, Ryan's hand moving in slow, warm strokes up and down Colin's back until Colin finds himself timing his breathing to the touch, his eyes going half-lidded.

Another crew member appears at the far edge of camp and waves them forward impatiently. They start forward together, leaving Gina and Shannon wishing them luck and watching anxiously. 

Mark is waiting for them on the beach, and Eric is nowhere in sight. He gestures for them to sit down on some folding chairs, and takes one himself. "Gentlemen," he says, frowning down at his steepled fingers. "You've put me in a very difficult position."

Ryan nods, and Colin murmurs an apology. He still feels guilty for losing it like that, for actively, viciously wanting to hurt another person, no matter how provoked.

"Strictly speaking, I should have you all removed, no matter who started it," Mark continues. "It would cause a lot of problems, severely diminishing the size of your tribe and giving the other tribe an unfair advantage, damaging the planned flow of the games, and seriously screwing up my filming schedule--but I would do it. Rules are rules, and I don't forget that because following them becomes inconvenient."

Colin exchanges a glance with Ryan and says nothing. He wishes they were sitting closer together.

Mark takes a deep breath and gives them a level look. "However," he says, "there are... extenuating circumstances. Because Eric did show a serious tendency toward malice before this incident and the director was... let's say, remiss in preventing it, we must accept some responsibility for this. Also, we at the network belive strong in diversity, which is why our contestants are from all walks of life, and we discourage discrimination based on race, religion, and," he raises his eyebrows at them, "sexual orientation."

"I see," Colin says neutrally, his face blank and guileless. He's beginning to think this might go their way after all.

"Would it matter if we said we're not actually gay?" Ryan asks, looking as if he can't decide if this is funny or aggravating.

Mark stares at them both for a long moment. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," he says. "Both for the sake of my decision, and because I'm not _blind_." He nods briskly and reaches behind him, pulling out a slim stack of papers. "You see, if we were to expel you both from the island, you might feel you had been treated unfairly and discriminated against, and you might also feel moved to tell people about it. Because you are already celebrities, the network feels a lot of undue attention would be paid and... well, it would just be negative publicity for everyone, wouldn't it? I'm sure you don't want that."

"I'm sure," Colin echoes and he has to swallow a laugh because he thinks this is possibly the most absurd thing that has ever happened to him. They're being bought off. He's sure of it. The network is allowing them to stay so they won't raise a stink about being unfairly treated because of their nonexistent gayness.

Well. Mostly nonexistent.

"Of course," Mark says smoothly. "But if we were to allow you to stay and have the same chance as everyone else at winning, we feel that would be more than fair." 

"Oh, more than," Ryan says, and the corner of his mouth his twitching.

"And you'd have no problem signing some documents to that effect?" Mark asks, holding the papers out.

Colin closes his eyes for a moment, and he can hear Ryan make a slightly strangled sound. "Sure," Colin says. "Got a pen?"

So they do the paperwork and Mark packs it all away and smiles at both of them, shaking their hands. "I'm glad we could resolve this in a civil way," he says. "Thank you for your cooperation."

"We're very cooperative guys," Ryan says, and Colin smothers a sudden coughing fit.

"Right," he mutters. "Very. Um... what about Eric?"

"Officially, he developed unexpected medical problems and had to be sent home," Mark says. He gives them both a hard look. "And of course, as per your nondisclosure agreements, you will be supporting the official report."

Colin nods, aware of Ryan covering a grin beside him. "I understand. Thank you."

Mark walks them back to camp, and then shakes both their hands again. "Best of luck to you both. I'm sure there won't be any more problems. Right?"

"Oh yes, right," Colin replies, smiling earnestly. Ryan makes some equally agreeable noises, and Mark walks off, no doubt having a helicopter or something waiting for him further down the path.

Colin and Ryan watch him go, and then turn to look at each other. "Well," Colin says, aware that his voice is high and just a little hysterical. "That's one crisis averted."

"Way to go, Captain Hair," Ryan says, and then he starts to laugh, slumped against Colin and breathing little chuckles into his shoulder, shaking all over. Colin holds him and grins dazedly and thinks that just when he's sure his life can't get any weirder, it always does.

***

Matt is in a foul mood. He keeps casting stony stares at both Colin and Ryan, as if the whole thing is their fault. If Eric hadn't provoked them in the first place, this whole thing never would have happened. Colin shakes his head. He's just glad that Eric is gone, and hopefully they'll never cross paths again.

And then he remembers the damn live show at the end, when the whole cast is reunited and the winner is unveiled... that is _not_ going to be fun. He wonders if the truth will come out then. Eric and a live show doesn't seem like the best mix. But that's a long way off, so he's not going to worry himself about it too much. Besides, maybe Eric won't even be invited. Maybe he'll still be "injured". Nudge nudge, wink wink. 

All the same, he remembers Eric's last words to them and shivers. This could get messy. This could get very messy indeed. If Eric starts spouting off to the press, letting it slip that he and Ryan are... are...

He sighs. They aren't anything, he reminds himself sternly. Ryan pretty much put that little hope to rest earlier, when they were talking to Mark. Ryan doesn't think they're gay. That pretty much says it all. 

Even so, he's happy to just sit on their log, with Ryan's knees touching his. Just because Ryan doesn't see anything more than friendship there, doesn't mean he has to stop enjoying himself, after all. 

"Where's the damn matches?" Matt yells. 

Colin's head jerks up. "They were there this morning," he says. "I used them to start the fire after I woke up." 

"They're gone now!" Matt says. "We're gonna freeze unless we find them. Did you--"

"Look, I promise we didn't take them," Colin says, smiling his most reassuring smile. 

Ryan pats his knee and nods. "It would be our asses too," he says. 

"Yeah," says Gina. "They must be around here somewhere... I mean, why would anyone take our matches?" 

And then Colin remembers Dave, lurking by the fire this morning before they left for the challenge, and he begins to wonder...

He looks over at Ryan, and knows he's thinking the same thing. "Where's Dave?" he asks.

***

Matt puts his hands on his hips and eyes them both suspiciously. "What do you mean, where's Dave? Why the hell would Dave want to take our matches?"

Colin spreads his hands, shrugging. "Why would I want to take them?"

"I don't know," Matt says. "Maybe you want to start another fight and get someone _else_ kicked out."

Colin squeezes Ryan's wrist before he can say anything. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replies levelly, and then the director is stepping in front of the cameras, waving them off. He goes to Matt and has a brief, hushed conversation with him, and Matt scowls.

"Fine," Matt grits when the cameras are rolling again. "I guess we go look for Dave."

So they all wander off into the trees in the fading, cloudy light of late afternoon. Ryan and Colin walk slowly, arms brushing together, relishing the quiet and solitude after what has been a very long and trying day. There is a camera following them, but it hangs back, and Colin can pretend it isn't there.

"Do you think Dave stole them?" Ryan asks after a while, lifting a branch so Colin can walk under it.

Colin shrugs. "I wouldn't put it past him. But really, what's he going to do? Create his own campfire and refuse to share?"

"Huh," Ryan says thoughtfully. "You know, I bet it was really Matt. I bet he's going to miraculously find them and be the big hero provider again."

Colin pauses, sitting on a small rise of ground and stretching his aching legs out in front of him. Ryan sits beside him with his knees bent up and his folded arms resting on them. "You think so?" Colin asks.

"Sure. I mean, Gina and Shannon are with us, and Dave is anyone's guess... Matt's on his own now and he's got to know that. He's trying to be important again."

"Maybe," Colin murmurs thoughtfully. "I'm not so sure the girls are with us."

Ryan tilts his head, frowning. "They're our friends."

"They're in this to win, just like everyone else," Colin counters. "And right now, we're looking pretty powerful, so they're on our side--but they know once Matt and Dave are gone, we'll be voting against them next because we're certainly not voting against each other. It might be in their best interest to get rid of one of us now, while they can."

The camera has drawn closer, the operator extending a microphone to be sure and catch all this, and Colin is sure this is just the kind of political infighting and machination that the show is built on. "I guess that makes sense," Ryan says slowly. 

"And they'd have to do it next time we come up for a vote," Colin adds. "Think about it--there's six of us total. Matt is pretty much guaranteed to vote against me. If the girls both do it too, and we both vote against Matt or Dave, that gives Dave the deciding vote. Either a tie, or I'm gone. And personally, I don't want to bet on Dave suddenly deciding he likes me."

Ryan sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose between two fingertips. "Now I remember why I hate politics."

Colin nods, leaning their shoulders together. "Hey, maybe it won't happen. Maybe the girls aren't that cynical, but I'm just saying we should be aware of it."

"Yeah." Ryan gets to his feet with one hand braced in the small of his back. "Come on," he says, holding a hand out for Colin. "We should keep looking."

Colin takes his hand and stands, and as they are turning back toward the winding jungle path, shouts go up from somewhere ahead. They recognize Matt's voice, and Dave's, both of them yelling at once, overlapping and angry. Colin exchanges a look with Ryan, and they begin to run.

***

Colin and Ryan push their way through the trees until they come upon Matt and Dave, facing each other. Matt has his hands on his hips, and his face is almost purple with anger. And Dave has his hands crossed, his chest puffing out bewildered breaths.

"I don't have your stinking matches!" Dave yells at the top of his lungs. "I don't _need_ matches! I got my own inner fire, thank you very much! But you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?" 

Ryan elbows Colin and they smother a smile. Colin again wonders if Dave is on anything. And then he wonders where the hell Mark Burnett found all of these crazy people. Dave and Matt and Eric... Maybe he and Ryan are the only normal ones.

And then Ryan crosses his eyes and Colin quickly amends that thought. 

Matt turns and looks at Colin and Ryan for support. Colin can feel Ryan's shoulders stiffening against him. They stand right where they are, not wanting to join in just yet. 

Matt throws his hands up in the air. "Well, where are they then, huh?" he asks, poking Dave in the chest. 

"Oh, little man..." Dave laughs and shakes his head. "You do not want to mess with Big Dave. Big Dave will fry you on a platter and eat all your delicious organs. One. By. One," he says, trailing a hand down Matt's stomach. 

Colin scratches his head. He can't figure out if Dave is serious, or if he's just messing around. 

Then again, Colin decides, watching Dave's eyes glittering, maybe it's best that he doesn't know... 

"Get your damn hands off me," Matt says, stepping back. "I want those matches." 

"I. Don't. Have. Them," Dave says slowly. "Why is this so difficult for you to understand? Am I speaking Cantonese? Are you an alien? What?" 

Matt screams in frustration, and the sound echoes through the trees, most likely scaring any animals within a fifty mile radius. "Where are they?!" 

Colin nudges Ryan. Ryan shakes his head, and points to him. Colin blows air out of his nostrils. Why does he always have to be the peace maker?

"Dave! Matt! Yoohoo! Over here!" Colin says, snapping his fingers and attempting his best smile.

Matt starts to step over towards Colin, but then he glances at the camera and thinks the better of it. 

"Listen," Colin says. "Why don't we go back to camp? We'll search everywhere. If we still can't find the matches, then we'll talk. Besides, I brought my glasses. If worse comes to worse, maybe we can use them to start a fire." 

Ryan's smile warms him. _Good... and lovable_ , he mouths, and for a moment Colin forgets that they are in the middle of a jungle, miles away from everything familiar. 

The air is cool and somehow sweeter as they make their way back to camp. And Ryan holds his hand the entire way.

***

They hunt through the camp in the fading daylight, scrambling to find the matches before the light is gone entirely and they're left blind. Ultimately it's Matt who finds them, tucked in with the rest of their supplies in the big airtight case. Under the bag of rice, wedged between it and the bag of dry beans. Colin knows perfectly well that he didn't put them there when he started the fire this morning, and it would be near impossible for them to slip down that far on their own, but Matt is grinning and triumphant and Colin decides to let it go.

With all the excitement of the day, no one did much hunting and all they have is a small portion of fish each, and a ration of rice. Colin tears into his eagerly; he's starving. They skipped lunch and he lost his breakfast in the bushes and maybe the fish is dry and the rice bland but it's food and he feels a lot better once he's got it down.

"Here," Ryan says, handing Colin half his share.

Colin shakes his head, trying to push it back. "That's yours, and it's not like I couldn't stand to lose some weight."

"I'm not that hungry," Ryan insists. "It's amazing how filling eyeballs are."

Colin groans and puts a hand over his mouth. "You had to bring it up. You're going to be gloating about that for weeks, aren't you?"

"It seems likely, yes. Now eat, before I pin you down and feed you myself."

He'll do it, too--Colin can see it on his face, in the playful glint of his eyes and the sly, sneaking grin. Colin pictures it for a moment, Ryan on top of him, sitting on his legs, pinning his wrists up with one long fingered hand, feeding him a bite at a time. Ryan is strong, he knows that, and if he struggled Ryan would drop the food and use both hands, leaning foward, his weight pressing Colin down and their chests tight together and Ryan would be grinning so close, so easy to reach.

"Col?" Ryan stares at him, one eyebrow raised, a tiny, amused smile tugging at his lips.

Colin jumps and smiles weakly, taking the food. "Thanks," he says, hungry all over again.

Everyone is worn out, and the after dinner conversation fades quickly, the tribe too divided and wary to really be comfortable with each other. Dave has already been and gone, taking his portion of food back to wherever it is he hangs out all the time. Colin is pretty sure he sleeps at the campsite, but he seems to slink in and out under the radar, rarely noticed.

Shannon and Gina try to engage them in another improv lesson, but Colin's too tired to focus and Ryan takes them out of it early, encouraging the women to keep going on their own. He slips an arm around Colin's waist as they walk back to the tent, and Colin leans into him gratefully, closing his eyes. It's hard to believe he's only been awake for a day. It feels like at least a week, with all that's happened, even if there was a short break in the middle while they napped in the rainstorm.

He reaches for his shoes when they're in the tent and Ryan knocks his hands away gently, pressing them down to his sides. Colin smiles and goes limp, allowing Ryan to remove his shoes and socks. They've been sleeping in their clothes because of the cold nights, and Colin wishes for a moment he could strip down more, to his shorts (or better yet, nothing, but he doesn't quite let himself imagine that) and curl with Ryan, surrounded by the sensation of warm skin against his.

Still, it feels like the best kind of indulgence when Ryan pulls him close, wriggling until they're both comfortable, and Colin sighs as he feels tension he wasn't even aware of seep from his bones. Ryan's hand strokes his side lazily and he reaches for Ryan's back in return, kneading the muscles until they go loose and liquid under his fingers.

"Hell of a day," Ryan murmurs, just slightly above a whisper. 

"Hmm." Colin manages to open his eyes for a moment, examining Ryan's profile, barely visible in the oblique firelight. It's as familiar to Colin as his own face, and far more dear. It's times like this that he is most tempted to touch Ryan, to run his fingertips along those fine cheekbones, to taste the line of his jaw, to press close and feel the butterfly touch of Ryan's eyelashes. Instead, he contents himself with nudging Ryan a little, bumping his nose to Ryan's cheek.

"Col?"

"Hmm?"

Ryan is quiet for a moment, and then he squeezes Colin, slow and delicious, lingering. "M'glad we're still here," Ryan says.

"Yeah?"

Ryan nods. "Yeah. It's nice, just you and me." His voice his slurred, more than half asleep, and Colin smiles and nudges him again, breathing in deeply when he's as close as he can get away with.

"Nice," Colin echoes, and in spite of everything that's gone wrong, he's glad, too. Right now, there isn't anywhere he'd rather be.


	11. Day Five, Part I

Colin wakes to something warm and soft trailing down his cheek. He opens his eyes and Ryan's face is floating in front of his, so close that all Colin can see is Ryan's eyes, filled with early morning light. Ryan is caressing Colin's face with the back of his hand, and Colin gets dizzy when he sees Ryan's smile. He can hear the fire crackling in the distance, and he smells something cooking, although it's too far away to tell what. 

"Morning, Col," Ryan whispers, continuing to pet Colin. 

Colin stretches, trying to crack his spine. "Morning, Ry," he grunts. 

Ryan shakes his head, trying not to smile. "Roll over, old man," he says. 

Colin snorts. "Old man?" he says, raising his eyebrows. "Who are you calling an old man?" 

Ryan bends forward, until the tips of their noses are touching. And Colin realizes that Ryan's hand is still laying on his cheek, and he can feel Ryan's warm breath tickling against his chin. "You," Ryan says, moving his fingers across Colin's skin.

"I don't think I'm quite ready for the nursing home yet, thank you," Colin says primly. 

Ryan laughs, sending deep vibrations down Colin's side. "The nursing home's not so bad anyway," he says. "Daily sponge baths, Jello..."

"I hate Jello," Colin says, wrinkling his nose. "I'm not even sure if it's a food." 

"Who said anything about eating it?" Ryan asks, a flirty grin creasing his face. 

"Well, what else is there to do with it? Roll around in it?" And Colin gulps, trying not to imagine him and Ryan, both coated in Jello and laughing with their arms around each other. And Ryan leaning down, licking Jello off of Colin's belly. Colin, flipping Ryan over and kissing him, tasting the flavored sugar on his tongue...

"Just think about it," Ryan says, and Colin wants to scream that he _is_ thinking about it, and that's the problem. He envies how Ryan can be so oblivious, just sitting there casually beside him talking about rolling around in Jello with him without even considering what it's doing to him.

"Col? You're not rolling."

Colin blushes. "Uh, what?" he asks.

"I asked you to roll over, remember?" And Colin swears that Ryan's eyes are gleaming, almost like he's teasing him...

"Oh. Right," Colin says, and he flips onto his stomach. 

Ryan pulls at Colin's shirt, and Colin shrugs it off. Ryan's hands knead into his lower back and Colin has to bite his lip to stifle the moans that keep threatening to slip out.

_Oh god, Ry... What the hell are you doing to me?_

***

The low ache in his back disappears fast, but Ryan doesn't seem inclined to stop and Colin certainly isn't about to change that. He sprawls, loose limbed and muzzy-headed, as Ryan's hands seem to pour liquid heat through his body. It's hypnotic, spellbinding, and he sighs, wriggling happily.

"Like that?" Ryan murmurs, sounding more than a little pleased with himself.

"Ummmhmmm," Colin says. Ryan chuckles and moves higher, stroking up and down his spine, pressing the heels of his hands into the tight muscles between his shoulders. Ryan straddles him ( _to get a better angle, that's all!_ Colin tells himself sternly) and leans down, his shirt brushing Colin's back in a whisper of warm cotton. 

"Hey," Ryan says, and his voice is so close, a low purr right behind him and Ryan must be damn near on top of _him_ and Colin closes his eyes tight and forces a deep breath.

"Um?" Colin says, squeaking a little.

"Never knew you were such a massage pushover," Ryan teases, his chin brushing Colin's shoulder as he speaks. "I bet you'd roll over for anyone who gave you a backrub."

 _No, just you_ , Colin is tempted to say, but doesn't. Instead he makes another vague, hummingly relaxed sound and Ryan breathes a soft laugh into the back of his neck. Colin shifts against the sleeping mat and bites his bottom lip. 

There is rustling outside their tent, and a tapping on the flap, an approximation of knocking on the door. "Are you awake?" Gina's voice calls from outside. "You better come get some breakfast before it's all gone."

Ryan sighs and rolls off of him, sitting up. He pats Colin's shoulder briefly, as if Colin needs waking. He doesn't; parts of him are more awake than he'd like, actually. "Okay, thanks," Ryan calls out to Gina. "We'll be right out."

"Okay," Gina says, and her footsteps move away. Colin folds his arms together and rests his forehead on them and thinks very hard of cold things. Ryan's hand lightly resting on his back isn't helping.

"Colin?" Ryan says, moving toward the tent flap. "You coming?"

Colin suppresses a slightly hysterical giggle. "Um, no," he says. "Not yet."

"Not hungry?"

"I'll, uh... you go ahead," Colin mumbles.

There is a pause, and then Ryan is close again, hovering over him, one hand on Colin's cheek to turn his head. "You okay?" Ryan asks, his palm cool against Colin's face. "You look a little..." He shrugs, frowning.

Colin has a pretty good idea of how he looks. His skin feels hot from the tips of his ears all the way down his chest, and the sleeping mat is smooth beneath him with just enough give and if he shifted a little, just pressed slightly...

"Col?"

"Um," Colin says again. "No, no, I'm okay. Go on and eat. Please."

Ryan looks at him for a long moment, and the worry fades from his eyes. His lips curve slightly, a smug pink bow, and he nods. "Right. I'll do that. You just stay here until it's not so hard to move."

And if Colin was flushed _before_ , now he feels on fire, heat rushing over his face and creeping down his neck. He groans and buries his face in his arms and Ryan laughs, but kindly, and pats his back. "Don't worry about it," he says, and then, mercifully, he leaves the tent.

Colin lies still for a long time, feeling his skin gradually cool, and tries to tell himself Ryan didn't just do that on purpose. Ryan doesn't know the affect he has on Colin.

At least, Colin doesn't think he does. Maybe it's time to change his ideas of just what Ryan touching him means.

***

Colin emerges out of the tent a little while later, feeling much better now that he... took care of things. He just prays that Ryan won't figure it out. 

He walks towards the fire and the hum of low voices chattering. Ryan's head pops up immediately from the card game he's playing with Shannon. And he scoops something up and runs to greet Colin, a wide smile on his face. 

"Hey, Col!" Ryan says, giving him a one-armed hug. His other arm is occupied with a plate of food. "I saved you some breakfast."

"Thanks," Colin says, gratefully accepting his oatmeal and fruit. 

Ryan sits next to him on the log while he eats, sneaking odd glances at him every once in a while. And he's smiling, and oh, god... he knows. 

Colin keeps his head down, concentrating on chewing his food. He starts eating slower, really taking his time, partially hoping that if he keeps it up long enough, Ryan will give up and leave.

But Ryan slides closer on the log, until their legs are touching. Colin almost drops his fork, and he can sense Ryan's laugh. "Col," he says, in that maddeningly inviting way. 

Colin pretends he doesn't hear, because he's so involved with his breakfast. But Ryan isn't fooled. He scoots _closer_ , and then he reaches out his hand, and wipes his thumb across the corner of Colin's mouth.

Colin yelps and looks up and Ryan is grinning and there's a glob of oatmeal stuck on his thumb. Ryan holds it up for Colin to see. "Oatmeal," he says, and Colin just knows that he is blushing again. "You had... Col, you're acting really weird today. Are you sure you're all right?" 

Colin studies him. He can't really be this dense, can he? They've known each other for over twenty years, for god's sake. They finish each other's sentences. Sometimes, they don't even need to speak.

He has to know, Colin concludes. 

"I'm fine!" Colin says, but his voice is higher than normal and he knows that Ryan doesn't believe him. 

Colin throws down his plate with a clatter and runs towards the river. "I... need a swim!" he calls over his shoulder. 

He can't decide if he wants Ryan to join him or not.

***

Colin is grateful for the cold of the water, chasing the blush from his skin. He dunks his head under and scrubs his face, shaking water droplets from his hair once he surfaces again. He feels unpleasantly sticky and sweaty and the water is a relief, although he wishes for some soap. Maybe they'll have a reward challenge later on and get some.

He keeps his back to the campsite as he washes, a little self conscious about his soft belly and pale, imperfect skin. He doesn't really want to know if anyone is watching him. When hands land on his shoulders from behind, he stiffens for a moment, then sighs and drops his chin slightly. Ryan. Of course.

"Hey," Colin says, but he doesn't turn to face Ryan.

"Hey." Ryan steps closer, his hands slipping down Colin's back and framing his waist for a moment before dropping away. "Sorry," he says.

Colin frowns and glances over his shoulder. "Why?"

Ryan shrugs, tucking his thumbs into the waist of his shorts, visible just below the water. "You know. For giving you a... hard time."

Colin closes his eyes, smiling ruefully. "Shut up," he mutters.

"Hey, if I knew you liked massages _that_ much I would've started giving them years ago," Ryan says, nudging him with an elbow. 

Colin gives him a sharp look, not quite sure what that means. Ryan is smiling, playful, but he meets Colin's eyes evenly, holding his gaze for a long moment. "Oh," Colin says, fumbling for a response. "I, uh..."

"Relax," Ryan says, throwing an arm over his shoulders. "It's fine. Hey, we've been out here a while, things happen. No big deal."

Colin ducks his head, biting back a smile. "Easy for you to say."

Ryan squeezes him a little, tilting his head to catch Colin's eye. "Tell you what. You can get me back later, okay?"

Colin opens his mouth, then shuts it again, blinking rapidly. "Um," he says. "Get you... back?"

"Sure." Ryan spreads his hands, smiling endearingly. "You know, a back rub? I figure you owe me one by now anyway."

"Right," Colin says. A back rub. Ryan stretched out beneath him, bare to the waist, all that golden skin supple and waiting and he can lean in, stroking from his neck all the way to the secretive little dip just above the curve of his ass. Rubbing the muscles there, watching them move beneath the skin as Ryan shifts, the little soft, pleased sounds that Ryan makes when he feels really good...

Colin is glad the water is cold. Very glad.

"So, we have a deal?" Ryan asks brightly.

"Sure," Colin says, and then clears his throat when his voice comes out rough and low. "You got it."

"I'll look forward to it," Ryan says, and he scoops up a handful of water and splashes Colin liberally, washing the rising heat from his face and leaving him sputtering. "Can't catch me," he taunts, curving over the surface like a dolphin and swimming away.

Colin laughs and dives after him, and suddenly he feels bright and alive, the water sliding cleanly over his skin and the sun touching him, dazzling his eyes and Ryan just out of reach, teasing, wanting to be caught. This time, Colin decides, he's not going to let Ryan dance away with a deft and elusive spin. This time, he's giving chase, and he means to win.

***

Colin lets Ryan get a decent head start. He's feeling chivalrous, like a knight. And even though it's completely cheesy, he imagines himself in a full suit of armor, sword in his hands, hacking his way through evil forests. And he smirks, thinking that sounds suspiciously like the one of the plots of those science fiction and fantasy novels he used to emerge himself into back when he was in high school. God, he'd been such a geek back then, all shy and awkward. 

Okay, he's still kind of geeky. But at least he gets paid for it now. Good money, at that. He is elated that he gets paid to pretend with his friends, and he sometimes thinks he will still be doing it long after he "retires". Even if it's just at a little obscure theatre somewhere. Performing is in his blood, and he craves the laughter of the crowd. 

He imagines himself and Ryan, in ten or twenty years, when they're older and stiffer and they maybe don't move so well anymore. He thinks of getting on stage with his best friend, and all the years just falling away. They're young again, when they're out there, underneath the lights. And people crowd into the tiny theatre in packs, just in the hopes that maybe the two of them will be performing tonight. Just to catch a glimpse of that amazing chemistry, that Ryan-and-Colin magic. 

And then they go home, together... They go home together because they _are_ together. And they grow old together, taking care of each other. After all, Ryan's been a constant in his life for over twenty years. He can't imagine, doesn't want to even consider, a life without Ryan in it. All the way to the end, whenever and however that may be, he wants Ryan there. With him. Together. 

He decides that if he's a knight, he'll fight for that future. That chance with Ryan. Because he's _lovable_ , and Ryan can't possibly resist him forever. 

The cool water lapping at his waist pulls him back into the moment, reminding him that he has a very appealing reward to chase after. And he's not old and grey yet. Ryan is all the way downstream, moving slower now, looking over his shoulder expectantly every once in a while. 

And Colin splashes through the river, going into a neat crawl stroke to help cover the distance. And once he gets within range of Ryan, he takes a deep breath and dives under the surface, going for the stealth approach. 

He emerges a few feet from Ryan, who gapes at him. "Hi!" Colin says cheerfully, waving. 

"I forgot how well you can swim," Ryan mutters. 

He wises up when Colin leaps through the water at him. Colin manages to snag the one of Ryan's ankles, but Ryan easily shakes him off. 

Colin reaches out again, but he only grabs empty air, because Ryan is swimming away. Colin grimaces and pushes his way through the water, arms extended as far as they can go. 

He ducks underneath the water again, kicking his legs. He keeps his eyes open, even though the water is murky. A long, narrow shape swims above him. Colin propels himself upward, and as he gets closer he can make out Ryan's chest and stomach, and his paddling limbs. 

He almost laughs, before he remembers that wouldn't be very wise. Instead he blows several bubbles out of his nose. Ryan's body stiffens with the sensation but it's too late. Colin latches onto his stomach and spins... 

And they're both sputtering as they break the surface, and Ryan grins broadly down at him, showing that off adorable little gap between his front teeth. He wiggles around, testing him, but Colin won't let go, and Ryan's forced to concede.

They stand up, and the water is almost up to Colin's chest. He loops his arms around Ryan's in surprise, and Ryan's arms easily circle his waist. 

Colin realizes that Ryan is out of breath. "Well, looks like you caught me," he says, his voice low and maybe even a hint seductive. "Now what are you gonna do with me?"

Colin gulps and wonders if the water is getting hotter or if it's just him. Ryan's skin is soft and slippery underneath his hands. And Ryan is looking at him like they're the only two people in the world, and he ducks his head and pulls him tighter... 

Colin glances back towards camp. Everyone's lounging around, even Dave. He can't... Ryan should know he can't. 

Even though it seems like Ryan wants him to, with the way he's licking his lips, his fluttering eyes, his expectant smile... 

No. He can't. And Ryan doesn't want a kiss from him. That's ridiculous. The worst kind of wishful thinking, something that could ruin everything...

Colin leans closer, teasing Ryan by running his hands up and down his shoulderblades. And Ryan gasps, and Colin wonders why. Does he really want...? No. It's just a game, like all the others. 

And Colin decides that two can play it. He tilts his face towards Ryan, and curls his fingers into Ryan's hair. And Ryan's almost _panting_ and this is just way too intense... Colin lets his fingers trail back down Ryan's neck, across the backs of his shoulders, around the sides of his arms before settling on his chest. 

And his chest is firm and strong underneath his hands, and Colin dimly thinks that his heart is about to burst from all of the sexual energy crackling between him and Ryan like firecrackers on a hot summer night. 

"What do I want to do with you?" Colin breathes, twirling his way through the soft curls of hair on Ryan's chest. "Hmm... let me think about that..." 

Colin smiles at Ryan and leans in closer, so close that he can feel Ryan's breath on his face, so close that their lips are almost but not quite touching, and Ryan's hands are tense on his hips... 

And then he pushes lightly on Ryan's chest, sending him topping backwards into the river with a terrific splash.


	12. Day Five, Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things _finally_ start to heat up between our two guys, hooray! Heavy R/light NC-17 content ahead, so don't say nobody warned you. :)

Ryan comes up shouting promises of revenge that would be more threatening if he wasn't laughing so much, and Colin is already heading for shore. Now he's the prey, and Ryan is hot on his trail, cutting through the water with a sleek ease that almost makes Colin want to stop, just so he can stand and watch. But he has ground to gain if he wants to be away from prying eyes before Ryan catches him, and Colin definitely wants that.

 _It's happening_ , he thinks. _This is it_. And he doesn't want to consider it too much, doesn't want to talk himself out of it. He feels young and strong and invincible and now, if he does it now, nothing will stop him. He has to hurry before that magical certainty fades.

He pauses on the shore, barefoot and breathing hard, water running down his skin. He looks back, and Ryan is close, but he's stopped, eyes wide, up to his waist in the river and frozen. Colin is afraid for a moment, maybe Ryan wants to back out, maybe it isn't going to happen--and then he sees Ryan's eyes glaze as they sweep up and down and Ryan is _checking him out_ and there's a slip of pink as he actually licks his lips and swallows.

Colin grins recklessly. "Can't catch me," he taunts, and he turns, running before he's even sure Ryan is following. Splashing and then pounding footsteps behind him answer that question, and he laughs and runs a little faster.

The ground is rough under his bare feet and he's still soaked, quickly picking up a layer of wet dust as he cuts through the trees, but he doesn't care. He had the advantage in the water, but Ryan is a stronger runner and he's gaining fast, a little closer with every step. Colin glances over his shoulder and sees Ryan reaching out, fingertips within a few inches of closing over his shoulder and he looks forward again just in time to jump over a branch in the path. He lands still running and pushes a little harder, sure that next time he jumps he'll take off and keep going, flying.

The jungle flashes past in a blur of green and gold and Colin isn't sure he could stop now if he wanted to, dashing pell mell with no destination in mind. Ryan is close now, very close, and Colin can almost feel his rapid breath on his back, he's certain that any moment now Ryan will catch him and he doesn't know what will happen then. So he runs a little faster, and hopes he can figure it out in time.

He glances back again, unable to resist, and that turns out to be his downfall because Ryan grins, wide and predatory, and he lunges in a startling stretch of flight, his body long and slim and pale arching in the air. Colin's breath catches in his throat and Ryan's arms wrap around his waist and they go down in a tangle of limbs, rolling in the grass and thumping painfully against a tree.

Ryan flops on to his back, gasping for breath, and then he rolls, pinning Colin, knees to either side of his legs and hands on his wrists, holding them down. "Caught you," he pants, wet hair dripping streaks of water down his flushed, happy face.

Colin blinks up at him, and his side aches from the run and he scraped his back slamming into that tree and he doesn't care. He turns his wrists, breaking Ryan's grip, and he wraps his arms around Ryan's waist, pulling him down. "No," Colin says, "I caught _you_." 

Ryan swallows, and Colin watches his throat move. He brings one hand up to Ryan's face and cradles his chin, smoothes his hair back, brushes knuckles over his cheekbone. "Oh," Ryan says, lips parted, still breathing hard.

Colin smiles. "Yeah. You're mine now."

And Ryan laughs a little, leaning down to rest their foreheads together. "Colin," he says, low and warm, "I always was."

Colin closes his eyes, takes one last deep breath, and lifts his chin, his mouth finding Ryan's easily. He expects to be light, tentative, but it's not. Ryan opens to him right away, eager, and he tastes of the river and of sweet tropical fruit from breakfast and of himself, already so familiar. 

Ryan shifts, rolling them and they're on their sides, facing each other and Colin pulls him closer, wrapping both arms around his back, slick with river water and sweat. Ryan's hands are everywhere, palms wide and curious, wanting to touch every bit of him. Colin tilts his head back and Ryan kisses his neck, humming, an eager, anticipatory whine deep in his throat. 

"Colin," Ryan says between kisses. "Colin, Colin..."

Colin turns his head, pressing their cheeks together, and then he finds Ryan's lips again and laughs against his mouth, feeling Ryan smile in return. Ryan licks him, quick and teasing, and Colin finds a ticklish spot on Ryan's side and digs in, making Ryan yelp and twist and Colin laughs again until Ryan cuts him off with another kiss.

There is a slightly mechanical hum, but Colin ignores it, too wrapped up in kissing Ryan, nuzzling his jaw, loving the way he squirms and his breathing changes when he sucks on that one spot on his neck, the one that's been tempting him for so long. Then Ryan freezes inexplicably and Colin frowns, looking up.

"Well, well," someone says from behind a video camera. "Look what I found."

***

Colin shrugs mildly at the camera operator. "Guess you caught us," he says, winking at Ryan.

Ryan grins back at him, catching his meaning immediately. "Yeah, what took you so long anyway?" he asks. 

"It's not like we've been hiding it," Colin says, nudging Ryan. 

Ryan rises casually to his feet, and then stretches out a hand to help Colin up. "Yeah, what? You want a reward or something? A pat on the head? Applause?" 

Colin claps his hands and smiles at the camera operator, whose eyes are darting back and forth between the two of them, his plan of secretly filming them long forgotten. " _I_ know what he wants." 

"Oh?" Ryan's eyes widen, going for that innocent look he can never quite pull off. "What's that, Col?" 

"He wants..." Colin reaches for Ryan's hand, telling him to get ready. "...to play tag!" 

"You're it!" Ryan calls as they dart past the gaping camera operator. Ryan claps him on the back so hard that he stumbles and drops the camera, most likely ruining whatever footage he managed to capture. 

Colin laughs while they pound through the jungle. Branches and vines slap against his face and scratch his arms, but he doesn't mind. He's giddy with Ryan and his kiss and that amazing escape. 

And then Ryan is pushing him up against a tree, and Colin grunts at the quick loss of motion, bracing himself for the impact. But Ryan slides him gently the rest of the way, hands cradling the small of his back. And Colin's suddenly glad for the tree because Ryan is _staring_ down at him from what seems like too close and too far all at once and his legs feel... they feel like Jello... 

And Colin whimpers, thinking of Jello. Why did Ryan ever have to bring that up anyway? 

And Ryan moves in for the kill, eyes dark with years of pent-up desire, and then Colin can't think at all. Ryan grabs his hands, pinning them against the rough bark. And Ryan's body is warm and firm, pressing against him, their bare chests rubbing with delicious friction...

***

Ryan kisses his neck, biting hard enough to sting, then licking the tender spot with wide, flat strokes. He makes mumbling sounds, as if at the first taste of something delicious, and he presses as close to Colin as he can, wrapping around him.

"Um," Colin says, because there is a reason this is a bad idea, something about cameras and witnesses, and he knew it a second ago but Ryan's hand is _oh my god_ on his zipper and he's forgotten everything else.

"Like that?" Ryan asks, low and pleased. 

Colin gulps and nods and Ryan's hand is cold, shocking against his hot skin and he jerks, thumping his head back against the tree and not feeling it. "Ryan," he says, licking his lips, trying to catch his breath. "Yes, I..."

Ryan chuckles into his neck and it's such an _intimate_ sound somehow, something just for them. "I knew you'd be like this."

"Like what?" Colin asks dizzily. Ryan's hand is in his pants, stroking him through his underwear and all Colin can think, crazily, is that his clean clothes are limited and he hopes Ryan doesn't make him ruin this pair.

"You just... throw yourself into things. Whatever it is, you're there, all the way. I love that," Ryan murmurs, his breath curling warm and tingling into the shell of Colin's ear and Colin squirms, shivering.

"Thanks?" Colin says, unsure how to respond. Ryan laughs and presses a little harder, kissing the hollow of Colin's neck, nibbling along his collarbone and Colin bats frantically at his hand because if he doesn't stop now this is going to be over very quickly. "Ryan," he says, warningly, high and strained.

"Not stopping," Ryan growls, nipping his ear gently. "Not this time. Been waiting way too long."

And Colin wants to ask how long, wants to see if Ryan _knew_ , if he always knew as Colin suspects he did, but Ryan's hand is snug now, moving up and down in a strong, maddening rhythm. Colin thinks _such talented, clever hands_ and he looks down and it's real, he can see the flap of his shorts open and Ryan's hand wrapped around him, clearly molded through river-wet cotton and it's _Ryan_ , it's really really him, and Colin closes his eyes and his knees buckle and Ryan catches him, kissing him until Colin has to pull away and breathe.

Colin slides down the tree and lands on his knees, his head spinning, his whole body thrumming with a lingering current of pleasure. Ryan sprawls beside him and hugs him impulsively and Colin burrows close, suddenly and inexplicably blinking back tears and he's wanted this _so long_.

"Ryan," he says, swallowing hard and kissing him again. "You know I love you, right?"

"I know," Ryan replies, gentling the kiss, slowing it. "Easy, Col, I know."

Colin takes a deep breath and lets it out in a shuddering sigh, and then he lifts his head, smiling at the look in Ryan's eyes, dark and affectionate and just a little impatient. "Hmm," Colin says, sliding a speculative hand up Ryan's thigh. "My turn?"

Ryan grins. "Well, you know, if you want..."

"Yes," Colin says, kissing Ryan's neck, his jaw, the smooth round curve of his shoulder. "I want..." _Everything_ , he thinks, but doesn't quite dare say. For now, what Ryan is offering is amazing and more than he thought he'd ever have. For now, it's enough.

***

Colin stares at Ryan for a moment, frozen and blinking, a little unsure of what he's supposed to do. He's never exactly been with another guy before. He wonders if Ryan has been, from the easy, almost expert way he'd just handled him... And Colin feels himself growing a little jealous, wondering who and where and when.

Or maybe Ryan's just naturally good at these kinds of things. The man practically oozes sex from every pore, at least in Colin's humble opinion. He's golden and slinky and suggestive and... and _hot_. 

Colin blushes and Ryan smiles at him, reassuring him that it will be okay. He has a feeling that Ryan's not going to last very long anyway, no matter what he does. Even if he sucks at it.

And oh god, his color grows even darker, because he didn't mean it _that_ way, although the idea is tempting in a vague, abstract sort of way. But he can't... uh, do that, at least not out here where there might be cameras lurking. Actually, he really shouldn't do anything. 

"Col?" Ryan says. "It's okay... No pressure. If you're not ready, that's fine." 

"Not ready?" Colin murmurs, never one to back down from a challenge. "What makes you think I'm not ready?" 

Ryan laughs as Colin's lips press against his delicious neck. And then he groans when Colin's tongue slips out, tasting the salt on his skin. 

"Mmmm," Ryan says, his hands finding their way into Colin's hair, digging in and holding him there. "Right there." 

Colin licks and nips and even bites a little shyly at Ryan's neck, leaving tiny purple bruises that somehow thrill him. He runs his fingers over them and blows on the wet spots he's left behind, making Ryan shiver.

And then Ryan is guiding Colin's hand towards his nylon shorts, and Colin reaches through the fly. He gasps when he realizes that Ryan isn't wearing anything underneath, and Ryan gives him a smirking grin. 

"Did you...know?" Colin asks, feeling a little mortified that Ryan might have kind of planned this whole thing after all.

"Maybe," Ryan says enigmatically, hissing as Colin's hand closes around him. 

Colin shakes his head, smiling at how his friend always has to get that last word in, and then loses himself in the feel of Ryan's racing pulse, deeper and thicker somehow in the heat of Ryan's shorts. He likes it. He likes how it feels to have his hand around Ryan. It feels right, like coming home after a long holiday.

And he could just sit here all day like this, touching Ryan softly, not quite stroking, but Ryan's panting, nearly _demanding_ that Colin finish him now before he goes crazy.

And even though Colin would sort of like to see that, he's not that cruel. He bends down, pulling him out a bit... kissing the tip, which causes something between a mewl and a growl to escape from Ryan's throat. 

"Please," Ryan begs, and Colin hears the lust coating his words. "Please, Col." 

And Colin straightens up, moves his hand faster, the strokes becoming harder and more intense as he _squeezes_ just a bit on the way down and _twists_ on the way up. Ryan's almost crying, every muscle in his body tense and ready to spring... 

Colin kisses him, full on the mouth, wanting Ryan to know just how much he loves him. And then his hand is wet and the air smells faintly like pool water, and Ryan is sagging against him bonelessly with this satisfied smile on his face that Colin has never seen before. 

"Col," Ryan mutters, looking at him with unfocused eyes as he catches his breath. "Oh, god, Col. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Colin asks innocently, putting his arms around his friend. His lover.


	13. Day Five, Part III

They walk back to camp together, and Colin wavers for a moment before reaching down and taking Ryan's hand, shooting him a half-embarrassed smile. Ryan just squeezes his hand and smiles back, and Colin has to stop and kiss him, reveling in this new right, this suddenly being allowed to do what he's wanted to for so long.

"Mmm," Ryan says, whispering against his mouth. "Maybe this isn't such a bad vacation after all."

Colin laughs and kisses him again and thinks of all that's ahead of them. More of this. More of everything. "You know," he says, mock irritated as they walk together, "you might have warned me about this."

"About what?"

Colin shifts his stance, grimacing. "About wearing underwear. I don't have that many clean pairs, after all."

Ryan chuckles and leans down, murmuring a low rumble in his ear. "Okay, don't wear anything you don't want to get messy."

"For today?"

"From now on," Ryan replies, and Colin looks up at him sharply, uncertain all over again. What does that mean?

"I'll keep that in mind," he says, his voice a little rough, and Ryan nods.

"Do that," he replies. "In fact, I think it should be a rule. Any and all clothing is subject to unexpected tearing, losing, and general messing up whenever I'm around. So you're not allowed to complain about it."

"Oh, I wasn't complaining," Colin says, grinning. "Not at all."

"Good." Ryan picks up his pace, tugging Colin along. "Now come on, I'm starving."

"Worked up an appetite?" Colin asks with a slightly smug smile.

"You know it," Ryan says, and actually _grabs his ass_ , making Colin yelp and bite his lip.

Ryan doesn't let his hand go when they get back to camp, and Matt glares briefly before pointedly turning his back. Dave is by the river, fiddling with a fishing line, and he stares at them for a long moment, face blank and unreadable. Shannon is making lunch and she and Gina exchange a knowing smile when they catch sight of Ryan and Colin.

"Here," Shannon says, handing them plates. "Serve yourself."

Ryan makes an eager sound in his throat, scooping up rice and beans with bits of mystery meat mixed in, and Colin licks his lips, feeling a touch of heat in his cheeks. He watches Ryan wolf his food until Gina's giggling makes him duck his head and quickly tuck into his own food. It's bland, but hot and filling and that's enough. 

"You two," someone says from behind them. "I want to talk to you."

Colin and Ryan turn, Ryan with his spoon halfway to his mouth and Colin blinking innocently, his default reaction to an angry tone. The director stands with a cameraman they recognize from earlier, the one who caught them kissing. 

"Hi?" Colin says, trying for a smile.

"Over there," the director says, pointing to a sunny rock by the river. "Now."

"We don't get to finish lunch?" Ryan asks, deliberately casual.

"You can eat later." The director folds his arms and taps one foot pointedly.

Ryan sighs and puts his spoon down. "Keep it warm for me, would you?" he asks Shannon, with a winning smile. She nods and takes his plate, and Colin's as well.

"Good luck," Gina says, waving at them as they trudge away.

"Thanks," Colin calls back over his shoulder. _We'll need it_ , he adds to himself.

They sit on the rock and right away, Ryan takes his hand again. Colin gives him a wide, grateful smile, and Ryan squeezes a little, his eyes calm and certain. 

The director clears his throat and claps his hands together briskly. "So. You want to explain to me why you damaged camera equipment today and actually _ran_ from a member of my crew?"

Ryan smiles guilelessly. "Tag?"

"It seemed like the next logical step," Colin adds. "I mean, since he decided to play hide and seek with us."

The cameraman bristles. "I was not! I was only following them to see what they were doing, running off like that."

"You were doing your job, Harry," the director says firmly. "And I don't know what you two think you accomplished, knocking the camera down like that. Doesn't change what my man saw."

"Was that not allowed?" Ryan asks sweetly. "I'm sure I would have remembered a no-kissing clause in that contract. Colin? Do you remember anything like that?"

"No," Colin says thoughtfully, "don't think I do. No fighting, no stealing, fire safety, water purification... oh, and don't get eaten by some animal. I remember that rule."

"Good thing they put that one in," Ryan says with an earnest nod. "Because I would have gone out and painted myself with barbecue sauce and paraded in front of some big jungle cat if they hadn't warned me first."

"All right, enough," the director says sharply. "You're a couple of smartasses, you know that?"

Colin tilts his head to one side, pursing his lips into a look of concern. "Is that against the rules too?" He looks questioningly at Ryan.

"Don't think so," Ryan says, shaking his head. "That one definitely would have counted me out."

"Definitely," Colin echoes, and Ryan punches his shoulder lightly in protest. Colin grins and twists his body, looking down at Ryan's backside. "Looks pretty smart to me," he says, feeling suddenly daring and maybe that's the camera on him, making him want to push the envelope, to perform.

"You would know," Ryan says, with a deliberately filthy smile. "But if you want to check again later, feel free."

"Okay, that's it," the director says, waving his hands rapidly. "Just stop."

"What?" Ryan asks, wide eyed and blameless. "Is there a no sex rule too?"

The director gives a disgusted huff and drags his cameraman off, still protesting about his broken camera. Colin smiles until they're out of sight, and then he rounds on Ryan, eyebrows shooting up. "What the hell was that?" he asks.

Ryan shrugs. "I was just messing with them."

"Yeah, not so much with the discretion though, huh?"

Ryan looks at him for a long moment. "Didn't know it was a secret."

Colin opens his mouth and then shuts it again, shaking his head slightly. "I... it's not?"

"I'm not ashamed of you," Ryan says levelly, and Colin knows that tone, that contained, this-doesn't-bother-me-I'm-fine tone. The one Ryan always uses when something hurts him. 

"Ryan, no, that's not what I meant at all," Colin says, laying a hand on Ryan's arm as if he might suddenly dart away. "I just... I wasn't sure..." He trails off uncertainly, looking up at Ryan, as if Ryan can understand what Colin can't articulate.

"It's okay," Ryan says, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. He presses a kiss into Colin's hair, and Colin can feel his chest move as he takes a deep breath. "We'll figure this out, okay?"

Colin nods, closing his eyes. He changed his life this morning, and he's only now starting to realize how much.

***

They walk back to camp with their arms around each other. Ryan's hand drifts towards his _ass_ , but Colin somehow doesn't mind.

"I bet he thinks we're trying to get kicked out," Colin says, referring to their esteemed director. 

"I don't care what he thinks," Ryan says. "And I wish you wouldn't either."

"I don't!" Colin insists, but he's lying again and Ryan knows it. 

Ryan shakes his head. "You worry too much, Col. Can't you just... relax?" And this time Colin knows it's deliberate when Ryan reaches down to cup his ass.

Colin yelps and glares at him. "That's your idea of relaxing?"

"Works for me," Ryan says mildly, giving him a hungry smile. 

Colin shoves him, and Ryan shoves him back. And they chase each other back to the fire, laughing the whole way. Colin feels like a teenager again.

In more ways than one, he thinks, admiring Ryan's lean frame. Oh god, he can't wait for naptime today. Somehow he has the feeling that he and Ryan aren't going to get much sleep... he's not sure if they'll risk actually doing anything, but he won't mind a little more kissing at least. 

Shannon hands them back their plates, and Gina giggles, telling them that they don't want to know how Shannon kept their plates warm. Shannon shoots Gina a scandalized look and shrugs. And as they settle on the log to eat, Matt stares at the way Colin's hand rests easily on Ryan's inner thigh.

Dave is muttering to himself across the way, something about bugs that Colin decides he doesn't want to hear too clearly. "We could use the fireflies for energy!" he screams all of a sudden, and then he runs off into the jungle.

Gina, Shannon, Colin, and Ryan all burst out laughing. Matt just blinks. "What the hell is that guy on?" he asks, more to himself than to the rest of them. 

And then Ryan moves his fork towards Colin's mouth, like he wants to feed him. And Colin accepts the forkful of rice and beans, chewing while he looks Ryan in the eye. He takes a piece of fruit and slips it into Ryan's mouth. 

Ryan sighs and closes his eyes, obviously enjoying the sweetness of the fruit. Fruit juice trickles down his chin, and Colin leans in, forgetting for a moment that everyone is there. He wants to lick the sticky juice off Ryan's lips, see if it tastes as good as Ryan made it look, but at the last moment he straightens up, remembering... 

He blushes when he realizes that Gina and Shannon are both watching him with round eyes. They grin and Colin swears they are about to squeal or do something equally girly. 

"Go on," says Shannon.

"Yeah, don't let us stop you," Gina says, her eyes dancing. 

But Colin just balls his hands into his lap, and avoids Ryan's steady gaze. 

Maybe Ryan is right. Maybe he is ashamed.

***

There is uncomfortable silence for a short while, and then Ryan puts his plate down. "Looks like we're getting low on firewood," he says. "Col? Help me find some more?"

"Sure," Colin says, and gets to his feet. He's aware of Ryan's hand in the small of his back as they walk, but he watches the ground, suddenly sure that everyone must be staring at him. It's foolish and childish and he knows he should get over it--they've gone further than a little kissing on national TV, after all. He's _used_ to people watching and laughing and speculating and why the hell is it bothering him so much now?

They wind up in the trees again, pleasantly cool and shady in the noon heat, and Colin begins automatically picking up branches. He knows Ryan is standing, watching him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't know what to say.

"Colin..."

He sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm being immature about this, I know."

Ryan catches his hands and gently pries the branches away, setting them aside. He holds Colin's arms and waits until Colin meets his eyes. "I'm pushing you too fast," he says.

"No." Colin touches his face, tracing the line of Ryan's jaw with his fingertips. "I want this," he says. "I do. I've wanted it for... for a long time."

Ryan smiles and catches his hand before he can pull it back, kissing the inside of his wrist. Colin shivers, catching his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. "You're just not ready to let everyone see," Ryan says. "Is that it?"

"I..." Colin shrugs, shaking his head. "I don't know. It's so new and I just... I want to be careful, I guess. I don't want this to end up causing you trouble."

"And what about you?"

"Hey, I'm from Canada," Colin replies, smiling a little. "They're a bit more open minded."

Ryan laughs and pulls him close, their chests resting together, Colin's chin on his shoulder. "I love that you're shy," he says.

"Hey!" Colin protests, "I'm not shy. I'm just looking out for you."

"Mmm-hmm," Ryan says.

"I am," Colin insists, aware that a pout has crept into his voice. "And... and besides, this is _ours_. Maybe I don't want to share it."

"I can go with that," Ryan says easily. "We don't have to tell people right away. Plenty of time, after all." And his voice lilts up just a little at the end, as if it's a question.

"Right," Colin replies, pulling back enough to study Ryan's face. "Even... after this _Survivor_ thing, when we go back home..."

Ryan kisses him, something that starts out light and turns eager and insistent, his hands clutching Colin's shoulders and his breathing rough. "Even then," he murmurs against Colin's lips. "This doesn't end."

Colin closes his eyes and swallows hard, and he feels Ryan's hands on his face, cupping his cheeks, thumbs stroking just beneath the line of his eyelashes. "Good," Colin says, embarrassed when his voice breaks slightly. "I... I was hoping for that."

"Come on," Ryan says, a low growl in his ear that sends a ripple of goose bumps all the way down his back. "We've had a long morning. I think we deserve a nap."

Colin grins, and catches Ryan's hand, half-running back to their tent, firewood forgotten behind them on the ground.

***

Ryan practically rips open the tent flap in his hurry to get inside. As soon as Colin steps through, Ryan instantly pounces, rolling him onto the mat.

Colin grunts as Ryan rips off his shirt and plants kisses in a trail down Colin's chest and belly. Colin laces his hands behind his head to prop himself up. For some reason he needs to watch the intricate dance that Ryan is performing on him with his lips and tongue. 

"Eager much?" Colin asks, his mouth twitching.

Ryan pulls away, and straightens up, looking a bit like he's been slapped in the face. Colin wants to drown himself in the river. His big mouth strikes again. 

Ryan looks down at his hands, his voice small and unsure. And coming from Ryan, it's enough to make Colin want to take Ryan in his arms and never let go. "I'm moving too fast. I'm sorry." 

"What?" Colin tugs Ryan down beside him and presses one of Ryan's hands against his heart, wanting Ryan to feel the familiar rhythm. "No, Ry, it's not that... I told you, I want this. I do," he repeats, when Ryan lets out a self deprecating snort. 

"But?" he prompts.

Colin hesitates, cursing how Ryan knows him so well. "I just... I don't want you to get bored with me, that's all." 

"Bored?" Ryan gapes at him. "Col, I've known you for twenty years and I'm not bored with you yet."

"Yes, but as friends. That's a little different than being..." Colin gulps. "You know, lovers," he finishes shyly, while Ryan grins at him. 

"Lovers, huh? Is that what we are?" Ryan teases, nudging a blushing Colin. "Anyway, I think we both know that we were never exactly friends." 

"Okay, maybe you're right," Colin says. "But we never exactly acted on it before either." 

Ryan laughs. "Oh, really? Have you forgotten this?" And he flicks his tongue out at Colin, reviving the Ravenous Boa Constrictor.

Colin's face is on fire now and he scratches the side of his head. "Don't _do_ that!" he exclaims. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you and you're..."

Ryan continues to wag his tongue in and out, and Colin stares at him, transfixed all over again. 

"You're..." Colin stammers. "You're..." 

Ryan slides closer, and Colin wants to see just how far he'll take it this time, now that they're alone. Ryan's eyes gleam a challenge, and Colin finds himself being pulled forward almost involuntarily, just like that day at the studio... 

And when Ryan licks his lips, Colin gasps as little shocks of pleasure spread down his spine. 

"Do that again," Colin says throatily. 

Ryan sticks out the tip of his tongue, and Colin sucks it between his lips. And this time Ryan is the one who gasps, and then they're kissing again and oh my god, how the hell did Ryan ever learn how to use his tongue like that? 

Colin very reluctantly breaks away, wanting to pick up the broken fragments of their conversation before it's lost forever. "We should still... talk about this..." he pants. 

Ryan groans good-naturedly and collapses onto his back, throwing an arm across his face. "Go to sleep, Colin," he says, but he's smiling and Colin knows he isn't angry. 

"Good night, Ry," Colin says, cuddling up against his chest.

Ryan kisses his forehead. "Night, Col."


	14. Day Five, Part IV

Colin wakes first, and he spends several indulgent minutes watching Ryan sleep, his head resting on Ryan's chest. He can feel each inhalation, and the thump of Ryan's heartbeat is steady, soothing. Colin smiles when he thinks that if he was so inclined, he could kiss Ryan, could stroke the skin he's lying on, he could even dip a hand into Ryan's shorts and see just how much sensation it takes to wake him up. He's _allowed_ now, finally. 

It's tempting, and Colin thinks he probably will, but first, a quick trip to the bathroom. In this case, the bathroom is a convenient tree not far from camp, and Colin is briefly glad he's not a woman. The no bathrooms thing isn't very pleasant for him, but he thinks it could certainly be worse.

"I see why he likes you," a voice murmurs salaciously from right behind him, and Colin whirls, startled.

"Hey!" he stammers, zipping up hastily. "Ever heard of privacy?"

Dave grins and rocks back on his heels, hands clasped together at his chest. "I've figured you out," he says, nodding sharply.

Colin shrugs. "Good for you. Excuse me." He moves past Dave, heading back toward the camp. 

Dave catches his arm and holds him still, stepping close enough for his chest to bump Colin's shoulder. "Come with Dave, funny guy," he purrs in Colin's ear. "Dave has a few things to say to you."

Colin steps back, trying to pull his arm from Dave's grasp, but the other man is surprisingly strong. Dave is wiry, with sharp features and thin hair that he combs straight back, making his countenance seem pointed, aimed. He's all bones and tendons, hard angles under loose clothes, and he pulls Colin along with what seems like no effort at all.

"Where are we going?" Colin asks, trying for a calm, even tone.

"Dave has a place, don't you worry," he replies, flashing a wide grin at Colin. "Don't be afraid, funny guy, Dave likes you. He won't eat you up."

"How reassuring," Colin mutters, looking back over his shoulder and hoping, for once, that there's a cameraman somewhere around. The jungle is buzzing with lazy afternoon heat, the sunlight golden and liquid, sliding down the trees to pool in patches on the ground, and even though he knows they are not alone on the island, Colin feels suddenly isolated. As if they can disappear and no one will ever know.

"Shhh," Dave says, although Colin hasn't spoken for a few minutes. "This is a secret."

"Okay," Colin says, nodding agreeably. He gives Dave what he hopes is a friendly smile, and not a look that says _the second you let go I'm running for it_.

Dave's hand tightens on his arm, tireless and inexorable. "Look, funny guy," Dave says, pushing a few low hanging branches aside. "See what Dave made."

Curious in spite of himself, Colin looks, and raises his eyebrows slowly, his mouth falling open. Dave, apparently, has been busy. He has what looks like a small house built in a clearing, branches lashed together with vines and tough woven grass, caulked with mud and leaves. It's rough, but still pretty impressive for one guy working alone over less than a week. 

"You see?" Dave asks, pressing him forward. "You see this? Those tents won't last the winter, you know. You'll all come begging Dave when the cold weather sets in, and there won't be room for everyone, will there? But you, funny guy, I'd let you in." Dave pulls him close again, gripping his shoulders with both hands. "You just need to do a little favor for me first."

Colin blinks slowly, looking at the little house and then back at Dave. He's not sure if he should point out that they won't actually be on the island that long, and also, he's thinks this place is close enough to the equator to not really have winter. Poking holes in Dave's version of reality seems unwise, though. 

"What, uh... what did you want me to do?" Colin asks.

Dave grins and traces a hand down his chest, much as he did with Matt when they were arguing about the matches. "Dave likes you," he hums, nodding to himself. "You have a certain... something. And maybe you'll share that with Dave, hmm? Then I'll have it."

Colin stares for a long moment, and tries to edge back, but Dave doesn't let up for a second, his hand on Colin tight enough to ache. "Right," Colin says hesitantly. "I'll, um... I can share. Sure. Can you just let me go first? You're... you're kind of hurting my arm."

Dave smiles reprovingly and wags a finger at Colin. "No, no, none of that. You're trying to play Dave, and that's not how this works. No, Dave plays _you_." He turns them and begins backing Colin toward the ramshackle house, where a gap in the wall creates a crooked doorway. "Come inside," Dave says. "Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly." He giggles suddenly, giddy and bright.

Colin feels the shadow of the house fall over him, and he looks up, watching the doorframe move over his head. The interior is dark after the dazzling sunlight, and he's temporarily blinded, blinking rapidly and trying to get his bearings. He feels Dave move away from him, although one hand stays on his arm, holding him in place, and then the light coming from the doorway is suddenly gone, some kind of thick rustling cloth thrown across the opening.

"Come on, funny guy," Dave's voice murmurs from the darkness, very close to his ear. "Come on, let's play."

***

Colin scrunches his eyes all up, not wanting to look. And then Dave presses something small and square into his palm. "Play," he says.

Curiosity gets the better of Colin and he opens one eye. He is holding Gina's deck of cards. Colin sighs a little shakily, but now at least he doesn't feel quite so terrified. Still, he doesn't want to let his guard down yet. 

"Play!" Dave says, hopping up and down like a six year old. "Play with Dave, please. I don't know why they won't ask me to play. Do they think I'm stupid or something? Do I have worms crawling out of my ears? I don't know, funny man, but maybe you do. And if you play, maybe I'll know too." 

He lets go of Colin's arm and looks at him expectantly.

Colin is torn between running away screaming and taking pity on Dave. "What exactly did you want to play?" he asks, edging towards the door just in case.

"Don't care," Dave says easily. "I can do it all. All kinds of games, so many shiny games. Fishandrummyandpokerandbridgeandheartsandspades... All running together like poetry down my back."

Colin rubs his forehead, trying to make sense of all this. "So, you kidnapped me to play cards?" 

Dave shrugs. "Desperate times, man. You know how it is. No one... they don't... understand. They don't understand Big Dave out here." 

"I'm not sure _I_ understand either," Colin says. "But listen, if you wanted to play, I'm sure all you had to do was ask." 

"It's not about the game!" Dave screams. "Don't you get that? It's not about that! It's about power, it's about corruption! And I'm the one one who knows."

Colin shivers and moves closer to the door. "Hey," he says in what he hopes is a calm voice. He shuffles the cards, mesmerizing Dave. "Listen, why don't we go back to camp? That way everybody can play."

"No!" Dave lunges at him and grabs him with a speed that shocks Colin. His grip is even tighter this time, so tight that Colin thinks he will have bruises later. "No. Just you and me, funny man. Funny man and Big Dave, playing cards. Like friends. I miss my friends. I used to play cards a lot, back there."

"Back where?" Colin whispers, and his head is starting to spin. He thinks he's starting to finally understand about Dave, and it isn't good. 

"The place," Dave says. "The bad place where they tie up your hands and give you lots of pills. One to make you bigger, one to make you small, and the one that Momma gave you, that one don't do nothing at all. The pills were happy like smiles and they helped me laugh. But they said there's no pills on the island and all I want... I just want to play. Please play with me." 

Colin wonders if the producers know that Dave is a mental patient.

***

There are bits of daylight seeping in through gaps in the roughly made walls, and they are enough for Colin to see that the room is bare, nothing but four walls and a dirt floor. He smiles engagingly at Dave and sits cross legged on the floor, Dave moving with him so he doesn't have to let go.

When Colin starts dealing the cards, Dave grins and claps his hands, doing a happy little wriggle. "What are we playing?" he asks eagerly.

"Thought we'd start with rummy," Colin says, shrugging. "Do you know how to play?"

Dave nods. "Rummy is Bobby's game but he taught Dave until I was very good." He pauses, tilting his head and giving Colin a sidelong stare, a brief glint of lucid intelligence in his eyes. "What do I get if I win?"

Colin pauses mid-deal, licking his lips nervously. "Um... what do you want?"

"Hmm..." Dave purses his lips, tapping them with one finger. "Do you have any pills?"

"No," Colin says after a moment. "Sorry."

Dave frowns, folding his arms. "Then what good are you? All my old friends always had some pills to trade."

"I can play cards," Colin offers, with what he hopes is an endearing smile.

Dave blinks at the cards in his hands as if he's forgotten them, and then a wide grin spreads across his face and he bounces slightly. "Right! Deal the cards, funny guy. Dave wants to play."

So Colin deals, and he watches Dave, not quite sure what he's waiting for. He could try to make a run for it, but Dave is snake-quick, and Colin doesn't know how he'd react to an escape attempt. Sooner or later, he figures, people will be looking for them. Ryan, at least, will know something is wrong when he realizes Colin is missing. 

Then again, they've been living in this jungle for a week and Dave has managed to build his little hideaway without anyone finding it. What are the odds that someone will stumble on it now?

Colin glances at his cards, arranging them automatically. "So, Dave," he begins.

"Shhh!" Dave holds a hand up, fingers pinched together. "Dave is thinking. Do not disturb."

Colin nods, shifting backwards slightly. Maybe he can kind of edge toward the door without Dave noticing. He makes a few inches of progress and then Dave startles him by slamming down some cards on the ground with a victorious yell.

"Hey, uh," Colin says cautiously, looking at the cards. Dave has them laid out as if they are a run of three, except there is a mix of hearts and diamonds and his sequence goes seven-Jack-King. "Are you sure you know how to play?"

Dave lifts his head very slowly and fixes Colin with a hard stare. "Are you accusing Dave of cheating? Is that what you're doing?"

Colin shakes his head rapidly, lifting his hands, palms out. "No, no, I wouldn't..."

"Because that wouldn't be funny," Dave continues, interrupting him. "I thought you were funny."

"I'm sorry," Colin says contritely. "I didn't mean it. Can we keep playing?"

Dave leans close, his hands landing on Colin's legs, fingertips digging in. He rests on his hands and knees, his face very close to Colin's. "Do something funny," he says. "You're not funny anymore."

Colin is absurdly reminded of fans who would stop him on the street and expect him to have a bit ready to perform. "I... I'm not good on my own," he stammers, aware of how easily Dave could lunge forward and pin him on the ground. "I do better with someone else. Like Ryan. I could be funny with Ryan. Why don't we go get him?"

Dave's lips skin back from his teeth in what is not quite a smile. "Now you're trying to be smart guy," he says. "Dave doesn't like smart guys."

"Well I'm sorry, but I don't know what you want me to say," Colin replies, and then winces when Dave's hands slide up, clawing at his thighs. "That's enough," he says sharply. Being kind and conciliatory hasn't worked, so maybe Dave will respond to firmness. "Dave, I want you to stop that. You're hurting me, now stop."

Dave blinks at him, and then looks down at his hands. "That's not me," he says earnestly. "Those aren't Dave's hands. Sometimes they belong to someone else."

"Oh," Colin says, glancing over his shoulder as if help might suddenly appear. "Could you take them back?"

Dave shakes his head. "Not up to me," he says. "It's okay, though. I think they like you." And his hands slide even higher, in between Colin's thighs and he jerks back, batting them away. The movement throws him off balance and he falls backward, landing on the ground with a solid thump. It takes him a second to realize that Dave isn't holding on to him anymore and he scrambles to his feet, bolting for the door before he can think about it.

The sunlight is dazzling after the dark cabin and he runs blindly for a few steps, hands out in front of him, bare feet crunching painfully through the underbrush. He can hear Dave yelling and scrambling after him, and he runs faster, breath rasping in his ears and legs trembling beneath him.

The jungle is glaringly bright around him, green and brown and gold bleeding together like an overexposed picture, and Colin hopes dizzily that he's at least heading in the right direction. Dave's crashing footsteps are only a few paces behind him.

"Why are you running?" Dave calls, and he sounds so _bewildered_ that Colin almost laughs, thin and hysterical. "Don't you want to play with me?"

"No!" Colin shouts, immediately regretting it when it takes more breath to speak than he has to spare. His chest aches, his legs burning and fumbling for balance, a sharp stitch in his side.

"Are you... are you _afraid_ of Dave?" Now he sounds genuinely saddened, and Colin almost slows, until he remembers Dave reaching for him with that predatory smile.

Colin doesn't answer; he keeps running, although he knows he's starting to slow. His throat stings with the effort of breathing, his head swimming and his vision blurring with the sweat running into his eyes. He stumbles and nearly falls, but catches himself against a tree and struggles on, branches scratching at him and trying to trip him up.

"You don't like me," Dave says solemnly, and although he could easily catch up to Colin now, he keeps the distance, still a few steps behind as they tear through the jungle. "I only wanted to play."

Colin bursts through a dense bit of brush into a small clearing and his legs refuse to carry him any further, dumping him to the ground. He kneels, panting for breath, wondering if he's going to throw up. He can hear Dave stop at the edge of the clearing, and he closes his eyes, waiting for whatever comes next.

The first time he hears his name called, he's sure he must be imagining it because that sounds like _Ryan's_ voice. He looks up, darting his eyes around the clearing. There's Dave, hanging back and wringing his hands together and looking so forlorn that Colin actually feels sorry for him. And then again, Ryan's voice, distant but audible, calling for him.

"Here!" Colin shouts, wincing as the effort burns his raw throat. "Here, Ryan, over here!"

"Colin?" There is more rustling now, from the other side of the clearing, and Ryan is there, striding over to him, face tight with concern. "Colin... what _happened_ to you?"

Colin closes his eyes and sinks gratefully into Ryan's side when the other man stands beside him. He feels Ryan's hands moving over him, patting him down, and now that he's not running he's aware of all the scratches on his skin, where branches and thorny bushes tore at him. "Dave," he says, wishing for a drink of water. "He was chasing me."

"Where is he?" Ryan asks, and Colin lifts his head reluctantly, looking around. Dave is nowhere to be seen.

"Must have snuck away," Colin mumbles. "He has a place."

Ryan kneels beside him, his hands cupping Colin's face, looking anxiously into his eyes. "Are you all right?"

Colin stares blankly at him, and then nods. "Sure. He just..." He laughs suddenly, helplessly. "He wanted to play _cards_."

Ryan pulls him close, stroking his back gently and Colin closes his eyes, burrowing against Ryan's shoulder, distantly aware that one of them seems to be shaking. "Come on," Ryan says, helping him stand. "Let's get you cleaned up."


	15. Day Five, Part V

Ryan leads Colin to the river, one hand on his back the whole way. "Oh my god, is he okay?" Gina asks from where she stands washing her clothes against one of the rocks. 

"He's fine," Ryan says, steering Colin to the calmest part of the river. "He just had a scare, I think." 

Colin is vaguely aware they are talking about him, but all he can focus on is getting in the water. It's hot and muggy today. It must be over a hundred degrees out here, and he's dirty and scared and a little shell-shocked. So much has happened to him in the last few days that he's having a tough time processing it all. 

Ryan helps him out of his t-shirt, which is soaked with sweat and coated in grime. Then he unties Colin's shoes and even pulls off his socks. Gina holds out her hand for Colin's shirt. "Give it to me," she says. "I'll wash it with mine. It looks like it needs it. Hmm..." She eyes him. "You better give me yours too." 

Ryan slips off his shirt, and hands both shirts over. Then he guides Colin into the shallow water. "Sit down," he whispers in Colin's ear. 

Colin obeys, easing himself down into the water. It feels cool and refreshing on his heated skin, and it helps his head clear. "Wish we had some soap," he says. 

"Me too," Ryan says, rubbing his chest with water. 

Colin closes his eyes and lets the sensation of Ryan's smooth palms against his chest take over his body. He leans his head back, to give Ryan better access. The sun warms his shoulders, and the world is suddenly a little brighter. 

Ryan scrubs his back, shoulders, his arms. He even washes Colin's hair. Colin sighs. It feels almost like Ryan is massaging him with water. 

Ryan dips his fingers underneath the surface of the river, skimming along the edges of his shorts. Colin opens his eyes when Ryan deliberately runs one hand down his front, practically feeling him up out in the open like this. He shoots a look at Gina, but she's turned the other way, whistling tunelessly to herself as she beats clothes against the rock. 

Ryan grins at him, and Colin bats his hand away with a mock look of indignation. "Just wanted to check and see if you're feeling better yet," Ryan says innocently.

Colin sighs. "Your bedside manner is atrocious," he says. 

"Wait'll I take your temperature," Ryan purrs.

Colin laughs and kisses Ryan's cheek, after a quick glance in Gina's direction. 

Ryan ducks his head, and Colin thinks his cheeks look a little pinker than normal. Colin pulls him closer, wanting to return the favor by washing him off too.

He sits behind Ryan, wrapping his arms and legs around him from the back, and begins running his hands up and down Ryan's chest...

***

"Hmm," Ryan says, sighing. He covers Colin's hands with his own, and pulls Colin's arms more snugly around him, wriggling slightly. Colin drops a line of tiny kisses on his neck and shoulders, grounding himself in the taste and scent of Ryan. The whole thing with Dave is beginning to come into perspective--it was frightening at the time, but running in a panic was probably an overreaction. Dave is more confused than dangerous, he thinks.

After a while, Colin gives up on the pretense of washing Ryan and just sits, the water lapping around his ribs, resting his cheek on the back of Ryan's shoulder. Ryan's grip on his wrists is strong, his thumbs gently stroking the insides of Colin's palms.

"Never a dull minute, is there?" Colin asks softly.

Ryan shivers, twisting his body so he can kiss Colin's cheek, nuzzling his jaw a little. "I was worried," he admits, low voice barely audible over the murmuring river. "I woke up and you'd just disappeared."

Colin nods, pressing another kiss to Ryan's neck. "Sorry. I was going to come right back, but Dave kind of kidnapped me."

"Are you all right?" Ryan asks. He turns in the water, facing Colin, legs to either side of his waist. He's practically in Colin's lap, a position that wouldn't work on land because he's just too heavy, but here in the water he is buoyant and Colin barely feels the weight.

"Yeah, I'm okay now," Colin says. "I think we should tell someone about Dave, though. He needs help."

Ryan smiles ruefully, shaking his head. "Only you would wind up feeling sorry for a guy who just chased you through every sticker bush in the jungle."

Colin shrugs, dipping his chin slightly. "I don't think he would have really hurt me... although there was a moment when he kind of pinned me down and groped me that made me nervous; that's when I ran for it."

Ryan scowls, his hands going to Colin again, brushing over him, testing his shape and making sure he's whole. "You didn't mention that part."

"It wasn't a big deal," Colin says, and he means that; he's gotten groped worse running up into the audience on the _Whose Line_ set. But Ryan actually looks _jealous_ and Colin can't help but feel happy. The way Ryan looks at him, concerned and possessive all at once--the word that really comes to Colin's mind is _cherished_ but he shies away from it, not wanting to assume too much.

Ryan nods after a moment, apparently mollified, but that doesn't stop him from pulling Colin close, stroking his back, rocking them both slightly. "That whole disappearing into the jungle thing takes years off my life, you know," he says gruffly, as if it's a joke. "Can we not do that one again?"

"Okay," Colin says, smoothing his hands over Ryan's shoulders, easing the tension there. "Okay."

He hears a sound, almost like a squeak, and looks up to see Gina watching them, grinning widely, hands clasped together. "Aw," she says, and Colin closes his eyes, blushing fiercely.

"Um," Colin mutters, edging back. "Maybe it's time to get out of the water."

Ryan turns to see their audience, which has grown now that Gina is waving Shannon over, both of them exchanging gleeful, knowing looks. "I see what you mean," he says, sighing. He stands, pulling Colin with him. "I think it's our turn to make dinner," he announces briskly, pretending not to notice the giggles from the peanut gallery. "Colin, want to give me a hand?"

"I'd be happy to," Colin replies primly. 

They walk to shore together, and Gina hands them their shirts wordlessly, her eyes dancing. They thank her, and Ryan slips Colin's still wet shirt over his head, the cool, damp material soothing to his scratches. Colin staunchly ignores a second, muffled "That's so sweet" from one of the girls, but he catches Ryan grinning at them, waggling his eyebrows and playing for laughs. 

Colin grins, shaking his head. _Only Ryan_ , he thinks, and he wouldn't change a thing.

***

Ryan and Colin share secret smiles over the cooking pot. _Tonight_ , Ryan mouths.

Colin grins and stirs the rice and beans that have become the staple of their crash _Survivor_ diet. _What?_

 _Massage?_ Ryan kneads his hands on air to illustrate. 

Colin smiles enigmatically, cocking his head. _We'll see._

Ryan shrugs, but Colin can tell he's pleased from the way his lips are curved slightly at the corners, and his shining eyes. 

"I'm getting that massage," he leans over and whispers in Colin's ear, tickling him with his warm breath. 

"Oh? And how do you plan on doing that?" 

Ryan is still hovering by his ear, and he says in a low, almost growling voice, "Any way I can." 

Colin shivers as he wonders what Ryan means by that, and his face and his neck burn with heat that isn't coming from the fire he's standing over. 

He shoves Ryan playfully away. "You're distracting me."

"Good," Ryan replies with a smirk, and he sits on the log to wait for the rice to finish cooking.

Matt shows up with another pair of the chicken-birds, and Colin licks his lips eagerly. He's getting awfully tired of fish, and they've only been out here for five days. 

He watches Ryan get up and take one of the birds from Matt. Ryan kneels in the dirt, plucking the feathers, and Colin admires his long, thick fingers, and again thinks how strong and beautiful Ryan's hands are. 

Colin only hopes that his hands are half as talented as Ryan's are. He wants to give Ryan the most mind-blowing massage he's ever had.


	16. Day Five, Part VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter has some heavy R/light NC-17 content. Bow chicka bow wow. :D It's a nice way to close out Day Five, what can we say? :)

Dinner is pleasant and friendly until Matt makes a terse announcement about the upcoming immunity challenge the next day, and then they all settle a bit, perhaps pondering who they'll vote for if they lose immunity. Colin isn't sure of that himself; he thinks Dave needs to get off the island for his own good, but Matt really gets on his nerves.

Then again, he thinks as he finishes his mystery chicken, Matt does know how to hunt. Maybe playing the tribe provider was a good move after all.

"Who are you voting for?" Colin asks Ryan as they return to their tent. "I mean, if we have to."

"Dave," Ryan says immediately, holding the flap open for him. It's not that late, but given a choice between sitting around the fireside breathing woodsmoke and being holed up in their tent with some privacy, they went with the tent.

Colin raises his eyebrows, sitting with his arms pillowed on his bent knees. "Really? I mean, yeah, that would be best for him, but I do think Matt is more of a threat."

Ryan gives him an incredulous look. "Did you forget that little thing where he _abducted_ you?"

"Oh, come on," Colin says, rolling his eyes. "He wanted to play cards. He's sick, not dangerous."

"And that's why you were white as a sheet and covered with scratches when I found you."

Colin shifts uncomfortably, a little embarrassed. "My own fault. I shouldn't have run."

"I'm glad you did," Ryan says grimly. "Who knows what he would have done with you? I mean, he could have been a mental patient for any number of reasons. Maybe he attacked someone. You did say he pinned you down."

"Only for a second," Colin argues. Ryan gives him a look that is part exasperation and part fond affection. _Only you_ , his smile says.

"Well, if we have to vote tomorrow, that's who I'm voting for," Ryan says. "Dangerous or not, he shouldn't be here."

Colin nods, scooting closer. "That's true. Now..." He grins, slipping a hand up Ryan's back, beneath his shirt. "Didn't I owe you a backrub?"

"I'm not gonna argue," Ryan replies, leaning into the touch. Colin turns him, arranging until Ryan is stretched out on his belly, head resting on his folded arms and his torso bare. 

"Nice," Colin says, straddling Ryan's hips. He lets his weight rest there on Ryan's ass for a moment, teasingly, and Ryan gives a startled grunt. Colin grins, raising himself on his knees and resting his palms on the small of Ryan's back. "If only we had some massage oil."

"Hmmm." Ryan shifts beneath him, making a low sound of appreciation in his throat.

"I haven't even done anything yet," Colin points out.

Ryan shrugs. "Nice mental image, though."

"Dirty mind," Colin accuses, but he can't wipe the smile from his face.

Ryan just chuckles, the sound turning into a low groan when Colin begins kneading his back, smoothing the muscles away from his spine in one steady motion. He takes his time, rubbing little circles at the very base of Ryan's back, slightly beneath the waist of his shorts, and then higher, an inch at a time until he reaches Ryan's shoulderblades. Then he leans close, planting a kiss on each one, reveling in Ryan's soft intake of breath.

"You taste good," Colin says, and he licks a thin stripe up the back of Ryan's neck, blowing on the moisture. Ryan shudders and Colin watches, fascinated, as goose bumps ripple down his back.

"Um," Ryan mumbles, wriggling slightly beneath him. "Careful."

"Why?" Colin asks, purring the question in Ryan's ear. "What are you going to do?"

"You'll see," Ryan replies, and Colin thinks it shouldn't be possible to make two little words sound that damn alluring.

"Good," Colin says, and licks him again, the sensitive place on his neck just below his ear. Ryan draws another quick breath, angling his head to give Colin access, and Colin moves down to where his neck joins his shoulder, nibbling gently, tasting.

Then he pulls back entirely and starts rubbing Ryan's shoulders, laughing at Ryan's frustrated moan. "Patience," Colin says, chidingly.

"You know what?" Ryan says, and Colin can feel tension gathering in his muscles, a coiled spring ready to be released.

"What?"

"I don't _do_ patience." And Ryan arches up suddenly, throwing him off balance. Colin tumbles to one side in a disorienting whirl of tent and ground and tent again, and when he looks up, Ryan is over him, hands pinned on his shoulders, mouth inches from his and grinning like a shark.

Colin smiles. "I was hoping you didn't."

***

Ryan leans down, and Colin almost forgets how to breathe. Ryan's eyes are _glittering_ and Colin wants to kiss that sexy sneer off his face. 

And then Ryan takes one hand and slides it sensually down Colin's torso, until it lands on his soft belly. And he moves his lips closer to Colin's, snorting hot air out of his nostrils as he hovers there, waiting for some kind of unspoken prompt. 

Colin's mouth is dry and his body is frozen. Only maybe frozen isn't the right word because he's _hot_ , burning up everywhere from head to toe and Ryan hasn't even hardly touched him yet.

Ryan trails his other hand down Colin's side, featherlight and teasing, and Colin whimpers, wondering what Ryan is playing at. Ryan's hand slowly lands on Colin's hip and Colin thinks that if he doesn't get kissed soon he's going to bridge the fractional gap between their lips himself and he doesn't care what Ryan does to him afterwards. Ryan's breathing hard, eyes half-lidded, and he looks so damn sexy, and when he grins, bright and wide, Colin knows... 

He tries to wiggle away but Ryan pins him with his hips and oh god, he's already hard and they haven't even done anything unless you count the massage. Did he do _that_ to Ryan? he wonders to himself with a kind of amazed pride. 

And then Ryan gives him a tiny kiss that's more like a whisper of air and Colin moans. He pushes up against Ryan, begging for more, but Ryan is enjoying the teasing too much, now that he's the one controlling it. He moves his fingers, and the next thing Colin knows he's being tickled and Ryan won't stop.

Tears stream down his face, and his stomach aches with laughs and he tries to roll away but Ryan is strong and he won't let go until Colin is curled in a ball and helpless. But what Ryan doesn't know is that Colin isn't nearly as wrecked as he's pretending to be. 

And when Ryan pokes him, making sure, Colin uncurls and pounces on him, sending him flying backwards with a thump. Ryan's eyes are round and startled, and his mouth is forming a beautiful O shape that Colin wants to lick and suck and do exotic things to. 

They're wrestling on the floor and he thinks he's hard too but he can't tell because he's not sure anymore which parts are Ryan's and which are his. They're all wrapped together in one big ball of Ryan-and-Colin, two pieces that fit together. And Colin wonders if maybe he will find out just how well they fit.

Then Ryan raises his head and he's sweaty and panting and he's never looked more delicious than he does all sprawled out on the mat with his curls flopping down into his eyes. "I wonder if everyone's asleep yet?" he asks.

All Colin can manage is a shrug.

Ryan smiles, slow and easy, and hoists Colin to his feet. "Let's find out how cold the water is."

"Ry, no! The cameras!" Colin protests, but Ryan either isn't listening or just doesn't care. 

They pop out of the tent, wearing only their shorts, but the night is decently warm for once. Colin doesn't see any cameras around, but that doesn't mean anything.

He wonders what the hell Ryan wants to do in the water. And then he sees the rakish grin on Ryan's face and he thinks that he has a pretty good idea...

***

Colin slaps Ryan on the ass, laughing at the round-eyed stare Ryan turns on him, and he darts ahead. The ground is all but invisible in the darkness, only the dying light of the fire and moonlight casting strange shadows, but Colin runs recklessly, certain that nothing will stop him. The river is a glittering black snake, secretive and depthless, still warmed by the long, hot day. 

Colin splashes in, diving beneath the surface and stroking ahead, swimming through the strong current at the center and across to the inner curve on the other side, where there is a swirl of slow moving water. Only then does he turn back, wiping water from his eyes and squinting. He sees the orange flickering embers of the fire and the silhouettes of trees, the leaning shape of the tents, but nothing is moving.

"Ryan?" Colin calls tentatively, taking a step toward the camp. The water here is chest deep, the current gentle but persuasive, curling him toward the shore. 

Just as he has almost decided to swim back across, hands latch on to his calves, yanking his legs out from under him. Colin goes under with a startled gasp, arms flailing, and the same hands catch him around the chest, pulling him back up. Ryan laughs even as he pounds Colin's back, helping him spit out water.

"Oh man," Ryan says, shaking his head. "Wish I could've seen your face."

Colin glares for about five seconds, and then Ryan's laughter is too much to resist and he grins ruefully. "I'll get you for that," he promises.

"Good," Ryan growls, dancing close in the water, his arms slipping around Colin's waist. "I look forward to it."

Colin wraps his own arms around Ryan's back and lifts himself, the water supporting him, cradling him. He links his legs behind Ryan, and feels Ryan's hands on his ass, holding him up. In the moonlight, Ryan's face is more suggested than seen, long and slim, the clean line of his jaw and the glittering points of his eyes. Colin kisses him, tasting the river, and Ryan smiles against his mouth.

"Daring," Ryan says when he pulls back.

"You started it," Colin replies, and Ryan nods. Because he knows, of course, that Colin can never resist this kind of challenge. Who can be more daring, more outrageous, who can keep going the longest without laughing. Colin loves this game, and he usually wins. All he has to do is pretend he's on stage, and he's fearless.

Colin bites his lip and shifts as Ryan's hand comes around to the front of his shorts, slipping beneath the stretch waistband. He leans forward, letting Ryan hold him up in the water, and he starts kissing Ryan's neck, humming dreamily to himself. Ryan makes a low sound in his throat and Colin can feel it, where his lips are pressed to the center of Ryan's collarbone, he can feel the vibration of Ryan's voice. 

"Go on," Colin murmurs, biting the skin slightly, grinning at Ryan's surprised twitch. "Right here."

For a moment Ryan's hand hesitates, unsure, but Colin bites him again, soothing the place with the tip of his tongue, and Ryan takes a deep breath and curls his hand around Colin, squeezing just so. Colin closes his eyes, throwing his head back, and Ryan doesn't miss the opportunity to kiss his throat.

Ryan is fast, eager, and Colin pants for breath against his shoulder for a few moments. Then he pulls back. "Slower," he says.

"Told you I don't do patience," Ryan counters, pulling Colin close again, and he's twisting a little now, running his thumb over the head and Colin can hear his own breathing catching in his throat, breathy moans that he'll remember to be embarrassed about later.

Colin dips his own hand down, slipping it between them, and he shifts to the side so he can reach Ryan, beaming when he finds him hard. Ryan falters for a moment when Colin touches him, and they dip lower in the water, Ryan's knees failing. Their chins touch the surface and Ryan catches himself, bringing them up again, shooting Colin a reproving look.

"Play nice," Ryan growls, adding an extra squeeze that makes Colin bite his tongue to avoid crying out.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Colin replies, and he rubs the underside of Ryan's cock, the smooth spot just below the head that he knows Ryan loves. He watches Ryan's face, river water running down his skin and shining like jewels in his hair, his eyelashes dark and thick with the moisture, striking against his cheeks when he closes his eyes.

After that, it's a race. Ryan stretches his fingers out, curling behind Colin's balls, stroking gently, and Colin counters with a nip to Ryan's shoulder, hard enough to leave a mark and Ryan shudders, his breath stuttering in his chest. Ryan makes his hand tight, moving in a short, intense stroke, his thumb circling the head in a steady, maddening rhythm. Colin runs his hand down Ryan's chest, finding nipples peaked in the cold water and tracing his fingertips around them, teasing.

Ryan growls something rough and wordless, yanking him closer still, and he slips his free hand down the back of Colin's shorts. The angle is too awkward for him to get anywhere but he tries, fingertips pressing at the base of Colin's spine and then lower, stroking, making Colin catch his breath and squeeze his eyes shut and he doesn't know if he wants Ryan to go further or stop altogether and this wavering on the edge of possibility is the best kind of torture.

Colin leans forward blindly, wanting to taste Ryan again, to touch him more and they are wrapped around each other, slick and weightless in the water and it's not enough. He finds Ryan's neck and sucks on a patch of skin until it grows hot under his lips. Then he feels his way up, breathing in Ryan's ear, flicking the lobe with his tongue and then biting gently and Ryan gasps and then stops breathing completely. Colin feels the jet of warmth around his hand and Ryan's hand is trembling on him, rough and fumbling and so eager and Colin muffles a shout against Ryan's shoulder.

Ryan sinks in the water again and they nearly go under, but Colin unwinds his legs and catches them, supporting Ryan. He can feel Ryan's harsh, ragged breathing, and Ryan's arms are tight around him, his hands clutching, struggling for purchase.

"Colin," Ryan says, and kisses him. 

"Mmm," Colin replies, sleepiness stealing over him like a heavy quilt. He sways with the current, hot and cold all at once, a deep contentedness thrumming through him and leaving him relaxed to the core.

Ryan cradles his face, kissing his cheeks, his eyes, his forehead. "Love you," he says. "In case you didn't know."

Colin smiles. "I know."

***

Ryan hasn't stopped smiling since they left the water. Colin still hasn't seen any cameras, and he thinks maybe they actually got away with it. And that somehow makes it even hotter, the fact that they could have been caught, that they were having sex _outside_ on the set of an American national television show... good sex. Amazing sex. And it's just the beginning. 

He lets out a deep breath, trying to calm down as they reach the tent and slip inside. They don't even bother with their shirts or any other clothes. They just curl together on the mat, and Ryan's humming in his throat. Colin can feel the vibrations next to his cheek. 

"So happy," Ryan mutters sleepily, petting Colin's hair. 

Colin raises his head. "I'm happy too," he says seriously, giving Ryan a light kiss.

"You think... we can stay happy like this?" Ryan asks, and Colin melts. Ryan sounds so unsure, almost _shy_ , and he loves that he is the only one who really sees this side of Ryan. 

"Yes," Colin says, his eyes never leaving Ryan's. He takes one of Ryan's hands and laces it with his own. "I think we can and we will. 'Cause we deserve it." 

"You won't... leave me?" Ryan asks anxiously.

Colin thinks of all of the broken relationships Ryan has burned through in the twenty years he's known him. Quick, almost angry affairs, that always left him empty and more reluctant to open his heart to someone else. Once Ryan told Colin that he thought he'd always be searching, and he'd never find what he was looking for. He feared that he'd end up alone. 

Colin can still remember every word of that conversation. 

"No," he promises. "Never." 

"It was you all along, wasn't it?" Ryan asks, nuzzling Colin's cheek.

Colin blushes and gives Ryan another kiss as an answer, because he can't think of the right words. Ryan murmurs and closes his eyes, pulling Colin back into the circle of his arms, and Colin knows he understands. 

And he thinks that is the best thing about his and Ryan's relationship. They don't have to talk to understand each other. 

_It was always you_ , Colin thinks to himself as he closes his eyes. He plants a soft kiss against Ryan's chest, still holding his hand, and thinks that tonight he won't dream. 

Because tonight his dreams are real.


	17. Day Six, Part I

Colin wakes up cold, shivering in the chilly dawn. They went to sleep in nothing but shorts, soaked from the river, and at the time it seemed like a good idea but now he feels damp and clammy. Ryan is huddled close, still asleep but twitching fretfully, trying to press as much of himself against Colin as he can. Colin wraps his arms snugly around Ryan and wishes for a blanket they could curl up under. That, and a hot shower. And when his stomach rumbles, he adds bacon and eggs and coffee to that list.

They have a small pile of clean clothes in one corner of the tent (clean being a relative term since they don't have laundry soap and the clothes are lying on the ground) and Colin reaches for them, trying to get dressed without losing contact with Ryan. This does not prove to be possible, and he rolls away with a sigh, immediately shivering harder with the loss of heat.

Ryan kicks out with both feet and jerks awake, sitting up rapidly. "Colin?" He looks around, relaxing visibly when he sees Colin in the tent with him. "Hey, don't leave without waking me up," he says.

"I was just getting dressed," Colin replies, hastily stripping out of his shorts and shoving his legs into some jeans. A sweatshirt follows and he clutches the material to himself, rubbing his arms.

"Good idea," Ryan says, following suit. Once he's thrown on some warm clothes, he opens his arms, looking at Colin expectantly. Colin grins and burrows against him, pressing his face into the material of Ryan's shirt and reveling in the warmth. 

"We should just stay in here all day," Colin mumbles.

"Mmm." Ryan presses a kiss to his hair, stroking his back lazily. "We've got the immunity challenge to do."

Colin shrugs. "Maybe they won't notice if we miss it."

"Maybe we could build a boat," Ryan says thoughtfully.

"Oh?" Colin lifts his head, trying to look at Ryan, but Ryan cups the back of his neck and steers him right back down again. Colin smiles against his chest.

"Yeah, to get off the island. Screw this whole _Survivor_ thing. We'll built a... a yacht, a really nice one, with living quarters below the deck and we'll catch lobster in the ocean and stock up on food in little tropical ports, and we'll sail until we get somewhere with big fluffy beds and room service."

"Hmm," Colin says, nodding. "Does the yacht have a pool? Because I've grown rather fond of swimming."

Ryan laughs and a hand slips down to his ass, both a teasing reminder and the promise of more to come. "Definitely," he says. "And a hot tub."

"Good," Colin murmurs. They're quiet for a few minutes, watching daylight creep into the tent, enjoying the easy peace. "You know what?" Colin says. "Let's not stop at that place with the beds and the room service. Let's just keep sailing."

He feels Ryan's chest move beneath him in a silent chuckle. "Around the world?" Ryan asks.

"Sure, if we want to. Or just around the South Pacific. As long as we can stop for food once in a while, we should be fine. We'll live on the ocean and just go wherever we want, and we'll spend nights way out in the middle of the water, where there's nothing else around at all and we'll watch the stars. We'll have a full galley to make anything we feel like, and those living quarters you mentioned will have a very nice big fluffy bed. Who needs hotels?"

And he half expects Ryan to laugh, but Ryan doesn't; he just sighs and squeezes Colin closer for a moment. "That sounds good," he says. "Let's do that."

There has been rustling and movement outside the tent for some time now, and the low sounds of people talking, but they've managed to shut it out. Then they hear Matt's voice, yelling in their direction to get up because he wants everyone fed before the immunity challenge and they don't get to sleep through breakfast.

"We should go," Colin sighs.

"Mmm. We should." Ryan pulls him a little closer, their fuzzy cheeks brushing together, and he kisses Colin sleepily, sweetly. "So," he says, "who gets to be Captain?"

"I think it should be the one who is older and wiser," Colin replies.

Ryan gives him a dubious look. "Well, you've got _one_ of those..."

Colin pokes him in the side, tickling until Ryan squirms away, his breathless laughter filling the tent. "What was that?" Colin asks imperiously.

"Nothing, Captain," Ryan says, tossing off a ragged salute. "Aye, aye, sir."

Colin grins. "That's more like it."

"Hey!" Matt says sharply from outside their tent. "I don't know what you're doing... and _don't tell me_ , but knock it off and get out here."

Colin and Ryan exchange a weary glance. "Fine," Ryan calls. "We're on our way."

He pulls Colin close for one last kiss before the leave the tent. "You ready for this?" Colin asks.

"Absolutely," Ryan says, clapping him on the back. "Whatever it is, we can handle it."

Colin nods and hopes he's right.

***

Breakfast is a hurried affair, with leftover chicken-bird to help give them extra fuel. Colin still craves eggs and bacon and oh god, coffee... He thinks he might kill for coffee. Or at least maim.

"C'mon, guys, eat up, eat up!" Matt is taking his role as tribe cheerleader very seriously this morning. 

"Big Dave will eat _you_ up," mutters guess who from a few feet away. "Just like a crocodile with the big teeth going snap." And Dave claps his hands shut for emphasis. 

Matt ignores him. He's strutting around with the immunity necklace again. Colin wonders just how often he wears it. He wonders if he ever wears it _to bed_. Watching the loving look Matt gives the necklace as he strokes it, Colin thinks he might. 

"We don't want to give this back, do we?" Matt asks, gesturing to the necklace. Colin wonders if he's a sports coach back home. 

The entire Orteza tribe lets out a resounding shrug and mumbles into their plates. 

"Your enthusiasm is touching," Matt says, glaring around. And oh yeah, Colin's thinking definitely a coach of some sort. Football, maybe. Or basketball. "You better not blow this challenge today. You'll be letting your team down, you'll be letting me down, you'll be letting your country--"

"I'm from Canada!" Colin breaks in, a little too brightly, and Gina, Ryan, and Shannon all crack up laughing. 

"Why the hell did they let a Canadian on the show?" Matt asks. "For that matter, why did they let two tv stars, who already knew each other, on the show? Isn't that against the rules?"

Colin shrugs and smiles. "Maybe this time, there aren't any rules."

***

The day is warming up by the time they finish breakfast and Colin makes a quick trip back to the tent, changing his sweatshirt for a lighter tee. Ryan goes in the tent with him for the sole purpose of stealing another kiss and leaving what Colin is sure must be a very visible hickey on his neck.

"Hey!" Colin protests, touching the hot, stinging place on his neck with two fingers. "Way to be discreet."

Ryan grins. "You like it."

And Colin can't deny it, so he just grins back and ducks out of the tent. Matt is waiting impatiently at the head of the trail, and he waves them all forward. They fall into a ragged line, Matt in the lead (of course) and the women behind him, murmuring to each other like conspirators. Colin wonders a little uneasily if they've done the math just as he has, and are talking about voting him off. 

But that doesn't have to happen if they win immunity, he reminds himself, and even if they don't, he decides not to stress too much about it. If he gets sent away, then it's just a short wait until Ryan is too, and he'll have Ryan again.

Colin pauses, smiling up at the sunlight filtering through the trees, and Ryan nudges his side, giving him a curious look. 

"Just thinking," Colin says in response to Ryan's unasked question.

"Good thoughts?"

Colin nods. "Very," he says. "I'll tell you later."

That's when Dave, who has been walking ahead of them and muttering to himself, slows until he falls even with Ryan and Colin. "Hey funny guy," he says, tapping the center of Colin's chest.

Ryan glares at him and puts an arm around Colin's shoulders, drawing him away from Dave. Colin sighs and rolls his eyes, but he doesn't shrug Ryan's arm away. "Hi, Dave," he says.

"Are you mad at Big Dave? He likes you, you know--he wouldn't eat _you_ up. Just Matt, because Matt likes to boss." Dave leans toward him earnestly, as if much hinges on Colin's answer.

"I'm not mad," Colin says, and he isn't, really. Dave is amusing and slightly pitiful, and Colin has never been any good at holding a grudge.

"Yes he is," Ryan counters immediately. "You kidnapped him."

"Ryan," Colin chides, elbowing him. "Stop it."

Dave looks at Ryan with round eyes and nods slowly. "I've got you figured out," he says. "I know your thing now, your game. Got you. No fooling big Dave."

Ryan just shakes his head, but Colin can feel the arm around his shoulders relaxing a little, Ryan starting to let his guard down. "Okay, I'll bite," Colin says, because it's a long walk and Dave is, at least, entertaining. "What's Ryan's game?"

"You," Dave says, as if it should be obvious. "Tall guy doesn't like Dave, because Dave tried to steal you away. Don't be afraid," he says to Ryan. "I only wanted to play. I wouldn't steal him forever."

Ryan gives him a level, wary look. "I wouldn't let you."

"Okay, come on," Colin says, feeling a bit like a stretch of rope being tugged between two dogs. "It was a misunderstanding, all right? Can we move on?"

"Fine," Ryan mutters, offering Colin an apologetic smile. Dave grins brightly, patting both of them on the top of the head, stretching far up on his toes to reach. Ryan ducks away and Colin holds still, tolerating the touch with a faint smile.

"So, Dave," Colin says, "before you came to the island, did you tell anyone about the place you were before, with the pills?"

Dave shakes his head rapidly, pressing a palm over Colin's mouth until Ryan pushes his hand away. "Don't, don't," he says. "That's a secret."

"Ah," Colin says, sharing a look with Ryan. "Nobody asked about it?"

"Big Dave was smart," Dave says, smirking. "They poked and tried to peek into his head but he had stories ready, oh yes. They never knew and now Dave is here, see? He ran away and he doesn't have to go back because he has a place here."

"Ran away?" Ryan echoes, raising his eyebrows. He gives Colin a pointed glance, and Colin nods. Not just a mental patient, then, but an _escaped_ mental patient. Goody.

"Yep," Dave says proudly. "Run, run, run, fast as you can, you'll never catch me, I'm the gingerbread man." Then he darts ahead with a giggle, walking up close behind Matt and saying something that makes him glare and push Dave away.

"Definitely voting for him," Ryan says.

"If we have to," Colin replies, nodding. And it looks like they're about to find out--they've arrived at the clearing where the immunity challenge will be held. Colin and Ryan pick up the pace a little, coming into the light and looking around, trying to guess what they'll be facing today.

***

Colin blinks when one of the girls from Maguela walks right over to him. "I just love you on _Whose Line_!" she squeals. "You are just too adorable! Do something funny! Do... I know! Do a Hoedown!"

Colin sighs and gives her a weak smile.

Ryan steps next to Colin and throws a protective arm around Colin's shoulder. "He's not a circus poodle. He doesn't do tricks on command," he growls at the girl as he snatches Colin away. 

"You have such a way with the fans," Colin remarks dryly. 

"Once they bring up the Hoedown, all bets are off," Ryan says. And once again Ryan is his, smiling and teasing and playful. 

Ryan puts his arms around Colin from behind, and rests his chin against the back of Colin's head. And Colin swears that Ryan is purring, making rumbling noises deep in his throat that Colin can feel vibrating down his neck and shoulders. Sometimes Ryan reminds him of a big tawny lion. 

"Love you, Col," he whispers in Colin's ear, tickling him with the velvet smoothness of his voice. 

And then he realizes that Jeff Probst is standing in front of them, arms clasped. Colin wants to wipe that little smirk off his face. "Hello, Survivors!" he says cheerily. 

Of course he's cheery. He hasn't been sleeping on cold, hard ground and living on rice. He took a hot shower today, and his clothes are clean. 

Colin hates him. 

"Orteza, please bring me the immunity necklace," says Jeff. 

Colin thinks that Matt looks like he's about to cry as he hands over the necklace to Jeff. Colin feels Ryan's laugh. He covers Ryan's hands with his own, not caring that the cameras are angling around for a closeup of the two of them standing like this. 

"Immunity is up for grabs again today," Jeff informs them, as if they haven't already figured that out. "Orteza, Maguela, today's immunity challenge is an obstacle course combined with a relay race. As a tribe, you must all successfully navigate the obstacle course that we have put together. At the end of the course, you must climb over a wall. Everyone must climb the wall before you can move on. 

"Once you are all over the wall, you will all go to separate platforms. At the first platform will be a torch which you must first light. You must navigate across the balance beam to the next platform. If you fall off the beam, or if your torch goes out, you must return to your platform and start over. Once you reach the next platform, you will pass the torch on to the next person.

"The last person will complete the relay race by lighting the totem at the end of the course. Whichever tribe lights their totem first will win immunity."

Jeff allows them to get a brief glimpse of the formidable looking obstacle course behind them, and then he says the dreaded words, "Survivors ready? And go!"


	18. Day Six, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 50k words and this story is still nowhere near done... *pant pant* Just remember, kids, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Or something. :P

They dash off in a mad scramble, quickly hitting the first obstacle, a suspended net of thick rope that they must crawl across, suspended over a mud pit. Most of the climbing obstacles involve mud, and Colin sees one up ahead that actually seems to involve low crawling under some wire _through_ mud. "Great," he says to Ryan, holding out a hand to help him off the cargo net. "Like we weren't dirty enough."

There is a set of what Colin can only think of as monkey bars that they must climb up one side and down the other, another set of overhead bars that they have to swing hand-over-hand to get across (Colin falls the first time, landing with a splat in knee deep muddy water, and Ryan drops down beside him, _laughing_ , and Colin suddenly doesn't mind the mud so much) and then the low crawling. By this point, they're already coated with dirt, so they shrug and dive in, dragging themselves under the wire with all the rest of their tribe grunting and complaining at their sides.

Dave turns out to be the best at the obstacle course, moving like a monkey on crack, as if he's held together by rubber bands. He shimmies over the wall well before the rest of them have reached it and tries to go on to the platforms, but is held back by the crew, told he has to wait for his tribe. He's arguing nonsensically with them when the rest of Orteza and Maguela trickle up to the wall, panting and filthy, and begin trying to climb.

"Here!" Matt calls, standing at the base and making a sling with his hands. "Come on, step up!"

Gina goes first, nearly faltering at the top until Ryan reaches a hand up and gives her an extra boost. Shannon follows quickly, and Ryan nudges Colin forward. Colin gives Matt a wary glance, but the other man isn't interested in dropping him--he heaves Colin up the wall and Colin is able to grab the top and pull himself the rest of the way up. He straddles the wall and looks down, ready to help Ryan, but Ryan seems to be having an argument with Matt.

"I'm taller," Ryan says, "I can reach the top without a boost. You go."

Matt shakes his head, holding his hands out insistently. "I don't need your help. Hurry up! There isn't time for this."

"Exactly," Ryan says flatly. "You get to the top and stay there, and then you can both pull me up. Colin and I won't be able to reach you if you're the last one."

"No!" Matt snaps. "I am in charge of this tribe! I'm telling you how it's going to be." Beside them, the other tribe pulls the last member over their wall and they start running for the platforms.

Ryan sighs and throws his hands up in the air. "Fine! Don't say I didn't warn you." He plants one foot against Matt's bent knee and Matt pushes him up, Colin catching his outstretched hands. Together they get Ryan to the top of the wall and he sits facing Colin. Both of them lie precariously on the thin strip of wood, reaching down for Matt, who jumps, trying to connect. He comes up a couple inches short every time.

"If only we'd seen this coming," Ryan mutters.

"You shut up!" Matt yells, jumping again, his hands brushing theirs before slipping back down. "You cost us time with all your arguing."

"Now who's costing us time?" Ryan shoots back. Colin looks away for a moment, uncomfortable; he hates to see people fight, especially when one of them is Ryan. 

"You've almost got it," Colin calls, leaning over a little more. "Come on, one more jump."

Matt draws back and gets a running start, jumping as high as he can, and their hands finally connect. Matt is fairly light, at least, and Colin and Ryan slide down the other side of the wall, using their own body weight to pull him up. They drop down to the far side together and race off to their platforms, directed by the crew.

Colin winds up on the fourth platform out, Ryan after him, and Shannon on the final stretch. Matt appears to be up first and he lights his torch, moving across the beam quickly. Colin revises his earlier guess about Matt--a coach, yes, but maybe gymnastics, considering how comfortable he is on the beam. 

Colin can see the other tribe carrying their torches, and they must have fallen a couple times because they're only on the third platform. He scrubs his damp palms against his pant legs and eyes his own balance beam nervously. It's about four inches wide, and about twenty feet up over loose sand. He hopes the sand cushions any falls, because otherwise this seems like a good way to break something.

Matt hands off to Gina, who starts off slow but gains confidence, moving in a sidestep shuffle across her beam. She nearly falls at the end, wobbling precariously, and Dave reaches out and snatches the torch from her before her balance fails altogether and she topples to the sand.

"You okay?" Colin calls out, watching her get up. 

"I'm fine!" she yells back, dusting sand off her clothes. "Get ready!"

He looks up and there's Dave, startlingly quick, already closing in on him. He glances over at the other tribe and they're still in the lead, but Orteza is gaining, only about a platform behind. Colin takes the torch when Dave holds it out, and Dave gives him a wide grin and two thumbs up.

"Go, funny guy!" he says, nodding cheerfully. "Go win it for Big Dave!"

Colin smiles until he actually steps out on the beam, and then the expression drops away rapidly. He looks down and that's a mistake, his legs wobbling dangerously, but he gets it back and starts moving, placing each step deliberately, watching his feet and trying not to think about the drop beneath him.

"It's not that far," he murmurs to himself. "Gina was fine, it's not that far, one step at a time."

"Come on," he hears Ryan say softly, and he looks up, startled to find Ryan only about ten feet away.

"Hi," Colin says, slightly giddy, and Ryan smiles. 

"Doing great," he says, waving Colin forward. "Just a little more, come on, we're gaining on them."

He nearly runs the last few steps, handing the torch over to Ryan with a relieved sigh. "Go!" he says, waving him on. 

Ryan nods and turns to face his beam, hesitating on the edge of the platform. His first step is off center and his foot slips off the edge, but Colin catches him around the waist, pulling him back before he can fall. He can feel Ryan trembling and he squeezes him for a moment, murmuring in his ear. "You've got this, Ryan, this is nothing. Look at the beam, not at the ground, it's not that far."

"Heights," Ryan growls in a passable Indiana Jones impression. "Why'd it have to be heights?"

"If I can do it, so can you," Colin says, nudging him forward. "Nothing to it."

"Easy for you to say," Ryan argues, but he steps forward, the beam looking tiny and unsubstantial beneath his feet. He walks with his arms out to his sides like a kid playing airplane, stepping heel to toe. A gust of wind catches him at the middle and he nearly falls, but he corrects for it, standing frozen for a long moment.

"Go!" Colin says, making useless little shooing motions with his hands. "You're over halfway, go!"

Ryan nods and starts moving again, and Colin breathes a sigh of relief when he makes it across to Shannon's platform without falling. Shannon takes the torch and immediately starts toward the final totem, making good time, but Colin hears Matt give a disappointed shout and he turns, looking at the other tribe. They are cheering, arms in the air, and their totem is brightly lit.

Colin blinks for a moment until it sinks in--they've just lost immunity. Tonight, one of their tribe is going home.

***

On the walk back to camp, Colin swears that the number of cameras trailing them has doubled or maybe even tripled. No doubt they're trying to soak up all of the drama for tonight's tribal council vote. They don't want to miss one conversation, one secret glance.

Unfortunately for the viewers at home, Orteza is mostly silent as they trudge back through the jungle. Colin doesn't know whether it's because they're disappointed because they lost, or if they're mentally strategizing about the vote. Or perhaps they just don't want to talk with so many cameras around. Even though he has a feeling that the cameras aren't going anywhere. 

Even Dave stares at his feet without a single mumble or mutter. And Matt... Matt looks almost catatonic, lost in his own thoughts. Colin hopes that he's not holding in his rage, but he has a feeling that Matt might burst as soon as they make it back to camp.

He decides that maybe he will immediately head to the river for a swim, and try and drag Ryan with him. He doesn't want to be around for the fallout. Especially if Matt is still blaming Ryan for losing the challenge. 'Cause yeah, that could get nasty real quick. 

He wonders to himself what will happen tonight. Matt's all alone out here now, and everyone knows it. Dave doesn't like him, Gina and Shannon seem indifferent towards him, and everybody knows how he feels about Colin and Ryan. That means Matt isn't really a threat at this point, because he's got no one on his side to help swing the vote in his direction. He has no control, no real power. He's basically alone out here, and helpless. 

At the same time, Colin knows that a rogue vote can be dangerous. If Matt votes for him, and the girls vote for him, well... he'd be gone, because he's pretty sure that Dave will vote for Matt. And he and Ryan will be voting for Dave. 

He wonders if they should change their vote, and vote for Matt first. That way there will be a tie, at least. And maybe if there's a tie breaker he'll have a shot at staying on the island for another week. 

Or maybe they should talk the girls into voting for Dave. If he and Ryan tell them Dave's story, they might be persuaded. But then again, there's no guarantee that the girls will do what they want. 

Colin doesn't want to keep Dave around. He's sick, and he obviously needs help. But on the other hand, Dave has kind of latched onto him. Dave likes Colin 'cause Colin respects him, listens to him, plays cards with him. Dave probably hasn't had a lot of that in his life, and that makes Colin feel a little sorry for him. 

If Colin tells Dave who to vote for, he would probably do it. He doesn't think Dave is very interested in playing the game to win, to be honest. He thinks Dave just wants to stay away from the mental hospital for as long as possible. 

All these thoughts whirl around and around Colin's head on the trek back to camp. He looks over at Ryan, who looks equally lost in thought. Ryan hasn't even held his hand or touched him since they left the challenge.

Colin wonders what Ryan thinks about this whole thing. He can't wait to talk to him about it and find out.

***

It's nearly noon by the time they shuffle back to camp, mud drying on their skin in the heat; tired, bruised, and quiet. Everyone heads for the river except Dave, who disappears into the trees again. Colin watches him go with something approaching fondness. Dave is like a mascot, kind of, a slightly rabid puppy.

Colin reaches for the hem of his shirt as he wades into the water, and he's surprised when Ryan beats him to it, pulling his shirt gently over his head and tossing it to shore. "Here," Ryan says, "let me." He scoops water up in his hands and pours it over Colin, sluicing dirt and sweat from his skin, wonderfully cool.

Colin turns to face him, returning the favor, reaching up to scrub Ryan's hair. It's oddly calming, focusing on the slip of water down his chest and the feel of Ryan's head under his hands, the vulnerable softness at the base of his skull. Colin can feel tense muscles in his back letting go, his worry and anticipation of the vote to come easing with the simple, hypnotic closeness. 

Ryan cups a hand behind his head and leans him back, ducking him under the water. Colin closes his eyes and waits for Ryan to pull him back up, and when he wipes water from his face and looks around again, Matt is suddenly close to them, staring at them both. Ryan sidesteps, edging between Colin and their self appointed tribal leader.

"You two," Matt says, low and venomous. "You don't even care, do you? You're _flaunting_ it now, like you're in a fucking bath house or something, and you don't even care that you lost us immunity."

" _We_ lost it?" Ryan replies, raising his eyebrows. "If you had _listened_ to me at that wall--"

"If you hadn't _argued_ we wouldn't have wasted all that time!" Matt cuts in, pointing a finger at Ryan and thumping him in the chest with it. Colin steps up to Ryan's side, facing Matt with him, and he's aware of the cameras moving in as close as they can and Gina and Shannon standing a little downstream, watching silently.

"So you're going to conveniently forget the part where I was _right_?" Ryan growls. Matt goes to tap his chest again and Ryan knocks his hand away sharply, his hand half curled into a fist.

"We still could have won," Matt says, leaning in so his face is close to Ryan's, his chin thrust out. "If you hadn't had to have a little _personal time_ with your _special friend_ up on the platform. I saw you two! We were racing and you take the time to stand there and _fucking cuddle_!"

"He almost fell!" Colin protests, one hand on Ryan's arm to hold him steady. "I caught him. And it was too late by then anyway; we'd lost too much time with the obstacle course."

"Of course _you're_ going to back him up," Matt spits at Colin. "You shouldn't even be on this show! Neither of you! You've been getting special treatment since that thing with Eric and you're not even trying anymore. You don't hunt, you don't cook, you don't do anything for the tribe--all you care about is sneaking off to your _private_ tent and--"

"That's enough," Ryan says, one hand on Matt's shoulder, fingers digging in visibly. "If you're smart, which I highly doubt, you'll stop right there."

"Or what?" Matt shoots back. He puts one hand on Ryan's wrist and pulls Ryan's hand off his shoulder, trying to shove it away. Ryan fights him and it's like an arm wrestling contest in midair, both of them pushing against each other. Ryan has a greater reach and size, but Matt is solidly built, and he's slowly gaining ground.

***

Ryan snarls at Matt and shoves against him as hard as he can. "Let's just say you'll regret it," he says in a low, menacing voice.

"Not as much as you will," Matt replies, his eyes narrowed. 

Colin watches helplessly as Matt and Ryan struggle through the water, neither one of them letting up an inch. "Hey!" he yells, when he sees Ryan making a fist. 

He steps behind Ryan, and almost flies backwards when Matt gives an extra powerful push against Ryan. Colin staggers and grabs onto Ryan's upper arm, and for some reason it's the sight of Colin caught in the crossfire that makes Ryan lose it. 

"Hey, what the hell's your problem, huh? You could've hurt him!" he yells, poking Matt in the chest. 

"Ryan!" Colin exclaims, a little desperately, tugging on Ryan's arm. "Ry, please. I'm okay. Just... don't do this. I don't want you to get kicked out. You don't want to leave me out here alone, do you?"

"He could've hurt you," Ryan says, sticking his chin out stubbornly. All of the fight has left him now, and he's given Colin that soft-eyed look that always makes Colin's knees weaken. 

"I'm fine," Colin says, unable to resist stroking Ryan's cheek, still cool from the water. "Just let it go." 

Matt sneers at them. "What are you? Fucking Gandhi?" 

Colin whirls around, and Matt steps back when he sees the anger burning in Colin's face. "Now you listen and listen good," he says. "Right now I don't care what you think of us. See these cameras? I can guarantee you they are getting every word of this on film. Not only that, but your entire tribe, that you claim to care so damn much about, is a witness to you losing your cool and coming after my friend. 

"And maybe that does make me _fucking Gandhi_ , but I would think about that for a minute if I were you, before I continued with this. Think about who's going to be watching this at home. You have friends? Family? They're all going to see this. And it's not going to look good on your behalf."

Matt gapes at Colin for a moment, and Colin sweetly adds, "Oh yeah. And if you ever lay a hand on Ryan again, I will hurt you and I don't care who's watching." 

And he spins on his heels, grabs Ryan's hand, and marches away. 

Ryan gives him an awed look, shaking his head. He grins at Colin. "So are you, like, my hero now or something?" he asks.

Colin shoves him playfully, blushing. "Did I really say all that?"

Ryan looks back over his shoulder, and gestures for Colin to do the same. Matt is still standing in the river, arms slack at his sides, staring after him. 

"I think you did," Ryan says. 

Colin just covers his face in his hands and whimpers.


	19. Day Six, Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Shannon and Gina reveal their RyCol shipper ways... :D <3

A camera follows them up the path, and Colin sighs and tries his best to ignore it. He's still flushed and embarrassed, as if he's just done something way over the line on stage, but a little exhilarated as well. They walk away from camp and Ryan steers them to a sheltered, shady spot in the trees. They're both still wet from the river, but the day is warm, and they sit side by side, their backs to a tree trunk, and soak up the quiet.

"I did slow us down on the platforms," Ryan says after a while.

"Matt slowed us down more," Colin replies. "You were right, and he should have listened. We could have won if he did."

Ryan elbows him gently. "Of course _you_ take my side," and when he says it, it's not an accusation, but a fond acknowledgment.

Colin just smiles and leans over, resting his head on Ryan's shoulder. "You know," he says, "I think we should vote Matt off."

"Dave is still more dangerous," Ryan says, shaking his head. "I don't trust him."

"I kind of like him," Colin admits, and Ryan gives him an incredulous look. "Well I do," Colin says. "He's a lot nicer to be around than Matt, that's for sure. He keeps to himself, and he was great on the challenge today."

"And he took you to his little crazy shack in the jungle and _groped_ you," Ryan says. "I'm not going to forget that any time soon."

"Jealous," Colin replies smugly, a pleased little smile on his face.

"Damn right," Ryan growls, slipping an arm around Colin's waist and tugging him closer. "I don't share."

Colin nearly kisses him, and then he remembers the camera and draws back, sighing. He knows they've been obvious enough that their relationship can't possibly be a secret any more, but he still feels a little weird about actually kissing Ryan for real on camera. "Still," he says, "I really think the smarter choice is to vote Matt. We should also talk to Gina and Shannon, see what they're thinking."

"You don't still think they'd vote against you, do you?" Ryan asks.

Colin shrugs. "It's possible. That's why we should talk to them."

"But if they're going to vote you, they're not going to _tell_ you," Ryan points out. "I still don't think they will, though."

Colin nudges him, knocking their shoulders together companionably. "You just think I'm lovable and no one wants me to leave."

"Well, that too." Ryan grins and cups his cheek in one palm, kissing his forehead. Colin ducks slightly, very aware of the camera, but Ryan seems intent on ignoring it and Colin decides to follow his lead, planting a quick kiss on Ryan's surprised mouth.

"Come on," Colin says, getting to his feet before Ryan dares him to take it a little further. "I'm starved. Let's go make some lunch."

Ryan takes the hand he offers and stands with him. "We're cooking? I thought all we did around here was sneak off to our private tent."

Colin laughs. "That's dessert."

***

Colin and Ryan walk back to the fire, intent on starting to get lunch ready. However, it looks like Gina and Shannon have already beaten them to it.

Ryan nudges Colin and puts one finger against his lips in a "shh" gesture. Colin nods, and they duck behind the tent and peek around the edge of it, listening to their conversation. 

Colin feels a little guilty, spying on them like this. The girls are his friends. At least, that's the way he thinks of them. He knows it's not really possible to have friends out here, where everybody's out for themselves. Except for him and Ryan, that is. And Colin once again feels incredibly grateful to have Ryan here. He doesn't think he would have fared nearly so well without him.

"They were so cute today, did you see?" Shannon squeals. "Before the challenge, Ryan stood behind Colin hugging him, and Colin had his hands on top of Ryan's!"

"I know! I saw!" Gina exclaims. "And did you see the way they looked at each other when they were on the platform?" 

Both girls laugh and do little happy dances, feet pounding in the dirt. 

Colin and Ryan exchange amused glances, and Colin feels his face turning red. 

"They are _so_ together," Shannon says.

"I know! They have to be. I don't care what they say. And remember yesterday at lunch, when Colin almost kissed Ryan?" 

"Yeah, and then they practically ran to their tent afterwards," Shannon says, clasping her hands. "It's totally obvious." 

"You know," Gina says, lowering her voice so Colin has to strain to hear. "I thought I heard splashing around last night... And like, _noises_ , if you know what I mean."

Shannon claps a hand over her mouth. "No way!"

"I swear, I did! Stupid Dave was keeping me up 'cause he was doing that talking in his sleep thing again, and I heard splashes coming from the river!"

"You don't think... I mean... Oh my god!" And Shannon clutches Gina, looking like she's about to die of happiness. 

Beside him, Ryan's shoulders are shaking with suppressed laughter. And Colin can't help but join him. He can't believe that Gina and Shannon are so obsessed with their relationship. It's kind of cute, and also maybe a little scary. 

"Have you ever wondered what they do in that tent?" Gina asks seriously. 

Shannon blushes. "Would it be bad if I said yes?"

"Absolutely not," Gina says. "What else is there to do out here? Besides, they're kinda cute, for older men." 

"Well," says Shannon. "We could talk about the vote..."

Ryan hits Colin, telling him to pay attention. And they both lean forward, wanting to hear whatever the girls have to say...

***

"What do you want to do?" Gina asks, sitting back on the fallen log by the fire.

Shannon sits beside her and stirs the simmering cookpot idly. "I _want_ to do a lot of things. I mean, I want to pick Dave because he creeps me out, and Matt because he's an asshole, and I want Colin and Ryan to stay longer..."

"But those aren't the smart moves," Gina finishes, nodding. "I know. Matt wants us to vote Colin off with him. We could, and then Ryan would be on his own and who the hell knows what Dave will do, but we could get rid of him too."

"Yeah, but then it would be just us and Matt," Shannon says, wrinkling her nose. 

"And we'd vote him off too. By then we'll be combined with the other tribe, but this way, we get Matt hunting for us the longest, and we get to send Ryan and Colin home while we still can."

Shannon nods, sighing. Behind the tree, Ryan and Colin exchange a worried glance, and Ryan rests his hand on Colin's back. Colin leans into it, glad of the warm presence.

"I hate to do it to them," Gina says, frowning. "They seem so happy."

"Yeah, I bet Ryan's an absolute bear once Colin's gone," Shannon says. She giggles a little, covering her mouth with one hand. "I mean, he'll be grumpy without his late night swims."

Gina laughs with her, and does something with her hands that Colin is at the wrong angle to see, but it makes Shannon shriek gleefully and Ryan turn beet red. "What?" Colin whispers, elbowing Ryan in the side.

"Never mind," Ryan replies. "You don't want to know."

"Do too," Colin grumbles, and Ryan shushes him and points toward the women again.

"They'll know it was us," Shannon says mournfully. "Ryan's gonna hate us."

"Ah, he'll get over it," Gina says, shrugging. "It's not like they need the money, and they'll be glad to go home, I think."

"Maybe." Shannon takes the pot away from the fire and dishes herself and Gina some fish and rice. "This could backfire on us, you know. If they vote against Matt and get Dave on their side, it'll be a tie. We could lose the tiebreaker and then they'll know we voted against them and they'll still both be here."

"That's true," Gina admits. "You think they'll vote against Matt?"

Shannon nods, waving a forkful of rice emphatically. "Didn't you see them in the river after the challenge? I thought there was going to be another fight." 

"They sure do stand up for each other," Gina says. "Isn't it cute how protective they get? After that fight with Eric, you remember how Ryan totally hovered over Colin the whole way back to camp?"

"I know!" Shannon says, grinning. "He's such a mother hen."

Ryan makes a muffled sound, biting his lower lip, and Colin smiles. "You are," he murmurs, poking Ryan in the side.

"Shut up," Ryan whispers fiercely. "Am not." 

Gina sighs, stirring her food with obvious disinterest. "I'm going to miss them," she says.

"Yeah," Shannon says, "me too."

They lapse into silence, and Ryan pulls Colin back, stepping away carefully to avoid making noise. "Great," Ryan says once they're out of earshot. "Now what do we do?"

***

"First, we eat," Colin says grandly, pulling Ryan back to the fire.

"You and your stomach," Ryan grumbles, poking Colin's belly.

"Oh, you should talk," Colin teases. "Two words for you: Waffle Barn."

Ryan glares at him and smacks him playfully. "You said you'd never bring that up again!" 

"And I haven't," Colin says. "Until today." 

"And the definition of never is?" 

Colin sighs. "Shut up," he says defeatedly. And he chalks up one air point to a grinning Ryan. 

"The definition of never is shut up?" Ryan asks. "When did that happen?" 

Colin rolls his eyes. "You just don't know when to quit, do you?"

"Nope," Ryan says. And he pulls Colin behind a tree, giving him a quick kiss that still manages to leave Colin weak at the knees. "And you love me for it." 

"So damn cocky," Colin mutters as they finally reach the fire. 

Gina and Shannon are laughing over something or other, probably involving the two of them. "Hey, boys," says Gina. "Lunch is on us today." 

Colin thinks that he'd rather have lunch on _Ryan_ , and blushes. Well, not this lunch. Maybe... maybe dessert would be better... something with whipped cream, or chocolate syrup... 

"Uh, Col?" Ryan waves his hand in front of Col's face. "Come get your plate. He gets all spaced out if he doesn't eat," Ryan explains to Gina and Shannon, who smile and exchange glances. 

Ryan gets Colin's plate himself, and scoops rice and fish onto it. For a moment Colin thinks Ryan is going to feed him too, but he doesn't go that far. Still, he sits close by Colin, watching him. Making sure he eats everything on his plate, making sure he's all right. 

And only after Colin has eaten does Ryan get up and serve himself. 

Colin sighs. His stomach is full, Ryan is taking care of him, and the girls... well, the girls are biting their lips and looking at each other again like they can't wait to discuss these new developments later. 

And he thought the fans of _Whose Line_ were bad. He thinks Shannon and Gina might be taking overanalyzing things to a whole new level.

But then again, they were right. All this time, they were right. He's mad crazy in love with his best friend, has been for years. Maybe he wasn't hiding it as well as he always thought. And he again wonders how long Ryan's been having feelings for him. 

Ryan nudges him, and they both get up. Colin stretches, and his back muscles crack. Ryan pulls him over for a quick massage, while the girls pretend like they aren't watching every move. Colin shuts his eyes and tries to ignore them. 

He wonders if Ryan is purposefully doing this, just to give them more to talk about. But then he decides he doesn't care, because Ryan's hands are very talented, and he feels _good_ right now... 

"Better?" Ryan asks as they walk away from the fire, arms brushing together. 

Colin nods, and Ryan puts his arm around him. 

"Good," Ryan purrs, and he practically drags Colin back towards the tree...

"I thought we were going to talk to Dave!" Colin protests.

"Later," Ryan says. "We have plenty of time for that later."

***

Ryan barely waits until they're out of sight of the camp before pinning Colin against a tree and kissing him, hands strong on his shoulders and bark rough at his back and Ryan's mouth, soft and eager. Colin closes his eyes and leans into the kiss, feeling pinned and surrounded, Ryan and tree and no air around him and he thinks if he lets his knees buckle he'll just hang there, held.

"I want to know what you were thinking," Ryan growls against his neck, biting lightly.

"Muh?" Colin says, swallowing hard and trying to catch his breath. He can feel his throat move when he swallows, Ryan's mouth on it moving with him, anticipating, hot and relentless. The bites sting slightly, but Ryan is always quick to soothe with tiny, flirting touches from the tip of his tongue, and Colin shudders, his hands batting distractedly at Ryan's shoulders, not sure if he wants him to stop or _more, now..._

"Just now, when Gina offered us lunch and you got that _look_ ," Ryan says. He slips one hand around the back of Colin's head, keeping their faces close, and the other arm goes around Colin's waist, snug warmth all the way down his front and Colin knows they're way too close to camp and way too exposed here and he's really starting to not care.

"I... what?" Colin mumbles, turning his head to breathe into the shell of Ryan's ear because he loves the way Ryan squirms and bites his lip.

Ryan pulls back far enough to look into his eyes and Colin stares, fascinated because he can actually see Ryan wavering, so close to throwing discretion to the wind and finishing this right here. And when Ryan closes his eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath, Colin knows that discretion won out. _Because he knows that's what I want_ , Colin thinks, and he wraps his arms around Ryan and squeezes him impulsively, peppering his face with tiny, grateful kisses.

"Come on," Ryan says breathlessly, taking his hand and tugging him through the jungle.

"But the tent..." Colin jerks his chin in the other direction, and Ryan shakes his head.

"Too damn hot out here for that, it's like a greenhouse in there. I have a better idea."

And Colin has a million questions but he swallows them and lets Ryan lead because he's trusted Ryan implicitly for over twenty years and he sees no reason to stop now. They tear through the jungle and they're getting dirty and sweaty and covered with bits of leaves and that weird sticky stuff that coats a lot of the vines and Colin finds himself grinning, almost running. Because Ryan does that, he makes everything a game, an adventure.

The trees thin ahead of them and Colin hears the water before he sees it, a secluded bend of the river with a thin strip of sandy beach and the current goes to the outside curve, leaving a slow, sleepy hollow of still water glittering in the sun. 

"Ryan, we can't," Colin says even as he's pulling his shirt over his head. "Someone will see."

"Nobody here," Ryan replies, unbuttoning his pants. "And we're just swimming."

"We are?" Colin asks, unable to keep the undertone of disappointment from his voice.

Ryan grins and takes his hand again, leading him toward the water. "Sure. Anything that happens underwater... well, I just can't be held accountable for that."

"Oh," Colin says, biting back a smile. "Is that some swimming rule I'm not aware of?"

And Ryan just laughs and pushes him backward in the water, dunking him. Colin comes up sputtering and dripping and grinning so hard he thinks his face will break in two, and he grabs Ryan around the waist and pulls him close, rolling them in the water, spinning until they have their own little whirlpool.

Ryan laughs until Colin licks water from his throat, following the gleaming line of his collarbone and further down, trailing droplets of water down the center of his chest. Colin smiles against his belly when he feels Ryan's breath catch, his muscles taut, quivering beneath the skin. There's a little rim of water caught in the waistband of Ryan's boxers and Colin licks it up, moving in a slow line across the sensitive skin of Ryan's lower belly.

"Um," Ryan says, one hand landing uncertainly on Colin's shoulder, another brushing against his head, trembling. "Um, you... oh..."

Colin looks up at him and licks his lips and watches Ryan's eyes go three shades darker. He starts tugging at Ryan's shorts, slipping them down his narrow hips, nuzzling each bit of new skin he uncovers. Ryan shifts and twists impatiently, his hand pressing on Colin's shoulder now, fingers digging in slightly.

The water is just shallow enough for Colin to go to his knees and keep his head above the surface, and when he does Ryan gives a high pitched sound that makes Colin damn near _purr_ and bite the edge of his hipbone, where the skin is smooth and stretched thin, pale and vulnerable.

Ryan jumps and Colin can feel him inside his shorts, hot in the cool water, pressing eagerly upward and just barely brushing the underside of Colin's chin. "Hurry," Ryan mutters and Colin has never heard his voice go quite that thick and dirty before.

Colin nods and leans in, and that's when there's a faint splashing from behind him and strong, skinny arms wrap around his legs under the water, yanking them out from under him. He flails and winds up breathing in a mouthful of the river and then Ryan's hands are on him too, pulling him up and the other hands are still on his ankles, tugging the other way and Colin thrashes, breaking both holds and struggling to the surface, coughing hard.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ryan shouts over his shoulder, and Colin turns to find Dave standing in the water, grinning brightly. Dave holds his arms out and scissors them together, making a flat, wet smack.

"Gotcha," he says, nodding. "Crocodile Dave will eat you up. You didn't even hear me coming, did you? No no, because crocodiles are _sneaky_."

Colin blinks slowly, takes a breath, and coughs it out again, his nose and throat stinging with the water. Ryan rubs his back, pulling him close, away from Dave. 

"I thought you liked me," Colin says, and his words sound foolish and slow to his own ears but he's having a little trouble switching gears from going down on Ryan in the river to thinking he was going to drown to dealing with their pet escaped mental patient all in the space of a minute.

"That's why I didn't eat you," Dave says. "I just nibbled a little. Tasted. Crocodile Dave was curious."

"You did _what_?" Ryan rumbles, his arms tight around Colin now, possessive.

"He was doing it," Dave points out innocently. "Tasting you. I just wanted to play too." His grin wilts, and he leans forward, spreading his hands earnestly. "How come no one wants to play with Dave?"

"I can think of a few reasons," Ryan says, and Colin covers the arms around his waist with his hands, stroking the insides of Ryan's wrists with his thumbs.

"But we won't say them, because we want Dave on our side, right?" Colin says pointedly. "In fact, I'm glad you're here," he adds, smiling at Dave. "Can we talk?"

Dave's eyes narrow suspiciously. "Are you going to poke Dave with the sharp medicines?"

"No," Colin says slowly, feeling Ryan's chest move behind him in what is almost a laugh. "We're just going to talk. Okay?"

"Okay," Dave replies brightly, his hands stirring up an eager little splash at his sides. "About what?"


	20. Day Six, Part IV

"Let's get out of the water, okay?" Colin says to Dave. 

"No more Crocodile Dave?" Dave pouts.

Colin smiles. "Not for a while," he says.

"Not ever," Ryan growls, and Colin shoots him a look, trying to tell him to let it go. But Ryan is the king of holding a grudge. 

They slosh back to the shore, and Colin sighs, thinking of what could have been with Ryan. Dear god, did he really...? I mean, was he going to, you know, go down on his best friend? Out here? Colin blushes, but secretly thinks that he might like to try that again later... 

"Dave?" Colin asks.

Dave is staring up at the trees and spinning in a circle, arms held out at his sides. "Shh, funny guy... Trying to listen to the trees. They say someone's coming." 

Ryan rolls his eyes, and Colin can tell he thinks this whole thing is completely pointless. But just as long as he's quiet, Colin doesn't care what he thinks. This is important. They need Dave on their side. 

And then a camera comes rolling into view, and Dave smiles at them. "See? Trees told me. They don't lie. Trees are my friends, 'cause no one else likes Big Crocodile Dave out here."

Colin and Ryan trade uneasy glances, as the camera angles for closeups of their conversation. And Colin wishes they could just take all of the cameras and throw them in the river. But he supposes they've already gotten into enough trouble out here with the director. And does he really want another visit from Mark Burnett? No way.

At least, not for another week. 

"Listen, Dave," Colin says. "We wanted to talk to you about the vote tonight." 

"Oh, oh!" Dave nods, clapping his hands. "That's your game. You want Dave to play."

"Right, we want you to play on our team," Colin says. "Listen, how do you feel about Matt?"

Dave shudders and lets out a Tarzan yell that makes both Colin and Ryan jump. "That is how I feel about Matt. He makes me yell in the jungle like the monkey man in the movies." 

"So... you don't like him?" Ryan supplies helpfully.

Matt glares at Ryan. "Didn't Dave just say that?" 

Ryan pauses. "Right," he says, heaving a sigh. 

"Let me handle this," Colin whispers to Ryan. Out loud to Dave he says, "Dave, what if we told you we could get rid of Matt?"

Dave shivers, and seems to curl inward. "Can't. Can't vote Matt out. Can't vote Matt out. Can't. Can't. Can't!" 

"Hey," Colin says, putting a hand on Dave's shoulder while Ryan glares. "Did Matt say something to you?"

"He said he'd hurt Dave. He said he'd tell about Dave's jungle house. He makes Big Dave want to eat him just like a real crocodile." 

"He found out about your house?" Colin asks. 

Dave nods. "Saw it while he was out hunting the other day. He _laughed_ at me and he wouldn't stop and play."

"If we all vote together, he'll be gone," Colin says slowly, looking to Ryan for support. 

He is aghast that Matt is threatening other people on the tribe, trying to bully them into not voting for him. Colin wonders if he's doing the same thing to Gina and Shannon. Maybe he and Ryan should talk to them too. 

"You mean us three, vote for Matt? Play him instead of him playing us? Like a game?" Dave asks, a beautiful smile spreading over his face at the thought. "Big Dave would be free?" 

"We'd all be free," Colin says. "So, are you in?"

***

Dave seems to seriously consider the question, his head tilted to one side, tapping a finger to his pursed lips. "Well..." he says, rolling the word dramatically in his mouth. "You wouldn't tell about Dave's secret house?"

"Of course not," Colin says evenly. "It's secret."

Dave claps his hands and nods. "Yes! My secret and nobody else's and Big Dave doesn't share his secrets, no no."

There's a pause, and Colin feels Ryan sigh beside him. "Was that a yes?" Ryan asks, all thinly strained patience and gritted smiles.

"Weren't you _listening_?" Dave says, shaking his head. "Yes! Big Dave will play with you." He sidles closer, resting a hand on Colin's waist, and Ryan immediately closes in from the other side and puts his arm around Colin, tugging him away. Dave pouts at him, kicking the ground petulantly. "I'm glad you're not afraid of Big Dave, funny guy," he murmurs to Colin, smiling. "I don't want you to be afraid."

"I like you," Colin says, and is a little surprised to realize he means it. 

Dave beams, and then startles them both by darting in close and nipping Colin's shoulder, a brief scrape of teeth almost too quick to feel.

"Hey!" Ryan protests, pulling Colin further back and pushing Dave away. "Knock it off!"

"Just wanted to taste," Dave says, licking his lips. "Thought he must be good, since you like him so much." He smiles slyly up at Ryan. "You taste him a lot. Dave knows. Dave sees."

Colin laughs uncomfortably, very aware of the camera taking all of this in. "Um, right, so, we should get back to camp. You coming, Dave?"

"Nope, I'm going to stay by the river and be crocodile Dave," he says, already backing into the water. "Maybe Matt comes along and I eat him up."

"We can only hope," Ryan mutters, steering Colin away. They pick up their clothes from the shore and cut deliberately through dense underbrush, leaving the bulky camera behind, the operator glaring at them. As soon as they're hidden, Ryan turns to Colin and runs hands over his chest and back, examining him closely. "You all right?" he asks, angling to get the best view of Colin's bitten shoulder.

"I'm fine," Colin says, watching with amused indulgence. Dave barely touched him and there's not even a mark, but he lets Ryan check, smiling when Ryan presses a gentle kiss to the shoulder.

"That guy is seriously a few fries short of a Happy Meal," Ryan says, frowning through the trees in Dave's general direction. "You really want to trust him?"

"More than I want to trust Matt," Colin replies. "And I think we should talk to the girls again. Maybe Matt threatened them too."

Ryan shakes his head as they turn to walk slowly toward camp. "You heard them by the fire--they're making plans for their own best chances at winning, not because they're afraid of Matt. They're going to vote him off too, once he's not useful anymore."

"Maybe he threatened them each separately and they're not telling each other," Colin suggests, shrugging. "I don't know. Either way, if we can convince them to swing our way, Matt's gone for sure."

"I'll be glad to see the end of him," Ryan grumbles. "He's been nothing but a pain in the ass ever since we got out here."

Colin nods, and they walk silently for a while, drying in the midday heat, wearing nothing but boxer shorts with their clothes carried in bundles under their arms. Colin's worried about what's to come, and still a little rattled by the sudden underwater ambush, although he's also grateful for that, considering the camera that arrived not long afterward. If Dave hadn't interrupted them, there'd be one hell of an interesting tape passed around the network by the end of the day.

Despite all that, Colin finds himself relaxing with the rhythm of their steps, automatically timing his own to match Ryan's. He loves talking with Ryan, playing around and joking with him and, more recently, exploring the physical side of their relationship, but there's something about just being with him quietly, enjoying his presence and knowing nothing more is expected of him that's always been soothing to Colin. So by the time they get to the edge of camp and put their clothes back on, he's smiling sleepily, pleasantly calm.

"There they are," Ryan murmurs, pointing to Gina and Shannon, who are sitting in the shade of the main tent and doing something tiny and meticulous with their hands. As they draw closer, he sees that they are holding a tangle of fishing line, and carefully unknotting it. Colin feels a pang of guilt at that--Matt may be a first class jerk, but he does have a point about their contributions to the tribe. They've been too wrapped up in each other to really help out much.

"Hey," Colin says, sitting down across from them and taking one of the free bundles of fishing line. "Want some help?"

They smile at him, and Gina looks up as Ryan joins them, her eyes lingering on his still damp hair. She elbows Shannon and they share a secretive look. "Been swimming?" she asks, her mouth twitching upward at the corners.

"It's hot," Colin says, perfectly bland and innocent. He continues before they can start with the giggling again, because that always throws him off balance a little. "So, about this vote tonight..."

Shannon and Gina exchange another glance. "What about it?" Shannon asks, and Colin's been around enough good actors to recognize a bad one. Her voice is too carefully calm, full of forced disinterest and barely hidden tension.

"We want to vote Matt off," Ryan says plainly, obviously impatient with the politics and dancing around they've all been doing. "Dave's with us. That means at the very least a tie, and if you two are with us too, Matt's gone for sure."

Gina's busy hands still for a moment, and then she refocuses on the work, not meeting their eyes. "And what happens the next time we're all up for a vote?" she asks.

"Then we vote Dave off," Ryan replies easily. "Look, I know we're all here to win, and this way we get through at least two more weeks for sure."

Shannon looks up, giving them a long, measuring stare. " _Are_ you here to win? Cause we were thinking, you know... it's not easy to just leave your life behind for weeks to do this thing, and we all did it because we need the money. But you two don't."

"I think you overestimate the wealth of television work in Canada," Colin says dryly. Shannon smiles, but her eyes are uncompromising.

"Okay," Gina says, putting her fishing line down and giving them an artful smile. And she's better at this than Shannon, Colin sees; he can't quite tell if she means it. "Here's what I'm willing to do..."

***

"How would you boys feel about an alliance?" Gina asks. "All four of us, sticking together till the end? We won't vote for you, you won't vote for us. And then if we make it to the final four, it's every person for themselves. What do you say?" 

Colin looks at Ryan, and they hold a silent conversation. Ryan thinks it's too easy, thinks it might be a trick. He doesn't trust the girls. And Colin... Colin thinks that it's really the only way they have a chance, and they're just going to have to take the girls on their word. 

"It would make it easier," Colin says slowly, ignoring Ryan's shaking head. "I mean, once we hit the merge, if all four of us are together, we can use that to our advantage. Pick off the other team one by one." 

"How can we trust you?" Ryan asks, and Colin kicks him. "Ow! Dammit, Col. I just want to make sure. Is that so bad?" 

Colin sighs. "I guess not," he agrees. "Ry's right. How do we know you're telling the truth?"

"I guess you don't," Gina says. "You're just going to have to trust us, just like we're going to have to trust you. We don't know if you're telling us the truth either, you know." 

"It does sound like the only way this is gonna work," Colin says, glancing at Ryan, who hesitates and then nods. "Okay. We'll stick together, all four of us."

"All four of us," Gina agrees, and Shannon makes little humming noises of assent too. 

They all shake hands on it, and Colin just prays that they're doing the right thing...

***

They sit and untangle fishing line for a little longer, but the heat is oppressive and draining and Colin has a hard time focusing on the slim, clear line in his hands. Gina and Shannon keep giving them both these sidelong, speculative glances that make Colin duck his head and bite back a smile, and finally Ryan sighs and gets laboriously to his feet, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Okay," Ryan says, "that's enough. Any more tribe togetherness and I might overdose." He holds a hand out for Colin, who takes it automatically, standing up and grinning when he realizes Ryan isn't going to let go.

"Heading off for a nap?" Shannon asks, eyes far too wide and innocent.

"Yes," Colin says simply, refusing to act shy and embarrassed no matter how much he wants to. 

"Have a good time," Gina says, and they stare at her. "Sleeping," she adds, smiling sweetly.

"Right," Ryan mutters, and his voice is dry and sharp, but Colin catches the crinkle at the corners of his eyes and the tight upward curl of his mouth. 

"Thanks," Colin says brightly, "we will." Then he strolls off with Ryan's hand still laced with his, swinging together at their sides. He's impressed with the girls' self control; they wait until he and Ryan are at least ten feet away before breaking into poorly muffled giggles.

"You did that on purpose," Ryan whispers to him, squeezing his hand.

"What can I say?" Colin replies, shrugging. "I love to get a laugh."

Ryan nods and holds the tent flap for him, and they creep inside, both of them grimacing at the hot air trapped inside the shabby little tent. They lie down on their backs, spread out as much as possible to catch the meager breeze slipping along their skin. 

"You think they'll stick with us?" Ryan asks after a while, his hand idly trailing up and down Colin's chest.

Colin shrugs. "I hope so. It would definitely be a plus, and if we can win a couple immunity challenges, the four of us will still be together when the tribes merge."

"If they keep their word," Ryan says.

"Yeah." Colin rolls to his side, curling close to Ryan despite the heat, burrowing into the familiar hollow of his shoulder. He feels Ryan's arms go around him and he smiles, yawning and pressing a line of lazy kisses to the smooth skin beneath his cheek.

"You tired?" Ryan murmurs, stroking his back.

"Mmm." Colin sighs, wriggling a little, feeling the rasp of his fuzzy chin against Ryan's chest, the almost-tickle of Ryan's fingertips grazing his back, sleepy and indulgent. "I love you," he says.

Ryan's chest moves beneath him in a half-startled breath of laughter. "I love you too," he says, "since we're doing the declaration game all of the sudden."

Colin grins and rolls his eyes. "I just meant... I don't know. All this stuff, this voting and staying on the island or getting kicked off and making alliances and deals and politics... it's not important. Because when it's over, we'll still have this." He catches himself and clears his throat, feeling heat touch his cheekbones and the edges of his ears. "I mean, you know... yeah. Sorry to get all soap opera on you."

Ryan laughs and presses two fingers beneath his chin, lifting his face. He kisses Colin gently, teasing his lower lip, nibbling a little, warm and soft and patient. "You're right," he says. "This is what matters."

And Colin doesn't know what to say to that, so he buries his face against Ryan's neck and hopes they can go to sleep before he blurts anything else. Ryan sifts his fingertips through Colin's hair and rearranges them more comfortably, limp and lazy in the heat, sprawling in a tangle of limbs. "Night, Col," he says, and Colin murmurs something a lot like thank you, but he's not sure, since he's mostly asleep when he says it.


	21. Day Six, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part of Day Six! *victory march* What will go down with the big vote at Tribal Council? Read to find out. :)

Colin wakes to Ryan's fingers, still playing in his hair, and warm breath on his neck. "Mmm..." He leans his head against the pillow of Ryan's chest.

He thinks the sun must be setting outside, because the tent is cooler, and Ryan's body looks grey instead of golden. But Colin still thinks he's gorgeous, and he runs a somehow shy finger in a trail down Ryan's chest, enjoying the solid feel of Ryan's skin underneath his fingertips. 

"Oh, you're awake," Ryan rumbles from underneath him. His voice is light, teasing, and Colin wonders how long he's been lying there, waiting for him to open his eyes. 

"Hey," Colin says, lifting his head for his first look at Ryan.

Ryan is smiling, and his eyes hold none of the hardness that they often do with the rest of the world. "Hey, handsome," he says, and Colin is pleased that one of Ryan's hands is still in his hair, stroking the soft patch beside his temple. 

He's a little self conscious sometimes about his baldness, and the fact that Ryan still can't keep his hands out of his hair... it's kind of an ego boost. 

"Oh, now I'm handsome? Yesterday I was an old man," Colin says.

"You're a handsome old man," Ryan amends. 

Colin smacks Ryan across the side, and Ryan grabs his arms, pinning him backwards on the mat... and then Ryan's kissing him, trails of wet, hot, open kisses down his neck, his chest, his stomach... and then Ryan's kissing _lower_ , pushing Colin's shorts down, and Colin moans, arching his back...

"Hey! Ryan, Colin! Get your asses out here! We gotta get a move on to Tribal Council!"

Once again, Matt has unbelievably bad timing. Ryan grumbles and sits up, wiping his lips. "I hate that guy," he says.

"Soon he'll be gone, if all goes well," Colin reminds him. 

"Which isn't guaranteed," Ryan, ever the pessimist, says. 

"You don't know that," Colin shushes him. 

"Hey! Get out here, now, or I'm coming in!" Matt yells from outside their tent, and he sounds closer now. 

Colin's not sure if he really means it, but he doesn't want to find out. "Coming, darling!" he exclaims before he can help himself, loving Ryan's muffled snickers. 

He finds himself equally dreading and looking forward to tonight's Tribal Council...

***

Dinner is leftover cold rice and some hastily gathered fruit, as the tribe runs around packing. They each have to bring all their personal belongings with them, in case they are sent home, and Colin knows that rationally, but he can't help feeling a low twist in his belly when he looks at their little tent, empty and somehow forlorn.

"Hey," Ryan says, coming up beside him. "We'll have it looking like home again in no time."

And Colin nods and turns, rubbing his cheek briefly against Ryan's shoulder, wordless thanks for knowing just what to say. Ryan pats his back, his hand lingering until Matt clears his throat loudly from a few feet behind them.

"If you two are done?" he says, his arms folded, one foot tapping impatiently. "Or did you want to make us late for council too, seeing as you already lost us immunity?"

"We're ready," Ryan says, bright and snide. "Can't wait. Really looking forward to it, you know?"

"Ryan," Colin says reprovingly, elbowing him. He smiles blandly at Matt, giving away nothing. "Lead the way."

Matt eyes them both balefully for a long moment, and then he turns, his gaze flicking over where Gina and Shannon are standing close together, watching. Colin can't quite tell if he meets their eyes, but the girls seem to track him, giving each other a swift, unreadable look before falling in behind Matt on the trail.

Colin and Ryan leave enough space so they can talk quietly without being overheard, and Dave is somewhere behind them, keeping to himself.

Colin knows it's silly to ask, because they've talked about it over and over and it's too late to change anything now, but he can't quite take the taut silence and the creeping darkness of the jungle dusk. "What do you think will happen?"

Ryan slides an arm around his shoulders, bumping their heads together gently as they walk. "I think we'll be fine." 

"Really?" Colin looks at him in surprise, expecting more of Ryan's pessimism, his tendency toward playing devil's advocate.

"Yeah, really," Ryan replies, smiling at him, his teeth a flash of white in the evening gloom. "Don't worry, Col."

And even if it's meaningless reassurance and Ryan has no way of knowing what will happen, Colin realizes he's grateful for the words, for the comfort of Ryan's closeness. He rests his head on Ryan's shoulder for a few steps, watching the light of Matt's torch bobbing up ahead.

Then there is a rustling from his other side and Dave is there, moving quick and stealthy as ever, slipping an arm around Colin's waist before Ryan even realizes he's there. "Hi," Dave whispers cheerfully. "Can I play too?"

Colin has the sudden and very disturbing thought that Dave is suggesting a threesome, and he shudders, shaking his head and trying hard to dispel the image.

"Hey," Ryan growls, trying to pull Colin away. "Do you mind?"

Dave just grins at him cheekily and pats Colin's chest. "Funny guy likes Dave," he says. "He told me so."

"Not like that," Colin says, gently removing Dave's arm from his waist. "You're still on our side, right Dave?"

"Don't worry, Big Dave is backing you up. Nobody messes with Dave's friends." He snaps his teeth together, making a sharp clacking sound, like pool balls colliding.

"That's great," Ryan says, still watching Dave warily. "We're counting on you."

"Shhh," Colin warns, seeing firelight dancing up ahead, and the bright, steady white light of set equipment. "We're here."

The tribe is silent as they gather around the bonfire, Jeff sitting on a rock and looking bored as the crew prepares for the process. They're all given torches of their own and instructed on how to cast their votes and speak to the camera, if they wish, and then they file out again so the crew can film them approaching in a single line, each with their torch held high.

Once they're artfully arranged in a semi-circle in front of Jeff, torches secure in little concealed brackets, their host nods and spreads his hands wide. "Orteza tribe," he begins gravely, "tonight you are here to vote one of your own off the island." They all nod, and he looks them over, focusing on Matt after a moment. "You've emerged as the leader of your tribe," he says, and Matt swells visibly, beaming. "How do you feel about this vote tonight?"

"I look at it as an opportunity," Matt says seriously, and the reply sounds so rehearsed that Colin muffles a snicker in his hand. "There's some dead weight in this tribe, and I think this is our chance to cut that weight loose and move forward as a stronger whole."

"For once, we're in complete agreement," Ryan murmurs very softly in Colin's ear.

Jeff nods, making little uh-huh noises. "Okay, and... you," he says, turning suddenly on Colin, who freezes, wide eyed. "You've been involved in some conflict within the tribe. How do you think that will affect tonight's outcome?"

Colin blinks and smiles automatically when he sees the cameras on him. "I don't really know," he says honestly. "I've done my best and I hope that's enough."

Jeff makes the understanding noises again, and then steps back. He goes through the familiar spiel about how someone will be voted off, and that person will leave Tribal Council immediately. Colin shifts anxiously, aware of Ryan's leg jiggling up and down beside him, Ryan's expression sharp and impatient. He wants this to be over, one way or another; they both do.

"You may now begin to vote," Jeff says, and Matt gets up right away, going to the other side of the clearing and writing his vote, speaking for what seems like a long time into the camera. Colin exchanges a glance with Ryan.

"Probably my list of crimes," he mutters, and Ryan nods.

The girls go next, one at a time, and they keep their eyes down, not looking at Ryan and Colin or Matt. Ryan nudges Colin and he takes a deep breath and crosses the clearing. He writes Matt's name in clear block letters and shows it to the camera, but says nothing. Ryan squeezes his shoulder when he sits again, and then he takes his turn. Dave goes last, springing up and moving back and forth past the bonfire with a gait that's almost like dancing, and Colin finds himself smiling. He thinks he might actually miss Dave a little when this is all over.

"Has everyone cast their vote?" Jeff asks formally when they're all seated again. When they all agree, he continues, "I will now count the votes. The person who has the most votes will surrender their torch, and leave Tribal Council immediately."

He gets the ballot box and reaches inside, stirring the papers a little. Colin reaches over to Ryan and finds his hand, fumbling for it, his fingers trembling slightly. Ryan squeezes back, and Jeff pulls the first name...

***

"Matt," Jeff reads, and Colin recognizes Ryan's handwriting.

Colin lets out a deep breath, and Ryan squeezes his hand. 

Jeff pulls out the second vote, and slowly unfolds it, trying to up the dramatic effect. Colin rolls his eyes. He wants to jump off the row of seats, tackle Jeff, and read every one of the votes as fast as possible, just to get it over with so he can get out of here one way or the other. 

Unfortunately, he knows that isn't how successful television shows work. Colin can practically hear the dramatic music that's no doubt going to be added to this particular segment later, as Jeff pauses, glancing around at each of them before turning around the slip of paper so they all can see.

"Second vote for Matt," he says, and it's Colin's.

Dammit. They still don't know about the girls. Ryan squeezes his hand, and Colin is glad all over again for Ryan's calm presence. Because otherwise, he's pretty sure he'd have already fainted dead away... for real. 

Colin leans forward as Jeff slips a third vote out of the pile. This time he seems to take even longer to turn it around and show them. 

Matt's name is written in large, looping letters covering top to bottom, and in the bottom right corner is what looks like a drawing of a crocodile with big teeth. And Colin bites back a smile, looking over at Dave. Dave is wiggling in his seat and completely failing to even come close to looking innocent. 

"That's three for Matt," says Jeff, peering at Matt, who glares around at the tribe, probably wondering which three of them dared to vote against him. 

Colin bites his lip and runs a thumb along Ryan's palm, needing to touch him as much as he can. So far everything's gone according to plan, but now... now they're getting into murky waters.

He shuts his eyes for a minute, because he can't take watching Jeff dragging things out some more. Ryan elbows him, and Colin opens his eyes. Jeff is looking right at him, and oh god, the slip of paper he's holding has Colin's name written on it. And Colin just prays that it's Matt's handwriting, and not Gina's or Shannon's... 

"That's one vote for Colin, three votes for Matt," Jeff informs them, as if they don't know. "Matt, if you get one more vote, you will be asked to leave the tribe." 

Jeff reaches in the box for the next ballot. Colin holds his breath and is absolutely mortified when he realizes his hands are shaking, even with Ryan holding one of them. Ryan reaches over with his other hand, stroking Colin until he sighs and feels the trembles fading away. 

"I love you," Ryan whispers out of the side of his mouth, which is an incredibly risky thing to do, because there's cameras and microphones everywhere. 

But then again, he and Ryan are experts at evading microphones, thanks to their work on _Whose Line_. The conversations they've had... Colin almost blushes when he thinks of some of the suggestive things Ryan has said to him onstage throughout the years, covering his microphone and keeping his voice pitched low so that no one could hear except for the two of them. He remembers all the times when he had to sneak off to his trailer immediately after taping was over to relieve some of the pressure Ryan's touch and his words had built up throughout the games... 

And that little smirk on Ryan's lips when he "dropped by" Colin's trailer afterwards, the way he'd always seemed to be drinking in Colin's sweaty, sex-flushed face... And Colin always thought that it was almost like Ryan was _teasing_ him. And he probably was... 

And this is so not the time to be thinking about sex, Colin scolds himself, focusing on Jeff. And especially not sex and Ryan... or sex _with_ Ryan... 

He sighs when he sees that Jeff is turning around the slip of paper, ready to reveal the name written on it to the world. Colin gulps, Ryan presses his hands tighter around his, and...

Matt's name is on the paper, in decidedly feminine handwriting. Matt's lips curl into an angry sneer, and Jeff says, "And the first person voted out of Orteza is Matt." 

Colin wants to leap up and hug Shannon and Gina, but he knows he can't. Instead he catches Gina's eye and smiles tentatively at her. He's elated when she grins back. He's glad that the girls are still their friends. At least, for now. 

"Matt, please bring me your torch," Jeff instructs Matt, who grabs his bag and stalks to the front with his torch.

Colin can't help the smile that spreads over his face as Matt's torch is snuffed out. Matt is glaring bloody murder at all of them, but somehow Colin can't find it in himself to give much of a damn. 

"Matt, the tribe has spoken," Jeff says somberly.

And Matt stomps through the exit and hopefully out of Colin's life for good.

***

Jeff has a few questions for the tribe after Matt leaves, little recap things about how they feel about the vote. The girls are carefully noncommittal, and Colin watches them, finding himself already gauging their threat level as competitors. He knows they have this alliance, but tonight has taught him that he really doesn't want to be voted off yet, even if he wasn't sure he wanted to be here in the first place.

"Dave, you look happy about the results," Jeff says, and Dave bounces, clacking his teeth together again.

"Told him I'd eat him up and look," he spreads his hands, looking around, "he's all gone. Two bites, snap snap."

Jeff blinks and exchanges an uncertain glance with the director of the film crew. "Right," he says after a moment. "Okay, and Colin, how do you feel knowing that at least one person on the tribe voted against you?"

"I feel glad it wasn't more than one," Colin replies honestly.

"Are you worried about the next vote at all?" Jeff prods, not happy with his first answer.

Colin shakes his head. "Not anymore." And he smiles at the girls, who nod back. 

"Very well, Orteza, you may return to your camp," Jeff says, standing back and waving them off. "Congratulations on passing through tribal council."

They all rise and shuffle away, and there is a brief confusion over who will lead the way now that Matt is gone, but Ryan takes the torch and pulls Colin to his side, and they light up the path together. It's full dark now and the tribe huddles close to the torch, not wanting to get lost in the jungle. 

"Does anyone else want to sing 'Ding dong, the witch is dead'?" Gina asks, and Colin surprises himself with a burst of relieved laughter. Ryan pats his back, grinning.

Dave is jubilant, bouncing all around them, patting everyone on the shoulders and Colin on the butt. Colin bites his lip and tries very hard not to react, because that'll only make Ryan mad again and he doesn't want to ruin the happy mood. "Big Dave wins!" he says, holding his hands clasped together over his head. "You're all on Big Dave's team now!" He pauses, jumping in front of them so he can face them all. "Do you all want to be crocodiles too?"

"No thanks," Colin says when nobody else seems to know what to say. "You can be the crocodile, you're very good at it."

Dave nods and darts forward, squeezing Colin briefly before zipping away. Colin watches him go, smiling.

"He really likes you," Ryan observes, and he sounds amused, but he doesn't drop the arm curled tightly around Colin's shoulders. Not even when Shannon says something that sounds very much like 'jealous' and Gina murmurs back about how cute it is.

Colin sighs and shakes his head, but he's smiling all the way back to camp. He likes the little family they've built here, and it's eccentric and impermanent, but for now, it's safe.

They're all still a little high and giddy from the stress of tribal council, and they gather around the fire (except for Dave, who snapped up some dried fish and disappeared soon afterward), scraping together an impromptu meal to make up for the meager dinner and talking together. Colin and Ryan throw together a few improv games, very freeform things that they can take wherever they want, and it's fun for a while but they're too worn out to focus properly, and Gina and Shannon try hard but tend to shut the games down when they get involved. 

Soon Ryan is yawning and resting his chin on Colin's shoulder, one arm loosely around Colin's waist. Colin turns to him, murmuring in his ear, "Time for bed?"

Ryan nods, and when Colin says goodnight to the girls, he doesn't even mind that they're giggling and watching with bright, speculative eyes. He pulls Ryan up by the hand and leads him over to their tent, enjoying the way Ryan leans on him sleepily, trusting him to steer.

Their tent is still bare inside, but they unpack quickly, shuffling around piles of clothes and unrolling their sleeping mats. Soon it is snug and cluttered again, and Colin pulls Ryan close against his chest and whispers thanks in his ear.

"For what?" Ryan asks, his lips moving softly against Colin's neck as he speaks.

Colin shrugs. "Just thanks." And he kisses Ryan drowsily, trailing his fingers through Ryan's hair, relishing the warm rasp of his skin and the indulgent softness of his mouth. 

"You watch out for that Dave," Ryan mumbles, holding Colin a little tighter. "Don't think I didn't see what he was doing."

Colin rolls his eyes and strokes Ryan's back. "Go to sleep."

"Mmm," Ryan says, wriggling against him, finding all the places they fit together and lining them up until Colin feels surrounded, wrapped up. He sighs and closes his eyes, glad to be home again.


	22. Day Seven, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more sexy bits in this chapter, so be warned. Or enjoy, if you wish. :D

Ryan is smiling at Colin, and his face is glowing with sunlight. A breeze blows through his hair, artfully mussing up the golden curls. He lifts up a cocktail glass with a slice of pineapple and one of those fruity little paper umbrellas, and toasts to Colin. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and an entire collection of multi-colored leis, and he looks so delicious that Colin wants to see if he tastes as good as he looks... 

And they're on a beach, in front of an ocean so bright aqua that Colin feels like he's going blind every time he turns his head and looks at it. It's sunset, and the sky is a an entire spectrum of colors, from deep red all the way to royal purple and it's just unreal. And the sun is absolutely huge, taking up nearly half of the sky, and it's burning like fire... 

_Do you see that?_ he asks Ryan, but Ryan's face is washing out, the colors of his shirt are bleeding like watercolors, and the ground trembles underneath them, like an earthquake, and...

Colin gasps as he flies awake. Ryan is shaking his side. "What?" he says, his heart racing. 

Ryan recoils from Colin's grouchy tone, and Colin instantly feels bad. "Sorry," he apologizes, attempting a smile. "You just... startled me, that's all. I was having this weird dream..." 

"S'okay," Ryan says, and Colin thinks how cute he is after he's just woken up, all sexy and rumpled. 

And he realizes he could wake up next to Ryan every day for the rest of his life and never get tired of seeing Ryan's sleep-scrunched face and his tousled hair. It's a pleasant thought, something a few days ago he never would have even dreamed... but now... now maybe it might come true. 

"I just wanted you to see something," Ryan says. 

"Oh?" Colin asks, intrigued. It's still dark in the tent, and he thinks that the sun must not even be up yet. 

"Yeah, but we have to hike a bit, so I had to get you up early," Ryan says. "I'd really like you to see it. Please?" 

Colin stretches and sighs. A part of him wants to stay just like this, comfortable and warm in the circle of Ryan's arms. He knows that as soon as he moves, the cold air is going to reach up and bite into him almost immediately. And it won't let go, no matter how much he leans into Ryan. 

But on the other hand, Ryan is looking at him so invitingly, like a little kid who really wants to play, and Colin just can't resist. "Okay," he agrees. 

Ryan grins and kisses him. "C'mon," he says, and but Colin won't get up. He wants another kiss, and he tells Ryan so by cocking his head and using his famous puppydog eyes. 

Ryan laughs and rolls his eyes. "You're pathetic, you know that?" he asks, but he gives Colin want he wants, and Colin adds a little extra...

"We have to go," Ryan moans, breaking away. 

Colin just blinks innocently at him. "Sorry. My tongue must've slipped," he says.

Ryan rolls his eyes and tugs Colin up to his feet. He helps Colin into his sweatshirt, skating his fingers along Colin's skin. Colin knows that Ryan is babying him, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he rather likes it.

"C'mon," Ryan says, taking Colin's hands, which are already freezing. "You are gonna love this."

***

Ryan leads him into the trees, hurrying him along, their hands linked together and the air still and perfect around them. Maybe it's the early wake up or the weird dream or the thick jungle growth flooding them with oxygen, but Colin feels light, almost weightless, each step carrying him further than it should, skimming over the ground like Ryan's hand is the only tether to reality.

He can tell they're going uphill, but it's still dark, the sky touched with the faintest hint of blue gray, the world monochrome around them, flat like an old photo. Colin can't tell which way they're going or even how far they are from camp, and he's certain that if Ryan left him now, he'd be hopelessly lost, but he's not worried. Ryan won't leave him.

"Come on," Ryan urges, out of breath and grinning. "We're almost there."

"Where?" Colin asks, more because he knows Ryan wants to be asked than because he thinks he'll get an answer. Ryan likes to tease, to make him curious and then make him wait, and Colin plays along out of old habit and willingness to indulge his friend.

"You'll see," Ryan says, pulling him a little faster.

They stumble a little when the jungle gets thick around them, the trees closing off the meager light and leaving them struggling through murky underbrush, but Colin holds on to that light, reckless feeling and it carries him through to a sudden clearing and then Ryan's hand jerks him back two steps before would have gone off the edge of a sharp drop off.

"Here," Ryan says, arms linked around his waist, holding Colin snug against his chest. They face toward the edge, the jungle spread out beneath them in a rolling green carpet, a dark winding line of river glittering through gaps in the trees. They're high enough and close enough to the beach to see the ocean, a clean blue line curving around the horizon, bordered by the white scrim of sand and rocks at the edge of the island.

"Oh," Colin says, and he's glad Ryan's holding on to him, because for a crazy second he's certain he could jump off the edge and fly.

"I found this when I was looking for you the other day," Ryan murmurs in his ear. "When psycho-boy kidnapped you."

"Hush," Colin says, slapping the back of Ryan's hand lightly. "He's harmless. Mostly. And besides, you wouldn't have found this place without him, right?"

"Hmm," Ryan says, which for him is agreeing without actually admitting it. Colin smiles and turns his head, kissing Ryan's neck.

"Where's the camp from here?" Colin asks, then nibbles on Ryan's ear just as he's about to reply, laughing at the high pitched squeak he makes instead.

"You can't really see it," Ryan says, shivering when Colin licks a slim line down the side of his throat. "There's trees... um... trees in the way and oh, do that..."

Colin grins and slips a hand beneath Ryan's shirt. "What? This?"

Ryan takes a shuddering breath and pulls away with obvious reluctance. "Okay, okay, wait," he says, swallowing hard. "I wanted to watch the sun come up with you and you're distracting me."

"I am?" Colin blinks innocently. "I thought we were just talking. Trees, right?" And he turns, both hands on Ryan's back beneath his shirt, raking his nails lightly up the length of his spine. Ryan bites his lip and grunts low in his throat.

"You know what?" Ryan says. "The sun rises every damn day. It'll still be here tomorrow." And he drops suddenly to his knees, his hands bracing Colin's hips, grinning up at him with dark, intent eyes.

"I... yeah," Colin says, his throat suddenly dry. "Tomorrow. We should come up here again."

"Every morning," Ryan agrees. "Until we see it, because I get the feeling you're going to distract me again." He slips the button of Colin's jeans open, and slides the zipper down slowly.

"I get the feeling you're right," Colin says, and then he catches his breath in a sudden sharp inhale because Ryan's hands are _cold_ and his mouth is hot, breathing close to Colin's waist and the contrast of wet heat and cold air all at once shorts something out in his head.

"Hmm?" Ryan says and Colin's knees wobble dangerously at the vibration because really, he can only be expected to take so much and still keep standing.

Ryan opens the flap of his pants fully and he pushes Colin down until he's sitting sprawled in the grass. Then Ryan is poised over him, his hands braced to either side of Colin's waist and he pushes Colin's shirt up and kisses his stomach, breathing deeply.

"Can't tell you how long I've wanted to do this," Ryan mutters, almost to himself. "All the damn time, with that sweet little smile like you're so innocent and you're not, you're not and I knew you'd be like this, so..." He shakes his head, kissing Colin again, the crease at the top of his thigh, the line of his hip, the soft, baby smooth patch of skin beneath the curve of his belly.

Ryan's hand is first, wrapping around him, a little rough and a lot cold and Colin jerks in surprise, his breath freezing in his throat and then whooshing out in a rush when he feels Ryan's mouth around him and he has to look, he has to because Ryan isn't the only one who's been waiting for this.

Ryan's eyes are closed and he's _smiling_ and Colin can feel more than hear the delighted little sounds he makes, eager and impatient and Colin twists, batting at Ryan's head because it's _too much too fast_. And then Ryan _laughs_ around him, low and purring and little huffs of breath rushing over him. Colin thrashes and Ryan pins his hips down so he can't choke him and he bangs his head back against the ground and makes a sound almost like a sob.

Ryan licks him until he's too hypersensitive to bear it and he curls up protectively, huddling in on himself. Ryan prods him flat again and pulls him close, wrapping his arms around Colin and burrowing against his chest.

Colin takes a few seconds to catch his breath, and then reaches down, already licking his lips, but Ryan pushes his hand aside. "It's okay," he says to Colin's confused look. "I already..."

"Really?" Colin smiles, feeling almost smug, although it's not like he had anything to do with it.

Ryan shrugs, a little sheepish. "Didn't know I'd like it quite that much."

"Mmm." Colin strokes his back lazily and presses a kiss to his forehead. "You've got to let me try that sometime."

"Oh, definitely," Ryan agrees, grinning. He looks out over the cliff and points to the horizon. "And look, we still get to watch most of the sunrise. Guess we didn't miss it after all."

"Good," Colin replies, and they watch quietly for a while as pink and gold spread up the sky, shining across the ocean. "You know, I think we should come out here again tomorrow anyway," Colin says.

Ryan laughs softly. "Yeah," he says. "We should."

Colin curls a little closer to him, closing his eyes for a moment and savoring it, and they watch the day begin.

***

Colin grins, a glazed look coming into his eyes. Man, that was one hot fantasy. He wishes that he and Ryan really could do that out here, but that last close call with Dave and the camera has underscored that they really shouldn't have anymore public sex. Or at least, not during the daylight... maybe at night sometime...

Colin tries to reel his thoughts in before his mind conjures up another scenario of nighttime jungle sex under a sky bright with stars... and this time... this time it's _Ryan's_ turn... 

Ryan nudges Colin as they wait for the sun to rise. "Whatcha thinking about over there?" 

Colin blushes. "Nothing," he says, smiling down at the ground. 

"Then why are you breathing all weird?" 

"I... oh, look, the sun's starting to come up!" 

Ryan glances at the sky. "No, it's not," he says, and laughs, giving Colin one of those warm, indulgent looks that say he knows exactly what Colin's been thinking about. "You need your eyes checked, old man." 

"There you go with the old man again," Colin says. 

"Handsome old man," Ryan quickly adds. 

Colin shakes his head.

"Handsome and lovable?" Ryan tries, blinking with what he calls his "Colin face".

Colin sighs. "You so cannot pull that look off." 

"But you can," Ryan says, moving over so he's sitting behind Colin.

Ryan wraps his arms around Colin, and rests his head on Colin's shoulder. The chill immediately leaves Colin, and he leans back into Ryan, letting the warmth touch them both. "Love you," he says softly.

Ryan kisses Colin's cheek. "Love you," he whispers in Colin's ear, the words tickling him. 

They are quiet as they wait for the sun to rise.

***

Colin half expects someone to find them, Dave wanting to play or a sneaky cameraman who couldn't leave well enough alone, but for once, they're allowed a measure of peace and privacy. It's quiet enough to hear the steady rhythm of Ryan's breathing behind him, the soft whisper of his hands stroking Colin's chest. 

At first the sky is all pastels and hazy light, but as the sun actually appears Colin has to close his eyes against the brightness. He can't look at the light directly, so he watches it play over Ryan's face, going from pale to peach to burnished gold, his eyes catching the shine and reflecting it, green like a river in spring.

"Hey," Ryan says, poking him gently. "Supposed to be watching the view."

Colin grins. "I am." And he watches a surprised and purely happy look spread across Ryan's face, everything there on the surface and perfectly clear for a moment before Ryan catches himself and looks away, ducking his head.

"All right, you," Ryan says gruffly, squeezing him. "Don't get all girly on me."

"Right," Colin laughs, "you brought me out here to watch the sunrise together and _I'm_ the girly one."

"Didn't hear you complaining about it," Ryan replies, low and suggestive in his ear. 

"No, you didn't," Colin agrees. He covers Ryan's hands with his own where they rest against his waist, and Ryan sighs, rubbing his cheek on Colin's shoulder. They fall quiet again until the sun is round and golden hanging over the ocean and Ryan's stomach is growling audibly.

"Sounds like it's time to go," Colin says, chuckling.

"Yeah," Ryan says, but he doesn't let go yet, holding Colin tighter for a moment. It's only when Colin's stomach joins the hungry rumbling that he sighs and gets to his feet, holding a hand out to help Colin up.

The walk back to camp is longer than the trip out, because they move leisurely, hands linked, Ryan's thumb idly stroking the inside of Colin's palm. When they get there, Gina and Shannon are still asleep and Dave has already disappeared for the morning.

"What've we got?" Ryan asks, poking through the storage containers along the edge of the main tent. 

"Looks like rice," Colin says, sighing. "And... rice."

"Goody," Ryan says, wrinkling his nose. "No fruit? Fish? Oatmeal?"

"Used it all up." Colin frowns, sorting through their secondary supply kit. There's the matches, the water purification tablets, the cooking pot and the dishes and silverware, the spare fish hooks and an extra reel, but no food.

"Morning," Gina says, coming up behind them and smothering a yawn. "What's for breakfast?"

"Not a lot," Ryan replies. He exchanges a look with Colin and then picks up a fishing pole. "Start with the rice, okay? I'll see what I can do."

"I'll look for some fruit," Gina volunteers, heading off, and Colin starts a pot of water to boil by the fire. It looks like there's a downside to Matt leaving the tribe after all. Suddenly he wishes he paid a little more attention during all those setting traps lessons that Matt insisted on giving them.

He watches Ryan casting a line across the water, and even though he's hungry, he grimaces at the thought of more fish. Today, he decides, they're going hunting.


	23. Day Seven, Part II

Colin laughs when he sees Dave peer out of the jungle and immediately run over to Ryan. Dave has bits of vine and leaves trailing in his hair, and his face is painted with what looks like mud. 

"Fish?" he can hear Dave ask Ryan. "Crocodile Dave can snap up the fish no problem!"

Ryan looks over his shoulder at Colin helplessly, but Colin shakes his head, wanting to see this. 

Dave jumps around, waving his arms. "Hey! Hey, tall, scary guy! I said--"

"I heard you the first time," Ryan cuts Dave off, and Colin notices how he's standing a little straighter, trying to appear more intimidating. 

This is completely lost on Dave, however. Colin thinks that Dave might be fearless. "Let me help!" Dave says, trying to take the fishing pole from Ryan. "Crocodiles make the best fishers, 'cause it's in our blood, like the pills." 

Ryan holds tight to the fishing pole, glaring at Dave. "Quit it."

"Funny guy would let me fish," Dave says, sulking. "Funny guy likes Dave." 

"Then why don't you go bother him?" Ryan snaps. 

"Too far," Dave says, jerking his head back towards camp. "Too far to walk. All the way over there. You're right here, and I want to find fish. I just want to help."

And Dave dives into the water, gnashing his teeth like a crocodile. Or at least, Dave's demented version of a crocodile. He wiggles through the river, pretending to wag his long crocodile tail. "Here, fishie-fishies! Crocodile Dave will snap you all up for breakfast! Me and tall, scary guy!" 

"Dammit, Dave! You're scaring them all away!" Ryan yells, and he tosses down the fishing pole and stomps into the water. 

Immediately Colin runs towards the river. When Ryan's eyes start flashing like that, it's never good. He's been witness to enough of Ryan's temper tantrums over the years to know that. And even though Ryan would never hurt _him_ , and Colin knows that, he always feels a little afraid for whichever unlucky person happens to be on the receiving end. 

"I'm sorry," a cringing Dave whispers when Colin makes it over to the two of them. Ryan has Dave by the collar, and he's staring down at him menacingly. 

Colin puts a hand on Ryan's shoulder, and Ryan stiffens and swings his head around, snarling. And then he sees it's Colin and his expression immediately softens. 

"Hey," Colin soothes him, putting his hand over Ryan's, which is still fisted in Dave's shirt. "He's just trying to help." 

"I'm sorry," Dave repeats, his entire body shaking. One hand is curled over his stomach, and the other protects his head. And Colin wonders if perhaps Dave might have been abused at some point by someone... 

Ryan nods and lets go, stepping away. His chest is heaving and his eyes are wide and scared. "Sorry," he mutters to the ground, and Colin's not sure if he's talking to him or to Dave, but it's enough. 

"Maybe I better do the fishing," Colin says, almost to himself.

***

Ryan retreats to the fire, taking over the rice cooking duties, and Colin picks up the fishing pole, looking at it blankly for a moment.

"Hey," Colin says, reaching toward Dave. "Come on, let's get out of the water, okay?"

Dave eyes him warily for a long moment, and then smiles and takes his hand, allowing himself to be led to shore. "Big Dave is sorry," he murmurs earnestly. "Do you still like me?"

"Sure," Colin says, patting his shoulder. He casts the line back into the river, although he doubts they'll get anything now, and he watches Dave out of the corner of his eye. Dave has changed in the week they've been out here. He started out much more lucid and sharp edged, not so childlike, and Colin wonders if that's the long term effects of medication wearing off. Maybe this is what Dave is like with no treatment at all. The medication made him more controlled, better at focusing, but Colin likes him more this way. He's almost sweet, if a little aggravating at times.

Dave sidles up to him and rests a hand on his lower back. "Tall guy doesn't like me," he whispers.

"He's just..." Colin shrugs, not quite sure if Dave will understand. "It's hard being out here," he tries, watching Dave's face. The other man seems to be following along, nodding, although it's hard to tell. "And you tried to steal me, remember? That made him upset."

"I only wanted to play," Dave says.

Colin nods and pats his arm, shifting uneasily when Dave beams and rests his head on Colin's shoulder for a moment. "I know," he says soothingly. "But it was still kind of scary, and Ryan--tall guy--he doesn't like that. He's really very nice."

" _You're_ nice," Dave replies, bringing one hand up to finger the buttons of Colin's shirt. Colin edges away; he doesn't have to look behind him to feel Ryan watching all this, no doubt working himself up into a jealous snit.

"Thanks," Colin says, and he gently removes Dave's hand from his shirt. "Hey, why don't you go help Gina look for fruit? I'd like it if you did that."

Dave ignores him, his hand coming right back to Colin's chest. "You want to see Dave's secret house again? You could spend the night."

Colin swallows and glances back toward the campfire, meeting Ryan's watchful gaze for a moment. Ryan doesn't look happy, but he's staying put, letting Colin handle it, and Colin is grateful for that. "Um, I'll pass," Colin says awkwardly. "I like my tent."

"Oh." Dave sighs and leans a little harder on him. "You like sharing with Ryan. I know."

"Hey, you used his name," Colin says, grinning. "Good for you."

Dave nods. "I remember sometimes. I remember Bobby. He's a funny guy too. Do you know Bobby?"

"No..." Colin says slowly. "Is he a doctor?"

"No, he lived with me in the place before, with the pills. We traded sometimes because he liked the yellow pills so I gave him mine. And then he'd sneak in with me when they weren't looking and he taught me cards."

"Ah." Colin pats Dave's back, squeezing his shoulder briefly. "Sounds like you were friends."

"Yeah." Dave sighs again. "Bobby should have left with big Dave. We could have fun out here together. He'd share the secret house and play crocodiles with Dave and be funny."

"You miss your friend," Colin realizes. "That's okay. You'll see him again when this is over."

Dave shakes his head, frowning. "But I don't remember. I left the place and I was okay for a while but now I don't remember how to get back."

Colin opens his mouth and then shuts it again, suddenly feeling guilty for keeping Dave here as long as he has. But would the director even believe him if he told about Dave's problems? Maybe they'd think it was a ploy to get him off the island. Still, Colin can't help but worry about what will happen to Dave once he's off the tribe; he's in no shape to fend for himself.

"Hey," Ryan calls from behind them. "Rice is ready. Catch anything?"

"No," Colin replies, reeling in his line. He heads away from the river, Dave trailing after him, occasionally tugging on the back of his shirt. When they sit down, Ryan dishes Dave some rice first, handing it over with an apologetic smile. Dave takes it, but he makes sure to stay on the other side of Colin, hunched and wary.

Ryan sighs, frowning down at his feet, digging a hole in the dirt with one toe. Colin leans into him, rubbing his back gently, and Ryan manages a smile.

"Hey, Dave," Ryan says, leaning forward to see Dave past Colin. "Sorry about before. I was just hungry and, you know..." He shrugs, spreading his hands.

Dave watches him and says nothing, bowl clutched protectively against his chest.

"Right," Ryan says after a moment. "Guess we'll talk about it later."

When Gina and Shannon return with handfuls of fruit, their chatter lightens breakfast somewhat, but Colin is still very aware of Ryan at one side and Dave at the other, leaving him sitting uneasily in the middle.

***

As soon as breakfast ends, Dave runs off to the jungle once more. He does his Tarzan yell again, the echo bouncing off the trees, and Colin thinks that Dave'll be all right. As Colin's mother used to say when he was screaming bloody murder after a scraped knee or some other minor injury, anyone who can scream like that isn't in any real danger.

He thinks maybe that might even apply to crocodiles.

The girls wander off to look for more wood, and it's so sticky out that Colin wants to run back to the tent and curl up with Ryan until the heat of the day disappears. He hopes that it will rain later. They haven't had a storm for a few days now, since that day with Eric as a matter of fact, and he thinks they need the cooling off that the rain always brings. 

Unfortunately, Colin knows he can't just sneak off with Ryan. One of the downsides of Matt being gone is that now they actually have to pull their weight around here. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, if the heat wasn't already making him feel tired and run-down, like a piece of machinery on its last legs... 

"C'mon, let's go check the traps," Ryan says. "I'm already starting to feel hungry again. That rice isn't very filling."

"I know! They could at least give us whole grain rice," Colin agrees. "White rice is basically empty calories."

"Let's not talk about food anymore," Ryan says, touching his stomach.

Colin reaches over and touches Ryan's stomach too, a little alarmed at how much flatter and less pliant it already feels, even compared to a few days ago. He should've tried to fatten Ryan up more before they came out here. He's going to be positively skeletal by the time this is all over, and Colin worries about his health. After all, someone has to. 

On the other hand, he's kind of looking forward to having a slim, trim body, even if it's most likely only temporary. 'Cause once he gets back to Canada, he's going to gorge himself on everything in sight. But in the meantime, if it'll make him more attractive to Ryan, he's all for it...

He still can't believe that Ryan actually seems to find him hot. He's bald and his skin is pasty. And he's got a pudgy belly, a hairy chest, and boring brown eyes. Sometimes he wishes that just once, he could see himself the way Ryan sees him. See what it is that Ryan thinks is so special about him. 

Ryan's skin is smooth and flat and supple, and he's barely hairy at all... he has striking green eyes, and his hair... Ryan's hair is golden, and Colin loves how it's longer now, long enough to bring out the curl that Ryan has always tried to tame and cut and flatten into submission. And it's gone a few shades lighter, thanks to all the sun. Colin even thinks Ryan's nose is beautiful. It gives him character, and he supposes a big guy like him would look silly with a tiny nose. 

"You should leave your hair longer," he says thoughtfully as they traipse through the jungle. 

"What?" Ryan glances over at him, that amused look starting to creep into his eyes. 

Colin blushes, feeling like a teenager with a crush. How does Ryan always manage to do that to him with just a simple look or a few words? "I just... I guess I was thinking that I like your hair like that," he says, and he is mortified by how _shy_ he sounds. God, he's known Ryan for how long? And Ryan can still affect Colin in a way that no one else does...

Ryan laughs and shakes his head, making his curls flop every which way. It's all Colin can do to stop himself from jumping Ryan's bones right here and now. But he won't, because this time, there's a camera right behind them, and besides, he promised himself no more sex out in the open... 

Anyway, maybe with Matt gone now, they won't have to worry about too many interruptions in the tent. The girls won't disturb them... in fact, Colin wonders if they might sneak over to watch. But that thought makes him blush even deeper, and he pushes it away.

Colin contents himself with reaching out and touching Ryan's hair. Even without any shampoo, it's soft underneath his fingers. Ryan stops and closes his eyes, letting Colin pet him for a moment. Ryan's sighs remind him of the camera, and he drops his hand, hoping that Ryan will understand.

Ryan nods, putting his hand on the small of Colin's back and guiding him through the jungle. They step carefully, because they're not exactly sure where Matt even put the traps. 

Colin wonders what would happen if they got hurt on the show. Would the cameras just stand back and let them deal with it? Or would someone swoop in and help them? He decides that he doesn't want to find out. 

They come across one of Matt's traps, and of course there's nothing in it. Ryan grumbles, and Colin feels pretty much the same. All the walking and the heat have left his stomach running on empty, even though breakfast was barely an hour ago. He needs meat. He's _craving_ it, as a matter of fact. 

"What about those chicken-birds?" he asks. "We could try and catch a couple."

Ryan snorts, blowing his hair off his forehead. "Right. 'Cause when you think hunting, you think Colin and Ryan." 

"We have to do something," Colin argues. "We have to try at least."

"What's the point?" Ryan snaps, and Colin recoils. Ryan has never spoken to him in that sharp way before. 

Ryan's eyes are large and round and blinking, and he gapes at Colin, looking aghast. "Col," he whispers, holding out one hand. 

Colin takes it, squeezing it. "I'm sorry," Ryan says, and he pulls Colin to him, fiercely wrapping his arms around him and burying his head into Colin's shoulder. "I'm just so damn hungry, and it's the heat, and... I'm sorry."

"I'm worried about you," Colin says, stroking Ryan's cheek. "Are you sure you're all right?"

***

"I'm fine," Ryan says, meeting Colin's eyes for a moment before looking away. "Sorry, it's just..."

"Hard being out here," Colin finishes for him. "I know. But we'll find something, even if it's just fish, and there's still the beans, those are more filling."

Ryan nods and kisses Colin on the forehead. He glances over Colin's shoulder at the camera, glaring at it for a moment, and then takes Colin's hand and moves on down the path, looking for the next trap. "I'm still glad Matt's gone," Ryan says. "Even if he did feed us."

"No argument here," Colin replies, grinning. "And hey, when we get out of here, we can eat whatever we want."

Ryan pauses for a step, and then drops Colin's hand, walking a little faster. "Yeah," he says, frowning intently at the ground. "So where do you think that trap is?"

Colin hurries to catch up and almost takes Ryan's hand again before he thinks better of it. Ryan's shoulders are hunched, a troubled line between his eyebrows, his hands tightly curled. "Ryan?"

"What?" Ryan asks, an edge of impatience to his tone.

Colin slips a hand into the crook of Ryan's elbow and holds him still, waiting. Ryan sighs, closing his eyes for a long moment, and then he looks up. "Sorry," he mutters. "Again."

Colin shakes his head. "What is this about? It's not just being out here."

"Have you thought about what happens when we leave?" Ryan asks sharply, shaking Colin's hand off his arm. "We have lives waiting for us, you know, and we live at different ends of the country. Hell, not even the _same_ country. You think this is going to be easy?"

Colin blinks, stepping back, almost bumping the camera operator, who has zoomed in eagerly. He thinks absently that this must be a great show for the folks at home, but he doesn't care about that right now. "I thought... you said this doesn't end when we leave," he says, swallowing back the tremor that wants to creep into his voice.

"I don't want it to," Ryan replies quietly. "But Colin, I have a home in Washington, work in L.A., that comedy club that I'm trying to start up, and you've got work and friends and a home in Toronto and how is this going happen if we're three thousand miles apart?"

Colin stares at the ground and says nothing, biting his lip, and he feels Ryan's hands gripping his shoulders, pulling him close. He goes willingly, eagerly, burrowing against Ryan's neck and taking a deep breath. Ryan strokes his back, then fists his hands in Colin's shirt, clinging tightly.

"I can move," Colin says, his words muffled against Ryan's shoulder. "All my stuff in Canada is..."

"Is your whole life," Ryan finishes softly. "I can't ask you to do that. You love Canada."

"I love _you_ ," Colin replies, because it's the only thing he can think to say.

"I... I don't know," Ryan admits. "I don't know what to do."

"Well first," Colin says, taking a deep breath, "we check the rest of these traps. Then we have a good lunch, and a nap, and... and we make it up as we go along. Isn't that what we're good at?"

Ryan lifts his chin with two fingers and smiles at him with such affection that Colin has to look away, shuffling his feet shyly. Ryan steers him back and kisses him and by then, Colin's forgotten all about the camera. When Ryan finally pulls back and he can catch his breath, he sees the lens close to them, and he sticks his tongue out impudently. Ryan laughs and takes his hand, and they continue down the path together.

***

They walk down the path, hand in hand, and Colin thinks that this is almost romantic. Or it would be, if his stomach wasn't growling and he didn't feel like he was swimming through 100 degree weather. The jungle is always a little cooler, thanks to all the trees providing shade, and Colin wonders how hot it is back at camp.

The moisture in the air is palpable, and Colin definitely thinks it's going to rain before the day is through. He looks forward to the storm, hoping that it will help cool down Ryan's overheated mind. He had no idea that Ryan was so worried about what would happen to them after their time on _Survivor_ is over, but he's sure they can figure something out. They always do. 

He smiles at Ryan and pulls him a little closer, needing to feel the press of Ryan's shoulderblades against his. Ryan looks more relaxed now that he's talked about his feelings a little bit. The wrinkles in his forehead are smooth, and his eyes are clear. 

They come across another trap, which is of course, empty. Colin wonders if they will ever be able to catch anything. He hopes so, because he doesn't think he can make it on rice and fish and fruit alone. It just doesn't seem natural, although he supposes that for primitive people, it's a way of life. Still, he'd rather have pizza and cheeseburgers any day of the week. 

Just then, Dave comes running out of the bush and nearly tackles Colin. "Hey, tall guy! Hey, funny guy!" he breathes, grinning up into Colin's face. 

Ryan yanks Colin away by their joined hands and stares at Dave, his brow wrinkled in that cute "What the hell?" expression that Colin loves. But Colin loves all of Ryan's expressions. 'Cause let's face it, he has it bad for his best friend. He's had it bad for years now. He just kept it mostly pushed away, because he never thought that Ryan would go for a guy like him... 

Colin notices how Dave carefully stays out of touching range from Ryan. 

Colin blinks at the spear in Dave's hand. "Where did you get that, Dave?" he asks.

"Oh! Found it! In the jungle. I was bringing it to you. I asked the trees where you were and they said here, looking for traps."

"Thanks," Ryan says, and Dave flinches back, grabbing Colin's other hand. 

Colin sighs. He needs to fix this. "Dave?"

"Yes, Colin?" Dave asks dreamily, his thumb running across Colin's palm.

"Um," Colin says, gently pulling away from Dave. "Ryan really is sorry. He didn't mean to scare you. He was just hungry. Can you understand that?" 

Dave looks uncertainly at Ryan. "Like a crocodile? When it wants to eat and it can't so it bites you if you get near it?" 

"Yeah, just like a crocodile," Colin agrees quickly.

"Does... does Ryan want to be a crocodile with Big Dave?" Dave asks, looking over at Ryan uncertainly.

Colin nudges Ryan, who grimaces for a second before he turns to Dave. "Tell you what, I'll be an honorary crocodile," Ryan says, and Colin smiles at him and squeezes his hand, proud of him. 

"Okay!" says Dave, handing them the spear and dancing off down the path. "Okay!" 

Ryan and Colin grin at each other. "Don't say it," Colin says. "Don't even say it."

"Wasn't gonna say a word," Ryan answers innocently, poking their new spear. "Well, looks like we can go hunting after all..."


	24. Day Seven, Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Ryan going hunting... did you ever think you would see this in a fic? :D And bonus rainy kisses! (P.S. We are _still_ not close to being done. :) )

"You know," Colin says, wiping sweat from his forehead as they push through more vines and bushes, "I'm starting to think there aren't any animals in this jungle."

"Not with all the people and cameras and crap scaring them off," Ryan mutters, shaking his head. 

"At least we lost our tail," Colin points out. He jerks a thumb over his shoulder, where the camera used to be until the operator gave up on slogging through the underbrush carrying the heavy piece of equipment. 

Ryan sighs and flops down on the ground under a tree. "That's great. This way, when we both have a heat stroke and die, at least it won't be televised."

Colin sits down beside him, closing his eyes and wishing they had thought to bring water along. He's starting to feel a little lightheaded, and he knows that Ryan, who has far fewer reserves of body fat to draw on, must be completely wiped out.

"We'll be okay," Colin says, although his cheer is starting to wear a little thin. Ryan nods dutifully and rolls until his head is resting in Colin's lap. Colin smoothes his sweat-darkened hair back from his forehead, rubbing his temples gently until the tiny pain lines around Ryan's eyes smooth out.

They sit quietly for a while, resting, and Colin thinks Ryan is starting to doze off. Clouds are gathering overhead, dark and ominous, and the wind is beginning to pick up, but the air is still hot and thick, oppressive.

Colin's half asleep himself when the bushes on the other side of the small clearing begin to rustle, shaking a little and then stopping, then shaking again. "Ryan," Colin whispers, patting Ryan's chest. "Very carefully, look over there."

Ryan's eyes open and he tenses, slowly lifting his head. The bushes are moving more now, and Ryan eases into a semi-crouch, poised beside Colin. "It's probably Dave," he murmurs skeptically, but Colin sees his hand tight on the spear anyway.

The rustling stops, and Colin holds his breath for a long moment, his heartbeat thumping in his ears, his focus entirely on the little thicket ten feet away. Then a small, hairy wild pig noses its way out and Colin's eyes are immediately drawn to the tusks, short and sharp.

Ryan stands very quietly, lifting the spear in one hand, and Colin follows suit. The pig stops dead and stares at them, black eyes glittering. For a moment, Colin feels bad about this, no matter how hungry they are. He knows where meat comes from, of course, but actually doing the killing by hand leaves him a little squeamish.

Then the pig gives a low squeal and _charges_ and Ryan yells and swings the spear like a bat, the sharp tip slicing the pig's side as it runs. Colin leaps forward, not sure what he means to do, grabbing blindly and he catches one hind leg. The pig kicks wildly, on its side, squealing and thrashing and Colin winds up rolling on the ground, trying desperately to hold on. "Ryan!" he shouts, his eyes closed against the swift, sharp little hooves.

There is a thud of footfalls and a sense of impact transmitted to his hands on the pig's legs, and then the pig goes still and Colin opens his eyes. He gets to his feet shakily, looking away, and Ryan leans into him and they prop each other up, catching their breath.

"I am never taking a grocery store for granted again," Ryan mutters, pressing his face against Colin's shoulder for a moment. "Did I get him?"

Colin peeks, grimacing and swallowing hard. "Oh yeah, you got him." He takes a deep breath and wipes a hand over his face, pleased that the trembling is subsiding. "Good job, Ry, looks like we've got barbecue for lunch."

Ryan nods, standing a little straighter. They use a few vines to tie around the pig's legs, carrying its weight between them, and they head back for camp. Gina and Shannon are there, and delighted to see what they've brought. The girls volunteer to take over the butchering and cooking duties, since Ryan and Colin did the hunting, and they hand the pig over gratefully.

"Come on," Colin says, getting a cup of water for Ryan and another for himself. The wind is stronger now, cool against his skin, and he thinks the rain will be here soon. He just hopes they can finish lunch first, but he thinks he'd happily eat in the rain if it means hot, cooked meat filling him up.

Ryan strips out of his shirt and wades into the river, ducking his head under with a low moan of relief. Colin follows, relishing the cool water. They're too tired to swim or even wash properly, so they sit in the shallows, leaning on each other and letting the current flow by.

"Told you we'd be okay," Colin murmurs, and this time, he believes it.

***

Dave comes bounding out of the jungle again, most likely because he smells the roasting pork wafting through the air. Colin takes deep breaths, his mouth watering at the thought of fresh, delicious meat.

"What's this? What's this?" Dave calls, doing jumping jacks around the fire. "Did you kill this with the spear?" 

"We did," Colin says. "Thank you, Dave. We owe you big." 

"Aww," Dave says, shuffling his feet. "Maybe you could come play with me later? At..." He moves closer, leaning down to whisper in Colin's ear. "At Dave's jungle house? You and your crocodile friend?" 

"We'll see," Colin says, trying to be diplomatic.

He's not sure he wants to visit Dave's house again, and Ryan probably wouldn't want to go anyway. But Dave hoots for joy and claps his hands, doing an impromptu jig in his bare feet. He grabs Colin's hand and squeezes it. 

Colin has to hide a smile when he sees the way Ryan's glaring at Dave. He has to admit, it's kind of flattering the way Ryan gets so jealous. He doesn't understand why though. Come on. Dave versus Ryan? No contest there. Dave is sweet and all, but Ryan... Ryan's just... special. 

"I think it might be ready," Gina says, gesturing to the pig, which is tied to a stick and strung over the fire. "But I want to check and make sure it's cooked all the way first."

Colin nods. He knows that undercooked pork can be really dangerous. "Let me," he says. "I cook a lot back home." 

"Good," Gina says, wiping her brow overdramatically. "'Cause I usually just order takeout. I don't think I've even turned on my stove once this year." 

"Yeah, who has time for cooking these days? I love my microwave," Shannon says.

"I cook too," Ryan says. "Colin taught me."

The girls both giggle, and Colin groans. _Here they go again_ , he thinks. 

He vividly remembers those cooking lessons though. All the times Ryan licked sauce off his fingers while he looked Colin directly in the eye with that flirty smile playing across his lips... Colin gets shivery just thinking about it. 

He pinches himself and runs to check the pork. He cuts through to the middle and checks it over. No pink is showing. He cuts a little deeper, just to make sure, and it's all white. 

Colin gives the thumbs up and the entire tribe leaps up and scurries over immediately. Ryan doles out the plates, and the girls cut and serve up the pork to each of them. 

Colin and Ryan walk back to the log with their plates heaping with steaming meat. Colin sits down and savors the first bite. And somehow, the fact that he helped catch it makes it that much sweeter.

***

The rain hits as they're picking the last bits of meat from the pig, gathered around like scavengers. Colin feels completely full for the first time in days and that, combined with the heavy blanket of heat, makes him sleepy and limp. He sags against Ryan and Ryan sags right back, practically in his lap and Colin thinks he could doze off right here on the ground and then the breeze whips up and a spatter of rain douses them, shockingly cold.

"Shit!" Ryan says, getting to his feet, hands over his head. They all begin scrambling to get everything under cover, the fire hissing and sputtering in the downpour, all of them soaked to the skin within a minute. Suddenly, Dave screeches like an electrocuted cat and hares off into the jungle, arms waving in the air, and everyone freezes for a moment to stare after him.

"What a nutball," Shannon mutters, but she's smiling when she says it.

Gina and Shannon soon retreat to the main tent, and Colin and Ryan scurry to their tent, laughing and pushing each other and nearly slipping on the muddied ground.

Ryan holds the tent flap up, waving Colin ahead, but Colin pauses, shaking his head. He's still dressed only in shorts from their swim before lunch, and he spreads his hands, grinning up at the sky. The rain is still cool, but not freezing, and he opens his mouth and licks it up, letting it pelt his skin, caught up in the rush of sound and wind.

Then Ryan's arms are around his waist and Ryan's mouth is so hot after the cool rain, slick with water and tasting of sweet roasted pork. "You're nuts," Ryan says against his lips, laughing into the kiss. 

"You love me anyway," Colin replies and he's never been so sure of it. Ryan's hands slide over his skin like Ryan wants to memorize him, to touch every single place again and again and it would still never be enough. Colin leans back enough to look at Ryan, meeting his eyes. Ryan's hair is soaked, dark and sticking to his forehead, his eyelashes are wet, water runs down his cheeks in little rivulets, pooled in the center of his upper lip and dripping from his chin. 

"What?" Ryan asks, shifting uncomfortably under Colin's scrutiny.

Colin smiles. "You're really beautiful, you know?"

A startled smile peeks out for a moment before Ryan schools his expression, shaking his head. "You've been hanging out with Dave too long, Col, you're starting to lose it."

"Sure," Colin says, kissing Ryan, licking water from his jaw. "That must be it."

Ryan cups Colin's face in both hands, cradling him, and touches their foreheads together, and Colin closes his eyes. The rain pounds down around them, pelting the jungle and making it rustle like a living thing, the wind whipping around their legs and sending shivers up Colin's back. He wraps his arms around Ryan's waist, pulling him close, until he can feel Ryan's chest moving with each breath, air puffed against his mouth from Ryan's lips, an inch away.

Eventually, the rain eases to a steady patter and the hot, charged atmosphere of the storm fades away, leaving only a wet chill. "Okay," Ryan murmurs when Colin's teeth start to chatter. "Time to go in."

Colin nods and they crawl into the tent, dripping everywhere, jostling each other in their haste to strip out of the wet shorts. The air in the tent is still warm from the heat of the morning, and they curl together nude, sharing heat. 

Colin falls asleep to the soft murmur of rain on canvas and the feel of Ryan's skin against his, warm and sleek and alive.


	25. Day Seven, Part IV

When Colin wakes up, the rain has turned into a light drizzle, trickling down their tent. The air smells clean and fresh, and Colin takes deep breaths, trying to memorize the scent, to put it away for later when it's high noon and hot with no shelter from the sun. 

Ryan is pressed against him, strong arms cradling him. Colin raises his head to watch Ryan, the spill of damp curls tumbling over his forehead, the lines and angles of his nude form. In sleep his face is smooth, his brow unlined with all his waking anger and worries and fear. He meant it when he called Ryan beautiful earlier. 

And in this moment Colin loves him so much that he thinks he would do anything to coax a smile or a laugh out of Ryan. He's always loved breaking up Ryan best of all, because he's such a hard nut to crack. One of the nicest things Drew ever said about Colin was that he was the only one who could reliably make Ryan smile. 

And Colin takes that job very seriously. 

Ryan stirs, making little murmurings deep in his throat. His eyelids start to flutter, and Colin shifts forward, wanting to be the first thing Ryan sees when he opens his eyes. 

"Mmmm," Ryan rumbles, looking up into Colin's face with what can only be described as adoration. 

Colin kisses Ryan's cheeks, the tip of his nose, and each of his bright green eyes. And when Colin looks up, Ryan is smiling, wide and easy with crinkled eyes. "Morning," Colin whispers.

"Mmmm," Ryan says again, his hand reaching up to caress Colin's face. He runs his fingers along the fuzz growing on Colin's cheeks, tickling Colin. 

"Love you," Colin says against Ryan's lips, and then he moves in for the kiss... 

"Mmmm," is apparently the only word in Ryan's vocabulary today, but Colin doesn't mind. He loves the noises that Ryan makes when he's pleased. It excites him somehow. 

And then Ryan is rolling him over on his back, pinning him against the mat without even breaking the kiss, and Colin is aware of just how naked the two of them are... He can feel Ryan, pressing hard into his thigh, and this time Colin's the one saying, "Mmmm." And he arches up into Ryan, almost _grinding_ against him...

Colin pauses when he hears a rustling outside the tent, and Ryan freezes, his hand hovering inches from Colin's erection. "Dammit," Ryan swears, as Colin reaches for both of their shorts.

"We shouldn't," Colin says as he slips on his shorts. He closes his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing, and slow down his heartbeat. "Not until dark, anyway." 

"It's dark," Ryan argues. "'Cause of the rain." 

"I mean at night," Colin says, giving Ryan a stern look that isn't entirely convincing.

Ryan sighs and pulls his shorts on too. Colin stares at the tent in Ryan's shorts, enticing him for a moment before he turns away... Right now he hates this stupid show. Even though he supposes that without it, he and Ryan might not have ever gotten together... one good thing about no outside distractions is that it finally made them confront their feelings for one another. 

They walk out of the tent, and no one is outside. Colin's stomach aches with disappointment and regret, but he also knows that he did the right thing. He just doesn't understand why the right thing has to be so difficult... 

He pales when he sees the director walking around again, trolling for more interview victims. "Shit," he mutters, ducking behind the tent. 

Ryan raises his eyebrows. "What?" he asks. 

"Get back here!" Colin hisses. "He's gonna see you!" 

But it's too late. The director's head swivels in their direction.

***

"Hey!" the director says sharply, waving his camera crew over. "You two, got a minute?"

"No," Colin says, shaking his head. "We've got traps to check and fishing and..." He looks at Ryan, widening his eyes slightly.

"And firewood to gather," Ryan jumps in. "And... laundry. And then we're going to shove sharp sticks under our fingernails, because we'd rather do that than--"

" _Okay_ ," Colin says, cutting him off. He offers a vaguely apologetic smile to the director and tries not to laugh at Ryan's shameless snickering. "You get the idea," Colin continues. "We're busy. Maybe another time." _Like when hell freezes over_ , he adds to himself.

The director glares at them, and then makes a swift cutting gesture to his crew. They lower their cameras and hang back while the director steps in close. "I've had about enough of this little game," he says. "You two knew how this show works when you signed on, and yes, cooperation with the filming crew _is_ in the rules. Now I want a serious interview, none of your cute little joke answers, and I want it _now_."

"Oh, well yes _sir_ ," Ryan growls, tossing off what has to be the most sarcastic salute Colin has ever seen. 

Colin rests a hand on the inside of Ryan's elbow, squeezing gently. "Actually, I think we should give him an interview," Colin says. Ryan looks at him, frowning, and Colin meets his eyes steadily. "A very _honest_ interview. Don't you think?"

Ryan's lips twitch upward, and he nods once. "Sure, Col. Good idea." And he levels a smile at the director that makes him take a step back, tugging his collar nervously.

"Right," the director says, eying them both. "Over here, in the light."

Colin and Ryan wait patiently as the crew sets up cameras and microphones and some minion comes scurrying over with a folding canvas chair for the director with his name on it--"Blake" in gold letters. Colin elbows Ryan and points it out and Ryan rolls his eyes, smiling. "I bet he bought that himself," he whispers, and Colin nods.

"Okay," Blake says briskly, settling into his chair. "Let's begin. I'd like to hear a little more about the conversation you two had this morning. About your plans once the show is over?"

"I'm planning on a hot shower," Colin says.

"And I'm planning on joining him for it," Ryan adds, grinning.

"Knock it off," Blake snaps. "I said a serious interview, no screwing around."

"Hey, who said I was joking?" Ryan asks, spreading his hands. "I mean, if that's not detailed enough for you, I could draw you a nice little picture, but there's only so much you can show on network TV."

"Believe us, we know," Colin adds. "Your censors are already going to be after you for the kissing shots; you'll never get away with anything graphic."

Blake presses a hand against his forehead, closing his eyes. "Fine," he grits. "Never mind. How about your tribe? What's your feeling about the next immunity challenge?"

"I'm hoping we win it," Colin replies. When the director blows an impatient huff of breath through pursed lips, he blinks innocently, shrugging. "What? You wanted an honest answer, didn't you? That's the truth, I hope we win."

"Let me clarify," Blake says, clipping each word off with deliberate precision. "Next time Orteza goes to tribal council, who do you plan to vote off?"

Colin opens his mouth and then shuts it again, biting his lip. Ryan glances at him, studying his face for a moment, and then he rests a hand on Colin's back. "We don't know," he answers for them both. "We're still deciding."

Sensing a juicy story, Blake leans in, his gaze sharpening. "I thought there was an alliance in place. Are you considering breaking that deal?"

Colin sighs, realizing one of the girls must have told the director about their alliance. Either that, or there were cameras there that he doesn't know about. "We're concerned about Dave," he says plainly, and this is more honest than he really wanted to be, but maybe this is their chance to get Dave some help.

"Concerned how?" the director prods.

"He's... not entirely stable," Colin hedges. "I think he needs help... like, professional, medical help."

"Are you suggesting he be removed from the island early?" Blake asks. "Taken to receive treatment?"

Colin exchanges a wary glance with Ryan, and Ryan shakes his head, a barely perceptible motion. He doesn't trust this guy any more than Colin does, and there's no way this is going to be so easy. "Is that an option?" Colin asks. 

"It would certainly be convenient for you two, wouldn't it?" Blake replies smugly. "Another tribe member gone without voting, one less person to compete with you."

Ryan stiffens, and Colin can feel him go straight and tense against his side. "That's not what this is about," Ryan says. "We're not trying to get him kicked off, we're trying to get him help. He's... he's our friend." Then he blinks a little, shaking his head. "And I'm still not sure how that happened," he mutters.

"He grows on you," Colin says, smiling.

"Yeah, like a fungus," Ryan replies, and Colin smacks him on the shoulder.

"So you either break your alliance or vote off your _friend_ , who you're so concerned about," Blake says. "Sounds like you've got a problem."

***

The interview goes on for a few more minutes, with neither party getting much satisfaction out of the deal. Blake finally throws up his hands and tells them he's through, and Harry the cameraman begins packing up equipment and breaking down lights. 

Colin wonders what the hell they're going to do about Dave. He finds it infinitely amusing that Ryan has grown fond of Dave in spite of everything that's happened. Of course, this is Ryan. And Ryan's got a soft, squishy heart, even though he'd never admit it out loud. 

"Umm, excuse me?" he says to Blake, who is carefully folding up his fancy director's chair. 

Blake turns and sneers at them. "Oh, now you want to talk?" 

"I was just wondering... what we told you about Dave, will you pass it on to Mr. Burnett?"

"Mr. Burnett," says Blake condescendingly, "is a very busy man." 

"Hey," Ryan says in a low voice. "This is important, all right? Like I said before, we just want him to get help." 

And Colin smiles. It looks like Ryan's protective streak has extended to another person in their tribe. At least partially.

***

After the interview, they have a tribe meeting to figure out dinner. Colin's already hungry again, despite their huge lunch, and he guesses it has something to do with his body trying to rebuild the stores it's used to. He could do without a few of them, really, but that doesn't change the hollow feeling in his stomach.

"I'll try some fishing," Gina says. "But I'm holding fish as a last resort."

Shannon nods, wrinkling her nose. "Ugh, yeah, I didn't even like fish _before_ I came here."

Colin glances over at Ryan, wondering if he'll talk about his father's fish cannery and how he had to work there as a teenager. Ryan hates fish, and never eats it if he has a choice. But Ryan just nods, his expression distant and distracted.

"We can go check those traps again," Colin suggests, putting a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Maybe we'll get another chicken-bird, or one of those rabbity things."

"Can you tell we're big hunting experts?" Ryan asks, grinning. "Careful, Col, you don't want to lose them with the technical terms."

"Shut up," Colin says, and smacks Ryan on the ass, surprised at his own audacity. Ryan cocks one eyebrow and gives him a slow, sexy smile that Colin stares at until the giggling from Gina and Shannon brings him back to earth. "Anyway," Colin says, clearing his throat. "We'll go check those traps."

"Don't wait up," Ryan calls over his shoulder, setting off another round of high, squealing laughter behind them. He slips an arm around Colin's waist and then palms his ass, squeezing and making Colin stumble over his own feet, and there is a delighted _EEEeeee_ sound from the girls.

"Stop it," Colin whispers, a blush burning to the tips of his ears.

"You started it." And Ryan gives him such a deliberately provocative smile that Colin can't help but laugh.

When they get into the jungle, Ryan lets him go so they can concentrate on where they place their feet, watching for the traps. They search quietly for a while, occasionally brushing against each other as they cross from one side of the path to the other, and Ryan makes it a game, trailing his fingertips over Colin's belly or his throat or the back of his thigh every time, with perfect nonchalance. 

Colin finds himself anticipating the next touch, wondering where it will be because it's somewhere different every time, and there's a flutter in his stomach that has nothing to do with wanting dinner and everything to do with the soft pads of Ryan's fingers slipping beneath the hem of his shirt and the contrasting shivery scrape of his fingernails.

There's an odd tangle of branches on the other side of a clearing up ahead, and it doesn't really look like a trap, but Ryan is between him and the branches and that's reason enough to investigate. Colin meanders over, carefully not looking at Ryan, and the touch lands on the back of his neck, feather light, making all the tiny hairs stand on end and Ryan _breathes_ on him, so close but not quite touching. Colin whirls but Ryan has already turned away, poking through the underbrush and whistling innocently.

Colin walks backward a couple steps, betting on Ryan looking up to check his reaction, but Ryan doesn't bite. He's too good at anticipating Colin, and Colin loves that. It makes breaking that shell so much more of a challenge, and so worth it when he finally wins.

"Hey," Colin says, "what's that?"

Ryan pauses, his gaze sharp and speculative for a moment before glazing with forced calm. "What?"

Colin points, and then comes up beside Ryan, one hand on his shoulder, pointing to a brown blur half hidden under a thorny bit of bracken. "There," he murmurs, tilting Ryan's head with one hand, breathing the word in his ear. "You see that?"

Ryan swallows audibly. "Yeah," he says, and his voice has dropped nearly an octave. "It's, uh..."

"Could be an animal," Colin purrs, his lips almost touching Ryan's ear. "We should check it out." Ryan shifts against him and Colin holds him still, testing his strength against Ryan's, grinning when he feels Ryan start to breathe faster.

Ryan nods and starts to bend down, then freezes when Colin strokes two fingers along his inner thigh. He straightens and looks hard at Colin, who blinks back, smiling sweetly. Ryan narrows his eyes, and Colin can tell he's getting his balance back, so he goes for the money shot, sliding a hand around to Ryan's groin and pressing up against him, palming him through the thin material of his shorts.

Ryan gasps and leans into the touch involuntarily, his eyes fluttering shut. "Okay," he says, clutching at Colin's shoulders for balance. "Okay, I give, don't do that when you know we can't finish it."

Colin grins wickedly, giving Ryan one last slow, lingering stroke before letting go. "Gotcha."

Ryan laughs a little breathlessly and kisses him, fast and impulsive. "You're nothing but trouble," he says.

"I know," Colin says. "Now come on, I really am hungry." And he saunters off, humming a pleased little tune under his breath.

***

Ryan's hand tenses on the spear. "Do you hear that?" he asks. 

Colin stops walking and cocks his head, listening. A faint peeping noise is coming from the tangle of bushes a few feet ahead of them. 

"Shh," Ryan whispers, and Colin knows it's just a transparent excuse for Ryan to run one of his fingers across Colin's lower lip. 

Colin shivers, and Ryan grins almost triumphantly, like he's won some kind of private contest that only he understands. 

Ryan motions for Colin to follow him, and they tiptoe towards the peeps, which become higher and louder as the two of them move closer... 

Colin touches Ryan's elbow and points to the bush that he thinks the peeping is coming from. Ryan nods, going into a crouch. He hands Colin the spear, and carefully peels back a few of the leaves...

"Aww," Ryan coos, and Colin leans down to peek over Ryan's shoulder. 

A fluffy baby bird shivers and hops pitifully along the ground. "He probably fell out of the nest," Colin says. 

"Yeah," Ryan agrees, reaching down to scoop him up. 

Colin tugs Ryan back. "We shouldn't touch him," he says. "Otherwise the mother might reject him." 

"We can't just leave him," Ryan says. "What if his mother's dead or something?" 

Colin pokes Ryan teasingly. "Mother hen," he whispers, and he delights in Ryan's blush. "Tell you what... we'll go check the rest of the traps. When we come back, if the mother's still not here, then we'll do something. Okay?" 

"Okay," Ryan agrees, standing up and brushing himself off. He casts one more look at the baby bird. "He's a cute little fella though, isn't he?" 

Colin laughs, putting his arms around Ryan. "He's adorable," he agrees. "Hey, who knows? Maybe we'll have a pet." 

And they set off down the trail again, with Ryan throwing little worried glances over his shoulder every few feet.

***

They finally luck out with the last trap, which has something resembling a quail in it, nice and plump. Colin takes the trap apart carefully, trying to see how it's made, and jerks his hand back when the two springy branches snap shut across his knuckles. 

"You okay?" Ryan asks, taking his hand and examining it, rubbing the red mark on the back of Colin's fingers.

"Yeah," Colin says, pulling his hand away and shaking it gently. His fingers ache but he can still move them fine, so he figures they'll recover. "You have any idea how this thing works?"

Ryan frowns and pokes the trap gingerly. "Bent branches and fishing line and a rock," he mutters, circling around it. "Great, we would get stuck on an island with MacGyver."

"That _would_ have been great," Colin replies, grinning. "If he hadn't turned out to be such a jerk."

"Hmm." Ryan sighs and kicks at the trap, but it's fully sprung now and does nothing. "I don't know. Maybe if we look at some of the others that haven't been set off, we can figure it out."

"At least we've got dinner," Colin says, hefting the quail bird thing. 

"Yeah, let's get back to camp." Ryan insists on carrying the bird, with another concerned glance toward Colin's still stinging knuckles, and Colin rolls his eyes but hands the heavy, feathery thing over gratefully.

They stop by the bush where they left the baby bird, but it's gone, only a bit of fluffy down lying on the ground where it was. Ryan frowns, poking around under the bush until Colin pulls him back. "The mother bird probably found it," he says, patting Ryan's shoulder.

"I hope so," Ryan says. "Either that or some jungle cat or something."

"Nah." Colin rubs his back a little, pushing him back toward the path. "Jungle cats have bigger things to go after than tiny little fluffy birds. I'm sure it's fine."

Ryan nods, but he continues sighing and making ridiculous, moping faces until Colin stops and laughs softly. "Ryan, come on, we couldn't have kept him anyway. We can barely feed ourselves, what makes you think we could take care of a baby?"

"I know," Ryan admits. "He was just..." He shrugs and trails off, glancing back over his shoulder towards the bush, which is long out of sight by now.

"Cute and fluffy, I know," Colin teases lightly. "You can never seem to resist adopting sweet, helpless things."

"Obviously not," Ryan says, poking him in the side. "I think that's how I wound up with you."

Colin smacks him in the stomach with the back of one hand. "Hey, didn't I kick Eric's ass for you?"

Ryan grins at him, one eyebrow raised. "For me? What, I'm the damsel in distress now?"

"I figure it's your turn," Colin shoots back. "After all the times I've had to be the 'female sidekick' on stage, you owe me."

"But you were _fiesty_ ," Ryan says, and he pats Colin's ass, pinching hard enough to make Colin yelp and bat his hand away.

"I'll get you for that later," Colin promises.

"I know," Ryan replies. "I'm looking forward to it."


	26. Day Seven, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we finally reach the end of Day 7... good times, man. :)

They walk back to camp with the quail-bird, and everybody rejoices at the thought of two meals involving meat in one day. Colin thinks that they're better hunters than Matt ever was, and he takes pride in his manliness for once in his life. Oh, if only Drew could see him now. He'd never make Colin play the girl again. 

And then the girls show off their find-- a handful of mushrooms they found in the jungle. Gina swears up and down that they're safe. 

Dave sniffs them a few times and agrees. "I know," he says. "I know about the bad mushrooms. These ones get a happy face sticker for being good." 

"Uh, yeah," Ryan says, eying Dave in disbelief. "Why don't you just run off and find some of those for us?"

"I can! At the Wal-Mart!" Dave says.

"We have Wal-Mart out here?" Colin asks, struggling not to laugh. "Because that would make things so much easier." 

"Sure! Big Dave can take you!" And Dave reaches out, taking Colin's hand. Dave's hands are clammy and work rough and not at all like Ryan's. 

"Not right now," Colin says gently but firmly. "We need to make dinner now, because we're all hungry." 

"Oh. All right," Dave says, and he still doesn't drop Colin's hand. He squeezes it, looking up at Colin hopefully. "Maybe later, funny guy? Colin, I mean?"

Colin pries himself out of Dave's strong grip. "Maybe," he says. It's quickly becoming his default phrase around Dave, a polite way to refuse without coming right out and saying no. 

"Col? I could use a little help, if you don't mind," Ryan grumbles, and Colin knows that his patience has finally run thin. He doesn't want Colin talking to Dave anymore. 

Colin shakes his head. "Coming, dear," he teases, rushing over to Ryan and kissing him on the cheek. The girls, predictably, break into giggles that he tries to ignore. 

They both pluck feathers off the quail-bird, and prepare it for cooking, while the girls slice the mushrooms. And even Dave helps by putting the rice in the cooking pot. Colin wishes they had some kind of sauce to pour over their meal. He thinks that quail-bird with mushrooms over rice would be absolutely delicious with a nice sauce on top. 

Still, he supposes this is no time to be a gourmet. He feels incredibly lucky that they have anything differnt to eat at all. They could be eating rice and fish, he reminds himself.

He wonders if the tribe can work together and hunt enough so that they will never have to eat rice and fish again.

***

The quail-bird cooks up well, and comes out greasy but tasty. Colin eats with his hands and licks his fingers until he sees Ryan staring, a forkful of rice frozen halfway to his mouth, his lips parted slightly.

"Hi?" Colin says, waving a hand in front of Ryan's eyes.

Ryan swallows and clears his throat. "Taste good?"

Colin grins. "Yep." He pulls off a tender strip of meat from his quail-bird leg and holds it out, eyebrows raised expectantly. Ryan gives him an incredulous glance but goes with it, gobbling up the bite and sucking the tips of Colin's fingers lazily, making a pleased humming sound.

"That _does_ look good," Gina says from across the campfire, smiling knowingly. Shannon laughs and elbows her in the side, and Gina elbows her right back, shrugging. "What? It's not like they're hiding it anymore."

Colin ducks his head, giving a weary little sigh, but he can't help smiling anyway. Ryan pats his back. "Yeah, you caught us," Ryan says, spreading his hands. "What gave it away?"

Gina rolls her eyes, and Shannon laughs again, giving them a disbelieving look. "Well, _everything_ ," she says. "You two are so married."

"Dibs on not being the wife," Colin says quickly, raising his hand.

"Hey!" Ryan protests, shoving him. "That's not fair."

"Oh, come on," Colin replies. "Haven't I been the woman enough? It's your turn."

Ryan sniffs haughtily. "I'm taller."

Colin leans close and whispers in his ear, "I'm bigger where it matters."

Ryan nearly chokes on his bite of rice and mushrooms and doubles over, laughing, his eyes squeezed shut and one hand over his mouth. Colin leans back smugly and sneaks more food on Ryan's plate when he's not looking.

"What did you say?" Gina asks, grinning at Ryan, who is still chuckling in high, breathy gasps.

"Oh, nothing," Colin says glibly. "Anyone want seconds?"

***

It turns out that everyone _does_ want seconds, and Ryan even decides to go for thirds. But Colin doesn't say a word, not even in teasing, because he knows how thin Ryan is. He needs the extra food. Besides, it's not like they can store the leftovers. He would give anything for a refrigerator, or hell, even a cooler with a bunch of ice thrown in.

Maybe they would have something at Wal-Mart... 

Ugh. Colin decides he's been hanging around with Dave too much. Dave's starting to pull Colin into his wonky delusions. 

In spite of it all, he shoots Dave a look that might even borderline on fond, and then he checks Ryan, making sure he didn't see. Ryan is busily devouring his quail-bird, drips of juice running down his chin, making Colin whimper and sit on his hands.

Oh hell, he doesn't care anymore. He's been good all week, resisting temptation at every turn, and now the girls know. It doesn't matter. Even the cameras don't bother him. 

The tip of Ryan's tongue slips out, and Colin says, "Let me" in a deep almost _seductivestares_ , eyes unblinking... 

Dave sniffles, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout. And the girls just watch, frozen in their places. He wishes he could be around to hear the conversation they'll no doubt have as soon as he and Ryan disappear for the night. 

Colin smiles innocently at them all and sits back down, leaving Ryan trying desperately to get a hold of himself. "So," he says. "Anyone want to play cards?"

***

"I want to play!" Dave says immediately, bouncing beside Colin. He takes Colin's hand and tugs him back to the other end of the log, urging him to sit down. "You be on Dave's team, okay? We'll win."

"Okay," Colin says, carefully extricating his hand. "Anyone else?"

Ryan looks a little grumpy at Dave's casual hijacking, but he sighs and sits opposite them. "I'll play. You two in?" he asks Gina and Shannon.

"Sure," Shannon says, and Gina starts digging around in her small bag of personal possessions for the cards.

"I have them," Dave pipes up, pulling the pack of cards from his back pocket. 

Gina glares at him. "I'd really rather you didn't go through my things."

Dave blinks and looks at Colin hopefully, as if Colin will step in and help him. "But... I wanted to play."

"It's better if you ask first," Colin tells him gently. "It's not a good idea to take things without asking."

Dave leans close, tugging fretfully on Colin's sleeve and resting his chin on Colin's shoulder. "Tell her I'm sorry," he whispers.

Colin sighs and raises his eyebrows at Gina, and her expression softens. "It's okay, Dave," she says. "Just ask next time, all right?"

Dave brightens immediately. "Okay! Come on, let's play, Dave and Colin are gonna win." He grins up at Colin, laying his hand on Colin's thigh. 

Ryan is starting to look like his patience is wearing thin, so Colin quickly deals the cards, giving himself and Dave a single hand to share. The first few hands go all right, although rummy in the dirt by firelight is a little awkward, they're bored enough to try anyway. Then Dave starts whispering playing advice in Colin's ear, making him squirm and laugh slightly at the sudden tickling sensation.

"Hey," Ryan says in a deceptively mild tone. "I think that's about enough."

Dave frowns at him and tugs Colin a little closer, wrapping a possessive arm around his waist. "He's not playing on _your_ team, he's playing on _my_ team."

Colin winces at the immediate flash in Ryan's eyes, and he unwinds Dave's arm from around him. "Dave, we can be on the same team a little further apart, can't we?" he asks hopefully.

"No," Dave says, petting Colin's back absently. "He doesn't like me," he adds in a stage whisper, pouting dramatically.

Colin looks up to see Gina and Shannon turn to stare at Ryan, waiting for his response like specators at a tennis match. Colin puts on a pleading expression and Ryan takes a deep breath. "I like you," he says reluctantly. "But I would like you more if you backed off a little."

The girls swivel back to Dave, bright and curious, and Colin almost laughs. "Ryan," he says before Dave can respond. "What are you worried about?"

Ryan scowls and scuffs his feet in the dirt, staring down at his toes for a moment. "I just..." He shrugs and gives Colin a faintly sheepish look. "Okay, I know it's stupid, but it bugs me, all right?"

"That's so cute," Shannon murmurs audibly, and Gina nods, sharing a grin with her. 

"He's jealous," Gina adds, and she actually reaches out and pats Ryan's arm consolingly.

Ryan looks around the little group, everyone giving him amused smiles except for Dave, who has his cheek resting on Colin's shoulder and is idly patting out a random rhythm with his knuckles against Colin's chest. "I think I've had enough cards for one night," Ryan says, carefully laying his cards down. "I'm going for a walk." And he gets up and stalks off into the jungle, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Colin sighs and stands, gently pushing Dave back down when he tries to join in. "Guess I'd better go after him."

"Oh dear, I didn't mean to tease him," Gina says worriedly.

Shannon nods, frowning in the direction that Ryan went. "Is he really upset?"

"Nah," Colin says, shaking his head. "Ryan... let's just say he has a flair for the dramatic. It'll be fine." And then he heads off into the dark jungle, hoping he's right.

***

"Ryan?" Colin calls as he searches through the jungle. He can barely see two feet ahead of him, and the insects chirping are giving him a headache. "C'mon, Ry... Where are you?"

But Ryan won't answer. Colin sighs as he continues to stumble through the jungle, getting caught in vines, tripping over branches. Sticky stuff coats one of his arms, and Colin lets out a groan of disgust. He's not sure he wants to know what that is. 

Sometimes Ryan is so stubborn, he's impossible. 

"You know, I don't know why I bother with you," he says into the darkness. It's an old familiar line, something he's used hundreds of times over the years. "I don't know why I chase you around, why I let you drag me off on a crazy reality show... why can't you just... oh." 

Colin breaks off as he nearly stumbles into Ryan, sitting on fallen tree in a clearing. The moon has risen, and Colin can faintly see Ryan's sulking face, propped up on one hand. 

"Go away," he says without looking up. 

"No, I will not go away," Colin says. "I risked getting _stickied_ to death for you. Feel this!" And he grabs Ryan's hand, and forces it over to his arm. 

"Ugh! What is that?" Ryan shudders, and for a moment he forgets that he's supposed to be pouting. But then he huffs and lets his shoulders slump again, really playing it up, trying to tug on Colin's heartstrings. 

But Colin knows this routine by heart, and he's not falling for it. "C'mon, Ry, you don't have an audience out here. It's just me." 

"It really bugs me when he touches you like that. You're mine," Ryan says fiercely. "And I don't like to share." 

"Ryan, come on... Dave?" Colin snorts. "You can't tell me you seriously think that I'm going to leave you for Dave." 

Ryan sighs. "You might," he says, hanging his head. "No one else seems to want me to stick around. Why should you?" 

And this... this is something new... Ryan's never sounded this hopeless before, or this afraid. 

Colin kneels in front of Ryan, getting his knees all muddy thanks to this afternoon's rain, but hell, he's already sticky with some kind of mystery substance so what's a little mud? He takes Ryan's face in both of his hands, needing him to know what's been in his heart for so long. "Ry, I have _always_ wanted you. I thought... I thought you wouldn't want me." 

"What? Are you kidding, Col? You're too good for me. That's why I never made a move. I thought you'd want someone better."

"Better? Right, like I have people lining up around the block for a chance at me," Colin says, and now he's the one feeling like a complete reject. Sure, Ryan's had a lot of bad relationships, but at least he's had relationships. Colin's been so _lonely_ for so long... 

"You do!" Ryan says. "Everybody loves you. Even... Even _Daveyou_ , you big goof." 

"I don't get it," Ryan says, but he's smiling. 

"Believe me, neither do I," Colin teases, touching Ryan's nose affectionately. "That nose, ugh!"

Ryan laughs and shields his eyes. "Hold on a sec, Col. The moon shining off your head is blinding me." 

Colin takes his hand and pulls him back into the jungle, back towards camp. "Is that better?" he asks, grinning.

Ryan pulls him in for a quick hug. "Much," he agrees. "I'm sorry, Col." 

"Forget it," Colin says, squeezing Ryan. He can't resist copping a quick feel of Ryan's ass, making him yelp. 

"I'm not gonna forget _that_!" Ryan promises, chasing Colin back towards camp.

"I hope you don't!" Colin calls over his shoulder. 

And when they reach the fire again, Ryan picks up his cards and settles back in for another game. 

But first Colin needs to wash all this sticky crap off his arm.

***

Colin goes to the river to wash the mystery sticky off, wrinkling his nose and trying not to breathe in. It smells sickly sweet, like fruit that's been sitting out in the sun a bit too long, and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get it out of his arm hairs.

When he gets back to the campfire, Dave and Ryan are sitting together, and Ryan waves at him cheekily. "Guess what," he says. "Dave's on _my_ team now."

Dave beams and pats Ryan's head, mussing his hair. "He's my new tall guy." He pauses, his brow furrowed thoughtfully, and then adds, "My new _Ryan_ , I mean."

Colin bites his tongue and keeps a straight face. "Ah," he says. "Good for you."

He takes Ryan's spot on the other end of the log, and waits patiently for the cards to be dealt. When Dave lays down another of his nonsensical runs, this time a three-ten-eight, Colin gives Ryan a dubious look, and the girls exchange confused glances.

Ryan shrugs, waving at Dave. "You want to tell him you don't like the way he plays?"

Dave is staring intently at the cards in his hand but he looks up when he seems to feel everyone's eyes on him. He blinks, rocking slightly, and leans against Ryan's side. "What?"

Colin smiles. "I think you're winning."

"Really?" Dave does a little hop in place and then holds up his hand, and Ryan high-fives him obligingly. "Told you we'd win," Dave whispers to Ryan. "I'm very good at this game."

"I can tell," Ryan says. "I'm glad you're on _my_ team." And he adds a gloating little smile in Colin's direction. Colin smothers a laugh behind one hand, and pretends he doesn't hear the chorus of 'awwww' coming from Gina and Shannon.

They play rummy for a while, enjoying Dave's impromptu victory dance when he and Ryan are declared the official winners. They try a few hands of poker, but it's not much fun with nothing to bet with, and Dave keeps trying to lay the cards down face up like they're still playing rummy. Colin leans back against the log and yawns, squinting at the fading firelight, and Ryan gently unhooks Dave's arm from around his shoulders and puts the cards down.

"It's getting late," he says, standing and arching his back until it pops. He holds a hand out expectantly. "Col?"

"Yeah," Colin says, taking his hand and pulling himself up. "Been a long day."

Dave stands with them, putting a hand on each of their arms and looking back and forth. "We're not playing any more?"

"Not today, buddy," Ryan says, patting his shoulder. "Maybe in the morning, okay?"

Dave seems to think about it for a minute, and then he stretches up on his toes and plants a loud, smacking kiss on Ryan's cheek. Ryan blinks, startled, and stumbles back, and Gina and Shannon both start laughing. 

"Hey, watch it," Colin says, mock-sternly, but he can't keep it up and he laughs too, slipping an arm around Ryan's waist and pulling him close. "Good night, Dave," he says. He nods at the girls, and they wave, already on their way back to the main tent. Dave scampers off into the jungle, singing something soft and tuneless, and Colin sighs, resting his head on Ryan's shoulder.

"Tired?" Ryan asks, guiding him toward their tent.

Colin nods, yawning. "This was a good day," he says.

"Mmm." Ryan squeezes him gently, kissing his temple. "Yeah, it was."

***

Colin gladly falls back on the mat beside Ryan once they reach their tent. "So, looks like I've got some competition," he says, as he curls into Ryan.

"For what?" Ryan asks, wrapping his arms around Colin.

"Dave," Colin says, nuzzling Ryan's fuzzy cheek. "I mean, he's never kissed me."

"No, but he groped you," Ryan says as he strokes one palm across Colin's bare stomach. 

"Hmm..." Colin pauses, and while he does he lets his hand drift towards Ryan's ass, drawing him closer. "Does groping beat kissing? Or does kissing beat groping?" 

"Is this some kind of sexy version Rock-Paper-Scissors? Kiss-Grope-Lick?" Ryan asks into Colin's neck, which he bites. "'Cause we have got to try that sometime." 

"I think Kiss..." Colin kisses Ryan. "Beats Grope." And Colin lets his hand brush across Ryan's front. 

Ryan nods. "More intimate," he says. "But Grope..." He pauses to squeeze Colin's shorts. "I think Grope should beat Lick." 

Colin moans when Ryan ducks his head and swipes his tongue across his nipples. "And Lick?" he pants, taking one of Ryan's hands between his fingers and licking it. "Lick should definitely beat Kiss." 

"Mmm," Ryan breathes, as they both lean in for a kiss, tongues darting out. "I think Lick _ties_ with Kiss."

"Right," Colin says heavily. "Because you can't have a kiss..." And he kisses Ryan again, his tongue hot and wet in Ryan's open mouth. "Without licks." 

Ryan clutches him, panting into his ear. "Yeah, we've definitely gotta play that sometime," he says. 

"Yeah," Colin agrees, nipping Ryan's neck. "Bet it would be fun."

"Looking forward to it," Ryan says drowsily, his breathing slowing down as he settles himself in for sleep. 

"Me too," Colin agrees, kissing Ryan's cheek. 

"Love you, Col," Ryan whispers, hands clasping behind Colin's back.

"Love you, Ry," Colin says, shutting his eyes with a happy sigh.


	27. Day Eight, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new week on _Survivor_ calls for a new perspective... this week will be told from Ryan's POV instead of Colin's. Oh, and there's a couple NC-17 bits in this section, just as a warning... or maybe a promise, haha. :D

Ryan wakes up first with a crick in his neck and a low, constant ache in his back from sleeping on the ground. His chiropractor told him once that sleeping on a hard surface would actually be good for him. Ryan snorts slightly, trying to stretch without waking Colin, nestled on his chest. Obviously his chiropractor didn't know what he was talking about.

Colin mumbles and one hand curls, tugging on Ryan's shirt. Ryan goes still and breathes carefully until Colin makes a sleepy little murmur and relaxes again, a faint smile touching his lips for a moment. Years of sharing hotel rooms on tours and staying over at each other's houses when they visited and just generally spending time together have taught Ryan that Colin is a peculiar sleeper, neither heavy nor light but some weird amalgamation of the two.

Sound doesn't wake him; Ryan learned that a couple years ago during _Whose Line_ filming season, when Colin was taking a nap in his dressing room and Ryan knocked for five minutes before using his spare key, worried that Colin was sick or hurt. Instead, he found the man sacked out on the couch, sprawled limp, and he woke at the first touch of Ryan's hand.

"Hey, Col," he says now, softly. Colin doesn't even twitch. "We found a pizza place that delivers and there's a giant supreme just waiting for you," Ryan adds, a little louder. Colin's breathing remains steady and deep, his body warm and heavy against Ryan. Ryan grins and hums a few bars of the hoedown music, something sure to make Colin tense in reaction and grimace every time he hears it. Colin remains oblivious, eyelashes dark and still on his cheeks.

Ryan nods and laughs quietly. Colin could sleep through a marching band if he was tired and comfortable enough. He has somehow trained himself to wake to an alarm, one particular alarm that he guards zealously, taking the little clock to repair shops and carrying it with him on every tour, because that is the only sound that has been able to wake him for years. Ryan stole it once just to see what Colin would do, but he could only stand to watch Colin's frantic search for a few minutes before he relented and gave it back, feeling guilty. 

Since they've been sharing this tent, Ryan has learned that while sound doesn't wake Colin, movement does. But slowly, he's found some movements that slip under the radar. Patting Colin's back will wake him instantly, but stroking will only make him sigh and lean into the touch in his sleep. A kiss on the mouth wakes him, but a kiss on the neck makes him shiver and wriggle closer. Rolling Colin to his belly will rouse him, but if he moves very carefully, he can get Colin on his back still asleep.

Ryan decides this is the morning to see just how much he can get away with.

He leans, supporting Colin with his arms, rolling them together until Colin is on his back and Ryan is curled against his chest, a reversal of their positions. Colin stirs and mutters, but Ryan rubs his chest gently and he subsides. Ryan draws back until he is poised over Colin, close enough to breathe him in, and then he brushes a soft kiss at the base of Colin's neck, just above the line of his collarbone. Colin's breathing catches slightly, and then resumes. Ryan smiles against his skin.

Colin wore shorts to bed and nothing else, and Ryan slips two fingers beneath the waistband, tugging it away from the skin. Colin is very warm here, and also very sensitive, so Ryan moves carefully. He barely brushes the underside of Colin's belly, a slow stroking like a pendulum, a little lower every time. Colin makes a soft whimper in his throat and one hand flops on the ground, casting around blindly. Ryan goes still, and Colin settles.

Bending down, Ryan plants a line of tiny kisses along the center of Colin's chest, adding a brief lick to the soft, vulnerable place just at the bottom of his ribs. Colin's skin twitches at the sensation, and Ryan can feel an answering movement where his hand is still in Colin's shorts. He grins and kisses a little lower, mouthing the faint grit of salt at Colin's hip, blowing on the moisture he left and watching goose bumps rise.

Licking his lips, Ryan tugs Colin's waistband down a little more, kissing the top of his thigh, nuzzling lightly, letting his bristly chin brush the skin. Colin draws in a sharp breath and Ryan looks up, but his eyes are still closed, his body relaxed. Well, Ryan corrects himself as he exhales hot air through the thin material of Colin's shorts, _mostly_ relaxed. 

That's when a hand lands in his hair and he jumps, startled, to find Colin smiling at him, eyes dark and sleepy. "Good morning to you too," Colin says, a smirk tugging at his lips.

Ryan shrugs, a little embarrassed to be caught. "Didn't mean to wake you."

Colin laughs. "I've been awake since that line about the supreme pizza. I just didn't want you to stop."

"Oh," Ryan says, ducking his head and resting his cheek against Colin's belly. He feels like he's blushing, which is always flustering and somehow Colin is the only one who makes him do it.

"Hey," Colin says, slipping a hand down to cradle his cheek. "I liked that. Feel free to do it anytime."

Ryan smiles. "Like now?"

"Now would be good," Colin agrees eagerly, and Ryan can feel him quivering, his belly tight, anticipating.

"Okay," Ryan says, and takes a deep breath. He looks uncertainly at Colin's tented shorts for a moment, biting his bottom lip. "You know, this was easier when I thought you were sleeping."

Colin sits up, putting an arm around Ryan's shoulders and leaning their heads together. "It's okay," he murmurs. "You don't have to."

"I know," Ryan says. "I want to."

***

Colin smiles, the dimples appearing in his cheeks, and Ryan's heart skips. Before he can stop himself he's kissing Colin's dimples like a sappy lovesick idiot. Which he supposes he is, although he'd rather not admit it to anyone.

Colin laughs, which makes his dimples even deeper, and Ryan pulls back, fingers tracing the crinkles in the corners of Colin's cheeks almost worshipfully. God, he loves this man, and he just prays that he won't screw it up by doing something stupid. He knows he should hold back a little, keep some part of himself locked away, but it's Colin. And he can't. Not this time. Not with him. And maybe he won't have to... maybe this time, he actually has a chance at happiness. 

His hand trails down Colin's chest, towards the soft pudge of Colin's belly. His fingers knead into Colin's navel for a moment, rolling the skin in his hands, and then he drifts lower, dipping into Colin's shorts and touching the fuzz growing there. Colin sighs and twists his head, eyes heavy-lidded with smoke. 

"Go on," he whispers, as Ryan presses kisses down Colin's torso, pausing sometimes to lick and tease whenever Colin's breath hitches or he hums deep in his throat. "Don't stop." 

Even though they've been out here for a week, Colin tastes clean, like raindrops beaded on blades of grass. And Ryan inhales as he reaches the edge of Colin's shorts, the scent of salt and sweat and _Colin_ filling him, reminding him of Vancouver and the sea. And he runs his hands along Colin's bulge, thrilled at the firmness underneath his fingers, because he always knew... he always knew just how this would feel. Just how this would _be_ , to make love to his best friend. 

Colin shifts, lying back down on the mat, and Ryan rolls down Colin's shorts, exposing him, and god, he's beautiful. And he's a nice size too, Ryan has to admit with a little grin. Colin laces his hands behind his head, and Ryan kneels between Colin's spread legs, his eyes meeting Colin's. Colin smiles, and Ryan licks his lips as he bends his head. 

"You are going to taste so good," he says, thumb brushing the tip of Colin's cock while Colin squirms and sighs. 

And he does, Ryan realizes as his mouth closes around the head. He tastes better than chocolate chip cookies, as far as Ryan's concerned. He wants to fucking _bottle_ the taste, to carry it around with him and take swigs of it every once in a while, savoring it, letting it coat the insides of his mouth like expensive wine. 

"Oh," Colin is whimpering, over and over, his voice high and strained, and it's like music, fast and rhythmic. "Oh, oh... Ry..." 

He's hard inside Ryan's mouth, and at the same time his skin is smooth and hot underneath Ryan's tongue. And Ryan thinks that he could stay here like this, swirling his tongue into the tip of Colin's cock and listening to Colin's moans and sighs of encouragement, until the end of the damn world and never tire. 

And Colin moves his hips, pushing towards the back of Ryan's throat, and for a moment Ryan thinks he's gonne choke to death, and what a way to go, right? But instead he swallows, and Colin thrusts deeper, his breath speeding up until he's gasping, and... 

"Oh... Oh god, Ry!" Colin cries, and Ryan looks up, wanting to see.

Colin's hands are bunched in Ryan's shirt, and his face... his face is like firelight, bright and intense and beautiful. 

Ryan gives one last suck, fingers trailing down to squeeze Colin's balls, and Colin heaves forward, breathless sounds spilling out of his mouth in a tumble that Ryan can't even understand. And Colin empties himself into Ryan's throat, while Ryan swallows everything he gives. 

And he's delicious, right down to the last drop.

***

Colin sprawls on the sleeping mat, legs splayed out and one arm thrown across his eyes, his mouth open, still breathing hard. His other hand fumbles in Ryan's direction, reaching for him, and Ryan catches it, surprised when Colin yanks hard. He winds up laying nearly on top of Colin, who is warm and solid and god, he smells good...

"Mmm," Colin says, stroking the back of his head. Ryan nuzzles his neck, inhaling deeply, licking a line up the side of his throat and he's hooked now, he can't get enough of Colin's taste. He wants to kiss everywhere, to memorize him, to get him naked and really explore. Colin's thigh is firm against him, angled just so, and Ryan can't resist rubbing himself there, grunting low in this throat.

"Mmm," Colin says again, this time with a speculative note in his voice. "Someone's happy to see me."

"What was your first clue?" Ryan replies, and Colin laughs. Ryan can feel his throat vibrate with it, the sound low and inviting and intimate and he closes his eyes, pressing harder against Colin's leg.

"Down boy," Colin says, patting his shoulder. 

"Easy for you to say," Ryan shoots back and he can hear the desperate edge in his own voice, rough and dirty.

Colin _growls_ and lunges up, catching Ryan's shoulders and spinning him, pinning him to the ground. Ryan blinks up at him, gaping, his chest burning with the effort of breathing and a hot flush sweeping over his skin, right down to his toes. 

"Col?" he manages, licking his lips, his mouth gone dry.

"Quiet," Colin says sharply, and he gives Ryan a knowing grin when Ryan twists restlessly, the order sending a bright snap of heat through him. "You like that? You like me holding you down?"

"I..." Ryan can only shake his head because he didn't know, he didn't _know_ it would be like this, strange and exciting and he should be confused, afraid, but it's Colin. It's Colin, who he has trusted for most of his life, and he's never felt so safe.

"Stay still," Colin tells him sternly, his eyes shining with laughter and something else, something that makes Ryan lay obediently even when his shoulders are released. He looks up at Colin, waiting, eager for whatever comes next.

Colin lifts his shirt, pushing it up until Ryan lifts his head obligingly, and the shirt is tossed aside. "Mmm," Colin says, hungrily this time, and he leans down, blowing a thin stream of air over Ryan's chest. Ryan shivers and then jumps, banging his head on the sleeping mat beneath him when Colin mouths a nipple curiously. He looks down and Colin is lingering there, eyes bright and inquisitive. "Like that?" Colin murmurs against his skin and Ryan can only nod, swallowing hard.

"I'll remember that," Colin says. He kisses Ryan's chest lazily, with a little smile on his face, like he's indulging himself. Taking the time to really enjoy it, and Ryan can go with that, he really can... but not _now_.

"Colin," he says, letting the strain, the impatience bleed into his voice.

"Quiet," Colin says again, and bites Ryan's side gently, the sensitive spot just below his ribs and it stings but before Ryan can register that Colin is licking the same place and somehow the slick heat and the sting mix together and he tosses his head from side to side, clawing at the ground.

" _Colin_ ," he says, knowing it sounds like begging, not caring. 

"Shhh," Colin whispers. He opens Ryan's pants, sliding them carefully down his hips, making a pleased murmur when he finds Ryan bare underneath. He kisses a line down Ryan's belly, ignoring the eager whining noise that Ryan can't quite suppress and skipping over to his hips. Another bite, harder this time and Ryan jerks in surprise but Colin's pinning his hips down, trapping him and Ryan's hands fly up of their own accord, patting Colin's head and shoulders and face and he doesn't know if he wants to be released or held tighter.

"Please," he says, because he can't help it, he can't wait and he _loves_ it, that Colin made him lose control. That Colin made him let go completely.

Colin looks up, meeting his eyes for a long moment, and he nods slightly, calm and certain. Then he dips down and Ryan has to close his eyes and he scrabbles for purchase on the ground, his hands searching blindly until one twists in the sleeping mat and the other clutches Colin's shoulder. 

Colin doesn't torture him with delicacy; he goes as far down as he can on the first time, pulling back slightly when Ryan thrusts instinctively, bumping the back of his throat. Colin holds his hips down a little harder and Ryan makes a choked, joyous sound because he doesn't have to control himself, he doesn't have to hold the reins because Colin's doing it for him. 

He can feel Colin's curiosity, pulling back and licking around the head, slipping his tongue over the tip to gather the taste, then, experimentally, trying to go all the way to the base and swallow. He can't quite manage it, but he tries and Ryan squeezes his shoulder hard, his throat locked too tight to get out a warning. Colin smiles around him and adds a tiny scrape of teeth, too light to hurt, just enough to sharpen the sensation and contrast with the soft, warm touch of his mouth and Ryan throws his head back and lets go, his hand clenching convulsively on Colin's shoulder.

He's distantly aware of Colin pulling his pants back up and tucking him away gently, and then Colin is pressed close, curled against his chest and burrowing into the hollow of his shoulder, his breathing ragged.

"Colin?" he asks, stroking his back. "Okay?"

"Yes," Colin says immediately, lifting his head and there are tears in his eyes and Ryan feels a low pang of fear in the pit of his stomach because what if Colin wasn't ready? What if he's messed this up now by pushing him and it's not like he _asked_ , he just expected and of course Colin went along because he thought he _had_ to...

"Stop," Colin says, tapping him firmly on the cheek. "Whatever you're thinking, just stop. I wanted that, okay? I've wanted that... god, so long. I'm just..." He shrugs, wiping his face sheepishly. "I'm happy."

"Oh," Ryan says, and he can feel something in him unravel soundlessly, sending a heavy rush of warmth through his chest. "Good. Me too."

***

They doze for a little while, and Ryan plays with Colin's hair, silky between his fingers. He thinks back to when he first met Colin, back when he had a full head of hair. How _young_ he'd seemed, and innocent, with those big brown eyes that seemed to take up half of his face, and that dimpled smile. He'd been cute though, Ryan had to admit that. Okay, he's still cute.

Sometimes Ryan used to think Colin was high school aged, even though they were both in their twenties when they met, and hell, Colin was two years older than him. Well, actually closer to one and a half years, as Ryan had always been fond of pointing out. 

And now he knows without a doubt that Colin isn't anything even close to innocent. And he loves it, for the record. He loves that even those he's known Colin for all these years, Colin can still turn his whole world upside down with just a look or a smile or a few simple words. 

"You're full of surprises, you know that?" he murmurs in Colin's ear.

Colin gives him a sleepy kiss on the cheek. "I know," he says smugly, and Ryan smacks him in the shoulder. 

"Hey, boys! You awake?" Gina's voice calls from outside their tent.

"Morning, Gina!" Colin calls. 

"We got another tree mail! Looks like we're doing a reward challenge later, so you might want to join us for breakfast!"

"What? No room service?" Ryan says, and beside him Colin stifles a laugh in his side. Ryan grins at him, the mushy feelings starting to swell in his chest again in spite of his efforts to push them down. 

"Not today!" Gina replies. "Better get out here before it's cold!"

And this morning, Ryan doesn't even care if they're eating fish and rice again. Because even though his back aches and his stomach is empty, he's in love. 

He kisses Colin before standing up to get dressed.


	28. Day Eight, Part II

Breakfast does indeed turn out to be fish and rice, but Gina found some cornmeal in the very bottom of their food supplies and coated the fish in it, frying it up crispy, and they all wolf it down. "Thish is good," Ryan mumbles around a mouthful.

"Thank Dave," Shannon says, pointing at him. Dave is lurking just outside of their circle around the campfire, eating quietly, looking unfocused and sleepy. 

"Oh?" Colin says, turning toward him. "What did you do?"

Dave doesn't reply for a moment, and then he seems to come back, bringing his attention to Colin and grinning widely. "I caught the fish! Snuck up and snap snap." He claps his hands for emphasis.

Ryan can't help laughing. Dave reminds him of a puppy sometimes, so eager to please he nearly wriggles with it, and yeah, he's sometimes a hassle, sometimes a little _too_ eager, but Ryan's getting used to that. He has to fight back the urge to pat Dave and call him a good boy. Instead, he smiles and says, "Nice work, buddy."

Dave bounces over to them, plopping down on the log between Ryan and Colin and putting an arm around both of them. "Crocodile Dave saves the day," he says, nodding. "Eat, eat, so we can play and win and have surprises."

"Oh, yeah," Colin says. "What did the tree mail say?"

Gina holds out a little roll of paper, clearing her throat. "Okay, it says-- _By now you must be getting sore, but can you win your room and board?_ "

"Huh," Ryan says, frowning. "Cryptic."

"Maybe they're going to put us up in a hotel for a night," Colin suggests, giving Ryan a look of glittering promise that makes him blink dazedly for a few seconds.

"Yeah, right," Shannon snorts. "That'd be nice, though. I'm thinking it's more like some blankets, maybe some better sleeping pads."

Ryan nods, thinking wistfully of big fluffy beds. "Doesn't room and board mean a place to sleep _and_ meals? We might get some decent food, too."

"If we're lucky," Colin adds, looking at his last bite of fish with glum disinterest.

"I guess we'll find out," Gina says, gathering up the dirty plates. "Do you think we've got time to clean up before we leave?"

Everyone looks at Ryan, who shifts uncomfortably. He's not sure when he got dropped into the leader position, and he doesn't really want the job, but it looks like he's got it anyway. "Sure," he says after a moment. "It's not like they can start it without us."

So they pitch in with the dishes and then they all go for a swim, Dave darting under the water and popping up in unexpected places, giggling. Ryan comes up behind Colin and scoops water over his back, rubbing it in. "Mmm," Colin says appreciatively, turning his head to kiss Ryan's knuckles. "So, what would we do with blankets?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ryan asks, murmuring low in Colin's ear. He feels Colin shiver and smiles, licking up the water that runs down his neck.

"Um," Colin says. "What?"

Ryan smiles. "We'll build a fort, of course."

***

Colin spends the rest of their swim teasing Ryan about his fort fixation, but Ryan doesn't mind. Yesterday's rain cooled the temperature down a bit, and his stomach is full. True, breakfast consisted of fish, which he's been sick of since before he started school, but somehow, even that can't get him down.

All he can think about is earlier this morning when Colin took charge, talking to Ryan with such authority. He liked it. It was _sexy_. And okay, Ryan loves Colin, thinks he's hot and all, but he's never quite thought of his best friend as being a sex object. And now... now that his eyes have been opened...

Well, let's just say that Colin's sweet, shy act is never going to work on him again. Not that it ever did. 

Although he wouldn't mind having a longer, slower lovemaking session with Colin at some point... something romantic, maybe under the stars. He doesn't think he wants it rough and fast all the time. Sometimes, he has to admit, he just likes being close. And he likes to cuddle, but really only with Colin. 

Ugh, he's such a sap. It's disgusting, really. If anyone else knew what he was thinking about right now, he'd die. Luckily he's the master of the poker face, and he uses that to his advantage right now. 

Colin pokes him in the arm, grinning. "Ry? You've got that smile on your face again." 

Aw, fuck. So much for that, Ryan thinks to himself. He just... he can't. Not today. Not when he feels so damn good. 

And pretty soon he's gonna turn into some big-eyed Disney character, skipping through the damn forest picking flowers while cutesy singing animals trot along after him. 

The director appears on the shore, pointing to his watch. Like time has any meaning anymore. Ryan wants to flip him off, but he won't. At least, not above water. 

"We should go," Colin says, biting his lip. 

"Relax," Ryan says, wanting to linger. He doesn't know why, but he's afraid that if he gets out of the river, he's going to lose that good feeling, and Colin will be taken away from him. 

Everyone else is on the shore, waiting for them, and Ryan grunts, stubbornly dipping his head underwater one last time. Colin shakes his head, and Ryan splashes him. Colin sputters, while Ryan nonchalantly climbs out of the river, dripping water everywhere. 

"Well," he says to the assembled tribe, ignoring Colin's mock puppydog eyes. "I have a hunch that it's time for us to go." 

Dave dances behind Ryan's back, and Ryan twists his head, wondering what the hell Dave is doing. "Ryan! You don't have a hunch!" Dave says, touching Ryan's spine. "It looks all straight to me!" 

And Ryan sighs, wondering how he's going to explain. _Only Dave_ , he thinks to himself, trading amused glances with Colin. 

***

They all form a line to traipse off through the jungle, but unlike their previous hikes, this time the tribe is clumped together. The trail is too narrow for them to be all side by side, but Colin and Ryan step up to the front, and Dave hovers just behind them, still touching Ryan's back occasionally, with something like concern. Gina and Shannon are just behind him, chattering speculation about what this challenge will be.

Ryan feels a little like a parent taking his kids for a walk. Which is silly, because yes, he and Colin are the oldest ones there but not by that much. Still, when Colin casually links their arms together and smiles up at him, Ryan is so tempted to shout over his shoulder, _Kids, be quiet for a while, your mother and I are talking._

Except that Colin would kill him. Ryan puts the idea away for some later time, when he feels like teasing Colin, riling him up and seeing what he does about it. Right now he's still feeling lax and dazed from the wake up call this morning, and he'd rather enjoy the steady warmth of Colin at his side quietly.

Dave darts in and around the group, taking little side trails and coming out ahead, popping up unexpectedly in front of them. He's obviously excited, patting everyone, even daring to give Gina and Shannon quick, ambushing hugs from the side, when they're not looking. "Dave's team is gonna win," he says, sing-song, grinning at them. "You're all on Dave's team."

"That's good," Colin says, stumbling a little into Ryan when Dave swoops in and knocks his chest against Colin's shoulder.

"Okay, calm down," Ryan chides, resting his hands on Dave's arms and holding him still for a moment. "You don't want to get tired before we play, do you?"

"I'm not tired," Dave replies brightly. "I'm a hummingbird!" And he zips off again.

Colin exchanges a glance with Ryan, who smiles ruefully. He supposes hummingbird is a little better than crocodile, although he's not sure yet. They watch Dave for a couple minutes, and Ryan can't help feeling guilty. Dave thinks they're all on his team. Ryan's not sure he's ready to see the look on Dave's face next time the votes are counted.

When they reach the clearing where today's challenge is set, Jeff and the other tribe are already there, sitting around impatiently. There is a large sheet covered lump behind Jeff, nearly as tall as he is, and a table, also covered up, with smaller lumps. The tribe gathers around, peering curiously at the hidden rewards, and Jeff stands, glancing at the crew and waiting for his cue.

"Orteza," he calls out when the director points at him. "Thank you for joining us. Today, you all have a reward challenge. Are you ready to see what it is?"

There is a chorus of yeses from both tribes, and Jeff nods. "It must be pretty hard, sleeping out on the ground, providing for yourselves and your tribe. Anyone feel like they could use a break?" He waits for more affirmative sounds, and then continues, "Well, for the winning tribe today, we have something to make your lives a little more comfortable." 

Jeff pulls the sheet from the tall lump behind him, exposing a pile of neatly folded sheets and blankets, pillows, and at the bottom, the slick vinyl of inflatable mattresses. An appreciative murmur goes up, and Ryan eyes the bedding. He can see it already, two thick air mattresses pushed together, covered in soft, clean cotton (he can smell the laundry soap from here and it sends a sudden, sharp feeling of homesickness through his chest), buried under those fuzzy blankets, and he and Colin in the middle of it all, no longer needing to wear clothes to bed. Beside him, Colin squeezes his arm and gives him a look that says he knows exactly what Ryan is thinking.

"Does that look good?" Jeff asks, and Ryan rolls his eyes because _of course_ it looks good, they've been roughing it for a week and it looks downright _heavenly_.

"And to wake up to after your good night's rest," Jeff begins, moving to stand beside the table, "a nice big breakfast." He whips that sheet off as well, and Ryan's eyes widen. Not just a one time meal, but _supplies_ , more oatmeal and bags of dried fruit, salt and pepper, a package of bacon bits and beef jerky and some trail mix, and more containers that are still closed that could have anything in them. 

There are groans of appreciation from both tribes, and Ryan catches Colin licking his lips, leaning toward the food and trying to breathe it in. 

"But first," Jeff says, catching their attention again, "you must complete the challenge." He leads them away from the food and across the field, to a place where the grass is cut low and there are lines laid out on the ground in a maze. "Today's challenge is a test of teamwork, and trust," Jeff tells them. "You must choose one person from your tribe to lead. This person will be carried by the others, who will be linked together in a chain. They will also be blindfolded. The leader will have to guide them through the maze, without crossing any of the lines. Each tribe has an identical maze--the first tribe to make it to the end wins. Maguela, Orteza, choose your leaders."

Murmuring goes up immediately, and the tribes huddle in on themselves. "Okay," Ryan says, looking at each of them. "How are we going to do this?"

***

"I'm the smallest," Shannon volunteers. "I'd probably be the easiest to lift."

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in," Gina teases, poking her flabby belly.

"And I'm the tallest," Ryan says. "Maybe I should be first in line, so I can lift you."

"No," Colin says immediately. "What about your back? Let me be first. I'm still pretty tall, and my back's in better shape." 

Ryan grins at Colin. He knows that he's normally the protective on in their relationship, but he secretly loves it when Colin watches out for him too. It's kinda cool, knowing someone cares about him that much. And he starts to understand why Colin likes it... 

"And I'll be the hummingbird!" Dave yells, loud enough that Jeff and the other team glance in their direction. 

Everybody on their tribe laughs, and Ryan throws an arm around Colin. Colin leans his head on Ryan's shoulder, and rubs Ryan's back while beside him the girls sigh. 

"All right, time's up!" Jeff announces. "Maguela, have you chosen your leader?" 

The smallest girl on the Maguela tribe steps forward. She's downright _tiny_ , as a matter of fact. She looks like she's about five feet tall. Ryan snorts, wondering how he'd look standing next to her. 

"I'll do it!" she pipes up in a high voice. 

"Excellent, Theresa. Thank you for volunteering. And Orteza, how about you? Have you chosen your leader?" 

Shannon blushes. "Me," she says into the dirt. 

"Wonderful, Shannon. Thank you for volunteering. Now let's get everybody tied together." 

Crew members appear with ropes and pieces of cloth. Ryan takes his cloth and turns it over in his hands. On two opposite ends there is a loop, and he thinks he understands how they're going to be tied. 

"Okay, everybody fasten your cloth around your waist, so it looks like this," Jeff says, modelling his own cloth, circling his waist with the loops hanging off the front and back. 

Colin instantly reaches over, helping Ryan with his cloth. His fingers linger like a promise on Ryan's waist, and Ryan is now even more determined to win this challenge. He fastens Colin's cloth around his waist, letting his hands brush Colin's ass "accidentally" while Colin jumps and glares at him.

Jeff hands out the blindfolds to both of the tribes, while the crew members tie ropes through the loops, hooking them together and tugging to make sure they're all secure. Dave laughs and squirms when an unfortunate crew member ties him up, but at least he's not in Crocodile Dave mode. That's one thing to be grateful for, Ryan supposes. 

"All right, Survivors! Blindfolds on, please!" Jeff says. 

Colin looks over his shoulder at Ryan, giving him a smile and a silent good luck. Ryan smirks back, and busies himself with getting his blindfold on. 

They are so going to win this. They have to.

***

Ryan puts his hands on Colin's shoulders in front of him, and feels Dave behind him step close, grabbing on to his shirt. Then Shannon's voice is at his side, and he feels Colin dip, so he reaches out and catches her leg, helping her climb up. She sits on Colin's shoulders and Ryan braces her with his hands, resting on either side of her legs.

"Everyone stay close together," he calls to his tribe, scooting a little nearer to Colin. His forehead brushes the back of Shannon's shirt, and Dave's chest bumps into his back, his chin barely reaching Ryan's shoulder blades. "We good?"

"Yeah," Gina calls, "although I didn't know my day would involve bondage when I woke up this morning."

He feels Colin's shoulders shake with a silent laugh, and he grins. "Same here," he says. "Dave, Colin, you set?"

"Dave doesn't need his eyes! The trees will tell him where he is," Dave announces, doing a little excited hop behind Ryan. "Don't worry, Dave's team. We'll win."

"That's great," Ryan mutters. He leans toward Colin and asks quietly, "Col? How you holding up?"

"Fine," Colin replies, and his voice sounds a little strained, but his shoulders are steady under Ryan's palms. Ryan strokes him through his shirt a little, not sure who he's reassuring.

"Orteza, Maguela, are you ready?" Jeff asks from somewhere behind them. Both tribes give an eager whoop, and crew members guide them to the starting point of their mazes.

"Try to plan out your path in advance," Ryan murmurs up at Shannon.

"I've got it," she says back, and he feels a small hand pat his head briefly. "I always liked mazes."

Ryan nods although he knows no one will see it, and then Jeff is counting down from five. He feels Colin start to breathe faster, and Dave tugs fretfully at his shirt for a moment, stomping his feet with impatience. Then Jeff yells go and Shannon immediately says, "Straight ahead three steps, then left, now!"

They almost stumble at first, but Gina calls out a march step, a low four count that keeps them moving the same foot together, left right left. Dave hums, bouncing a little with every step, and his hands never let go of Ryan's shirt. Shannon gets the feel of their gait quickly, measuring distances ahead and telling them how many steps to go, and although sometimes they have to freeze on her command when they nearly overshoot the distance, most of the time they can keep moving steadily.

Ryan tries not to listen to the other tribe, with their leader calling out directions in her high, piping voice, but with his sight gone hearing is all he can really do. They're taking a different path, and Ryan hopes that Shannon has chosen the better one for them. He has no idea how far they've gone and his sense of direction is shot, so many twists and turns and the sun beats down on them all, sweat trickling down his back and making his eyes sting.

"Almost there!" Shannon calls encouragingly. "Right turn now," and they keep the march step up, each one pivoting on the same spot in sequence. Ryan hears a shout of protest from the other tribe, and a muffled thud, and he wonders if one of them has fallen down. He doesn't normally think of himself as a spiteful man, but he hopes Maguela is screwing it up. He _wants_ this.

"Tight left," Shannon calls. "Double back, U-turn."

They follow the directions and Ryan feels Dave falter behind him on the sharp turn, caught short by the ropes and stumbling. He reaches back and grabs Dave's arm, pulling him along until they're straight again, and Dave joins his hands in front of Ryan's waist for a moment, squeezing him. "Ryan saves the day," he murmurs, and Ryan grins.

"We've got it, straight ahead, fast!" Shannon says, and they break into a double time, jogging in step, Gina's marching count rising in volume over their thudding footsteps. "Enough, enough, stop," Shannon says, her voice jubilant. "We're through!"

A cheer goes up from the tribe, and then there are crew people all around them, untying the ropes and pulling off the blindfolds and helping Shannon down from Colin's shoulders. Ryan blinks against the bright sunlight and claps Shannon on the back, looping his other arm around Colin and squeezing him close. "Great job!" he says, grinning at them all.

"Dave's team wins!" Dave shouts, dancing around them. "Told you, I told you!"

Colin leans against Ryan's side, sighing heavily, and Ryan turns so he shades Colin from the sun. "Okay?" he asks.

"Sure." Colin offers him a wan smile. "Quite a workout, though." 

"I'll bet," Ryan says, stepping behind him and rubbing his shoulders. Shannon weighs maybe a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet, but that's still a lot of weight to be carrying, running around in this hot sun.

"Congratulations, Orteza!" Jeff says, approaching them. Ryan glances over at the other tribe, still standing in their maze and being untied. It looks like they were close to the end, although he can't really tell from this angle how many more twists and turns they would have needed to make.

"Do we have to carry all that stuff back to camp?" Colin asks, a little plaintively, and Jeff smiles.

"Not all of it," he says. "The crew will help you out. So, good work everyone, you've obviously blended together well as a tribe. Shannon, how do you feel about being chosen as the leader?"

Shannon shrugs, looking pink and tiny standing in between Colin and Dave. "It's just because I was lightest," she says. "I'm happy that we won, but everyone helped."

"You were good eyes," Dave tells her. "You're Dave's new favorite eyes!" And he slings an arm around her shoulders and kisses the top of her head loudly.

The tribe laughs, even Colin, who is still breathing a little hard and leaning on Ryan. Jeff gives them all a dubious look. "Okay... sure. Well, to the victor goes the spoils, enjoy your reward!"

Ryan nods at him, and then leans down to murmur in Colin's ear, "Oh, we will."


	29. Day Eight, Part III

The trail is just as narrow as it was on the way up, but what a difference victory makes. Ryan thought Dave was hyped-up before, but oh man. That was nothing compared to him now. "Dave's team won! Dave's team won!" he screams, over and over, cavorting in and out and all around them on tiptoes, clapping his hands over his head. "And I'd like to thank the trees and my new favorite eyes and _Colin!_ Victoryyyyyy is mine!" 

Ryan cleans out his ears. "Hey, can you settle it down? Some of would like to keep our hearing." 

Dave pouts. "Sorry," he says. And then, in a whisper: "Dave's team won." 

And he's dancing again, but at least he's being quiet, and that's all that Ryan cares about. 

Behind them, various crew members carry their prizes. Ryan can't keep his eyes off the blankets especially. Mmm... he can't wait to wrap Colin up in a blanket and nothing else, and throw him back on one of those air mattresses... 

Damn. There must be something in the water out here, 'cause ever since he arrived on this island, he's been so freaking horny. Or maybe it's just having Colin so close to him, finally being allowed to touch him whenever and wherever he wants after years spent practically pining over him...

And Ryan Stiles does _not_ pine. 

But there's just something about Colin that brings out Ryan's tender side. He watches as Colin turns to Dave, speaking to him in a low, reassuring tone, laughing as Dave says something completely off the wall. He's just... he's open-- he's pure and good and light. And Ryan needs that, he craves that. He's drawn to it, like a fallen angel trying to get back to grace.

Colin's like... his salvation. 

Colin's hand covers his, and Ryan turns, looking down into his warm brown eyes. "Good thoughts?" he asks, and his smile makes Ryan feel like he's finally rising after the long plunge downward. 

"Thank you," Ryan says, his voice trembling. He wants to add, _for loving me_ , but he can't quite get the words out. They're hiding in the darkness. 

But Colin knows what he can't say. "You're welcome," he replies. "I wouldn't want you any other way." 

But this is enough serious talk for Ryan for one day, thank you very much. "So, what d'you say we just give everybody the royal finger when we get back and shack up in the tent all day long?" 

And when Colin laughs he lights up Ryan's world.

***

Once they get back to camp, the crew drops all their stuff on the ground unceremoniously and gets back behind the cameras to film them tearing into it. There are five sets of bedding, each of them allocated an air mattress, fitted sheet, and thick quilted blanket, plus a single pillow for every member of the tribe. Dave snaps his pillow up and squeezes it, burying his face in the fabric and inhaling deeply. Colin watches that, shrugs, and follows suit, making a low pleased sound in his throat.

"What?" Ryan asks, amused, as Colin rubs his cheek against the pillow case, his eyes heavy and half-lidded.

"I'd forgotten what really clean things smell like," Colin sighs. "And it's _soft_..." He sighs again, looking sleepy and content, like a cat in the sunshine.

Ryan stares at him for a moment, his fingers twitching restlessly, and then Colin makes this tiny, sweet little smile and Ryan can't resist anymore. He steps in and wraps his arms around Colin, the pillow between them, and he feels Colin lean into him, wriggling happily.

"You're really going to enjoy this, aren't you?" Gina asks, walking past with containers of food in each hand. 

Colin clears his throat and pulls back, and Ryan can see pink touching the tips of his ears. "Come on," Colin says. "We should help put the food away."

Ryan lets him go reluctantly and takes his and Colin's share of the bedding back to their tent while Colin pitches in with the food. Settling down with the first air mattress, Ryan sits cross legged on the ground, breathing air into the slick green vinyl and watching it grow. He watches Colin exclaiming over the packages of food, chattering amiably with the girls, clearly in his element. He's already talking recipes.

Dave sidles up to him, pulling his own mattress over and copying Ryan's pose. "Hi," he says, and he smiles like a kid, wide and uncomplicated. "You making your bed balloon?"

Ryan nods, not breaking his rhythm of inflation. His head is starting to spin a little with the effort, but he figures if he moves fast he can get Colin's mattress filled up to before Colin has a chance to object. Colin's putting up a good front, but Ryan knows the challenge this morning really wore him out.

"I'm going to fly away with mine," Dave tells him. "I'll fly up up up all day and then when I'm tired, I'll sleep in the clouds."

Ryan has to stop and smile at that, bumping his shoulder into Dave's companionably. "That sounds like fun."

"Want to come with me?" Dave asks, laying a hand on his arm.

"Um..." Ryan offers an apologetic shrug. "Sorry, I don't like to fly. Colin and I are going to build a boat instead."

"Oh," Dave says, looking disappointed for a moment. Then he brightens, blowing a few more breaths into his mattress. "That's okay, the birds will be my friends. The birds like me, and my team likes me, and Colin likes me." He leans close, giving Ryan a comforting pat on the back. "Don't worry, he still likes you too. You're his special favorite."

Ryan laughs softly, nodding. "Thanks, Dave. I'm glad to hear that."

"Sure!" Dave says brightly. "Dave is a _happy_ hummingbird!" And he gets up, taking his mattress with him, crumpled into a ball and held high over his head as he darts into the trees.

Ryan watches him go, and sees the others watching him as well. Colin meets Ryan's eyes for a moment, sharing an amused glance, and then he goes back to whatever he's cooking by the fire. "I'm going to miss that guy," Ryan mutters to no one in particular, feeling his smile fade. Then he shakes himself and goes back to the mattress, determined to have their tent soft and comfortable by the time Colin is ready to join him.

***

Ryan lets out a heavy puff as he finally finishes Colin's mattress. He looks over at the other mattress and wants to faint. There is no freaking way he's got the energy or the _breath_ for that matter to do another one of those things.

He studies Colin's mattress. It's fairly wide, probably about the equivalent of a full-size bed. Close quarters for two big guys, but they could probably manage. Hell, they did it often enough in the motel rooms they shared. And anyway, it's not like he's gonna complain, being cuddled up close to Colin. 

Besides, their tent isn't all that big anyway. Maybe they can get away with just having one mattress... and maybe he'll do the other one later, once he has a bit more energy. Or maybe not, he amends, remembering just how close Colin is when they share a full-size bed... 

Ryan hauls the mattress through the tent. He props it up with his hands while he kicks the sleeping mats out of the way. Wretched, flimsy things. He is so glad to get rid of them. Maybe they can burn them tonight in a special bonfire and Dave can dance around it like the crack monkey he is. 

He lays the mattress in the middle of the tent and steps back, admiring his handiwork. Colin is going to be so surprised, and Ryan can't wait to see his face. 

He thinks of the smile that will spread across Colin's face, starting in his crinkling eyes and finishing with the sweet curve of his lips. And maybe... Maybe he'll even coax the dimples out. And then Colin will laugh, and throw his arms around Ryan, and maybe there will be _kissing_...

That's all the motivation he needs. 

He runs out of the tent and scoops up the neatly folded fitted sheet and both of the blankets, making sure to wipe the dirt off the bottoms. He wants these to stay clean, because Colin likes things clean. And this is all about him. 

He quickly makes the bed, covering the mattress with the fitted sheet, spreading the blankets on the top. He even folds them over, to give it a nice, homey touch. 

When he adds the pillows, it looks so inviting that he almost wants to sink back and test things out himself. But he won't. He wants Colin to see it first. 

After one last glance to make sure everything's absolutely perfect, he backs out of the tent and makes his way over to the fire, smelling something delicious. And he can't wait to eat whatever it is that Colin's made.

***

Ryan plops down on the log beside the fire, peering curiously into the frying pan. It's sizzling and smoking and smells wonderfully like a backyard barbecue, and he licks his lips, swallowing. "What's that?"

Colin grins at him. "They threw a little bit of fresh hamburger meat in one of the containers, and I figured we'd use it right away, or it'll go bad. This is kind of... well, bastardized meatloaf, I guess."

"Mmm," Ryan says, inhaling deeply. "Garlic?"

"That's the best part." Colin sits beside him, digging through one of the food containers. "They gave us seasonings! Really, I could have been happy with this and nothing else. Garlic powder and salt and pepper and oregano... some basil, cumin, ginger... there are so many things I could do with just fish that will actually taste like something with these."

Ryan laughs, slipping an arm around Colin's waist and kissing his temple. "You're such a cooking geek," he says fondly.

Colin gives him an odd little half smile, like he's trying to be offended and can't quite muster it up. "You'll be glad I am when you taste this," he says, a little sharply.

"Hey, don't piss off the cook," Gina tells him from the other side of the campfire. "Seriously, can you _smell_ this? I want him to keep doing it as long as possible."

"Aw, he's not mad," Ryan says, pulling Colin closer. "He already knew he was a geek, after all. It's not my fault for pointing it out."

Colin pouts for a moment, raising one eyebrow imperiously. "Just for that, you don't get seconds," he says.

Ryan affects a stricken look. "What? No, no, I meant that in a good way, I really did."

Colin's lips twitch, but he maintains the stern expression. "You meant 'geek' in a _good_ way?"

"Well... yeah," Ryan replies. "Come on, you wouldn't want me to lose my strength, would you? Then I wouldn't be able to..." He trails off, sweeping his eyes up and down Colin's body meaningfully.

"Aha!" Colin says, pointing at him. "You're threatening to withhold sex! You _are_ the woman."

Shannon collapses into giggles around her half-inflated air mattress, and Gina shakes her head, chuckling. Ryan realizes his mouth is hanging open and he snaps it shut, clearing his throat. "Well, I... you..."

And Colin relents, kissing him, laughing against his mouth. "Gotcha," he murmurs.

"Yeah," Ryan says, meeting his eyes. "You do."

Shannon plucks the frying pan from beside the fire, giving them both an indulgent look. "Much as I hate to break this up, I think lunch is ready."

"Oh, yeah!" Colin says, making a visible effort to focus on the cooking. He pokes the meat a little, testing to see if it's fully cooked, and then begins dishing it up. They eat it in thick slices on fresh, chewy rolls, and Ryan closes his eyes and actually moans at the first bite. 

"Told you," Colin says, smiling merrily at him from over his own sandwich. 

"I'll never doubt you again," Ryan replies. He knows this can't last, this eating like kings; they'll use up the fresh stuff quickly and then be back to dry rations and whatever they can hunt, but he figures they deserve it today. They've earned it.

Ryan does his best to eat slowly, to savor it, but his body demands the hot food eagerly and he winds up finished much sooner than he'd planned. Dave appears through the trees, perhaps drawn by the smell, and wolfs his portion with a gleeful ferocity that leaves Ryan thinking maybe he really is part crocodile.

"We'll clean up," Gina volunteers. "Since you cooked."

"Thanks," Colin says, already yawning. He looks full and sated and sleepy, drowsing in the midday sun and leaning against Ryan.

"Come on," Ryan says, helping him up. "I want to show you something."

Colin walks by his side agreeably, letting him steer, and Ryan swallows when he notices Colin's eyes are actually closed. It's a little thing, really, but it's such a simple, true act of trust that he squeezes Colin closer, as tight as he can for a second. Colin makes a pleased murmur, but doesn't open his eyes.

Ryan lifts the tent flap, takes Colin's hand, and says, "Look."

"Oh," Colin says, taking a deep breath. He stares at the thick mattress, the neatly folded blankets, the crisp smoothness of the sheet and pillows. "God, that looks good," he mumbles, and Ryan can feel him lean forward, like he just wants to fall into it.

Ryan smiles. "Welcome home."

***

Colin hugs him, just like Ryan knew he would, and he whispers a sweet, "Thank you" in Ryan's ear that makes Ryan shiver and wish that Colin wasn't so sleepy. Ryan absolutely hates waiting for what he wants. He has no idea how he managed to deny himself Colin for so long... what the hell had he been thinking? 

And when Colin pulls away, he's smiling and shaking his head like he can't believe he's so lucky. Ryan wants to tell him that _he's_ the lucky one, not Colin. But the words get stuck again, and that's all right, because Colin's hand strokes the back of his neck, fanning up into the fine, short hairs, and Ryan sighs when he sees the promises in Colin's eyes. 

Colin yawns and Ryan reaches around for Colin's hand. He kisses the tips of each of Colin's fingers and steps away, leading Colin towards the mattress. "What--" Colin begins, wrinkling his brow.

"You're tired, Col."

"No, I'm... I'm fine," Colin denies, but his face is drooping and his eyes look like they've lost some of their usual sharpness. 

"Don't try to deny it. I know you're worn out from that challenge. You're sleeping, and that's that," Ryan says, sticking his chin out stubbornly. 

"You're putting me to bed?" Colin teases, raising his eyebrows. 

Ryan nods and turns down the blankets. "Get in," he says. 

Colin sighs and climbs into bed. Ryan tucks him in, and gives him a chaste kiss while Colin blinks up at him. "Join me?" he asks. 

"Thought you'd never ask," Ryan says.

***

Ryan slides in beside Colin, groaning in relief as the mattress cradles him, supporting his back and leaving him feeling, after a week of sleeping on the ground, as if he's weightless. The scent of freshly washed cotton rises up around him and he closes his eyes, breathing it in. It won't last, he knows, but it's a simple pleasure that he decides never to take for granted again.

"We finally got our big fluffy bed," Colin murmurs, and even though they have pillows, he still rests his head on Ryan's chest.

"Mmm," Ryan says, stretching lazily. The day is warm and they don't really need the blankets, but it's such a luxury to lie beneath them, wrapped and cozy. He wriggles around a little, shucking his shirt and pants without getting out of bed, and then he rolls as much as he can in the limited space, gathering the sensation against his skin. 

"Hedonist," Colin says, and Ryan still has his eyes closed but he can hear the smile in Colin's voice, fond and indulgent.

"Oh yeah," Ryan agrees. "You've got to try this, Col, while they're still nice and clean."

"Okay," Colin says, and he fumbles with the snap to his shorts a little, his elbows bumping Ryan under the blanket. He yawns, his hands drooping, and he mumbles, "Maybe later."

Ryan props his head up in one hand and looks down at Colin, already dozing, his face seeming young and unguarded in the golden slant of sunlight seeping through the tent flap. He rests a hand on Colin's chest, feeling the gentle rise and fall, the barely perceptible thud of his heart beat.

"Here," he whispers. "Let me." He pulls Colin's shirt up, gently moving Colin's arms so he can get the shirt over his head. Colin mumbles a little, half-asleep, and a sliver of deep brown appears as he opens one eye.

"Ry? What..."

"Shhh," Ryan says. "I want to do this."

Colin nods and closes his eyes again, his body loose and willing under Ryan's hands. The shorts are next, Ryan sticking his head under the blanket and working them carefully off Colin's hips, rocking him from side to side to get the material out from under him. He can't resist a kiss to the milk pale skin low on Colin's hip, and then another on his thigh, exploring each new place that's revealed without his clothes. 

Colin shifts restlessly and a hand lands on the back of Ryan's neck through the blanket. "Hey," Colin says, "unless you plan to finish that, quit teasing."

Ryan laughs and relents, pulling the shorts away quickly and then sliding back up Colin's body, relishing the closeness, the soft warmth. The sheets against him are nice, but Colin's skin is like fine wine, like silk, an endless variety of smooth and fuzzy, hot and cool, places where it gives beneath his touch and places where it is firm and thin, formed over muscle and bone. 

"Oh," Colin says softly, curling closer. "I see why you like this."

Ryan nods and kisses his shoulder, stroking his back, and he feels wrapped up, enveloped. Colin seems to fit perfectly against him, legs tangled together and chests touching and his arms tucked around Ryan like they belong there, like they've been waiting forever to return home. Ryan shifts a little, half-certain that there will be some place they don't mesh, some joint bent awkwardly, too much pressure where they're closest, because it can't be this perfect, can it? There's always something. Always a point of dissonance, a tiny grain of sand that rubs the wrong way until a hairline crack becomes a fissure and things fall apart. Ryan knows that; he's learned that lesson many times over.

Ryan thinks they'll be able to handle the problem, whenever he finds it, he thinks their relationship is strong enough to overcome whatever imperfections there are, but for now, he can't find anything wrong. For now, it's perfect, and he follows Colin into sleep with a smile on his face.


	30. Day Eight, Part IV

Ryan cracks open one eye, and stretches like a cat, lounging against the soft sheets and the wonderfully firm mattress. After a week spend on hard ground, this is luxury living right here, and his back is sending him thank you after thank you. And all he can think is how damn wonderful it is to not wake up in pain.

The other side of the bed ( _their_ bed) is empty and Ryan feels a little wriggle of disappointment in his stomach. He wanted to wake up with Colin in his arms, underneath fresh scented blankets, and not have to worry about anything except being together.

He's been worried a lot out here, and that bothers him, because worrying is usually Colin's department. But there's just so much eating away at him, now that he and Colin are together. So much that can go wrong.

For one thing, he still doesn't know how the hell they're going to solve the living arrangements. He could never ask Colin to leave Canada. He's already decided that he won't allow it, even if Colin offers. He wonders if Colin would consider moving to Vancouver. Ryan has always loved Vancouver, and he thinks of it fondly. It's where he and Colin met, after all. And where he first realized that he was in love with his best friend.

He thinks he could be happy in Vancouver again. But how is he supposed to ask his best friend to uproot his life in Toronto, to move all the way across the country? For him? Get real.

And then there's other things, little things. Like, how are they going to act at work, on the set of _Whose Line_? Will Ryan be allowed to touch Colin? Will Colin _want_ Ryan to touch him, or will he shy away?

And hell, they've already basically gone public with this thing by allowing themselves to be filmed in all kinds of compromising positions doing all kinds of compromising things... what if there's a big backlash over it? What if they lose their jobs? True, he's a producer, so he has a bit more job security, but what about Colin? Colin loves improv, loves the guys, loves the atmosphere. And if Ryan takes that away, Colin will be absolutely heartbroken...

Not only that, but Colin works a lot, and he works a lot, and what if they never have time for each other? What if they just end up drifting apart? What if Colin ends up resenting all the hours he has to put in, between _Drew Carey_ and _Whose Line_? 

And it's all too much, like a dizzying carnival ride of thoughts that keep twirling around and around inside his mind over and over. And he wants to get off but he can't, because the music just keeps going faster, and the lights just keep getting brighter, and the laughs start to sound more like screams...

"Hey."

A gentle hand rests on his shoulder, and Ryan opens his eyes to find Colin, twinkling down at him. He's holding out a plate with a slice of blueberry pie on it.

"The girls found it in one of the boxes," Colin says. "So I saved you a piece, 'cause Dave ate two, and he was eying a third..."

Ryan takes the plate, oddly touched by the simple gesture. Colin perches on the edge of the bed, smoothing Ryan's hair off his forehead, and Ryan thinks that maybe Colin would move for him after all, if he can get the nerve up to ask...

Ryan sits up and picks up the fork, twirling it. "Thank you," he says to Colin, who smiles and pats his knee.

And as he eats, his stomach unclenches, and the taste of sweet blueberries between flaky crust makes everything better.

 

***

Colin watches him eat the pie, and after a couple bites Ryan feels weird about sitting here eating in front of him, so he offers the next bite to Colin.

"No, no," Colin says, taking his wrist and gently steering his hand back toward his own mouth. "I already had mine. This is yours."

"I want to share it," Ryan insists, because it's just not fair sometimes, how much Colin gives him. Patience and understanding and backrubs and sweet, generous kisses and so much that Ryan can't even begin to name. He can never measure up to that, never give as much as Colin does so effortlessly.

"Ryan, really, you eat it," Colin replies, shaking his head. "I..." He ducks his head, a tiny, embarrassed smile touching his lips.

"What?" Ryan asks, leaning down to try and catch Colin's eye.

Colin shrugs and plucks idly at the blanket for a moment. "Okay, I... I like watching you eat, okay? You make these... these happy little sounds and your eyes kind of flutter a little and you just look so..." He trails off, and Ryan can see color rising in his face, delicate pink along the lines of his cheekbones, curling up to the rims of his ears.

Ryan blinks, remembering to shut his mouth after a moment. "You... really? You like the way I eat?"

"I know it's stupid," Colin mutters, giving him a sheepish look. "Like some teenage crush thing, right? But when you're really enjoying something, it's like you glow with it, like you're just radiating pleasure and I... um, okay, I'm going to shut up now before I dig myself in any deeper."

Ryan looks down at the half finished slice of pie, and then at Colin, who darts him sly, almost _hopeful_ looks from beneath his eyelashes, and he has an idea. "Hey," he says, deliberately low and growly. "I'll make you a deal."

Colin lifts his head slowly, and he looks wary, uncertain, but Ryan doesn't miss the speculative glint in his eyes or the quick flash of pink as he licks his lips. "Oh?" he says, obviously trying to sound casual and just as obviously failing at it.

"I'll let you watch, if you let me watch too." Ryan raises one eyebrow suggestively.

Colin abruptly goes several shades of red. "Watch? You, um... watch _what_ , exactly?"

Ryan laughs, shaking his head. "Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, old man. The pie, of course! We'll just take turns. Oh, and," he picks up the fork, "we won't be needing this."

Colin swallows and nods, a tiny, sheepish smile still playing around the corners of his mouth, but it disappears when Ryan swipes a bit of blueberry filling up on two fingers and slowly licks it off, closing his eyes at the sweet taste. When he opens them again, Colin is noticeably closer, his own lips parted, inviting.

Ryan has resisted that kind of temptation for years; he figures it's time to indulge. He gets a blueberry and a bit of crust and holds it up in front of Colin's mouth, which opens obediently. Colin takes the bite and then sucks Ryan's fingers clean, and all Ryan can think is no wonder Colin always finds an excuse to get his fingers in Ryan's mouth during Helping Hands because that feels _amazing_.

He reaches down for another bite, but Colin stays his hand. "My turn," he says, and scoops up a gob of filling. Ryan opens his mouth and he's done this before, on stage, Colin is hardly new to feeding him but he's never done it with such deliberate provocation, lingering until all traces of blueberry are gone from his fingers and it's just Colin's taste, quickly becoming his new favorite flavor.

By the time the pie is gone they're both sticky and stained blue around the lips, and Ryan pounces, pinning Colin down on the mattress and licking around his mouth, getting every last bit of sweet. "Mmm," Colin says, catching his jaw in one hand (and leaving more sticky on his skin in the process). "Hey, Ryan..."

"Hmm?" Ryan says, only half-listening, distracted by the bit of blueberry he swears he can taste on the side of Colin's throat no matter how much he licks it.

"You know that thing you said earlier, about watching?"

Ryan freezes, and then lifts his head slowly, swallowing when he sees the look on Colin's face. "...yeah?"

"Is that... you know, an option? Sometime?" And the question is casual, nonchalant, but the intent, eager glitter in Colin's eyes says otherwise.

"I... okay," Ryan says before he can change his mind. "If you want, sure."

Colin smiles. "Good."

 

***

After the last taste of blueberry pie is gone, Ryan lies breathless on the mattress with Colin sacked out beside him. "Best pie I've ever eaten," Ryan declares, patting his stomach.

"I've had better," Colin says, eyes darting slyly towards Ryan.

Ryan just laughs. "Liar," he says. "I'm the best you've ever had and you know it."

Colin shakes his head and reaches out to trace Ryan's cheek. "So conceited," he says. "And anyway, I thought we were talking about pie?"

"Me, pie? What's the difference?"

"Hmm..." Colin pretends to think about this. "Pie doesn't have a big old nose sticking out of the middle?"

Ryan growls, but it's playful. "Watch it, baldy."

"You taste better though," Colin says, a slow smile spreading across his face as he pokes Ryan in the arm.

Ryan feels his face heat up. "You... like the way I taste?" he asks.

"Mmm hmm," Colin says, and Ryan thinks he might be blushing too.

"What do I taste like?"

Colin reaches out and licks one of Ryan's fingers. "Pie," he says, and Ryan laughs.

"Let's stay here," he says suddenly. "All day. You and me. I don't care. We don't need to hunt or fish for once, and the girls can handle everything else. And Dave... well, forget Dave."

"And we'll feed each other chocolate truffles and give each other backrubs?" Colin snorts.

"Sounds good to me," Ryan agrees, beaming over at Colin. "What the hell is a truffle anyway?"

"It's the bastard love child of Turtles and Ruffles," Colin says, as if it's obvious.

"That sounds nasty," Ryan says, wrinkling his nose, even though he's fairly certain that Colin's bullshitting him. "Let's sneak out and get more pie, or maybe some other snacks too. Without anyone seeing us."

And he and Colin begin to plan out a snack heist...

 

***

Ryan peeks out from behind his tree, eyeing the campsite. The food containers are all sealed and put away in a neat row, the fire low glowing embers, the dishes clean and stacked on top of the main food bin. Splashing sounds come from the river, and if he squints against the bright afternoon sunlight he can see the silhouettes of two people swimming, faint voices drifting to him on the breeze. Gina and Shannon are in the water, but there's no telling how long they'll stay.

"Where's Dave?" Colin whispers, pressed close against his side under the cover of the tree.

Ryan shrugs. "Who knows where that guy ever is? He's not here, that's what matters."

"You have a target in mind?" Colin asks, peeking over his shoulder.

"Hard to say." Ryan peers at the containers, but they are opaque, showing only vague shadows within. "Grab the ones on top, or search for the really good stuff?"

"I'd say grab and go," Colin replies. "They won't swim much longer."

Ryan nods, giving the campsite another assessing look. "What about the cameras?"

Colin sighs, his forehead resting against Ryan's shoulder for a moment. There is a camera behind them, quietly recording their heist, and another trained on the camp at large, waiting for something to happen. "Forget them," he mutters. "It's not like we're going to keep the food anyway."

"Wait, we're not?" Ryan protests, turning to face Colin. "What's the point then?"

"Well we can't actually _steal_ from the tribe," Colin points out. "That food belongs to everyone. I thought we were just, you know... playing."

"Oh." Ryan considers for a moment. "Okay then." He grins at Colin and crouches by the tree. "We'll make two runs," he murmurs in a low, conspiratorial voice. "I'll go first; you cover me."

Colin nods, throwing off a crisp salute. "You have a go for mission Swipe The Snacks."

Ryan darts out, running hunched over, and scoops up the three containers on top of the pile. He bobbles them for a moment, nearly dropping them, but gets his grip back and bolts to the tree, skidding into Colin and almost knocking him down. Colin catches him and takes the containers, giving a muted crow of delight.

"Mission phase one accomplished," Ryan says, out of breath, his heart thumping in his ears. He feels like a little kid, ridiculous and proud of it.

"Well done, troop," Colin says, patting him on the back. "You've netted us... trail mix, dry oatmeal, and flour."

Ryan sighs, leaning back against the tree. "Well, not the best spoils, but the trail mix should at least be good."

"Still one more run to go," Colin says, peering around the tree again. "And the coast is still clear. Ready to cover me?"

"Ready," Ryan replies, standing behind him. "And... go!"

He watches Colin zip out, casting furtive looks around as he runs. Despite his plan of grabbing and going, Colin lingers long enough to shake each container, lifting the lid of one and peeking inside. Then he runs back with a prize in each hand, whipping around the tree with the aid of Ryan's arm linked with his, swinging him like a slingshot.

"I got the seasonings!" Colin pants victoriously, holding the box up. "And something that rattles."

Ryan chuckles, shaking his head. "Just had to get your precious seasonings."

"Of course," Colin replies. "Also, some," he opens the second container, "peanuts. Oh, if we caught another chicken bird, I could make Thai chicken."

"Yum," Ryan says, leaning against him. "Sounds like the mission was a complete success."

Colin grins and offers his hand to be slapped. They lean together against the tree, legs splayed out and containers spread around them on the ground. "So, what should we eat first?" Colin asks, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

That's when a shadow falls over them and they look up to see Gina and Shannon standing there, dripping wet from the river, staring at them. "Hey," Gina says, "what are you doing?"

 

***

Ryan laughs when he sees the guilty look flicker over Colin's face. "Umm... umm..." he stammers, and Ryan wonders to himself how the hell Colin ever got the job on _Whose Line_.

Oh. Right. Him. Ryan blushes. He supposes that even back then his little crush on Colin must've been completely obvious.

Ryan nudges Colin with his shoulder, mentally telling him that they should just stick to the truth instead of trying to come up with some outlandish story. "We were just playing," he says to Gina and Shannon. "I had this crazy idea about a snack heist, and Col here didn't stop me 'cause he can never say no..."

Shannon giggles. "A snack heist? That is so cute. You guys are just like big kids, you know that?"

Gina, however, frowns. "You were gonna take our supplies?"

"No, no," Colin protests, giving her the reassuring smile that he specialized in. "It was just a game. Just to see if we could get away with it. We weren't actually going to take anything. Right, Ry?"

"That was the agreement," Ryan says, putting an arm around Colin's shoulder.

Shannon shrugs like it's no big deal, but Gina's eyebrows are furrowed and her mouth looks a little pinched in the corners.

Ryan sighs and picks up the containers, putting them back with the rest of their supplies. In his head, this had been more fun. In reality, not so much.

He wonders what the hell Gina's problem is.

When he returns to Colin, Gina, and Shannon, silence hangs thick in the air. Gina's arms are crossed, although she looks a little less angry now that the food has been returned. Shannon smiles at him, and he takes Colin by the arm. "C'mon, Col," he says. "For punishment I'm sending you to your tent."

"Me? It was your idea!" Colin says, blinking while he pretends to be completely bewildered.

Ryan laughs. "Then send me too."

"I'm sending both of you!" Gina says, and gives them a small smile that Ryan thinks looks at least a little apologetic.

"Bet we won't see them for at least a couple hours..." he can hear Shannon whisper as Ryan closes the tent flap behind him.


	31. Day Eight, Part V

"So now what?" Colin asks, flopping back on the mattress with his hands laced behind his head.

Ryan grins, lying down beside him. "You have to ask?"

Colin flicks him a quick, heated look, but he shakes his head. "They're right outside," he says. "Listening. I... that's just too weird."

"Come on, where's your inner exhibitionist?" Ryan teases, poking Colin in the belly.

Colin snorts. "It took my inner masochist and they ran off to Europe years ago. I don't expect them back."

"Really?" Ryan raises an eyebrow, trailing his fingertips up and down Colin's chest. "What were you like before they left?"

"I led a double life as a highly paid porn star," Colin replies. "But I blew all my hard earned money on leather gear, which is why I always seemed to be broke."

Ryan is left with the sudden mental picture of Colin dressed in some weird black leather harness thing with a collar, and he collapses into laughter, slumping against Colin on the mattress and covering his face with both hands. "Oh no," he says, shaking his head. "Please, for the love of god, _don't_ tell me about it."

Colin laughs with him, running idle fingers through his hair, smoothing it. "Oh good, I don't think I could have come up with a description with a straight face anyway."

"Yeah." Ryan props himself up, chin in one hand, and grins down at Colin. "You're nuts, you know?"

"Eh, you love it," Colin replies easily, and it's not the glib response that touches Ryan, it's the certainty beneath it, the calm surety in Colin's eyes. He almost envies that, the absolute knowledge of being loved.

"Ry?" Colin asks after a moment, touching his face gently.

"Nothing," Ryan says, putting on a smile. "Got distracted. Hey, it's hot in here, and if we're not going to do anything, maybe we should get out and go for a swim?"

Colin frowns, but he lets it go, sighing. "I'm kind of tired of swimming, actually," he says. "I think I'm just going to lie here and have a little peace and quiet for a while. You go ahead."

"You sure?" Ryan asks, and Colin nods, waving him off. 

Ryan turns to go, but Colin catches him, pulling him in and wrapping a hand around the back of his neck. He leans up and kisses Ryan soundly, teasing his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue and making pleased little hums against his mouth. When he's done, he smiles and says, "To tide me over till later."

"Hmm," Ryan says, licking his lips. He waits a beat and then asks, "Is is later yet?"

Colin laughs and pushes him toward the tent flap. "Get out of here, you. Go cool down."

"Okay, okay, I'm going," Ryan grumbles, but he's glad to be out of the hot, stuffy tent. He leaves his shirt and shoes by the tent and goes to the river in his shorts, quickly gliding beneath the surface and relishing the sudden shock of cold. 

He floats lazily on his back for a while, winding up getting swept downriver a little by the current, the camp out of sight around the bend. Ryan sighs and stands up, trying to walk back toward camp, but the water is chest deep and the current fights him, making each step a struggle. He heads for shore, planning to walk back on dry land.

He's almost there, meandering the path of least resistance through the jungle, when he hears voices. Gina and Shannon, by the sound of it, on the other side of a thick line of scrub up ahead. Ryan opens his mouth to greet them, and then shuts it again when he hears Colin's name.

"They wouldn't," Shannon says, barely visible as a flash of red hair through the bushes.

"Are you sure?" Gina asks. "I know we made an agreement, but they're getting really close to Dave. I'm not so sure they're going to vote him off when the time comes."

"If we win immunity a few times, the tribes will merge before we even have to deal with that," Shannon points out. "Then it'll be our tribe against theirs in the voting."

" _If_ we win immunity, yes. What if we don't?" Gina's voice is low, tense. Ryan bites his lip, carefully stepping a little closer.

"You really think they'd go back on the deal?"

Gina sighs, and there is a pause of quiet. "I don't know," she says eventually. "I don't want to think it, but... look, they're just not taking this seriously. It's all a game to them--like the thing with the food. We _need_ that food and they're goofing around with it."

"They were going to give it back," Shannon points out.

"So they said," Gina counters. "I'm just saying we may need to rethink things, that's all."

There is a rustling sound, and Ryan can see Shannon's head bobbing slightly back and forth, as if she's shifting her weight. "I don't like it," she mutters. "I thought this was settled."

"Let me ask you this," Gina says. "Who do you think Dave will vote for? Not either of them, that's for sure. He's like their mascot. If they decide to keep him, it'll be three against two."

Shannon is quiet for a while, and then she sighs. "Okay," she says. "I'll think about it. I'll watch them. But I'm not prepared to break our deal yet."

"Fine," Gina replies. "We should get back to camp before they start to miss us."

Shannon snorts, and Ryan is close enough now to see her shake her head. "Are you kidding? I'll be surprised if we see them again before tomorrow morning."

Gina laughs and Ryan watches them walk away. He stays frozen until he's sure they're gone, and then he plops down on the ground, leaning against a tree and scrubbing his hands over his face. "Great," he mutters. "Just when things were going so well."

***

Ryan wonders if he should tell Colin what he just overheard. Part of him doesn't want to, 'cause he hates to make Colin worry. But then again, it's important, and he doesn't want to keep any secrets, not from Colin.

Fuck. Why does this game have to be so complicated? 

The girls are right though. He hates to admit it, but he has grown rather fond of Dave, weird little bugger that he is. And he hasn't been flirting with Colin too much lately. In fact, it almost seems like Dave is starting to flirt with _him_ now... 

He knows Colin likes Dave too. Of course, Colin likes almost everyone, and gets along with a wide variety of people. Ryan has always envied that about him. How easily he endears himself to people, how everybody ends up loving him. But then again, how could they not? He's just about the sweetest guy alive, in Ryan's not so humble opinion. 

It takes Ryan a long time to warm up to people and trust them. He really doesn't have a lot of close friends. Then again, Colin doesn't either. But he has an entire circle of aquaintances, and Ryan's sure that any one of them would do basically anything for Colin if he only asked... which he wouldn't, because he's so damn self sacrificing, but still. 

Sometimes Ryan wishes that he could be more open like that. He wishes that he could just like everyone he meets automatically, without question. He wishes that he wouldn't snap at fans sometimes when they approach him, or get frustrated when they ask him stupid questions he's already answered a million times. Colin doesn't usually get tired of that sort of thing. He's patient and kind whenever anyone talks to him, even if he's tired. Even if he's had a bad day. 

At any rate, Ryan likes Dave. They both do. He doesn't know how the hell it happened, or why for that matter. He's not sure he wants to examine it that deeply, but it's true. And the girls have picked up on it. Not that he and Colin have been hiding it...

It would make more sense to stick to their original alliance. Four teamed up together would have a bigger impact than three once they hit the merge. Not only that, but Dave isn't exactly the biggest contributor to their team. He doesn't hunt or fish or do anything, really, except play around in the jungle all day. 

But he's entertaining. And Colin really likes him. And he's all alone, like that baby bird they found the other day. And Ryan just... he doesn't want to see Dave get hurt. 

As Ryan walks back towards camp, he decides that he has to tell Colin what he just overheard.

***

By the time Ryan arrives at camp, Shannon and Gina are puttering around the fire, talking about what to make for dinner. They both wave at him, and their smiles are perfect; Ryan thinks he never would have known what was going on underneath if he hadn't heard them. He smiles back, just as shiny and plastic as theirs, and heads for the tent.

Colin looks dozy and peaceful when he lifts the tent flap, sprawled in a next of blankets and pillows, idly trailing fingers up and down his own chest. He looks up, eyes sleepy and heavy-lidded, and he gives Ryan such a sweet smile that for a moment, Ryan almost changes his mind. Colin looks so happy, so content; he hates to ruin that.

But hiding it won't make it go away, and he doesn't want to lie to Colin, so he crawls in, sits down, and says, "We need to talk."

Colin frowns and sits as well, one hand automatically searching Ryan out, resting on his leg and squeezing gently. "What's wrong?"

Ryan shakes his head. "Not here," he says, mindful of the girls just outside. "Come on."

Colin complies without question, more of his implicit trust, and Ryan gives him an impulsive hug when they're standing beside the tent, whispering muffled thanks in his ear. With so many questions in his life, so much left undecided, he loves that Colin is always reliable, constant and safe.

"It's okay," Colin whispers back, and he's obviously confused, not sure why Ryan's behavior has suddenly changed, but he's trying anyway.

"Go with me," Ryan says, an old, familiar phrase between them, on stage and off. It means play along, follow my lead, don't ask questions. Colin nods, and matches Ryan's casual expression as they approach the campfire.

"We're going to go check the traps," Ryan says to Gina and Shannon. "Unless we've got more fresh goodies we should use up?"

Gina shakes her head. "It's dry stuff and snacks now."

"That fresh stuff sure went fast," Shannon adds, a little regretfully.

"It was good, though," Colin says. "If we can find anything in the traps, I should be able to cook up something tasty. Oh, and we should start fishing again tomorrow."

"Sure," Gina says, very easy, very casual, but now that Ryan is watching for it he sees how her expression is slightly guarded. He draws a little closer to Colin instinctively, and his smile feels stretched thin, transparent.

"Well, we're off," he says, guiding Colin away with a hand on his arm. They head into the trees, and Ryan can feel the girls watching him, their steady gazes prickling into the back of his neck.

Once they're well out of sight and earshot, Ryan stops, pulling Colin away from the path and into a small space between two trees. Colin looks up at him, patient, concerned, and Ryan cups his chin in one hand and kisses him. "Colin," he says, because he's never sure how to really say it, how to express his gratitude for Colin's trust, his generosity.

"It's okay," Colin says again, gentling the kiss, making it slow and soothing. "Tell me what's going on."

Ryan nods, resting his forehead against Colin's for a moment. "I heard Gina and Shannon talking earlier," he begins. "They didn't know I was there. Col, they're thinking about breaking our agreement. I'm not sure we can trust them anymore."

Colin sighs, linking his arms around Ryan's waist. "It's because of Dave, isn't it? They suspect that we won't vote him off."

"You knew?" Ryan asks, surprised.

"I guessed," Colin replies, shrugging. "I mean, it's got to be obvious how much we've grown to like him and when I think about sending him away..." He shakes his head, his eyes dark and troubled. "He won't understand, you know? He'll be so confused, so hurt, and I just... I don't think I can do that to him."

Ryan nods, holding Colin a little closer. "I know what you mean. But we can't protect him forever, can we? Sooner or later he's going to be out of here. I mean, let's face it, he's not the most helpful member of the tribe. Once we merge, I doubt the other tribe is going to be so fond of him, and if we lose the alliance with Gina and Shannon..."

"I know," Colin says. "There's no easy way out of this."

Ryan strokes his back quietly for a minute, thinking. "Maybe we should try again to contact someone in charge, let them know about Dave. I mean, even if he somehow won and got the million, he'd be so easy to manipulate that anyone could con him out of it. He needs help, not money."

"Who would we talk to, though?" Colin asks. "The director already laughed at us for trying, and it's not like we can pick up a phone out here."

"I don't know," Ryan admits. "It's just the only think I can think to do."

"The next immunity challenge," Colin suggests. "We'll talk to Jeff, on camera, so he can't just pretend we didn't say anything."

Ryan presses a kiss to Colin's temple, nodding. "Okay," he says. "It's a plan."

***

They take the now familiar path down the jungle, checking the traps. As they pass the spot where Ryan found the baby bird, Ryan can't help but pause and make sure that he's really gone. Colin smiles at him and pats his arm, but he doesn't say anything, and Ryan is grateful for that.

Ryan realizes that he likes coming out here. It's like a ritual, something to look forward to every day. Special time with Colin where they can just walk through the jungle, sometimes touching, sometimes not, and just be together. 

The jungle is cool and shaded, and the birds calling back and forth soothe him somehow. He loves the feel of the jungle floor, soft and springy underneath his feet, and the way the light and shadows drift across Colin's face. It even smells reassuring, like rain and damp soil mixed with flowers. And if he listens hard enough he can hear the flow of the river somewhere off in the distance. 

He starts to understand why Dave likes being out here so much. It's peaceful, like being connected to something bigger than yourself. Ryan has always loved nature. He feels better when he's outdoors, soaking up the sun, letting the light fill him. 

And suddenly, all their problems seem far away. Unimportant, like ants toiling away in tiny hills of sand. 

Beside him, Colin is silent except for the fall of his feet in the dirt. That soft, almost mysterious smile lingers on his lips, and Ryan wonders what he's thinking. He wonders if Colin is as happy right now as he is. 

Colin reaches over and squeezes Ryan's hand, warm and soft with fingers curled up in his. "We'll be okay," he says. 

"I believe that," Ryan says, and the crazy thing is, he does. 

"I feel lucky today, you know?" Colin says. "I think we're going to find something." 

"I hope so," Ryan says. 

"And when we do I am going to make you the most amazing meal you have ever had, and I'm going to watch you eat it all, and then I'm going to take you back to the tent, and... oh." Colin breaks off, blushing. "Sorry. Didn't mean to say all that out loud." 

Ryan licks his lips in anticipation. "Looking forward to it," he says in a low voice, drawing Colin's hand against his lips and kissing each knuckle.


	32. Day Eight, Part VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus we close out Day 8... stay tuned for more _Survivor_ adventures on Day 9! :)

Ryan looks up when he hears Colin exclaim happily, and they stand together over one of the rabbit-things, caught neatly in a trap. With some careful maneuvering (and a couple narrow escapes of pinched fingers) they manage to get the animal out and the trap reset.

"I think I get how these work now," Ryan says, eying the simple spring trap warily. "Guess Matt was good for something after all."

"Yep," Colin says. He wraps the rabbit-thing in some wide leaves and carries it easily under one arm. "Not a lot of meat, I think, but we've got lots of things to put on the side now."

Ryan walks silently beside him on their way back to camp, some of the easy peacefulness ebbing away. He's never liked false pretenses or hypocrisy, and going to share a meal with Gina and Shannon knowing that they're all in some way lying to each other rubs him the wrong way.

That's why he hangs back a little when they arrive, Colin bringing dinner to the fire and opening the leaves, using them as a kind of preparing surface as he starts skinning the animal. Gina is down by the river, washing clothes, and Shannon already has rice and canned green beans cooking. "Oh, good," she says, peering at Colin's catch. "What is that?"

Colin shrugs. "Food. Hand me the seasonings and the frying pan, would you?"

Ryan leans against a tree and watches as Colin begins an impromptu cooking lesson, tasting the side dishes once he has the meat cooking and adding a little seasoning to each of them, as well as some of the bacon bits to the green beans. His manner is open and friendly, but Ryan knows him well enough to see the thin layer of tension, the slight mistrust and distance that Colin hides so well. He's not sure if Shannon picks up on it, but he catches her giving Colin a few odd, uncertain glances when Colin isn't looking. 

Gina lays the wet clothes over several rocks to dry in the waning sunshine, and then she comes back to the fire. Her eyes meet Ryan's for a moment before she remembers to smile, and Ryan nods to her, his arms folded over his chest and his back straight.

"Smells good," Gina says, sitting down beside Colin. "Found something in the traps after all, huh?"

Colin nods, stirring the meat a little. "Between them and fishing, we should do pretty well for a while," he says. He glances over his shoulder at Ryan, and although he still looks perfectly, glassily calm, Ryan comes forward, sitting on his other side so Colin isn't pinned between Shannon and Gina anymore. Colin leans briefly into his side, wordless thanks.

"I think this is ready," Shannon says, taking the rice away from the fire. "You want to get the plates?"

She doesn't direct the question at anyone in particular, but Ryan reaches for them anyway, stretching his body out so he can grab the stack of plates without leaving his place at Colin's side. Predictably, Dave appears out of the jungle when the food is ready, falling on his portion with eager glee.

"You're the best food guy," he says to Colin, patting his shoulder. "You're Dave's special favorite."

"Hey," Ryan protests, "I thought I was your favorite."

"You are," Dave assures him, petting his back. "Ryan is my special favorite tall scary guy. But not scary to Dave! Not anymore."

"Good to know," Ryan says, and it is; he really does feel bad about intimidating Dave before. Then he looks up and catches Gina and Shannon exchanging a meaningful glance.

Ryan stares down at his plate for a moment, and then over to Colin, who meets his eyes steadily. He nods once, a tiny movement, and Ryan knows that Colin is aware of how this looks. How obviously Dave is siding with them, and how much they're allowing it to happen. Encouraging it, even. 

Fortunately, Dave bolts his food down and leaves again, humming off into the jungle with his arms spread wide, like wings. Colin sighs and puts his plate down, and his elbow nudges Ryan deliberately. 

"Listen," Colin says, looking across the fire at Gina and Shannon. "About Dave..."

***

"What about him?" Gina asks, and Ryan notices the tension in her shoulders.

"He's..." Colin glances at Ryan, who bumps Colin's hip to let Colin know that he's still here and he's not going anywhere. "He's sick," Colin finishes. 

"He looks all right to me," Shannon says, although her brow furrows a little.

"No," Ryan says. "What Col means is... he used to be at a mental institution. And somehow this got past the producers. Or maybe they knew about it but they put him in the game anyway for the drama factor, I don't know. But anyway, he shouldn't be here." 

"How do you know he's not lying?" Gina asks, crossing her arms. 

"Come on, you've seen him," Ryan says. "He's like a little kid. I don't think he _can_ lie, not when he's like this."

"And he's different from how he used to be. Remember in the beginning?" Colin asks. 

"Oh yeah," Shannon says slowly. "I remember he used to freak me out. Something about his eyes, and the way he talked..." 

"We think he must've been on some kind of medication, but it's worn off now. At any rate, he needs help," Ryan says, glancing back and forth between Gina and Shannon and hoping that they see how serious he is about this.

Colin reaches over and takes Ryan's hand, almost absently, and Ryan squeezes, glad for the contact. "And we know he's happy here, but what's gonna happen after the game's over?" Colin says. 

The girls are watching them with wide eyes, mouths hung slightly open. "We decided we're going to talk to Jeff," Ryan says. "The next challenge we have, we're going to say something, on camera, so they can't ignore us anymore."

"And we just wanted to tell you, because we do care about Dave, but we don't want to break our alliance with you either," Colin finishes, and Ryan strokes his bunched fingers, trying to smooth out some of the nerves. 

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," Gina says, and Ryan is again amazed at how intelligent she really is. Yes, she smiles and giggles and acts silly with Shannon, but he has a feeling there's a lot more depth to her than any of them have realized. 

"Why?" Ryan asks. 

"Well, if you tell Jeff, and they end up taking Dave out of the game, we'll be backed into a corner. We'll only have four tribe members and we'll have to win every challenge until the merge, or else our alliance will be broken." 

Ryan trades glances with Colin. They didn't even think of that. But Gina has a good point. 

"Shit," Ryan swears, and he wonders how the hell they're going to solve this...

***

"So what do you want to do?" Colin asks pointedly. "Cut Dave loose? You've seen how he is now; there's no way he'll be able to take care of himself out there."

"You don't know that," Gina counters. "If he was in an institution, people have got to be looking for him. Chances are he'll get picked up by the cops wandering on some street somewhere pretending to be a crocodile, and he'll wind up right back in the hospital."

Colin frowns, and looks at Ryan, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "Maybe," Ryan concedes. "If he's lucky. Do we really want to take that chance?"

Gina sighs, looking down at her hands. Shannon leans back, glancing uncomfortably between the rest of them, obviously feeling stuck in the middle. "Look," Gina says eventually, "I don't want to be mean, but how is Dave our responsibility? You two can afford to think about him and not worry about winning, but we're not all rich TV stars, you know?"

"Hey," Ryan protests, stiffening, but Colin lays a hand on his arm and he quiets. He half-expected this, really; Colin is the peacemaker, the calming influence, the good cop in their relationship.

"About fifteen years ago," Colin begins, "when I was just starting out and trying to do a job in L.A., I was so poor I wound up selling my CD collection to buy food. If this guy hadn't gotten me a shot on _Whose Line_ ," he jerks a thumb at Ryan, "I don't know what I would have done. So I do understand where you're coming from."

Gina nods, looking mollified. "I have to think of my family first," she says. "I'm sorry, I really am--I like Dave too, believe it or not. But I'm in this to win."

"Me too," Shannon admits quietly. "I wish there was a way to do both, help Dave and keep the alliance together up through the merge, but there just isn't."

Ryan wants to be angry with them for being selfish, but he can't quite manage it; he knows they have a point. If he had a family that needed the money, he'd be thinking of them first too. Colin looks at him, meeting his eyes for a long moment, and Ryan nods once, solemnly.

"Okay," Colin says, turning back to the girls. "I understand. Thanks for being honest with us."

"What are you going to do?" Gina asks.

Colin shakes his head, leaning into Ryan's side. "I don't know," Ryan answers for both of them. "We have to think about it."

"Okay," Gina says. "All I ask is that you're straight with us when you do make a decision. If you're going to break the alliance, we at least deserve to know about it."

Ryan and Colin both nod, but privately, Ryan doubts they'll actually follow through. After all, if they decide to hold on to Dave and vote one of the girls off, warning them first would be foolish. And if they go ahead and talk to Jeff anyway, the girls might actively counteract their story if they know about it. 

The four of them finish dinner in wary silence, Colin and Ryan pressed close together on one side of the fire, Gina and Shannon on the other side, evening falling all around them. Ryan knows what the smart choice is here, the logical choice--vote Dave off and trust that he'll be picked up by the authorities. The system already found him once, after all, and it does make sense that people will be looking for him. But every time he thinks about actually doing it, his stomach knots up and he has stop picturing it.

When he and Colin take the dishes to the river, washing quietly side by side, he nudges Colin, raising one eyebrow. 

Colin shrugs in response to his silent question. "I know," he says. "I know what we should do. I'm just not sure if I can."

Ryan nods, staring mechanically at the plate in his hands, lifting sand from the riverbed to scrub it clean. "Me either," he says. Beside him, Colin presses a warm kiss to his shoulder, in silent support.

***

"You could punch me," Colin says as they finish up the dishes.

Ryan turns to look at Colin and almost drops a dish, his fingers fumbling through the cold water. "What?"

"If you punch me, Mark Burnett will show up again, and we'll be able to talk to him."

"Yeah, and be kicked off for fighting? What good will that do?" Ryan asks. 

"We could just tell him the fighting was to get his attention and..." Colin stops and sighs. "Okay. You're right. That probably won't work." 

Ryan pulls his hands out of the river, and they're all wrinkled and red with absorbed water. He glowers down at them. "This sucks."

Colin leans against his shoulder. "I know," he says. "But there's gotta be some way. We just have to keep trying."

Ryan frowns. He wishes he could be as confident as Colin is that things will turn out all right. It's just... in his experience, things usually don't. And he doesn't want to get his hopes up, not even for Colin. Because he doesn't want Colin to be disappointed. 

They're silent for a while, Colin taking over the washing of the dishes after he sees Ryan's poor fingers. Ryan dries, his mind elsewhere. Trying to figure this out. 

"What if," he says slowly, and Colin looks at him, that constant hope still shining in his eyes. "What if we vote Dave out, but right before he leaves, one of us will stand up and tell Jeff the situation? Then Dave will know we don't hate him, and Jeff will be able to notify the producers..."

Colin ponders this for a moment. "Maybe," he says. "But I still... oh, hell. I just don't want him to leave. Not when we don't know what will happen."

Ryan pats Colin's arm and gives him a quick hug. "I know. But we have to think about what's best for him." But his heart clenches at the thought of Dave going back into an institution. 

"That... place... he was in," Colin says. "It really doesn't sound like what's best for him to me. I mean, would you be happy in a place like that? I wouldn't." 

"But they know how to control him, how to take care of him," Ryan says, rubbing Colin's arm. "Col, we can't... I mean, what if something happens? What if he's sicker than we think and he tries something?" 

"I don't care," Colin says, and he _wrenches_ away from Ryan. Ryan blinks at him, hurt and a little confused. "It's not right. And I can't just stand by and not do anything. It's just not right!"

And with something that sounds suspicously like a sniffle, Colin runs off towards the jungle, leaving Ryan behind wondering what the hell just happened.

***

Ryan stares at the dishes for a couple seconds, and then unceremoniously dumps them on the shore and heads after Colin, squinting to see where he's going in the deepening gloom.

The jungle is even darker and Ryan is immediately blind, stumbling through bushes and bumping into trees, hands held out in front of him. "Col?" he says, listening for movement around him. "Come on, don't make me chase you, I'm gonna break a leg or something."

There is no response, and Ryan sighs, running a hand over his face. "Okay," he says. "I'm going to stop right here, because I don't think you went that far. There's no point in both of us crashing through the damn jungle getting lost and probably hurt, so let me just lay it out right now, all right?"

Still no response, but Ryan has the feeling Colin is nearby anyway, listening. "I know it sucks," he says plainly. "But we're out of choices... and I think you know that. That's why you're so upset. Because you know this is just going to kill Dave, and we have to do it anyway."

There is a rustling to his left, and then Colin steps out onto the path, barely visible in the tattered bits of moonlight that creep through the trees overhead. He's a suggestion of pale skin and dark eyes, standing with his arms wrapped around his chest and his head down. "Yeah," Colin says. "I know."

"Col..." Ryan goes to him, pulling Colin's arms apart and replacing them with his own, pulling Colin as close as he can. He feels Colin sag against him, exhaling heavily against his neck, his chest hitching slightly. "We'll tell Jeff right after the vote," he says. "All of us together. The girls will be happy because we voted Dave off, and they'll back us up on the mental hospital story. All the cameras will be there, they can't just edit it out. We won't shut up about it until they listen."

Colin nods, and Ryan can hear him swallow thickly. "And then he gets locked up again. Given medication that makes him worse than he is without it."

"We won't leave him there," Ryan says impulsively. "We'll find him once we get out. See how they're treating him, and if it's not good enough, we find a better place. Somewhere he can play, where they take good care of him."

Colin takes a deep breath, relaxing a little in Ryan's arms. "Yeah," he murmurs. "We could do that, couldn't we? And we could visit him sometimes."

"That's right," Ryan agrees, stroking Colin's back in long, soothing motions. "We'll check him out for a couple weeks, taking him sailing in our boat with us. We'll anchor somewhere, a secluded little bay and he can swim and be a crocodile all he wants."

Colin laughs softly. "You really like him, don't you?"

"Well..." Ryan shrugs, a little embarrassed. "Yeah, I guess I do. Happened when I wasn't looking."

"I know the feeling," Colin says. He sighs, rocking back and forth with Ryan a little, a slow, soundless dance. "Okay, I guess that's the best choice we've got. I just hope we keep immunity for a while so we don't have to send him away so soon."

"When is the next challenge, anyway?" Ryan asks.

"Hmm... well, the first challenge and the second one were four days apart, so we're due for another the day after tomorrow, I think." Colin snorts, shaking his head. "Maybe we should have actually watched this show a little more before coming on it, so we had a clue what was going on."

"Eh, we can just wing it," Ryan replies. "It's what we're good at."

"Mmm." Colin loops an arm around the back of his neck and streches up on his toes, giving him a slow, lazy kiss. "Among other things," he says, his smile a flash of white in the dark jungle.

Ryan grins and starts walking backward, Colin still pressed closely against him. "Yeah, about that..."

"Are you taking me somewhere?" Colin asks, blinking wide, guileless eyes.

"Time for bed," Ryan growls, kissing Colin's throat. 

"I am kind of tired," Colin agrees, yawning dramatically.

"I wasn't planning on sleeping," Ryan counters, sliding a hand down to grab Colin's ass.

Colin feigns shock, his jaw dropping. "What? I had no idea."

"Okay, that whole sweet and innocent bit? That doesn't work anymore," Ryan informs him. "Not after you pinned me down and went all 'I'm in charge' on me this morning."

Colin grins. "You loved it."

"I know." Ryan takes his hand, leading him through the jungle. "Wanna do it again?"

And Colin laughs, racing him to the tent.

***

Ryan is on his back, with Colin hovering over him, and Ryan feels Colin's steady breath against his skin. And Colin's fingers trail downwards like tiny fireworks, pushing all of his worries away. And Colin's lips are soft, and he's using his tongue, and it's wet and warm and the fireworks turn into explosions, running up and down his spine, going lower, spreading outward until all he can feel is the light centering around Colin's hand...

Colin still tastes a little bit like blueberry pie, and Ryan wants to swallow every bit of the sweetness... 

His eyes are wide and almost black, and all Ryan can do is look into them as his hand drifts between their joined bodies, needing to touch what he feels poking against his thigh. Colin's eyelashes flutter and he bites his lip, showing teeth, and all Ryan can think is how beautiful he is as his hand makes a fist... 

And he buries his face into Colin's neck, licking and biting. Colin smells like grass and it makes Ryan think of the meadow he used to like to visit when he was a boy, the one with the brook and the thousands of fireflies blinking in the twilight, inviting him to catch them in a jar... 

Colin's humming and Ryan wonders if it's possible to hear a smile. And Colin's breaths come out like gasps against his lips, and both their hands move faster. And Ryan's aware that he's moaning, sound filling the tent, but he can't... he can't... it's just... too much... 

And it's a hundred thousand million points of light bursting in the dark, and blueberry pie and grass and fireflies and Colin, _oh... Colin...I love you, Col..._

Colin's eyes fall shut, and Ryan catches him.

***

When Ryan opens his eyes again, he's stretched out across the air mattress, his feet hanging off one side and the blankets shoved into a wad between the mattress and the tent wall. He blinks up at dark canvas, the tent dim and quiet except for the sound of his breathing and Colin's, beside him, a rapid counterpoint.

He reaches blindly, fumbling a hand along Colin's chest until he finds Colin's face, and then Ryan cups his jaw in one palm, stroking his thumb over the line of a damp cheekbone. "Hey," he says softly.

He feels Colin's face crinkle into a smile against his hand. "Hey," Colin replies. "I could get used to that."

Ryan grins, unable to suppress a swell of pride. _He_ put that dazed, sated tone in Colin's voice. He did that. "I know what you mean," he says, and feels Colin nod.

There is a pause, lying in the dark and feeling their breathing slow, their heartbeats settling to a more sedate rhythm together. Then Colin turns on his side and smiles down at Ryan, a flash of teeth and glittering eyes in the filtered moonlight.

"What?" Ryan asks, because Colin is thinking about saying something; he can see it in the nervous little flick of his tongue over his lips.

"I'm just thinking about what happens when we leave the island," Colin says. He drops his gaze, then brings it back up again, meeting Ryan's eyes tentatively.

Ryan shifts, tugging absently at the blankets, trying to keep the immediate dart of fear in his chest from showing on his face. "You mean about the... living arrangements?"

Colin shakes his head, laying a palm on Ryan's chest and stroking gently. "No, no, we don't need to worry about that yet. We'll work that out. I'm thinking about _right_ after we get out and... um..."

Ryan touches Colin's face again, feeling the flush of heat under his palm. "What?" he asks, trying not to smile at Colin's flustered little hems and haws.

"Well, we'll have access to, you know... modern conveniences."

"Uh-huh," Ryan says slowly, not sure where this is going.

"I mean, here, there's certain things we can't do, but once we're in a place that has a drugstore just down the road..." Colin waves a hand meaningfully, sweeping his eyes up and down Ryan's body once, with deliberate intent.

Ryan blinks, swallowing hard. "Oh," he says. "You, uh... you want to?"

Colin shrugs. "Well, you know, a little," he says, with completely transparent forced nonchalance. "Only if you want."

"Um." Ryan closes his eyes for a moment, trying to picture it, and quickly opens them again. "Can I think about it?"

Colin laughs, pulling him close, wrapping them together in a blanket. "Of course," he says. He kisses Ryan's face, his cheeks and forehead and the line of his jaw, like he's blind and the only way he can really know Ryan is to map his features with his lips. "Thanks for reacting with instant panic, by the way," Colin says lightly. "Very flattering."

"I was just surprised!" Ryan protests, and Colin pats his back soothingly. 

"I know," he says. "It's okay. I'm just glad to not be the shy one for once."

"M'not _shy_ ," Ryan grumbles, and Colin laughs again, but kindly.

"Go to sleep," he says. And then, in a low whisper in Ryan's ear, "Sweet dreams."

Ryan can't help but smile, and he strokes a hand down Colin's bare back, lingering on the curve of his ass, touching just enough to tease. "You too," he murmurs.

Colin mumbles against his chest, already half-asleep, and Ryan closes his eyes, wanting to remember this. Colin's skin and his scent, his limp, trusting weight, his steady breathing puffing warmth on Ryan's neck. The sheets and blankets and their fragile little tent keeping them safe from the rest of the world, and it's so paper thin, so transitory, but right now it's all he could ever ask for.


	33. Day Nine, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Nine is about to begin! Are you ready for it? :)

Ryan sniffs, but doesn't open his eyes. He has a crazy thought that he's smelling  _eggs_ , but that's impossible. It must be part of a residual dream, still rattling around in his brain.  
  
But then the eggs drift closer, wafting right up into his nostrils, and he can feel heat against his chin... and that convinces him that maybe, just maybe, this isn't a dream. And when he opens his eyes, Colin is holding out a plateful of scrambled eggs, eyes dancing.  
  
"Morning," Colin says, leaning down to kiss Ryan's cheek while he holds the plate steady.   
  
Ryan lets out an involuntary moan, his mouth watering in anticipation. "Is that--?" he asks, wanting to make sure.  
  
"Uh huh," Colin says, and he's almost smug. "Surprise. Dave found one of the chicken-bird nests up in a tree in the jungle, I guess, and he thought, since they taste like chicken, maybe they'll have eggs like a chicken. And he was right, 'cause look at that!"   
  
And Colin stretches out the plate again, tempting Ryan, making him lean in and take another long sniff of home... "I'm looking," Ryan says, impatiently holding out his hands. Colin can be such a tease sometimes.   
  
"Wait," Colin says, setting the plate down.   
  
He picks up a tray, fashioned out of one of the food container lids. Pepper and salt sit on the tray, alongside a sprig of wildflowers, tied together with a bit of twine. And then he sets the plate on the tray and places it on Ryan's lap.   
  
"Breakfast in bed. See?" And Colin smiles, showing off his handiwork with pride.   
  
Ryan grins as he picks up the impromptu bouquet, loving how Colin always manages to bring that special touch to everything he does.   
  
"Well, are you gonna eat or not?"   
  
Ryan goes to pick up his fork, but then he gets a better idea. "Only if you'll feed me," he says.   
  
And Colin leaps in bed beside him, eagerness shining in his eyes. 

 

***

 

Ryan tries to go slow, tries to savor, but the eggs are delicious and Colin keeps feeding him one bite after another, watching with an avid gleam in his eyes. "You made these, didn't you?" Ryan asks between bites, licking his lips. There's a hint of some spice he can't quite identify, something subtle and smoky, and little crunchy parts that he thinks are those bacon bits mixed in.  
  
Colin shrugs, glancing down for a moment. "Gina did, actually. I just... supervised."  
  
"Uh-huh," Ryan drawls skeptically. "You mean you directed with an iron fist, you food tyrant."  
  
Colin grins. "Well, she was going to dump garlic powder on them. On eggs! I had to stop her. And then, you know... I offered advice. Lots of advice."  
  
"What's wrong with garlic powder?" Ryan asks, and Colin heaves a put-upon sigh.  
  
"No one appreciates my culinary art forms around here," he grumps melodramatically.  
  
"Oh believe me, I'm appreciating it right now," Ryan replies, inhaling another bite of eggs. Colin's smile is small, quietly pleased, but his eyes shine.  
  
All too soon, the plate is scraped clean, and Colin takes his makeshift tray aside, setting it on the ground. Ryan pulls him close, wrapping his arms around Colin and kissing him thoroughly.  
  
"Mmm," Colin says, licking the corner of Ryan's mouth. "That  _is_  good."  
  
Ryan nods, and then pauses, a growing suspicion curling in his belly. "Wait... didn't you have any?"  
  
"Um." Colin shifts, trying to pull back, but Ryan holds him tighter. "Well, you know, there weren't that many eggs, so what I brought in here was..."  
  
"Both our shares," Ryan finishes, shaking his head. "Colin..."  
  
"It's okay," Colin says quickly. "I had a taste while we were cooking it and besides, I enjoyed watching you a lot more than I would have enjoyed eating it myself."  
  
Ryan sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. He gets that Colin wants to give him things, to be generous, but sometimes he feels like Colin thinks he  _has_ to do these things, these special gestures. Like he thinks the only way Ryan will keep him around is if he makes himself useful. "Thank you," Ryan says eventually, "but you really didn't have to do that."  
  
"I know," Colin replies. "I wanted to." And he smiles so genuinely, with such simple, shining happiness that Ryan can't be mad at him.  
  
"I don't deserve you," he mutters, pulling Colin down on the mattress with him.  
  
"No, but you're stuck with me anyway," Colin says, his arms winding around Ryan's back, clutching for a moment. Ryan squeezes back, and then Colin seems to shake off his brief bout of clinginess and draws away, grinning down at him. "So," he says. "What do you want to do today?"

 

***

 

Ryan bites back his first response, which is, "You."   
  
"Uh..." he stammers, while Colin just smiles at him like he already knows what's on Ryan's mind. And he probably does, for that matter.   
  
"The great Ryan Stiles? Out of ideas? Maybe you're the old man," Colin teases.   
  
"But you're still older," Ryan shoots back.   
  
"Maybe I just tell you that to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe I'm really a thirty year old wearing a clever disguise."  
  
"No way," Ryan argues. "'Cause there's no way you were ten when we first met."   
  
"Are you sure about that?" Colin asks, eyes darting about like he's trying to appear all mysterious.   
  
Ryan pinches Colin's cheek. "On second thought, you  _were_  awfully cute back then..."   
  
Colin blushes. "Shut up," he says.  
  
"With your chubby cheeks, and the dimples, and the hair in your big brown eyes, and everybody said you were just  _so cute_!" Ryan teases, his voice going up an octave as he tickles Colin's ribs.   
  
Colin giggles and twists away. "I hate you," he mutters, but he's not serious and Ryan knows it.   
  
"I love you," Ryan says, putting his arms around Colin and kissing him.   
  
"And I hate how I can never stay mad at you," Colin continues.   
  
"And I love how that means I'm always right."  
  
Colin sighs, shaking his head. "Just keep thinking that, stick boy." 

 

***

 

They linger in the tent for a while, but eventually it starts getting hot inside, and Ryan feels gritty and sweaty. He rolls to his side, sifting through their messy piles of clothes. "Huh," he says, frowning.  
  
"Mmm?" Colin asks, not bothering to lift his head from where it is pillowed on Ryan's thigh.  
  
"We're out of clean clothes," Ryan tells him. He pokes the pile of dirty clothes gingerly, wrinkling his nose. They're stained with mud and nameless jungle goo and plain old fashioned sweat, and they're not doing a whole lot for the general aroma in the tent.  
  
"Uh-oh," Colin mutters. "Laundry day."  
  
Ryan nods. "We're down to some of your shorts that... wow, seriously, when your clothes become holes held together by bits of string, it's time to throw them out."  
  
"Oh, shut up," Colin replies, rolling to his side and snatching the shorts in question from Ryan's hands. "These are still good!"  
  
Ryan eyes them skeptically. "Depends on your definition of good, I suppose." The shorts are denim cutoffs, ragged around the knees, and to be fair they do look as if they'll cover all the important bits. Barely. Ryan finds his gaze drawn to a rip on the inside of one of the legs, which looks like it will expose a generous peek of thigh, and he smiles. "Actually, I'm starting to think I like those shorts."  
  
Colin gives him a sly smile. "I thought you might." He's still wearing his clothes from yesterday and he shucks them quickly, dropping them onto the dirty clothes pile and donning the shorts. Ryan watches, making a conscious effort to look cool and disinterested until it occurs to him that it's okay to let his interest show. He doesn't have to hide it anymore.  
  
"Ryan?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
Colin edges back. "You look like a shark."  
  
Ryan blinks, and then grins, showing teeth. "Do I?"  
  
"Yeah." Colin glances down at himself, looking perplexed, and then shrugs. "I guess there's no accounting for taste."  
  
Ryan rolls his eyes. "Again with the sweet innocent act? Really not buying it, Col."  
  
Colin flashes a smile that still seems a little uncertain around the edges, but he scoops up an armful of laundry and heads for the tent flap before Ryan can argue the point. "Let's hope laundry is the most exciting thing that happens to us today," Colin mutters, and then ducks out.

 

Ryan snorts and gathers up his own pile, finding a pair of shorts that aren't too grimy to wear to the river. Gina and Shannon wave to him from the campfire as he walks by, and he nods back. He can feel them watching him, and he remembers they still haven't really discussed their plans about Dave and the next vote with the girls.   
  
"Hey," Colin says as Ryan splashes into the shallows beside him, dumping his clothes on the shore. "I was just thinking..."  
  
"Should we tell them what we're going to do after the vote?" Ryan guesses. He picks up a handful of sand and scrubs at a shirt under the water, appreciative all over again for the wonders of home appliances. He's never taking his washing machine for granted again.  
  
"Yeah," Colin replies, darting a quick look over his shoulder. "I think they'll be okay with it, won't they?"  
  
Ryan shrugs. "Should be. I mean, we're still voting Dave off, we're just trying to get some help for him once he's gone."  
  
Colin's lips flatten into a hard, worried line for a moment. "Trying being the operative word," he says.  
  
"Dave will be okay," Ryan tells him, sliding a hand down his back. "He's tougher than he looks."  
  
Colin nods and sits down in the water, apparently tired of standing hunched over. Ryan joins him, and they sit side by side, water flowing gently around them, washing quietly together. Ryan is aware of the wet slide of Colin's skin against his, the drops of water gleaming on his shoulders, which are starting to show a hint of bronze after all this time in the hot tropical sun. It's very tempting to lean over and lick the water up, but that's the kind of thing that leads to distractions and laundry being washed downstream while they're otherwise occupied.  
  
Later, he decides. He watches Colin turn his face up to the sun and smile, scooping up a handful of water and pouring it over his head, letting it run down his face and neck. Ryan grins and licks his lips. In his head,  _later_  is changed to  _soon._


	34. Day Nine, Part II

Ryan takes all of their laundry and spreads it out on a couple of large rocks to dry in the sun. With the day's heat, their clothes should be dry fairly quickly. Not that Ryan minds seeing Colin in those cutoffs...  
  
He slides back in the water, resting against Colin. "Hey," Colin says, giving him a sweet smile.  
  
"Hey," Ryan says, throwing a casual arm across Colin's shoulders.   
  
"Mmm," Colin sighs, leaning his head against Ryan's. "That's nice."  
  
Ryan slips his free hand under the water and rests it on Colin's thigh, poking his fingers through the hole in Colin's shorts...  
  
Colin yelps and bats at Ryan's forearm, but Ryan doesn't move, and Colin slowly relaxes, allowing Ryan to cop a feel. God, Colin has an amazing body, no matter what he thinks. He likes the softness of Colin's belly, and he's loving the little tan Colin's starting to sport.   
  
Hmm... that's not the only thing Colin's sporting, Ryan realizes with a smirk.   
  
Colin's breath is coming out in shallow gasps, and he closes his eyes, throwing his head back. Ryan takes that as an invitation to kiss along the line of his neck.   
  
"You're being... awfully bold," Colin pants, his fingers reaching up and tightening in Ryan's hair.   
  
"Do you want me to stop or something?" Ryan purrs.  
  
"No!" Colin exclaims, and he's blushing, and he just looks so damn cute that Ryan wants to duck his head under the water and lick him everywhere. He doesn't even care.   
  
Ryan hears giggles coming from the shore, and he pauses, looking back over his shoulders. "The girls," he mutters.   
  
He wonders if they should stop, or continue with the show... 

 

***

 

"Oh, crap," Colin says, trying to pull away.   
  
"They know anyway," Ryan says, although he ducks his head a little, wishing they'd find something else to watch. Not that there's a lot of entertainment out here, but still. A little privacy would be nice.  
  
"Not them," Colin says, jerking his chin in the direction of the shore. Ryan looks, and behind the girls, a camera operator is pointing his lens at them and Ryan knows enough about television to recognize a zoom shot when he sees it.  
  
"Great," Ryan mutters, edging away. Hopefully the water covered up most of where his hand was.  
  
"Our own fault for doing that out in the open," Colin replies, his lips tightening to a rueful line. Ryan is obscurely grateful that Colin is sharing the blame with him, considering that Ryan himself is the one who really started it.  
  
Ryan sighs, picking up another piece of clothing. "Never mind. Later, okay?"  
  
Colin nods, and his face is calm, but Ryan can see the touch of pink on his cheeks and the way he avoids looking toward the shore. Gina and Shannon drift off quickly, when it becomes obvious no more performances are forthcoming, but the camera stays, waiting.  
  
They finish their laundry in companionable silence and hang up the wet clothes on a piece of twine strung between a couple trees. A brief swim is as close to a bath as they can get, and then it's midmorning, the day stretching out ahead of them in a long stretch of nothing.  
  
"Okay," Colin says, lying out on a slab of rock beside Ryan, drying in the sun. "When I said I hoped laundry was the most interesting thing we did today, I didn't mean it literally."  
  
"Careful what you wish for," Ryan replies. Behind them, he hears the whir and hum of the camera, the operator creeping a little closer. He sighs and props himself up on one elbow, shooting the cameraman an impatient look. "Are you really that hard up for good material?" he asks shortly. "Us lying here can't possibly be that interesting."  
  
The camera operator looks flustered for a moment; they're not actually supposed to speak directly to the camera except for interviews. Then he shrugs and steps closer, getting a panning shot of both of them, lingering over the way their bare shoulders brush together. "It's a slow day," he says. "Besides, Blake wants some good establishing shots of you two. You're giving us access to a new demographic."  
  
Ryan exchanges a glance with Colin, who looks a little embarrassed, and he shakes his head. "What, the middle aged white guy demographic?" Ryan asks, frowning at the cameraman.  
  
The man stares at them for a moment. "No..." he says slowly. "The gay demographic. We can't show anything too explicit, but the subtle stuff is already in high demand with the producers."  
  
Ryan closes his eyes for a moment. Of course. He should have known. It's just that he doesn't really think of himself as gay; this thing is too new to have changed the way he's seen himself his whole life.

 

"So if you want to... you know, do anything," the cameraman says, waving a hand awkwardly, "it'd help if you did it out here, where the light is good. Just nothing too graphic, okay?"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," Ryan growls, getting to his feet. "We're not here for your entertainment and we don't do tricks on command. Ever heard of minding your own business?"  
  
"Ryan," Colin says, standing by his side and laying a quelling hand on his arm. "Why don't we go upriver and do a little fishing?"  
  
Ryan opens his mouth, and then sighs and snaps it shut again. "Fine," he says. He glares at the cameraman as they walk by, but the man doesn't seem to care, turning to follow them with his camera on his shoulder.  
  
They gather the fishing gear and deliberately cut through the jungle, trying to lose their audience. When they get a little ahead of him, Ryan pulls Colin off to the side, hiding them both in a thick copse of trees. They crouch down and watch the cameraman go by, holding their breath when he passes within a couple feet of their hiding place.  
  
"Can you believe that shit?" Ryan asks, flopping down on the ground. "Stay out in the light, he says. Like we want him to get a good recording."  
  
Colin shrugs, sitting beside him. "I guess we're the best show going out here right now."  
  
"It's none of their business. It's nobody's business but ours," Ryan grumbles, and he knew this would happen; it's not a surprise, really, and it's not like they've been doing a good job of hiding it, but still. The sheer nerve of that guy, watching them like some voyeur, telling them what to do... it grates on him. Ryan has always been a private man, keeping his personal life strictly personal, shared with only a few close friends. The idea of being on constant display makes his skin crawl.  
  
Colin slips an arm around his waist and rests his cheek on Ryan's shoulder, and Ryan finds his breathing slowing, easing to match Colin's steady calm. "We could tone down the public stuff," Colin suggests. "Keep it in the tent, or only when we're hidden somewhere."  
  
"Sneak around?" Ryan asks, smiling a little. "Sounds kind of fun, actually."  
  
"Hey, it gives us something to do," Colin replies. "Think of it as a challenge--just how much can we get away with while avoiding the cameras."  
  
Ryan grins. He loves a challenge.

 

***

 

They hover close to each other, hidden in the trees, waiting for... well, Ryan's not exactly sure what they're waiting for. The camera guy to come back? An excuse to make out?   
  
"Shh, be vewy quiet. We're hunting wabbits," Colin says in his infamous Elmer Fudd voice, while Ryan just looks at him like he's nuts.   
  
Sometimes he wonders about Colin. Some of the oddest things slip out of his mouth. Cats, artic terns, tapioca...   
  
For some reason the thought of tapioca makes his stomach roll.   
  
"Well," Colin says after a few more quiet minutes, while Ryan tries his best not to think about any type of food. "Looks like all's quiet on the Western front, Tonto. What do you say we head back for camp?"  
  
Ryan wants to make some sort of clever quip in response, but his head is all swimmy and he can't concentrate enough to pull anything out of his brain. So he just nods, and they both dart back through the trees until they pick up the trail again.  
  
They make it back to camp without any more cameras following them, but Ryan can't really focus on that right now. His stomach is really bothering him all of a sudden, a dull ache low in his gut that won't go away.   
  
He sinks down onto the log next to the fire, doubling over. Colin immediately rushes to his side, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You all right?" he asks. "You're paler than me."  
  
Ryan wants to tell Colin that he's no longer quite so pale anymore, but his stomach won't leave him alone. "My stomach," he whispers, hating how he sounds so weak, so helpless.   
  
"Your stomach?" Colin echoes. "But we didn't eat anything-- oh." He claps a hand over his mouth. "The eggs. Oh my god, Ry..."  
  
The girls come out of the tent, attracted no doubt by all of the moaning and groaning coming from Ryan, and Colin asks them, "Do either of you ladies have a stomachache?"   
  
"No," they both say in unison.  
  
"Does he?" Gina asks, kneeling down next to Ryan and clicking her tongue sympathetically.  
  
"Yeah, I thought maybe it was the eggs... But if you two are all right, then I don't know."  
  
"Maybe only a couple of them were bad?" Shannon suggests. "I can't think of anything else that would make him sick that we've eaten lately."   
  
Ryan whimpers, clutching his belly, and Colin immediately springs into action... 

 

***

 

Colin leads Ryan over to the rough trench in the ground they're using as a field latrine, and Ryan promptly loses what's left of his breakfast, aware of Colin's hands holding him steady and keeping his trembling legs from spilling him into the mess.  
  
"Okay," he gasps eventually, when he catches his breath. "Okay, I think I'm done."  
  
"All right," Colin replies, his voice low and worried. "Come on, right over here." He guides Ryan to a shady spot and helps him sit, leaning back against a tree. Ryan closes his eyes and waits for his stomach to settle, and eventually it does quiet a bit, but the uncertain ache lingers, threatening further rebellion.  
  
Something cool and wet touches his face, and he opens his eyes to find Colin running a damp cloth over his cheeks and around his mouth, cleaning him off. He licks his lips distastefully, wrinkling his nose, and Colin holds out a cup of water. Ryan gulps it gratefully, spitting out the first couple of mouthfuls to try and clear the taste from his mouth.  
  
"Any better?" Colin asks, crouching beside him.  
  
Ryan shrugs. He lets his head loll against the tree, feeling tremors course down his arms and legs. He feels like jelly, limp and watery.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Colin says, stroking his hair back from his forehead. "It must have been the eggs, I don't see what else it could be, but they looked okay and I figured if I cooked them all the way, they'd be fine."  
  
"It's not your fault," Ryan murmurs. He keeps his eyes closed, but he can hear Colin sigh, and feel the careful, ginger settling of his friend's weight at his side. He leans instinctively into the warmth Colin offers, and strong arms wrap around him, holding him up.  
  
"It really isn't," Gina's voice says from somewhere over his head. "I mean, think about it--those eggs were all scrambled together. If they made Ryan sick, they should have made us  _all_  sick."  
  
"That's true," Shannon chimes in. "Unless you're allergic to something, Ryan?"  
  
"Not that I know of," Ryan says. "But I've had the same things as everyone else..." He trails off, thinking. "Well... there was that water."  
  
"What water?" Colin asks, and his voice is low and gentle, a balm that Ryan focuses on to hold the headache at bay.  
  
"Last night," Ryan says. "I woke up and I was thirsty, and it was really dark... I couldn't find the water purification tablets but the pitcher of water by the main tent was full and I thought..."  
  
One of the girls--he can't tell which with his eyes closed--makes a pained hissing sound between her teeth. "Oh," Gina says, "Ryan, no, that's cook water, we boil it, so we didn't use the tablets on it first. It was straight from the river."  
  
Ryan winces, rubbing his stomach with one hand. The cramps are starting to act up again, and he thinks this time he isn't going to want an audience. "Great," he mutters.  
  
"Probably some kind of bacteria," Colin says. "We should tell the crew, get you some medicine."  
  
Ryan shakes his head dully, feeling the grit of bark against his hair. "They'll take me off the show."

 "Maybe you  _need_  to be taken," Colin answers. He squeezes Ryan's shoulders until Ryan opens his eyes, Colin's face swimming into view inches away, eyes wide and worried and dark. "Ryan, staying on the show isn't important enough to sacrifice your health."  
  
"I might get better on my own," Ryan argues, even though he knows it's not likely--but it was his own stupid mistake that got him sick in the first place, drinking the water when he should have known better, and he doesn't want that to be the reason he leaves Colin alone here.  
  
"You might get worse," Colin says. Ryan feels warm fingertips on his cheek, stroking gently, as if he's infinitely fragile and valuable.  
  
"Um," Ryan grunts, curling slightly. "We'll have to decide later. A little privacy, please?"  
  
Colin understands immediately, shooing the girls away and helping him to stand, then withdrawing into the trees, far enough to offer the illusion of privacy but close enough to hear if Ryan calls for help.  
  
Ryan fumbles with the button of his shorts with shaking hands and almost doesn't make it, but luckily he scrapes by. When it's over, he feels lightheaded and hollow, and he totters back over to his tree and slumps gratefully against it, holding his shorts up with one hand, unable to even consider trying to re-button them.  
  
"Hey," Colin says from behind him, gently knocking his hands away and fastening the shorts.  
  
"Hey," Ryan echoes weakly. "That was fun."  
  
Colin strokes his back and says nothing, and Ryan can feel the weight of his worried gaze between his shoulder blades. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against the tree and hopes the worst is over.


	35. Day Nine, Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking bad for poor Ryan... what will happen next? Read to find out. :)

Unfortunately for Ryan, the worst isn't over. In fact, he has a feeling that the worst hasn't even hit yet, and that scares him more than he'd like to admit. He visits the trees three more times in the next twenty minutes, his legs getting shakier and shakier with each walk back. His entire body feels like it's made of water.   
  
Colin smoothes Ryan's hair back from his forehead as Ryan sinks back on the log, his stomach on fire. He leans against Colin, not trusting his ability to support himself.   
  
The girls sit on either side of them with wide eyes, offering whispered suggestions on what to do. And the cameras come back, hovering around them. The bright lights make Ryan feel dizzy, and spots start drifting in front of his eyes...   
  
The next thing he's aware of is hard ground, against his back, and all he can see is Colin's worried eyes, hovering in front of him.   
  
"We need to get him into the tent," Colin says to the girls, at least he thinks that's what Colin says.  
  
He closes his eyes and his stomach flips over and there's hands lifting him before the world shuffles and fades to black. And then he's somewhere dark and cool, with soft blankets covering him, and he's holding Colin's hand. Colin is speaking to Gina, who's holding a cup of water in her hands.  
  
"Col?" he asks weakly.  
  
"Ry!" Colin turns back to him, taking the water from Gina. He forces Ryan's head up and brings the cup up to his lips. "Drink. You've lost a lot of fluid, and we need to keep you hydrated."  
  
Ryan shakes his head, his stomach aching at the thought of water. "I'm never drinking again."  
  
"You have to, Ry. Please. For me?" Colin begs.   
  
"We put the tablets in it," Gina says. "It's safe."   
  
"Please?" Colin says, and Ryan sighs. He wants to argue some more, but he can't. He parts his lips, sipping the water while Colin holds the cup for him.   
  
"We have to get him out of here," Gina says, as Ryan closes his eyes again.   
  
"He's so pale," Colin says, caressing Ryan's cheek. "But his temperature's burning up."  
  
And Ryan loses himself in a light, fitful sleep.

 

***

 

When Ryan opens his eyes again, someone is patting an erratic rhythm on his chest, soft and steady, and it should be annoying but is somehow soothing instead, giving him something to focus on. "Uh?" he mumbles, looking around blearily.  
  
"It's okay," Dave says, leaning over him. "It's okay, Dave will take care of you. Colin is yelling at people but he said to take care of you so Dave is here."   
  
Ryan blinks at him and wonders if that actually made sense, and it's just that he's so sick he can't follow it. "Oh," he says. "Yelling at people?"  
  
Dave nods, his eyes wide and round. "I thought  _you_  were scary guy, but no, Colin is  _very_  scary guy because people wouldn't come and take care of you so he's going to make them. He wants pills for you."  
  
"Oh," Ryan says again. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the thump of Dave's knuckles on his ribs, a gentle thud that distracts him from the sharp pang of cramps going through his guts. "What about Gina and Shannon?"  
  
Dave doesn't reply for a moment, and Ryan pries one eye open to see the other man looking over his shoulder, frowning. "They were here," he says eventually. "I think they're helping Colin yell." He tilts his head to the side thoughtfully, and then grins. "Colin said I had the important job! He said I had to take very good care of you and he knew he could trust me."  
  
"Mmm." Ryan licks dry lips and swallows; his throat is raw and sore from vomiting, his head spinning like it might float away.  
  
"Here," Dave says, helping him sit up. "Colin says to give you water. He says to make you drink it even if you want to be stubborn."  
  
Ryan nods and takes the water, forcing himself to sip slowly. He's glad of Dave's deceptive strength when the other man lays him back down, supporting all of his weight.   
  
He drifts for a while as Dave varies his rhythm, thrumming on Ryan's legs, his shoulders, but never his belly. Ryan is grateful for that, when he's awake enough to notice it.  
  
He's not sure how much time goes by before he feels Colin's hands again, cool against his face, cradling him. "Hey," he says, not opening his eyes.  
  
"Ry," Colin says, and it's the genuine fear in his voice that scares Ryan more than anything else.  
  
"Damn," someone mutters from over his head, and there is more light, red-black through the filter of his eyelids. "He  _does_  look like crap."  
  
"I  _told_  you," Colin growls. "You'd better get some emergency medical help in here  _soon_  because I promise you if anything happens to him because you didn't take this seriously, I'll..."   
  
"Okay, okay," the other voice says, and Ryan actually smiles a little. Colin doesn't get mad often, but when he does, he  _means_  it. "I've already made the call," the voice continues. "Should be here soon." There is a pause, and then he says, "You know, this means he won't be coming back."

 

Colin doesn't respond, and Ryan opens his eyes to find Colin looking down at him, already disregarding the cameraman behind him. "Hang in there," Colin murmurs, stroking his cheek with the ball of one thumb. "You'll be okay."  
  
Ryan nods, and then there are other hands on him, a quiet patting on his shins, and he finds in himself to laugh softly. "Dave," he says. "Been keeping me company."  
  
"I was good," Dave pipes up eagerly. "I made him drink the water and I patted him a song so he'd feel better."  
  
Colin looks confused, but he nods and offers Dave a smile. "I knew you'd do a good job," he says, and Dave gives a happy little squirm, bouncing on his knees.  
  
"Come here," Ryan says, stretching one heavy arm up toward Colin.   
  
Colin lays beside him very carefully, his whole body poised and tense, as if the slightest jostle will crack Ryan into pieces. Ryan turns his head to one side and presses a kiss to Colin's shoulder, and Colin's breath catches, hitching in his chest.  
  
"Hey," Ryan says, watching Colin's face. "It'll be fine."  
  
Colin manages a wavering smile. "I think that's my line."  
  
"Mine, too," Ryan replies. "Don't worry."  
  
And Colin nods, but after a moment he turns away, blinking rapidly. "You listen to them," he says, fixing Ryan with a hard stare. "You take whatever medicine they give you, and you stay in bed, and you get better. If you're still sick when I get out of here, I'm going to kick your ass."  
  
Ryan can feel himself drifting off again, so he just mumbles agreement and closes his eyes. He feels Colin's fingertips tracing his face, over and over again, as if Colin wants to memorize him and never forget, and then he feels nothing at all.

 

***

 

The next time Ryan opens his eyes, the tent is filled with low voices, and Colin's arms are encircling him. Ryan stirs, turns, and looks up into Colin's scared eyes. "Hey," he croaks, trying to put Colin at ease. He touches one of Colin's arms, stroking it.   
  
"Hey," Colin says tenderly, brushing his forehead with a kiss. "The producers are here."   
  
Colin nods towards the flap of the tent, where Ryan can make out three sets of legs huddled together making low conversation.  
  
"Are they going to let me leave?" Ryan asks.   
  
And even though he hates the thought of abandoning Colin out here alone, he finds that now he really wants to-- no,  _needs to_  get out of here. The edges of the tent are starting to spin, and Colin's arms are his only anchor.   
  
"I think so," Colin says. "And if they don't, I'm going to raise hell again until they do."  
  
Ryan chuckles in spite of the pain that immediately flares up in his stomach. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."  
  
"You will  _never_  do anything to get on my bad side," Colin promises, voice cracking. "Not after this. You... you're scaring me, Ry."  
  
"I'll be fine," Ryan says, reaching up to touch Colin's cheek. "They'll fly me out of here, get me some medicine, I'll be good as new."   
  
"You better," Colin says fiercely. "You just better."   
  
Mark Burnett clears his throat as he ducks through the tent flap and approaches the mattress. "Ryan, Colin," he says, nodding at each of them. "Due to circumstances, we feel it would be best to airlift Ryan by helicopter out of camp to get him immediate medical attention. Unfortunately, this means he won't be returning, because we're not equipped to halt production."  
  
"Fine," Colin breaks in with. "That's all fine. Just make him better."   
  
"There are forms and various legal documents we'll need you to sign, Ryan, but I think the first thing we need to do is get you out of here. As long as you won't kick up any fuss later, and I don't think you will, we'll let you sign everything after you're feeling a bit more like yourself."   
  
"I won't," Ryan mutters, and he wants to close his eyes, wants to sleep again, but he fights it off.   
  
"All right, then. The other producers are radioing in a helicopter right now," Mark says. "It should be here within the hour. We can't let you leave the island until production is over, but we do have a fully equipped medical tent with a staff of doctors and nurses who will take care of you."   
  
"Thank you," Colin whispers.   
  
"Dave," Ryan croaks, nudging Colin. He knows that they won't have this opportunity again, and Dave... Well, Dave just kinda grew on him, and he wants to get him some help. He falls back against Colin's chest, closing his eyes and dozing.   
  
He vaguely hears Colin telling Mark Burnett Dave's story. And Mark promises that he will try and do something about Dave after he's voted out.   
  
"Good," he hears Colin say, settling his head against Ryan's. "Good." 


	36. Day Nine, Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we're switching back to Colin's POV again, since Ryan is out of comission. Poor Ryan, and poor alone Colin... what will he do now?

By the time he's finished telling Mark all about Dave, Colin can hear the distant thrum of helicopter blades. He holds Ryan a little closer, closing his eyes and resting their heads together for a long moment. This is what he wanted, what he fought for; Ryan is going to get the care he needs and that's good but Colin still doesn't want to let go.  
  
There is a hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at Gina, crowded in with everyone else in their tent, their little private sanctuary that suddenly isn't anymore. "They're here," she says simply, and the honest sympathy on her face makes Colin swallow and look away.  
  
"Okay," he says. "Okay." Ryan stirs in his arms, and Colin presses one last kiss to his forehead, tasting him, dry and hot, and then he backs away.  
  
The producers and Gina and Shannon all make way for the two paramedics carrying a stretcher, and Colin helps them shift Ryan onto it. Ryan never wakes and when they carry him into the sun, Colin puts a hand to his mouth and bites his knuckles. Ryan is washed out, pale and still, and even though his feet hang from the end of the stretcher, he's never looked so small.  
  
Something tugs at his sleeve and Dave is there, watching with wide, anxious eyes. Colin looks at him and opens his mouth, meaning to say something bland and reassuring, but nothing comes out. Dave takes his hand and walks him to the helicopter with Ryan. He puts Colin's hand on Ryan's chest briefly and then the paramedics shoo them away (one of them tossing a weird look back over his shoulder, but Colin doesn't care) and then Ryan is loaded up.  
  
The last thing Colin sees is them putting an IV line in his arm before the door closes, and he pulls Dave back, away from the wash of the rotor blades.  
  
"Ryan's flying away," Dave muses, watching the chopper rise into the sky. "He told Dave he doesn't like to fly."  
  
Colin makes a sound almost like a laugh, squinting against the bright sting of the sunlight. "Yeah, he... it's okay this time, Dave."  
  
Dave nods. He still hasn't let go of Colin's hand. "He's dreaming that he's a bird."  
  
Colin doesn't reply, and they watch the helicopter disappear behind the treeline, the sound still echoing after it's gone. He looks down at the ground, biting his lip hard, wishing the cameras would go away.  
  
"He'll be okay," Shannon says, coming up beside him. "It's probably just beaver fever. Happens when you drink untreated water sometimes... my uncle got it once when he was camping. You feel really bad for a few days and then you get better."  
  
"Plus they've got doctors taking care of him," Gina offers. Colin nods, but doesn't look up.  
  
Eventually the girls drift off, murmuring worriedly to each other, and Dave drops his hand, but he doesn't leave, standing with the bony point of his shoulder brushing Colin's arm. Colin takes a deep breath and scrubs his hands over his face, then offers Dave a thin smile. "Hey," he says, clearing his throat when his voice comes out rough.  
  
Dave grins at him. "Hey," he echoes. "Can I be your special favorite until Ryan comes back?"  
  
Colin blinks, hoping that was an innocent question and not a proposition. "...sure?" he answers after a moment. "I guess."  
  
"Okay!" Dave says, bouncing. "Just for a little while, I know. You want to come swimming? Dave will teach you to be a good crocodile."  
  
Colin almost turns the offer down, but a swim does sound better than sitting in his empty tent and worrying, so he nods, allowing Dave to grab his hand and tug him toward the river. He claps his arms together at Dave's instructions, and he even laughs a little, and in the back of his mind he never stops thinking about how he can get out of here and back to Ryan.

 

***

 

Dave pulls him around camp, chattering away, lifting up rocks to show him colonies of bugs crawling underneath, or instructing him about the best places to find fruit. Gina mothers him, following him around, asking if he's all right every few minutes, making sure he eats. Shannon distracts him, telling him stories about her life back home, asking him questions about Canada, trying to get him to join her for a game of cards.  
  
Colin appreciates that they care, really, he does. But he kind of wishes they would all let him be for a while.   
  
When Blake shows up, wanting to talk about what happened with Ryan, Gina shoos him away, and Colin gives her a wavery half smile. "Thank you," he whispers.  
  
"I won't let him near you," Gina says, sticking out her chin. And Colin believes her.  
  
"Come help me with the dishes, Colin," Shannon calls from the river.  
  
"No!" Dave stands up, grabbing Colin's hand again. "No! Big Dave wants to show him something!"  
  
Colin sighs and digs his heels into the ground, while Dave just blinks up at him. "Listen," he says. "Thank you for caring about me and trying to make me feel better about all this... but I think... I think I need to lay down for a while, if you don't mind."  
  
Gina nods. "Of course," she says. "Let us know if you need anything. We'll be right here."  
  
"No!" Dave clings to him. "No! You'll just be sad if you go back there. Come with me, and you'll be happy and you'll smile with lots of teeth like a crocodile."  
  
Gina gently pries Dave off of Colin, and Colin shoots her a grateful look. "I think maybe Colin needs to be sad for a little while," she says.  
  
"Oh," Dave says, tapping his chin. "Like when my pet rabbit died and I wanted to be alone for a little while and make him a goodbye song?"  
  
"Just like that," Gina agrees.  
  
"Make it a good song, Colin," Dave says, and Colin gives him a hug.  
  
"I will," he says, and he walks back to the tent before he starts to cry.  
  
He turns around, glancing over his shoulder, expecting Ryan to come walking in after him, but Ryan's gone. He's sick, and he's probably scared, and he's alone... And Colin doesn't care anymore about this game. He just wants to get back to Ryan. It's just... it's not important. None of this matters.  
  
He curls up on the empty mattress, hugging Ryan's pillow. It still smells like him, and Colin takes a deep sniff. He pulls the blankets up, feeling empty and unprotected without Ryan's arms wrapped around him.  
  
He closes his eyes to squeeze back the tears, and into Ryan's pillow he hums a song.

 

***

 

 Colin dozes after a while, vaguely aware that he's now missed lunch as well as basically skipping breakfast, but he's not hungry anyway. The tent got all messed up this morning, when producers and paramedics and everyone were climbing in and out, and clothes and blankets are scattered everywhere. One corner of the canvas has come untied and flaps dully in the breeze, and Colin isn't sure he even wants to sleep here tonight.   
  
It's ridiculous to be that upset at the idea of sleeping alone; he's done it most of his life, after all. Just over a week of sleeping curled with Ryan shouldn't be enough to get him hooked, but as he tosses fitfully on the mattress, "shouldn't be" isn't doing him much good.  
  
He gives up on the sleeping thing eventually, frustrated and restless, and he heads off into the jungle, hoping a walk will clear his head. He follows the trap checking path automatically, and more than once he glances to his side half expecting to find Ryan there. The jungle is too quiet and stifling hot and he finds a moderately shady spot and sits, leaning against a tree. Wrapping his arms around his shins, he rests his chin on his bent knees and stares off into the distance.  
  
It's the not knowing that's the worst thing, he thinks. If he knew how long it would be before he saw Ryan again, or even if he knew how Ryan was doing, that would help so much. But instead his near future is a big gray blank. He closes his eyes, wishing all those fans who think he and Ryan can read each other's minds were right, because then he could see Ryan in his head, if nothing else. But all he sees are the nightmare images his mind feeds him, Ryan struggling for breath, fading away, pale and still on a bed in a hospital tent.  
  
When a hand lands on his shoulder he yells in surprise, lurching back and banging his head against the tree. Colin looks up, blinking until the wavery image resolves itself to Dave, standing over him.  
  
"Hey," Dave says. "I brought you a present." He holds out some fruit and a little cup of the trail mix, rattling it invitingly.  
  
Colin shakes his head. "Thanks Dave, but you eat it, okay? I don't really feel like eating."  
  
Dave frowns and sits beside him. "Why?"  
  
"It's..." Colin shrugs, not sure he can explain it in such a way that Dave will understand. "I just don't."  
  
"But you'll get sick too," Dave says plaintively. "Then Dave won't have any special favorite friends. Please?"  
  
Colin looks at him, with his earnest expression and big, hopeful eyes, and he feels a sudden rush of gratitude for Dave, who, against all logic and sense, has somehow become his friend. Because if he ever needed a friend, he needs one now. "Okay," he says, taking the food. "Thank you."

 

Dave beams and presses close, throwing an arm over Colin's shoulders. Colin leans against him and finds, after a few bites, that he has an appetite after all. Dave is humming slightly, something low and tuneless, and he rocks back and forth in a slow, automatic motion. He's staring at the leaves over their head, openly fascinated, a wide, simple smile on his face.  
  
Colin takes a deep breath and makes a conscious decision to stop moping. Slinking around being depressed and worried won't do him any good, and it certainly won't help Ryan. What he should really be doing is taking the best care of himself that he can, so when he does get to see Ryan again, he'll be ready to give him whatever he needs.  
  
"Hey, is Dave's team gonna win tomorrow again?" Dave asks out of the blue.  
  
"Tomorrow?" Colin repeats before he remembers--of course, the next immunity challenge is tomorrow. In the chaos of the morning, he'd forgotten all about it, but the thought cheers him immensely. If they lose, he could ask the tribe to vote him off, and he'll see Ryan again.  
  
Of course, that's only  _if_  they lose. Colin swallows a pang of guilt at the thought of deliberately letting his tribe down by throwing the contest. But if it means he gets to be with Ryan...  
  
"We'll see," he says eventually, and Dave nods.   
  
"Dave's team is the best," he replies, and Colin looks away, unable to meet his eyes.


	37. Day Nine, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting yesterday... life got in the way. But here's the last part of Day Nine... next we move on to Day Ten. :)

When Colin and Dave come back from the jungle, Gina rushes over to Colin.   
  
_Oh, great,_  Colin thinks to himself.  _Now what do I have to deal with?_  
  
This whole experience has been one long, strange trip. Colin's not even sure he's processed everything that's happened to him yet. It seems unreal that in the nine days he's been out here, he's gone through more emotion, more highs and lows, than he has in his entire life. Or at least, that's how it seems right now.  
  
Gina looks happy though, and that puts Colin at ease. "Guess what?" she asks, grabbing his arm.  
  
"Fingerpaints!" Dave exclaims, clapping his hands.  
  
Colin bursts out laughing, and even Gina smiles. "Sorry, buddy," she says. "This is more for Colin."  
  
Dave nods and wanders back off into the jungle, muttering about finding some fingerpaints of his own at the Wal-Mart.   
  
"One of the camera guys followed me while I went off looking for more firewood," Gina says. "And after we left camp, he told me that Ryan arrived at the medical tent. They gave him some medicine to fight the bacteria, and he's doing much better. He wanted to tell you, but he couldn't find you, and he didn't want you to worry anymore."   
  
A weight lifts off of Colin's chest, and he takes a deep breath. "He's okay? Really?" he asks.   
  
"He's okay," Gina confirms, and Colin hugs her.   
  
"Which camera man was it?" Colin asks.   
  
"The chubby one with the glasses," Gina says, jerking her head over her shoulder at the one she means.   
  
Colin nods, glad it wasn't Harry, or the other snarky one from earlier who wanted them to make out where the light was right. But Colin doesn't want to think about that right now... Even though he knows that Ryan's better, his scare from earlier is too new, too fresh on his mind.  
  
He walks over to the camera man, who is trying to set up his camera on a tripod. He knows he's not supposed to talk to the crew members, but he decides that he doesn't care anymore. What are they going to do? Kick him out?   
  
"Thank you," he says to the camera man, shaking his hand. "What's your name?"  
  
"Andrew," he says, and behind the glasses his eyes are kind. "And you're welcome."   
  
Colin helps him with the tripod, holding it steady while Andrew attaches the camera. "Now we're even," Andrew says, grinning at him.   
  
"I don't think we'll ever be even," Colin answers. 

 

***

 

It feels great to know that Ryan is doing okay, but Colin knows if he lets himself think about it too much, he'll start worrying again. So he gathers up the now dry laundry that he and Ryan washed this morning and sets about tidying up his tent. He unfolds the spare, flat air mattress and folds all the clothes on it, being very meticulous because it keeps his hands busy and gives him something to focus on.  
  
Still, laundry only takes so long, so he's glad to see a few fish strung up outside when he wanders back out again. Shannon sees him looking and grins, jerking her thumb over her shoulder at the fish. "I caught them," she says. "Do you feel up to cooking?"  
  
Colin nods, putting a smile on that only feels a little false. "You'll think you were in a gourmet restaurant by the time I'm through with them," he says, and that's another thing he can do. He makes a show of it, teaching Shannon, and Gina when she comes over, all about how to fillet and fry the fish, squeezing a bit of citrus juice on it and sprinkling it with seasonings. The cameras on him only make it easier to play the part, and he's rather proud of the convincing job he does--from the outside, he doesn't seem worried or impatient at all.  
  
When dinner is ready, he accepts their praise for the good food with smiles and thanks, and he swallows his own share without tasting it. He wonders if Ryan has been able to keep anything down. If he's even thinner now, although rationally he knows it's only been a few hours and Ryan can't possibly have dropped significant weight. He wonders if Ryan is sitting in a bed somewhere, eating alone, or if he has company.   
  
Maybe some nice, pretty nurse is taking care of him, Colin decides. Maybe she's a fan and she's sneaking him bits of his favorite chocolate cherries now that his stomach has settled enough to handle them. And maybe she's perched on the edge of his bed, flirting, and...  
  
Colin scowls down at his plate of half-eaten fish. Scratch that theory, he decides. There's no pretty nurse. There's a fat, hairy man with bad teeth who gives Ryan his food and then gets out of there. And Ryan is glad of it, because his stomach is weak enough at the moment, thank you, he doesn't need to look at that while he tries to eat.  
  
Yeah. That's a better theory. Colin goes with that one.  
  
"Fishes!" Dave says, plopping down on the log beside him and jarring him out of his thoughts. "Crocodiles love fishes!"  
  
"That's great," Colin says, watching him load up his plate. Dave tends to ignore the silverware and eat with his fingers, with much appreciative smacking of lips and happy little wriggles.   
  
"Isn't Colin a good cook?" Gina says, smiling at him. He shrugs, trying to smile back. It's hard to face them and be their friend knowing he means to betray them tomorrow if he has to.  
  
"Colin is Dave's special favorite," Dave agrees, nodding. "He makes the best fishes."  
  
Gina meets Colin's eyes over the fire for a moment. "Yeah," she says. "I'll be sorry to see him go."  
  
Colin freezes for a moment, and then grins, like it's a joke, and Gina grins back, but her gaze is steady. Colin reminds himself that Gina is smart, and it's got to be obvious that he doesn't want to be here. But it doesn't matter. She may know he intends to lose the challenge tomorrow, but that knowing won't change a thing.  
  
He withdraws, taking his dishes to the river and scrubbing them by feel in the darkening evening. Colin looks up at the sky and wonders if Ryan is watching the same stars. "See you soon, Ry," he whispers. "Please be okay."

 

***

 

Colin spends some time down by the river, letting the sound of the water spilling steadily over the rocks soothe him. He knows it's silly to be missing Ryan this much, because he and Ryan often go months without seeing each other. Colin's usually working up in Canada, and Ryan's down in Los Angeles doing  _Drew Carey_... Really, the only time they get together is during the summer when they do the  _Whose Line_  tapings.   
  
But it was different, before. Being out here, it changed things between them. Or maybe it just brought things to the surface that were always there.   
  
One thing this has taught him is that he doesn't think he can live without Ryan anymore. And he knows Ryan is worried about living arrangements. He keeps bringing it up, that fearful expression in his eyes. Colin hates it when Ryan looks at him like that, because he knows Ryan's been burned in the past.   
  
He only hopes that someday Ryan will trust him, will see that he's not going to leave him at the first sign of trouble. He supposes that twenty-odd years of friendship has to count for something. He and Ryan-- it's like they were made for each other. Hell, they've never even fought, not really.   
  
He wonders how Ryan would feel about living in Vancouver. Colin still has some family out that way, and it would be nice to spend more time with them. Sure, he'd miss Toronto, but being with Ryan again in Vancouver... Being able to kiss him in that little park they used to go to and run around letting off steam after a late night performance at the club like he always wanted to...   
  
Colin blushes. Where did  _that_  come from? Okay, so maybe he's been carrying a torch for Ryan for longer than he even realized. But he never thought... He never thought Ryan would even... Because he'd always been with women. God, all the women he used to sleep with back then... He was like a regular Don Juan.   
  
Hmm, maybe they shouldn't go back to Vancouver... What if Ryan runs into an old girlfriend, and...?  
  
Colin shakes his head, trying to get the jealous thoughts out of his brain. What is wrong with him tonight? First he's making up sexy nurses who seduce Ryan... Now he's worried about Ryan leaving him for some girl he had once years ago.  
  
_Ryan loves me,_  Colin reminds himself.   
  
It isn't just the words. Anyone could say "I love you". It's in Ryan's touch, in his voice, in his eyes...   
  
But Colin can't think about Ryan's eyes without getting choked up, so he tries to concentrate on something else. He closes his eyes, letting the soft breeze wash over his face.   
  
A not-Ryan hand touches his shoulder, and he opens his eyes to see Dave, grinning a rather lunatic grin.   
  
"Colin! Come play Crazy Eights! It's Dave's best game!" Dave hoots and grabs Colin's hand. And even though his hand is smaller and stubbier than Ryan's, it's the hand of a friend.   
  
And Colin smiles. Crazy Eights with Dave is sure to be... crazy. 

 

***

 

Dave manages to wrangle Gina and Shannon into playing cards as well, and much to Colin's surprise, he plays by the rules, sticking to one designated "crazy" card per hand. Of course, he does tend to decide what the card will be without telling the others, but he looks so thrilled when he wins that Colin can't bring himself to quibble.  
  
It's fun for a while, watching Dave's impromptu victory dances and the looks on the girl's faces when he surprises them, like the kiss he plants on the tip of Shannon's nose that startles her so much she almost falls over backward. Gina cracks up and Shannon scrubs a palm over her nose, her blush visible even in the dim firelight.  
  
Colin feels a little detached from it all, an observer. There's a vague running narrative in his head, like a nature documentary:  _See how the beta male becomes more confident with the alpha gone, and attracts the attention of the females with energetic antics. The females are wary, and clump together, moving as a pack. The omega male stays apart from the group, following them quietly._  
  
He shakes his head, thinking that Ryan would get a kick out of that. If he were here.  
  
"Colin?"  
  
"Hmm?" he says, looking up. Everyone is staring at him and he wonders how long he's been quietly looking off into space.  
  
"It's your turn," Gina says gently. "Are you still playing?"  
  
Colin blinks at his cards, but whatever slight interest they held for him is gone now. "No," he says. "Think I'll turn in, actually."  
  
"Are you going to be okay?" Shannon asks, standing when he does and resting a hand on his arm. "You could stay in the main tent if you want."  
  
Colin's not sure if it's pride or plain old bull-headedness that makes him say no, but he does, brushing Shannon's hand off lightly. "I'll be fine, thanks." 

Dave tackles him with a hug as he walks by, a sudden squeeze of slim, strong arms around his waist and a laugh breathed against his shoulder. "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite," Dave says earnestly, eyes shining up at Colin in the moonlight.  
  
"Okay," Colin says, and his smile feels stretched around the edges, thin and fragile. He's glad when Dave lets go and he can retreat into his tent.  
  
He plops down on the mattress, toeing his shoes off but not bothering with the rest of his clothes. Squeezing Ryan's pillow against his chest, he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Ryan's scent catches in his throat, leaving a lump there that hurts to swallow. Colin wraps himself up in the blanket and listens to the distant babble of the river and the closer soft crackle of the fire, and wishes he could sleep.  
  
Eventually the low murmur of voices outside stops, and there is a faint rustling, footsteps and blankets being shaken out and Dave giggling about something only he knows. Then there is silence, and Colin stares up at the canvas over him, feeling completely adrift. Maybe he should have taken the offer to sleep in the main tent after all. At least then there'd be the sound of another person breathing, the vague and reassuring shape of their forms under the blankets.   
  
He's not sure how long he lies there listening to the quiet before there are light, stealthy footsteps outside his tent and then the flap lifts, disclosing a triangle of moonlight and a silhouette that is already becoming familiar. "Hi, Dave," Colin says.  
  
Dave's smile flashes white in the dim light. "Hi," he says. "It's okay, I'm not a bedbug."  
  
"That's good," Colin mutters, closing his eyes. He already feels sleepier, and he's not sure if that's Dave reassuring him or wearing him out. Maybe both.  
  
When Dave crawls into the tent, Colin notices a pillow tucked under his arm, and it occurs to him that he should protest this, Dave casually inviting himself in but really, what would be the point? Dave wouldn't understand why it's a problem and Colin's not sure it is, anyway. So he watches Dave make a little nest of the blankets, arranging them meticulously and patting his pillow until it's just the right shape. Then Dave curls like a puppy and throws one arm casually across Colin's waist, and the weight, light at it is, anchors him.  
  
Colin closes his eyes and thinks of the fun he'll have telling Ryan that he slept with Dave. The thought of the look on his face is enough to send him off to sleep with a smile.


	38. Day Ten, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Ten is about to begin! And this fic is now officially over 100k words. *mutters* Still not done yet either... ;)

Colin wakes to rhythmic drumming on his back. He rolls over, and jumps a little when he sees Dave's crocodile smile. "Good morning, Colin!" he exclaims, moving the beat to Colin's shoulder without breaking it.   
  
"What are you doing?" Colin asks, blinking. He's not annoyed exactly, just surprised.   
  
"Ryan's heartbeat," Dave says. "I learned it yesterday. I thought you'd like to wake up to his heart. Like a puppy with the alarm clock."  
  
Colin bites back a smile, torn between laughing and giving Dave a big hug. "Thank you," he says, settling for an affectionate pat on the arm.   
  
"Are we going to play today?" Dave asks hopefully. "I still haven't shown you Wal-Mart!"   
  
"Well, kind of," Colin says. "I think we're doing an immunity challenge today, remember?"   
  
"Oh, yeah. And Dave's team is going to win again. Right?"   
  
"We'll see," Colin says, feeling a little guilty.   
  
He hates the thought of blowing the challenge on purpose, especially when there are so few of them left already... but he has to see Ryan, has to touch him, make sure he's all right. And he can't do that if he's here.   
  
Dave's stomach growls. "I'm hungry! Maybe I'll be a bear this morning." And he gets up and lumbers out of the tent, looking for all the world like a bear off to forage for some breakfast.  
  
Colin shakes his head and lets his smile free. Dave is one of a kind, that's for sure.   
  
"Colin!" Dave exclaims, peeking his head into the tent. "There's no one up yet! Can you help Dave with breakfast? Do we have cereal? I miss Lucky Charms."  
  
Colin sighs and stretches, getting to his feet. "I don't think we have cereal," he says. "But I'm sure I can come up with something."  
  
"Yay!" And as Colin puts on his t-shirt, through the tent flap he can see Dave cavorting around, bending his arms and legs. "I'm a dancing bear! Like the rainbow ones on the bumper stickers with the funny spiky collars! I'm a dancing bear and I need my Lucky Charms!"   
  
Colin turns away for a moment, trying to compose himself. He wonders if Dave would be any good at improv. He thinks maybe he'd like to teach Dave a few games. Dave likes to play after all, and improv's basically one long game of make believe.   
  
"All right, I'm coming," he says. "I can't promise you Lucky Charms, but I'll see what I can do." 

 

***

 

Colin makes oatmeal for breakfast, and especially for Dave, he picks raisins out of the trail mix and mixes them in his bowl, telling him they're special healthy Lucky Charms. Dave wrinkles his nose and says healthy doesn't taste as good, but he eats anyway, obviously too hungry to complain.  
  
He asks Dave questions while they eat, because Dave never fails to surprise him, and sometimes his answers are funny and sometimes they're just baffling. Colin especially likes Dave's choice of favorite color--"Water!" he says cheerfully. "That's Dave's favorite."  
  
"Oh," Colin replies, "what color is that?"  
  
Dave stares at him as if this is a dumb question. "It's water-colored."  
  
And, in a somewhat disturbing turn of events, Colin thinks that actually makes sense.   
  
Gina wanders out to join them eventually, and Shannon is the late riser this morning, remaining a lump under her blanket well after they've all finished breakfast. Colin brings her bowl of oatmeal to her, shaking her shoulder gently, and she emerges from the covers in a tangle of frizzy red hair and sleep blurred features.  
  
He wisely waits until he is down by the river and out of earshot to laugh. The morning swim is quiet, and he washes methodically, thinking of swimming with Ryan; wide, long hands sliding water over his chest, arms around him, warm through the cool water, floating together. When his throat starts to hurt, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Then he just looks at the water, trying to decide what color it is, until the knot in his chest loosens and his breathing eases.  
  
Dave splashes up behind him and flings droplets of water at his face, and he ducks, lifting a hand automatically. "Hey," he protests, although it's hard to be mad at Dave's wide, happy grin.  
  
"Time to play!" Dave announces. He circles Colin like a shark, low and quick in the water, swimming like a fish. ( _Or a crocodile_ , Colin thinks.)  
  
"No thanks," Colin says, eying him carefully. He still remembers the way Dave snatched him around the legs from underwater that time he nearly did something foolish with Ryan in the river.  
  
"But it's time," Dave insists, tugging at his hand. "Dave's team has to go win now."  
  
Colin looks to the shore and Gina and Shannon are there, dressed and waiting. "Oh, the challenge," he says, allowing Dave to pull him. "Right."  
  
He throws a shirt on, but doesn't bother to change his river soaked shorts; the day is already hot even this early, and he knows they'll be mostly dry by the time the hike to the challenge field is done.  
  
"So," Gina says, falling into step beside him. "What do you think it'll be today?"  
  
Colin shrugs. "Nothing too hard, I hope," although he hopes nothing of the sort. If it's something genuinely hard, he'll have an excuse for losing.  
  
"Yeah," Gina says, and her glance is knowing. "I wonder how Ryan's doing."  
  
Colin says nothing and watches his feet carry him down the path, not meeting Gina's eyes. He's usually good at keeping a blank face, but right now he knows his expression will give away too much.  
  
Gina pats him on the shoulder and increases her stride, taking point in their little procession. Colin watches her, and thinks she'll make a good leader after he's gone.

 

***

 

Dave dances down the path, drumming on Shannon's head and shoulders. Shannon giggles and brushes him away halfheartedly, but Dave keeps coming back, and she eventually gives up.   
  
"Dave's team!" he yells. "Dave's team is coming! One!" He taps Shannon's shoulder once. "If by land! Two!" He taps Shannon's head twice. "If by sea!"   
  
"Well, I'm sure if they didn't know we were coming, they must know now," Gina grumbles, pretending to clean out her eardrums.   
  
"One if by land, two if by sea!" Dave sings, prancing along. Shannon finally ducks away from him, and he falls into step beside Colin.  
  
"It must be one," Colin says.  
  
"One what?" Dave asks, genuinely perplexed.  
  
Colin shakes his head, once again rendered speechless by Dave's bizarre mind. He wonders to himself if this is how Ryan feels when Colin comes up with some off the wall thing during  _Whose Line_. He thought he had the market cornered on strange thoughts, but Dave... Dave is something else entirely.   
  
"One is the loneliest number?" he says after a beat.   
  
"Oh, I don't think one is lonely at all! One has lots of friends that come after him. And plus you can't have two without one first."   
  
Colin nods, giving Dave a look of new appreciation. Dave is a blend of wisdom and naivety, adult and child. "You know, I never thought of it that way," he says.   
  
"Not many people do," Dave says, and he runs ahead on the trail again, flapping his arms hummingbird style.   
  
And Colin realizes that one doesn't have to be lonely after all. 

 

***

 

When they reach the challenge field, they're the first to arrive this time, and the film crew is busily working on setting up the overhead shots and running cables to power the sound system. Jeff Probst sits in a folding chair and watches, idly tapping his manicured fingertips on the armrest.  
  
Colin approaches him, clearing his throat to catch Jeff's attention. "Excuse me," he says. "I was hoping you could tell me how Ryan's doing."  
  
Jeff, in the automatic habit of long television performance, checks where the cameras are before he replies. Colin waits for him to figure out what he already knows (because he has his own deeply ingrained camera watching habit, after all), which is that they are currently off-stage, as it were.  
  
"Sure," Jeff says quietly. "Although I don't have any real details, sorry, I know he's doing better. They were talking about moving him out of the medical tent and into one of the cabins, so he must be on the mend."  
  
Colin nods, closing his eyes in relief for a moment. "Thank you," he says. "That's good to know."  
  
"No problem," Jeff replies briskly, but he's already looking across the field, watching the other tribe approach. "Time to get ready," he tells Colin, jerking his chin toward the place where they're supposed to stand and listen to the challenge.  
  
Colin moves obediently, and as he joins the little huddle of his tribe, Shannon asks, "Did he tell you anything about Ryan?"  
  
"Yeah," Colin nods, "he said Ryan's doing better. They're even talking about taking him out of the medical tent and setting him up in a cabin." He pauses, frowning slightly. "We get cabins?"  
  
"Once we're voted off, yeah," Gina replies. "Because we have to stay on the island. Didn't you pay attention when they explained all this stuff?"  
  
Colin shrugs, but he's inwardly pleased, thinking of a private cabin he can share with Ryan. With indoor plumbing and a real bed and  _walls._  Nice, thick walls. Hopefully with a locking door.  
  
By then Maguela has assembled, still with their nearly full complement of six, which makes Orteza look small and straggly by comparison. Jeff stands in front of them and a crew person takes his chair away so it won't be in the shot. "Tribes," Jeff says, spreading his hands. "Orteza, Maguela, welcome. Maguela, I'll need to take the immunity necklace."  
  
They hand it over, and Jeff holds it up. "This is what you are competing for today," he says. "Are you ready to hear your challenge?"  
  
Both tribes make affirming noises, and Colin is aware that Gina is standing in front again, speaking for the tribe. She's already taken the leader's position, and Colin thinks again that she knows what's coming. It seems like she's accepted it, actually, which eases his guilt.

 "I hope you're all well rested," Jeff begins, "because this is a physical challenge. I know Orteza, at least, has been eating well," he adds, nodding to them. "Sleeping well, too, since you won that reward challenge, but you'll need that advantage today."   
  
He turns, lifting his hands toward a cordoned off section of field, long, wide lanes defined with strips of colored tape. At one end of the lanes, there is a rough scaffold, with thick knotted ropes dangling at the end of each lane and triangular plastic flags hooked to the tops of the ropes. There are two ropes and two flags for each lane, one yellow and one red.  
  
"You will run a relay race," Jeff says. "One person per lane will run to the end, climb the rope, remove the flag, and bring it back. Once they are back, they will tag the next member of their tribe, who will then take their turn running. The first tribe to collect all six of their flags and return them to base wins. Orteza, because you have fewer members, you must designate two people to run twice."  
  
Gina glances at them, and then points to Dave and Shannon. "You're both the quickest," she says, and they nod.   
  
Jeff watches this, then claps his hands together. "Does everyone understand the challenge?" And then, when everyone nods, he lifts a silver whistle to his mouth. "Take your places then," he says.   
  
They all scramble to their positions, and Gina nudges Colin into going first. She meets his eyes for a long moment, he understands this is where she's drawing the line. By making him go first, he has less chance of sabotaging their run; if he went last he'd have a better idea of how much to slow them down but this way his involvement is over quickly. She understands what he wants to do and even accepts his choice, but obviously she doesn't intend to make it easy for him.  
  
"Good luck," Colin mutters to her, a little darkly, and she nods.  
  
"To you, too," she says. She takes her place fourth, giving Shannon and Dave the longest possible rest before their second runs. They stand poised at the starting line, waiting.  
  
"On your mark," Jeff shouts. "Get set..." And then he blows the whistle, a high, sharp sound, and they're off.


	39. Day Ten, Part II

Colin halfheartedly runs across the field, letting the guy from Maguela pull ahead of him. As he runs, he wonders just how much he can get away with. He considers pretending to trip, but he decides that would be pushing it. All the same, he  _really_  doesn't want their tribe to win this...   
  
He wants-- no, needs-- to see Ryan. Even though he's relieved that Ryan's doing okay, he has to see for himself. And he admits that the thought of a private cabin with Ryan is quite the incentive. Who needs a million dollars? Hell, if this thing with Ryan works out, and they end up together, he'll have that and more.   
  
Not that money's all that important to him anyway. He has pretty much everything he needs, and almost everything he wants. He knows that he's an incredibly lucky man, and he's humble enough to remember those struggling early days, waiting tables while he and Ryan both chased the dream.   
  
Lost in thought, Colin slows even further. He can hear his tribe screaming at him, but he acts like he doesn't hear them. He knows it's selfish of him, but dammit, he's spent his whole life doing things for other people, giving himself freely. Ryan always makes fun of him, joking that Colin's got permanent footprints on his back. And anyway, he's allowed to be selfish, just this once.   
  
The first Maguela guy is already making his way back down the rope when Colin reaches the scaffold. Colin stares up at the rope, circling it several times. He pretends like he's strategizing the best way to get up to the top, but he doubts he's fooling anyone.   
  
His struggle up the rope isn't fake, however. Colin has always hated rope climbing. It brings back horrible memories of junior high gym class. All the kids laughing at him when he slid down the rope, and the gym teacher making him stay after to practice over and over until he got it right. He's never been the most athletic guy, and here he is, thirty-odd years later, palms sweating all over again, heart pounding at the thought of climbing this rope.   
  
The rope burns underneath his hands, and several times he just dangles there, panting while he tries to encourage his legs to just move him a little higher. Finally he makes his way to the top, and he reaches out, grabbing the red flag.  
  
He looks down and one of the women from Maguela is quickly approaching the scaffolding in the next lane. He grins, but quickly pulls it back, scolding himself for being so freaking obvious.   
  
Oh, hell. He doesn't care anymore. He makes a good show of climbing back down the rope. Somehow it's always easier going down than coming back up.   
  
"Come on, come on!" he can hear his team shouting as he runs back down the field towards them.   
  
He collapses when he reaches them, and the flag falls on top of him. He closes his eyes, letting his heart slow, too exhausted to watch Shannon's first run.  
  
By the time he feels well enough to sit up and look around, Shannon is sprawled next to him, and Dave is off. Dave runs like a roadrunner, legs flying, and Colin can't help but admire him. Gina and Shannon cheer, and even Colin lets out a little, "Yay!" when Dave reaches the scaffolding.  
  
Dave and Shannon have managed to cut down Maguela's early lead significantly. The third Maguela woman, the tiny one from the earlier reward challenge, is just making her way down the rope. She jumps off, takes a tumble, and stands up, little legs pumping as she runs.   
  
Dave shimmies up the rope and quickly makes it towards the flag. "Big Dave!" he screams as he waves it around, and then he seems to remember that he's not finished yet and he flies back down the rope.

 Dave quickly makes it back, and lounges next to Colin and Shannon, tongue hanging out like a puppy. He puts his head in Colin's lap and pants up at Colin. "Hi," he says. "Did Dave do a good job?"   
  
"You did great," Colin says, unable to resist petting Dave's sweaty head.   
  
Dave giggles and leans into Colin's touch, and Colin thinks that if Dave had a tail it would be wagging right now.   
  
Gina stumbles a little in her run, and Maguela remains ahead as Shannon stands up, stretching in preparation for another run.   
  
"Go Shannon!" Dave yells as Gina returns.   
  
Gina glances over Colin, with Dave's head still in his lap, and flops beside them. "Oh," she breathes, clutching her heart. "I am too old for this shit."   
  
"I know the feeling," Colin says, sighing.   
  
Shannon comes back, only about twenty seconds after her Maguela counterpart. Dave springs up, and dashes off, on the heels of the final Maguela guy.   
  
Colin wishes that he would've asked Dave to throw the challenge for them. Dave would've done it. But that wouldn't be fair. It's one thing for him to sabotage things. It's quite another to ask someone like Dave to do his dirty work. And Dave looks so  _happy_  right now, that Colin thinks, even if they do win, he can't possibly be angry about it.   
  
Dave leaps up on the rope and throws himself up it, hand over hand over hand. Colin is amazed by Dave's athleticism, his wiry body perfectly suited for these types of challenges. Beside him, the guy from Maguela can't seem to get a good grasp on his rope, and Colin bites his lip, feeling conflicted. On the one hand, he'd like to see Dave win, but on the other hand, he still wants his tribe to lose...   
  
Dave reaches the flag seconds before the guy from Maguela, and he hoots out a victory, one fist raised. The Maguela guy grabs his flag too, and they both come down the rope in tandem.   
  
Dave jumps too early off the rope and takes a fall. It looks like he twists his ankle a little bit. Colin smiles, and then frowns. He doesn't want Dave to be hurt, after all. Dave shrugs it off, standing up, but he's limping slightly as he runs back down the field.   
  
And the guy from Maguela pulls ahead, grimacing with the strain. He reaches his tribe, and they all let out a yell and rally around him, patting him on the back.   
  
"Maguela wins!" Jeff says as Dave finally makes it back.  
  
Dave's eyes are filled with tears. 

 

***

 

There is a lot of hooting and hollering from Maguela, and Orteza gathers around Jeff mechanically to watch him officially award immunity to the other tribe. Colin doesn't really pay attention to the now familiar spiel about tribal council and immunity and so forth. He's watching Dave, who has his head down and is hanging back, away from the group. He sees a camera swinging around, trying to get an angle on Dave's face, and he glares, moving to block it.   
  
Colin puts an arm around Dave's shoulders and draws him closer to the tribe, and Gina and Shannon pull in on him from the other side, bringing him to the center of their group. Dave is small, although Shannon is smaller, but with all three of them huddled close around him he's all but invisible, which seems to be fine with him.  
  
"You did a good job," Colin murmurs to him as Jeff wraps up his speech and starts doing a question and answer thing with Maguela. Dave shakes his head, and Colin looks up to meet Gina and Shannon's accusing stares. He nods, accepting responsibility for this; he knows it's his fault.  
  
"Orteza," Jeff says, turning to them. "How do you feel about losing immunity again this week?"  
  
Gina steps up, moving in front of Dave so Jeff can't see him. "We're disappointed, of course, but we tried our best," she says diplomatically. "It was a close race."  
  
Jeff nods and seems to sense the general dispirit of the tribe, because he lets the off the hook easily, with only a reminder of tribal council tonight. Then they're dismissed to make the long walk back to the campsite. Most of the cameras follow Orteza, but they've gotten accustomed to ignoring them by now.  
  
"Are you all right?" Gina asks Dave once they escape the hot sun in the shade of the jungle.  
  
Dave shrugs, but Colin still has his arm around him and can tell Dave is limping. "How's your ankle?" he asks, tilting his head down to try and meet Dave's eyes. "Did you hurt it?"  
  
They only get another shrug and Colin sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. "Why don't you two go on ahead," he says to the girls. "I'll help Dave."  
  
Gina and Shannon exchange a look, and then nod at him. There's a cool distance there that wasn't between them before, and Colin knows they're both a little angry with him for throwing the contest, more on Dave's behalf than their own. He expected that, though; it's a price he's willing to pay if it means getting back to Ryan.  
  
Once they're out of sight (taking a couple cameras with them, leaving only one with Colin and Dave) Colin guides Dave over to a side trail and sits him down on a big rock. "Here," he says, lifting Dave's leg up. "Let me see."  
  
Dave allows it silently, his gaze downcast, his face soft and expressionless. Colin wonders if this is a side of Dave's instability they haven't seen yet, this tendency to crash into depression or withdrawal. He removes Dave's shoe and examines his ankle, which does look a little puffy and tender, but Dave doesn't react when he rotates the joint gently from side to side. "Dave?" Colin prods. "Does that hurt?"  
  
For a long moment Dave doesn't seem to hear him, and then he looks up slowly, staring at his ankle as if it doesn't belong to him. He shrugs and looks down again.

 Colin bites his lip and moves to sit beside Dave on the rock, wrapping an arm around his waist. "It's not your fault," he says firmly. "I'm the one that slowed us down. You did a great job and I hadn't messed it up, you would have won it for us. You nearly did anyway."  
  
Dave shakes his head. "I fell," he mutters, and despite the defeated tone Colin is glad that he's at least speaking again.  
  
"That was an accident," Colin replies. "And you were very fast. You were like a monkey."  
  
Dave seems startled by that, giving Colin a wide-eyed glance. "A monkey? Really?"  
  
Colin nods. "One of the really good climbers, with the long tail they can hold on with."  
  
"Oh." Dave thinks about that for a moment. "Dave's never been a monkey before," he says.  
  
"Well you're very good at it." Colin squeezes him, pleased when Dave leans against him easily. "It's not your fault we didn't win."  
  
Dave frowns. "Then why didn't we?"  
  
Colin opens his mouth and then shuts it again, eying the camera taking all of this in. But Dave is looking up at him with that open, bewildered face, and he can't lie to that. "Because I went too slow," he says plainly. "I didn't want to win. I messed it up on purpose."  
  
Dave stares, blinking slowly, and he shakes his head. "Why?"  
  
"Because I..." Colin sighs, wishing he had a reason that doesn't sound incredibly selfish. "I want to see Ryan," he admits. "I want to be voted off so I can see Ryan."  
  
Dave's eyes widen. "You're leaving? You don't want to stay and play with Dave anymore?"  
  
"It's not that," Colin begins, but Dave has already pulled away, rising to his feet. He actually looks angry for a moment and then he turns on his heel, limping rapidly off into the jungle, still only wearing one shoe. "Dave!" Colin calls after him, but he's as quick as ever and is soon out of sight.  
  
Colin stares down at Dave's other shoe, still lying on the ground, and he picks it up. Then, automatically, he starts walking back toward camp.


	40. Day Ten, Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 40th chapter of this, can you believe it? I still can't. :P Thanks for writing thus far. :)

Colin plods back to camp alone, cradling Dave's shoe in one hand. He feels horrible for what just happened. Hurting Dave is like kicking a puppy. He just... doesn't understand. And even though Colin knows that Dave is physically an adult, he's still so  _young_...   
  
And of course, when he arrives, Gina and Shannon aren't talking to him. They turn away in one motion, stopping their conversation, and walk down to the river. They keep their backs turned to Colin, but he can see them whispering furiously.   
  
Colin sighs, and wishes now more than ever that Ryan was here to give him a hug and reassure him that everything will be okay. Although if Ryan was here, then none of this would've even happened in the first place...   
  
He loves Ryan, and he needs to be with him. Is that so wrong? Why is everyone making him feel like the biggest asshole in the world?   
  
Okay, yeah, he threw the challenge, but big deal. It's not as if he'd be able to concentrate anyway if he stayed out here. Not with Ryan gone.   
  
Now he remembers why he hates being selfish... It's so much easier to just go along, make everyone else happy. Because when he does something like this, everyone just gets pissed off. And he likes it when people are happy. He likes it when everybody likes him. And now he feels totally and completely alone.   
  
Still clutching the shoe, Colin walks back to his tent. He doesn't want to deal with this crap anymore, and hiding in his tent and sulking sounds like the perfect way to pass a couple hours.   
  
He collapses onto the mattress, which is too big and too empty without Ryan. "I just want to see Ryan," he whispers to Dave's shoe. "Is that too much to ask?"   
  
He prays that Dave will come around, at least, even if he can't leave on good terms with the girls. But then he remembers the look on Dave's face and he thinks that maybe he ruined everything.   
  
He hates this stupid game and he wishes that he'd never let Ryan convince him to sign up for it.   
  
And he closes his eyes, not sure if he intends to take a nap or not. He wraps Dave's shoe up in Ryan's pillow and hugs both of them to his chest.   
  
And when sleep claims him, it's a sweet relief from all of the thoughts swirling through his head. 

 

***

 

Colin wakes suddenly, startled by hands gripping his wrists, pinning them over his head. He looks up and Dave is there, poised above him, staring down with an intent and slightly manic expression.  
  
"Dave?" Colin says nervously. He tests the strength holding him down and finds Dave solid, and although he's light, he's got good leverage.  
  
"Don't go," Dave says. "Don't leave. Dave wants to keep you."  
  
Colin shifts uneasily, and Dave's knees squeeze in around his ribs. Dave is sitting on his chest and doesn't seem inclined to move.  
  
"I'm sorry," Colin says. "I really am. I still like you, Dave."  
  
Dave's eyes narrow. "You don't. You want to leave."  
  
"Only to see Ryan," Colin replies quickly. "And... it's not forever. Eventually you'll be there too, and we can play again."  
  
"Where?" Dave asks, and he still isn't moving, but Colin thinks the hold on his wrists loosens a bit.  
  
"We're... camping right now," Colin begins, trying to figure a way to explain this that Dave will understand. "You remember how Matt and Eric used to be camping with us, and now they're not?"  
  
Dave nods, wrinkling his nose. "I didn't like them. They were mean."  
  
"I didn't like them either," Colin agrees. "That's why they're not camping with us anymore. They went to live somewhere else, and Ryan's there now. Tonight, I'm going to go live there too, but--and this is the important part, Dave--you get to come too. You get to come see us again."  
  
Dave brightens, leaning back and sliding his hands down Colin's arms until they rest on his shoulders. Still holding him down, but at least his hands are free. "You'll take Dave with you? You won't leave him here alone?"  
  
Colin hesitates, then sighs and shakes his head. "Not right away," he says. "Not tonight, but in a little while, then you get to come live in the same place with us. Can you just wait a little while?"  
  
Dave's fingers curl around his shoulders, digging in slightly, and he scowls. "I know what that means," he says. "You tell Dave just a little while, we'll come back, we'll take care of you but then you never come back. Dave knows."  
  
Very carefully, Colin brings his hands up to Dave's, pulling the other man's hands from his shoulders and then wrapping their fingers together. "I'm sorry that people lied to you," he says. "But I'm not doing that. Can you trust me?"  
  
Dave blinks down at their joined hands, and then he studies Colin's face closely, biting his bottom lip. "You promise?" he asks. "You won't forget about Dave?"  
  
"I promise," Colin says, nodding. "Okay?"  
  
"Okay," Dave echoes, but it takes him a couple minutes to actually roll off of Colin, letting him up. Colin sits and rubs his chest where Dave's weight pinned him, feeling a little bruised, and Dave leans forward anxiously. "Was I scary?" he asks. "I didn't want to be scary."  
  
"I know," Colin assures him. "It's fine."  
  
Dave bounces a little, finally seeming to relax, although Colin notices he stays close, one hand resting on Colin's arm as if to prevent him from suddenly running away. "Do you want to play?" Dave asks eagerly.  
  
"Sure," Colin says, and the happy smile Dave gives him is such a relief he doesn't even mind the sloppy kiss on the cheek.

 

***

 

Colin allows himself to be dragged by Dave down towards the river. "Let's skip rocks!" Dave exclaims.   
  
Colin picks out several round, flat rocks from the shore. He dusts the sand off of them, and turns them over in his palms, enjoying the smooth texture.   
  
Dave bends down and grabs a handful of rocks, no matter the shape, and hurls them into the river. "I'm not too good at this," he says, scratching his head. "Why won't they skip for Dave?"   
  
When Colin throws his rock and it skips several times, Dave's eye widen. "How did you do that? Will you show Dave?"   
  
Colin smiles and pats Dave's arm. "Sure," he says. "All you have to do is find a bunch of flat rocks like these." And he gestures to his stockpile.   
  
Dave bends over, picking up one of the rocks and pinches his fingers around it, getting a feel for the size. "Flat like these?" he asks, setting down the rock.   
  
He keeps his fingers held apart and hunches over the shore, comparing rocks against the width of his fingers until he finds a good specimen and holds it up triumphantly. "Lookit! Lookit what Dave found!"   
  
Colin grins as Dave dances around. Watching Dave almost makes him want to dance too, and he lets himself go, body bouncing rhythmically up and down for a few beats. "Good," he says. "Now come on over here and I'll show you how to throw it."   
  
Dave bounds over to him, rock clutched between his fingers to make sure he doesn't drop it. "Okay! I'm here!" he announces.  
  
Colin shows Dave how to flick his wrists just right, with a little twist. After several tries, and a few more rock hunts, Dave manages to make one of his rocks skip.   
  
"Dave did it!" he yells, going into another dance. He spikes one of his rocks like a football player in the endzone, and Colin slaps him five.   
  
They spend a few more minutes skipping rocks together, with Dave doing a passable imitation of the plopping sound they make as they hit the water, and then he seems to grow bored all at once.  
  
Colin's about to throw another rock when Dave snatches it out of his hand, flinging it towards the trees. "Now let's play jumprope!" he says. "Can you do Red Hot Pepper?"  
  
"Um, I'd love to," Colin says, even though the thought of all that exercise on top of the workout he already got earlier at the immunity challenge makes his heart palpatate. "But we don't have any rope."  
  
Dave shimmies up a tree and snaps off a vine. "We can use this!" he yells as he leaps back down, landing on his feet like a cat.  
  
And Colin whimpers, wondering if he can distract Dave with something else... 

 

 

***

 

Colin thinks maybe he can tire Dave out (although the man is a ball of restless energy and Colin's not sure he ever actually gets tired) and he ties one end of the vine off to a branch, standing on the other end. "You first," he says, twirling the vine invitingly. Dave beams and jumps in, keeping the rhythm easily and belting out a nonsense verse at the top of his lungs.  
  
The noise attracts Gina and Shannon, who appear from out of the main tent and stand a few feet away, watching. Shannon smiles openly at Dave, who appears to have lost his limp and all of his earlier unhappiness, and Gina's lips twitch upward a little too, although her expression cools when she looks at Colin.  
  
Dave trips eventually and throws himself on the ground with a dramatic yell, lying sprawled and breathless, grinning up at the sky. "Did you see?" he asks, waving at Colin. "Did you see me? I went for a long time, did you see?"  
  
"I saw," Colin says, dropping the vine. "You did great."  
  
Dave nods and rolls to his feet, holding his fists straight up over his head. "Dave is the best," he says. "Dave wins!"  
  
"Yay Dave!" Colin calls, just because he's getting into that playful place in his head where he can say goofy things like that and not feel like an idiot. It always comes from having someone to play with, someone who will act just as silly so he's not alone. "Victory dance," he decides, throwing his hands in the air and wiggling. Dave stares at him for a moment, baffled, and then he crows happily and joins in, bumping against Colin and weaving erratically.  
  
Shannon laughs and quickly muffles the sound with a hand over her mouth. Gina cracks a smile, but her arms are still folded sternly. Colin catches Dave when he stumbles, holding him steady until he gets the idea that the dance is over now and quiets.

 

"Hey," Colin says, offering the girls a hopeful smile.  
  
"Hey," Gina replies. She turns to Dave and grins. "I'm glad you're feeling better."  
  
Dave nods, bouncing on his heels. He slings an arm around Colin's shoulders and leans against him. "Colin says I get to come too!" he says brightly. "Not right away, but after I wait a little while then I get to stop camping and stay in the place with him and Ryan and those other guys that were mean but that's okay because I can be the crocodile and snap them up if I have to."  
  
The girls look confused, so Colin elaborates, "I told him we'd see him again after he's voted off too."  
  
"What if he wins?" Shannon asks, and Colin raises an eyebrow at her. She shrugs and tucks her thumbs into her pants pockets. "Hey, it could happen," she says.  
  
"Then we'll see him after we're all off the island," Colin replies. "We're not just going to forget about him, you know. We've gotten a bit attached." He nudges Dave with an elbow, and Dave squirms as if it tickles.  
  
"Oh!" Dave says, straightening suddenly. "Dave has to go get all his stuff ready. I don't want to leave anything behind." And he hares off into the jungle before anyone can protest that they're not leaving right this second.  
  
Colin is left standing on the riverbank, watching Gina and Shannon, who stare back at him. He sighs, spreading his hands. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't want to do this."  
  
"But you had to," Gina says, her expression softening a little. "I know that. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it, but I do understand."  
  
Colin nods, glancing at Shannon. She sighs and gives him a wry smile. "That whole thing between you and Ryan was cuter before this," she says. "But I guess I understand too."  
  
"Thank you," Colin says, and it's such a relief to not feel like everyone hates him. He looks at the ground for a moment, swallowing, and he knows if Ryan were here he'd come up behind Colin and put a hand on his shoulder, giving the silent understanding that he's so good at. And even though he knows it's only a few hours now until he sees Ryan again, he misses his friend with a sudden fierce ache that makes his chest hurt.  
  
When he lifts his head again, the girls are giving him looks of actual sympathy, and he wonders how much is showing on his face. Probably a lot, but for once he doesn't try to rein it in.   
  
"Go on," Gina says, nudging him toward his tent. "You should start packing."

 

***

 

Colin glances around the tent. Some of Ryan's things are still scattered on the ground, because the girls packed his clothes up for him, and they couldn't always tell which things were Ryan's and which were Colin's.   
  
Upon closer inspection, Colin realizes he's missing a few of his things, but he doesn't mind. They'll straighten it out soon enough. And anyway, maybe Ryan likes having some of Colin's clothes, sweaty and grimy though they may be. Because it's like having a part of Colin.   
  
Soon, he thinks to himself. Soon they'll make the trek to Tribal Council. Soon he'll see Ryan again. He wonders if he will have to walk all the way to wherever they house the rejected Survivors. He'll do it, of course, but he hopes he won't have to.   
  
He wonders if he should vote for himself... he's not sure if Dave will vote for him, and he wants to make sure that he's voted out without any contest. And okay, maybe it's a little weird to vote for himself, but hey, his involvement in this whole entire game has been weird. He thinks he could write a book about this place, an entire novel about his experiences.   
  
He gathers all his clothes, folding them to make them all fit into his backpack. He hopes that wherever he's going, there will be a washing machine. Even though he did laundry in the river fairly often, without any soap it didn't seem to make much of a difference. He finds he can't wait to wear clean clothes, clothes warm and fresh from the dryer and smelling like laundry detergent. He doesn't know how people survived for thousands of years without modern appliances.   
  
Then again, in some ways, he enjoys living off the land. Sitting around a fire, talking and laughing, is one of the oldest human rituals in the world. He likes having no tv, no distractions to fill his mind. If any of that had been around, he's not sure he would've ever seriously thought about his feelings for Ryan. He might've missed the best thing that had ever happened to him.   
  
He remembers the last time he did this, packing with Ryan, how he felt looking at the neat, empty tent. He remembers Ryan reassuring him that they'd be back.   
  
He won't be back this time, he's sure of it. And he's okay with that, but a tiny part of him will miss being here. Laying next to Ryan, cuddling for warmth, closing his eyes and listening to the river bubbling and the fire crackling. All of the conversations they shared, most of them ending with the two of them sprawled on their backs laughing. Ryan's hands on him, Ryan's eyes crinkling into a smile, Ryan's heartbeat against his cheek when he woke up in the middle of the night...   
  
It all adds up to home, Colin thinks. And the tent was home, for a little while. And Colin can remember back to when it was their little sanctuary against the world. When it was just the two of them, before they knew Dave, before they knew Gina and Shannon. Back in the beginning, when they thought everybody hated them and they couldn't wait to get out of there.   
  
He remembers Ryan finding the extra piece of canvas and clutching it to his chest. He remembers the grin Ryan shot him, wide and speculative, the kind of grin that always made Colin want to say no immediately, just on general principle. He remembers pitching the tent, how Matt and Eric had loudly protested, but Ryan hadn't backed down.   
  
He remembers the first time they stepped inside, both clutching their sleeping mats. "Home sweet home," Ryan had said, with just a touch of irony coloring his words.  
  
All the same, it had become their home. And he has to admit that, looking around at the now empty tent, even though it isn't much, he'll miss it.   
  
And he thinks that if he has Ryan with him, he can make anywhere his home. 


	41. Day Ten, Part IV

He's sitting in the empty tent with Ryan's pillow against his chest, staring off into space, when Gina lifts the tent flap and looks in at him. "Hey," she says. "Time to go."  
  
He nods and gives her a quick smile. "I'm all ready," he says, shouldering his backpack.  
  
Colin sees that Gina and Shannon have packed as well, for form's sake, but it looks like a half-assed job since a lot of their clothes are still scattered around the main tent. They're carrying just enough to make it look good. He glances around, but for once the camera crew seems to be taking a break, or maybe Dave is off being entertaining somewhere and they're filming that. "Before we go," he begins, taking a deep breath.  
  
"Yeah?" Shannon asks, and Gina raises her eyebrows questioningly.  
  
"I just wanted to say thanks," Colin blurts, and he's not even sure how to put it, how to say he's grateful for their support of him and Ryan, their encouragement, their understanding of his decision now. "For everything," he adds finally, spreading his hands.  
  
It's Shannon who cracks first, sighing and giving him a hug, and then Gina is there too, laughing softly and muttering about how it must be impossible for anyone to stay mad at him. "You'll be okay," she says when she pulls back. "You both will."  
  
Colin nods, and holds a hand up. "Um, one more thing... I know this is pretty much a given, but you  _are_  voting for me tonight, right?"  
  
The girls exchange a glance, and for a moment Colin is nervous, because that would be the perfect revenge for throwing the contest, wouldn't it? Keeping him here deliberately anyway. Then Shannon smiles and pats his shoulder. "Of course we are," she says.  
  
Then Dave comes bounding through the trees, knapsack on his shoulder bulging with odd shapes and what looks like a packet of leaves sticking out the top. "Dave is here!" he announces. He springs at them, catching Colin around the waist and actually lifting him for a moment, startled and off balance and laughing.  
  
"Hi, Dave," Colin says, squeezing him a little. He'll miss Dave after tonight; life will be so quiet and predictable without him.  
  
Dave beams up at him. "Follow me! Dave knows the way." And he's off again, heading up the trail toward Tribal Council.  
  
"Take good care of him," Colin says as they follow slowly.  
  
Gina snorts in amusement, and Colin glances over to her, raising his eyebrows. She shrugs and points up the trail at Dave. "Funny how things change, isn't it?" she says. "A week ago you didn't even like him. None of us did."  
  
Colin nods and looks down, smiling softly. "A lot of things have changed," he mutters, and he feels Gina and Shannon edge closer beside him, walking so their shoulders brush together. And he thinks he's glad it's ending this way, on good terms, before it gets down to he infighting and politics and everyone for themselves last stretch. This little group was here with him through so much and although it's only been ten days, they're closer friends than people he's known for years.  
  
"Hurry up, slowpokes!" Dave calls, zipping back to circle around them and then darting ahead again.  
  
"You heard him," Colin says, picking up his pace, and he can feel his fatigue falling away, replaced with an eager anticipation, and impatience to have this over.  _Soon,_  he thinks, and he walks a little faster.

 

***

 

They arrive at Tribal Council just after dark and make their way over the bridge, torches lit and carried high. A good dramatic picture for the viewers back home, Colin thinks to himself. Man, he can't imagine how this is going to look to all of the people watching this. He's a little embarrassed, frankly, now that his time on the show is almost over. How is he going to explain this to his family?   
  
_Hi, remember Ryan? You know, "that tall guy I hang out with"? He and I are, umm... yeah, we just realized we're in love with each other. And..._  
  
Then again, he thinks to himself, it's not like he and Ryan are subtle. The girls managed to figure it out after only a few days of watching them together, and they hadn't even done anything at that point. Maybe his family already knows. Maybe everybody knows.   
  
Colin blushes. Well, if they don't know by now, they'll certainly know when they watch the show. He wonders just how much footage the cameras managed to get of him and Ryan. He kind of wishes they would have been a little more careful, but then again... He kind of enjoyed all of the public flirting and groping. Maybe he's a closet exhibitionist.   
  
They arrive at the Tribal Council set, and sit down in their customary semi-circle. Jeff is already sitting on the log in front of them, smiling broadly. His teeth are almost as white as Wayne's.   
  
"Orteza," he says. "Welcome to Tribal Council. You're back here for the second time in a row. How does it make you feel to know you'll be down to only three members after tonight?"  
  
"Relieved," Colin mutters, and Jeff shoots him a faintly amused look.   
  
"I'm a little shocked that we've lost so many members so far," Gina breaks in. Jeff's eyes swivel towards her, and he nods. "But I still think we have a shot if we work hard. If we can just make it to the merge we'll be okay."   
  
"Gina mentioned the loss of several members. I know one of your tribemates, Ryan, got sick by drinking some untreated river water. Colin, you and he were, uh, good friends. Has it been difficult for you to concentrate on the game these past couple days?"   
  
Colin sighs. He knows where Jeff is going with this, and he hates being singled out in front of the group. However, somehow or other, Gina managed to keep her word about not letting the director approach him for an interview about his thoughts on Ryan, and he feels like he owes them something.   
  
"Well," he says after a moment, scratching one ear. "I guess it has been a little difficult. All I can think about is getting back to him and taking care of him."  
  
Beside him, Shannon sighs and he sees her nudge Gina.   
  
"All right," Jeff says, and Colin thinks that wasn't quite the answer he was looking for. He probably wanted something more dramatic.   
  
"Well," Jeff says, glancing at each of them. "Why don't we start the vote?" 

 

***

 

Colin sits and watches the flicker of his torch and tries not to worry as first Gina and then Shannon cross to the voting area and write their votes. They agreed to vote for him and he trusts them; besides, even if they don't vote for him, there will be at least a tie. He thinks.   
  
Colin frowns, glancing at Dave, who is sitting beside him and staring raptly at the fire. Dave did understand that Colin wants to be voted off, didn't he? Although it's not like Colin ever explained it to him in clear terms, so he really shouldn't assume.   
  
"Hey," he whispers, nudging Dave with an elbow. There is a soft whir, and a cameraman zooms in on them eagerly. Colin glares at him.  
  
"What?" Dave whispers back, except his whisper is loud and curious and not at all subtle.  
  
Colin sighs. "Never mind. I'll tell you later."  
  
Dave pats his head and bounces up, taking his turn at voting. Colin watches him closely, as if he can tell what Dave's writing by the motion of his arm, but the council area is set up to avoid just such a thing and all he sees is Dave's back and his brief, whispered diatribe to the camera. He's too far away to hear, but he catches Jeff giving Dave a weird look, and he wonders what exactly is being said.  
  
Then it's his turn. He stands, taking a deep breath, and glances over his shoulder. Gina and Shannon are sitting side by side, and they meet his eyes, looking solemn. Dave passes him on the way back and bumps him deliberately, sneaking in a quick squeeze to his wrist. Colin is startled not by the touch itself, but by the slyness of it, the practiced covertness. Maybe Dave is smarter than they give him credit for.  
  
He writes his own name in clear block letters, trying to remember if that's allowed. Just in case, he doesn't show the name to the camera, folding it and stuffing it in the ballot box hastily. Then he's walking back to join the others, hands tucked in his pockets to keep them from trembling.  
  
Dave throws an arm around his shoulders when he sits back down, resting his head against Colin's arm, and Colin leans back into him, closing his eyes for a moment. One way or another, it will be over in a few minutes.  
  
"Okay," Jeff says, dusting his hands together. "I will now count the votes. The person with the most votes will leave immediately." He pauses for dramatic effect, and one of the cameras sweeps their little tribe, recording their reactions. Instinctively, they all lean a little closer together.  
  
"First vote," Jeff begins, pulling a paper out. He shows it to them, and Colin recognizes his own handwriting. "One for Colin."  
  
They all nod impatiently, and Jeff unfolds the next vote. Colin's breath freezes in his throat when he sees not his name, but Dave's, written in a scrawl with a stick figure with what looks like a long, curling tail in one corner. He looks at the girls, but they shake their heads, frowning.   
  
"I want to go with you," Dave whispers in his ear. Colin shakes his head, but there's no time to discuss it now.  
  
"That's one vote for Colin, and one for Dave," Jeff says. "The third vote is..." He unfolds the paper, and Colin actually turns his head away, afraid to look. "Colin," Jeff says.  
  
He feels a light hand on his knee and looks up to see Shannon patting him, smiling softly. He smiles back, then stares at Jeff, waiting.  
  
"That's two for Colin," Jeff continues. "One more and Colin will be voted off."

 Another dramatic pause, and Colin wants to jump up and snatch the ballot box from Jeff's hands and just get it over with already. He curls his fingers around the rough wooden bench and grits his teeth. Jeff opens the last vote and considers it for a moment, and then he turns it toward them. "Colin," he says. "The tribe has spoken, and you have been voted off. Please bring me your torch."  
  
Colin nods and stands, lifting his torch and biting his lip hard. It'll look good for the cameras, he's sure; everyone will assume he's upset at being voted off, and not that he's relieved he'll finally get to see Ryan. His tribe touches him as he walks by, hands brushing his arms and legs, and Dave holding tightly to his hand for a moment before letting him slip away.  
  
Jeff extinguishes his torch, and Colin sets it aside and picks up his backpack. He turns to the others, looking small and huddled, down to three. "Bye," he says, lifting a hand. "I'll miss you guys."  
  
"Dave will miss you too," Dave says loudly. "You're still my favorite funny guy! You won't forget, right? You remember Dave, you promised."  
  
"I'll remember," Colin says, nodding. He's aware of Jeff watching this and looking perplexed, and he's reassured by the indulgent smiles Gina and Shannon give Dave. They do care about him, Colin knows. They'll be kind to him. "See you," he says to them all, and then he turns, carrying his backpack down the path away from the fire.  
  
The jungle is dark in front of him, and he doesn't know which way he's going, but he knows Ryan is waiting for him and that's all he needs.


	42. Day Ten, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we come to the end of Day Ten... hooray! :) Oh yeah, and the Molson ad Colin thinks about is a real ad.

Colin decides that he hates the dark as he feels his way along the path. Maybe he will move to Alaska or some other very northern place where they have daylight 23 hours a day or something insane like that. Maybe northern Canada might even do the trick.  
  
He wonders if Ryan would protest that. They could live in an igloo, have sled dogs, and hunt bears. Colin is still amused that there are some Americans who seem to think that all Canadians live like that. Like Canada is some bizarre remote land, or maybe a third world country with no running water or electricity. Like that _I Am Canadian_ ad from Molson. God, he loves that thing.  
  
He memorized it, and he says it to himself, just to pass the time:  
  
_Hey. I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader. And I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled. And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice..._  
  
_I have a Prime Minister, not a President. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it "about", not "a boot"._  
  
_I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace keeping, not policing. Diversity, not assimilation. And that the beaver is truly a proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it's pronounced "zed", not "zee", "zed"!_  
  
_Canada_ _is the second largest landmass. The first nation of hockey. And the best part of_ _North America_ _! I am Canadian!_  
  
Gives him chills every time. He loves his country. Sometimes he considers getting a Canadian flag tattoo. He wonders if Ryan would like that...  
  
So he's plodding along step by step, without any idea where he's going. They could've at least given him a torch, but no. Here he is, walking for god knows how long, god knows where, in the dark.  
  
It's times like these he wishes he had the ego of the typical actor, so he could stomp around and demand star treatment. However, there are no cameras following him anymore. He's completely alone, with only the constellations to keep him company.  
  
He picks out Gemini. Castor and Pollux, who couldn't bear to be separated... The story makes him think of himself and Ryan. And he's glad that they'll be together again soon.  
  
If he can make it down this path alive, that is. How long does this thing go on, anyway? He can't imagine why the producers decided to put him through further torture after everything else he's already been through. It's like some kind of sick joke.  
  
Or maybe they think it's some kind of "spiritual cleansing", some hokey thing that will help them deal with the "pain" of losing out on the million dollars. If the losers have to walk all this way in the dark, reflecting over what they've done, maybe getting a little scared in the process, they'll feel better about the whole thing.  
  
Or maybe he's just lost. Maybe this isn't the right way. Maybe he'll be wandering around and around in circles for the rest of his life, never able to find his way back...  
  
Up ahead in the distance he sees flickering lights, and hears people talking. And he breaks into a run.

 

***

 

The lights resolve into a combination of electric lanterns and small fires as he gets closer, and he sees the silhouettes of several tents and a line of small instant cabins--the sort that snap together like Legos, made of metal and thick plastic. Still, it's four walls and a roof, and he can smell roasting meat and... oh please yes, coffee.  
  
"Hey," some crew person says as he approaches, handing him a flashlight. "Colin, right? Let me show you around."  
  
"Never mind that," Colin says impatiently. "Where's Ryan?"  
  
The guy looks a little startled, but shrugs and waves him along. "That's the mess tent," he says, pointing to a long tent with lines of picnic tables inside, where the good food smells are coming from. "There's a little dinner left over if you want to grab some. Over there are the facilities, showers and stuff, gender separate so make sure you look at the door before you go in."  
  
"Okay," Colin says, walking a little faster. "Where's the medical tent?"  
  
"There," the man says, pointing to a tent with a red cross painted on the side. Colin takes two running steps before he registers the man calling after him, telling him to stop.  
  
"Not that way," he says, waving his hands.  
  
"Look, I'll take the tour later, okay?" Colin grits, at the end of his patience, and the man laughs and steers him toward the little cabins.   
  
"I mean your friend isn't in there. They moved him to his cabin this afternoon. Second from the left." He points, and Colin swings his flashlight beam around and follows it, eager and scared all at once and Ryan must be okay now if he's in a cabin, right? He must be better. The persistent mental image of him lying so pale and thin is nothing but an overactive imagination at work.  
  
"Don't you want to know where your cabin is?" the crew guy calls after him, and Colin waves him off.  
  
"Won't be needing it," he says, and then the knob is in his hand and his palm slides over it, slick with nervous sweat. He gets it open on the second try and pauses in the threshold, peering into the small, dark room. It smells new and fabricated, plastic and sawdust and the almost foreign scent of soap.  
  
He plays the flashlight beam cautiously across the floor and finds the legs of the bed. "Ryan?" he whispers, closing the door behind him.  
  
There is no response, and he swallows the immediate lurch of fear in his throat and tells himself to quit being stupid. Ryan is  _sleeping_ , that's all. But just to be sure, he holds his breath until he can hear Ryan's slow, even respiration, a tiny murmur of sound that is already instantly recognizable.

 Flicking the flashlight off, Colin toes his shoes off and feels his way to the bed, taking a moment to marvel at the springy give of an actual mattress beneath his hands when he reaches it. He slides his fingertips up the quilt, forming the shape of one long, bony leg beneath it, and then higher, until his hand is over Ryan's belly, slim but not the emaciation he can still see in his head. Higher still and his chest moves reassuringly under Colin's palm, strong and steady up and down, the thump of his heart barely perceptible.  
  
"Hey," Colin says very softly, and he's not sure if he wants Ryan to wake or not. Maybe it's better this way, quieter, if he can just sneak in and finally,  _finally_  touch him, just get close enough to feel absolutely certain that Ryan is well and whole without waking him... well, then he'll have time to quell the stinging in his eyes and the tightness in his chest without Ryan knowing about it.   
  
He rolls onto the bed carefully, and it's small, a snug fit, but he manages to nudge and wriggle until he's comfortable. Then he lays his cheek on Ryan's shoulder and breathes him in and  _that's_  where the soap scent was coming from--Ryan is clean. He smells of sweet skin and freshly washed sheets and nothing else, and Colin closes his eyes, fighting to keep his breathing steady. He drapes one arm across Ryan's chest, curling as close as he can, and Ryan shifts a little, mumbling.  
  
Ryan's chest is bare, and Colin turns enough to press a kiss to his shoulder, lingering there, breathing in his taste. Ryan makes a soft sound and turns toward him, one hand resting in the curve of Colin's waist, limp and heavy.  
  
"Ryan," Colin says, forming the word around a contented sigh. And Ryan doesn't wake, but he leans a little closer.

 

***

 

Colin strokes Ryan's chest a few more times, making sure he's real, and then he eases himself out of bed. He doesn't want Ryan seeing him looking like this. All dirty and sweaty and  _horrible_. Even though he knows that Ryan won't care, that he'll be happy to see him no matter what Colin looks or smells like, he still wants them both to be clean the first time Ryan opens his eyes.  
  
He marches off to the showers, which are all silent and empty. He supposes it's a little late for a shower, but he can't wait until tomorrow. He has to be clean tonight.   
  
The water is warm and refreshing, cascading down his nude body, trickling down his legs, towards his feet. And there's soap, shampoo, and conditioner, and for a moment he's too overwhelmed to choose which one he wants to use first. And then he stands underneath the spray, lathering and rinsing and making little contented sighs with his eyes closed.  
  
It's perfection housed behind a plastic curtain, and he wants to stay forever, with the smell of soap, and the water relaxing his tensed muscles, hitting his shoulderblades and rolling down his back. But he also wants to get back to Ryan, so he reluctantly turns the faucet off and wraps himself in a towel to dry.   
  
He combs his hair out with his fingers, silky and scented like strawberries. And he grins when he looks in the mirror and sees his old self staring back at him.   
  
He doesn't want to put back on his old, dirty clothes. Doesn't want to mar the clean with sweat and stink. And then he sees a row of bathrobes, bright and white underneath the florescent lights, and he snatches one, clutching it to his chest for a moment. The terrycloth is soft against his skin, and he wraps himself up in it, humming.   
  
He pounces on the toothpaste, and unwraps a brand new toothbrush, plastic crinkling as he tosses it into the wastebasket. And as he brushes his teeth, minty cool touching his tongue, he thinks that he will never, ever, take such simple things for granted again.   
  
He gathers up his dirty clothes, pulls on his shoes, and walks back towards Ryan's cabin. _Their_ cabin, he amends, already liking the sound of it.   
  
When he opens the door to their cabin, he throws his clothes into the hamper without looking at them. Hmm. He pauses for a moment, and then decides to add his entire backpack to the pile. He's going to do some serious laundry tomorrow.   
  
Ryan is sprawled on his back, hogging the whole bed, and Colin thinks that won't do at all. He stares down at Ryan for a long moment, his features dimly visible thanks to the nightlight in the corner. Colin wonders where Ryan got it, wonders if someone told him that Colin would be arriving tonight. In sleep Ryan's face is relaxed and unlined, and it reminds Colin of when they first met, twenty-some years ago. 

 He bends down to kiss Ryan's cheek, and Ryan stirs, cracking open one eye. "Hey, beautiful," Colin says, kneeling next to the bed. He smooths Ryan's rumpled hair back from his forehead.  
  
Ryan blinks, and a grin spreads across his face. "Col?" he mumbles. "Are you… are you real?"   
  
Colin kisses him, full on the mouth, to prove it. "What do you think?"  
  
"I think you're either real or a very good imitation. Either way, I'll take it," Ryan cracks, scooting over so Colin can join him.  
  
Colin shucks off the bathrobe, blushing a little at the look in Ryan's eyes, and climbs into bed. "You okay?" he asks, because he has to know, has to make sure.  
  
"Much better now," Ryan murmurs, resting their foreheads together for a moment.   
  
And Colin throws his arms around Ryan, burrowing against him, kissing him everywhere he can reach. "You're okay," Colin repeats, over and over again in between kisses. "You're really okay."   
  
It's only when Ryan reaches out, caressing his cheeks, that he realizes they're damp with tears. And he licks his lips, tasting salt. Ryan hugs him close, and they settle against the pillows, Ryan making reassuring noises deep in his chest while Colin curls against him, letting out all of the strain and stress he's been holding inside for days.   
  
"Missed you, Col," Ryan says after a while, his voice heavy with sleep. His fingers thread through Colin's damp hair.   
  
Colin sighs, unable to resist palming one of Ryan's nipples, and loving Ryan's answering gasp. "Missed you, Ry." And Colin closes his eyes, secure at last.  
  
He's home. 


	43. Enceinte, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the post-game section, while they hang out in the crew camp and wait for it to be over. The timeline will move a bit faster because of this. 
> 
> Enceinte means: "waiting, anticipating, hoping". And also _pregnant_ in French, but we're going to ignore that. No Mpreg, I promise. *grins*
> 
> The rest of the story will be from Ryan's POV.

The first day they woke up together in the little cabin was also the first day that Ryan really felt like himself again, the residual weakness from being sick leaving him sleepy and loose limbed, reluctant to leave the bed. Or that could have been because of Colin lying beside him, arms snug around his waist, breath soft and warm across his chest. He wriggled a little, relishing the feeling of being really clean, wrapped in softness and the comforts of modern living.  
  
"Hey," Colin mumbled, shifting but not opening his eyes. "Knock it off. Sleeping."  
  
Ryan laughed and stroked a hand down Colin's back, softly at first. Then again, trailing his fingertips along the back of Colin's neck, threading through the fine hair at the nape, scratching lightly down the slim indentation of his spine. Colin made a low growling noise and leaned into the touch, and Ryan could feel Colin's smile against his shoulder.  
  
"I'm glad you're here," Ryan said. "Did they do that for you? Vote you off on purpose?"  
  
Colin nodded and lifted his head, propping his chin in one hand. "After I threw the challenge, yeah."  
  
Ryan raised an eyebrow. "You lost the challenge on purpose?"  
  
"Yes," Colin admitted, lowering his gaze briefly. "I just... I was worried about you." And for a moment his face was unguarded, his eyes dark and open, showing more than he probably meant to.   
  
"Hey," Ryan chided, pulling him close. "Didn't we do this already?" But he made no objection when Colin snuggled close, pressing his face against Ryan's chest and taking a deep breath. "I wasn't even that sick," Ryan added, which was kind of a lie, but he was feeling much better and Colin didn't really need to know how bad it had been.  
  
"Were too," Colin mumbled, but Ryan could feel the tension easing his shoulders, loosening beneath his massaging hands.  
  
"Yeah, well..." Ryan shrugged, and then sat up in the bed, blankets pooling around his waist. "What do you say we get some breakfast?"  
  
Colin brightened, grinning up at him, lying sprawled across his lap. "Eggs? Bacon?  _Coffee?_ "  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
They'd fed Ryan in the medical tent, of course, once he'd been able to keep solid food down, but that was his first meal in the main mess tent and he had to force himself to go slowly in deference to his still recovering stomach. Colin had no such restraint, and gobbled the food eagerly, making an actual moan at his first taste of coffee that had Ryan wanting to drag him back to their cabin.  
  
Then it was another shower for both of them, and waiting until the bathroom was deserted to sneak into a shower stall together. Colin found the razors and shaving cream, and he insisted on shaving Ryan while they stood in the spray, running careful fingers over his face and handling him with infinite patience, as if he was precious and breakable and completely irreplaceable. Ryan had to close his eyes after a while, not quite able to handle the look on Colin's face, the fear of losing him and the gratitude and the sheer joy at being so close.  
  
Ryan took his turn next, revealing Colin's smooth jaw with careful swipes of the razor blade, pleased when the familiar face looked as it should again. Colin had looked just plain  _weird_  with a beard, not to mention the heavy salting of gray hair that did strange and worrisome things to Ryan's guts because they'd wasted so much  _time._  So many years they could have had this and didn't, so much they'd refused to see.  
  
Now, though, there was so much to revel in, so many simple pleasures. Clean laundry was first on Colin's list, and he borrowed Ryan's clothes (having trimmed down enough to fit into them, much to his pleased surprise) until his own were clean. There was good, hot food and regular showers and a soft bed every night and the crew mostly left them alone, once they'd signed all the appropriate paperwork to cover the network's collective asses.   
  
Ryan knew there was still a lot undecided, and he worried about things, about what they'd do when this waiting period was over and they could go back to their lives. About how the rest of their little tribe was doing, especially Dave. Colin had told him about Dave's reaction to him leaving, and about telling Mark Burnett all Dave's problems. Still, despite those worries there was so much happiness in slipping off to their cabin and closing the door whenever they felt like it, in sitting together by a fire at night and listening to the tinny music coming from the crew's little portable stereos, in waking together every morning and kissing lazily, wrapped in sheets and quiet peace.  
  
It was three days before Ryan remembered that the rest of their tribe was here too, and that meant the people already sent away before him, like Matt and Eric. He would have gladly forgotten all about them, except for the morning when he and Colin were sitting in the mess tent, eating breakfast and idly stealing each other's food, and Eric was suddenly there, sitting down across from them and glaring at them both.

 

***

 

"Well, well," Eric said, folding his hands in front of him like they were on a picnic about to play a game of checkers or something. Ryan wanted to deck him already. "You can run but you cannot hide."  
  
Ryan grabbed one of Colin's hands under the table, unsure if he was doing it for himself or for Colin. He growled, trying to scare Eric off, but he just sat, blinking mildly and unfazed. Ryan shook with the urge to stand up and get in Eric's face, but he wouldn't. Not in front of Colin. Not this time.   
  
"And what's this I hear about the two of you practically fucking out in the open several times?" Eric asked. "And when the whole world finds out about it, bye-bye rich tv stars. 'cause nobody likes a couple of queers."  
  
Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Eric, sitting right in front of them while they were surrounded by dozens of crew members, trying to antagonize them again. And he had to admit to himself that Eric had a pair of brass balls. But that didn't mean he was going to allow him to talk like that about him, about Colin.   
  
He stood up and pushed away his seat. Colin shook his head, eyes wide and alarmed, but Ryan didn't care anymore. He stalked around the table, grabbed onto Eric's collar and tugged him forward, until they were almost forehead to forehead...   
  
"Hey!" one of the crew members yelled, storming into the mess hall. He headed straight for Eric and yanked him away from Ryan. "You're not supposed to be here!"  
  
Eric smirked. "You think you guys can keep me in your little fucking pussy 'isolation cabin' for the rest of this time? Hell no. I'll be back, and if you don't want me to bug your precious queers again you better just let me go."  
  
"That's... not an option," the crew member said, and Ryan thought to himself that he looked almost... scared.   
  
"Like hell it isn't," Eric said. "Oh well, maybe when one of them turns up dead you'll change your mind."  
  
Ryan and Colin exchanged anxious glances, while the crew member shrugged apologetically at them and tried to wave it off like it was nothing. But Ryan thought that maybe Eric meant it, and just the thought chilled him.   
  
"Come on," the crew man said, tugging Eric behind him. Eric glared daggers over his shoulders, muttering obscenities directed at the two of them the whole way.  
  
Colin shivered and pressed close to him. Ryan kissed him on the temple, not caring who was watching. "We need to do something about him," Colin whispered.   
  
"Yeah, we do," Ryan agreed. "We're finding Mark Burnett." 

 

***

 

Ryan took off through the camp, not sure where he was going but bent on getting there quickly. Colin stayed at his side, then caught his arm in one hand, pulling him up short. "Over there," he said, pointing to a tent with a lot of cables running in and out, and a generator purring away beside it. "Looks like a command center to me."  
  
"Good," Ryan said, and veered that way. The flaps were tied open, and inside he could see a lot of filming equipment, extra cameras, repair parts, monitors, and stacks of film reels in protective cases. There were folding chairs everywhere, and a few people he recognized vaguely as crew members.  
  
"You can't be in here," one of them said, standing and frowning at them. "Crew only."  
  
"Who's in charge here?" Ryan countered, not budging from his place.  
  
They exchanged glances among themselves, and the guy who had stood up shrugged, shaking his head. "The director, mostly, but he's out at the live camps now."  
  
"We're not interested in talking to him," Colin said dismissively, and Ryan nodded. He already knew Blake would be no help; he certainly hadn't been any in the past.   
  
"Who's in charge over him?" Ryan asked, and again was met with shrugs and bored looks.  
  
"If you're going to argue why you should be let back in your tribe, don't bother," one of the cameramen said. "It doesn't work that way."  
  
"That's not what this is about," Ryan said, cutting one hand through the air impatiently. "Do you actually know who's in charge, or am I just wasting my time here?"  
  
"Hey, don't get all huffy with me, buddy," the first man said, stepping toward them. "We don't have a complaint department, you know. You got a problem, you'll just have to deal with it."  
  
Ryan opened his mouth, but Colin beat him to it, striding forward until he was in the crewman's space and staring down at him until he stepped back. "One of the other exiled Survivors is threatening us," he said flatly. "He's already been placed in isolation, and broken it because obviously the crew around here isn't much for actually  _enforcing_  the rules. He's made blatant hateful remarks and outright death threats. He has physically attacked us once already. If you want to tell us that's not your problem, go right ahead. I'll just mention you said that when I speak to Mark Burnett again. What was your name? I didn't catch it."

 

None of the crew guys looked bored anymore. They all stared at Colin, wide eyed, and began chattering about oh, that was different, why didn't he just say so, they'd get right on that. Ryan grinned and clapped a hand on Colin's back. Colin shot him a sly smile, but Ryan could feel how fast he was breathing, the faint tremor he tried so hard to conceal.  
  
"Well," Ryan said, and the babbling quieted. "I'm sure you'll make sure Eric  _stays_  in isolation?"  
  
"We, uh..." The apparently ringleader looked at the others nervously. "See, we don't really have the manpower for actual guard duty. He's just supposed to follow the rules."  
  
"Well, see, he isn't," Ryan replied, allowing himself to slip into a mockery of the crewman's speech patterns. "What are you going to do about it?"  
  
"We could talk to Mr. Valen, I guess," one of the guys offered. "He's the supervising producer," he added. "He'll be on site this afternoon if you want to see him."  
  
Ryan nodded. "Not that I don't have total faith in your competence," he said dryly, "but I think I will want to speak to him myself. This afternoon?"  
  
There were nods all around, and Ryan drew Colin from the tent. Colin laughed quietly as they walked away, and Ryan elbowed him, grinning. "You know, Dave said you were scary, but I didn't quite believe him until now."  
  
Colin ducked his head, shrugging. "They weren't listening. I just thought it would get their attention."  
  
"You were great," Ryan told him, and tugged him into the treeline, wrapping him in a hug. Colin sighed and leaned against him, his hands clutching Ryan's shirt for a moment.  
  
"I just hope this producer does something about Eric," Colin muttered into Ryan's shoulder.  
  
"Yeah," Ryan said, and he was suddenly aware of how vulnerable they were, standing out of sight, away from witnesses. "Come on, let's go back to the cabin. I think we should stay in this morning."

 

***

 

They spent a very nice morning and part of the afternoon in the cabin. Ryan grinned down at Colin, now dozing in his arms, and thought about how happy he was for about the billionth time since Colin arrived here.   
  
"I love you," he whispered, and Colin murmured a reply, muffled against his bare chest.   
  
Ryan sniffed Colin's hair, inhaling the fresh scent of strawberries. Colin just loved that strawberry shampoo, and Ryan was already plotting how he was going to buy an entire case of it to surprise Colin with.   
  
Colin stirred against him, one hand stretching across Ryan's belly. "What time is it?"   
  
"Almost two," Ryan said, glancing at the alarm clock. "Think we should get going?"   
  
Colin stretched, that soft smile hovering on his lips, the one that said he was completely content in the moment. "I don't want to leave."   
  
"Me either," Ryan admitted. "But I don't think I'm ready to die just yet."  
  
He tried to make light of the situation, but when he looked over at Colin's face it was stretched tight. "What if it's not enough, Ry? What if he finds us, even after we're off the island?"  
  
"We're not big enough stars to have stalkers." Ryan knew he shouldn't joke, knew this was serious, but he didn't want Colin to know how scared he was.  
  
And then Colin stroked his cheek and Ryan realized that Colin already knew. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, we should at least talk to this guy. See what he can do."  
  
They both reluctantly got dressed, and headed off towards the big tent. 

 

***

 

The atmosphere in the command tent was very different now that the boss had shown up. Crew people were bustling around, looking busy and important, and several of the monitors were turned on, displaying various scenes of the two tribes. Colin touched Ryan's arm and pointed, and Ryan looked at what had to be the supervising producer--the only guy out here in a suit.  
  
One of the crew (Ryan thought it was the same one Colin had cowed so effectively that morning) noticed them and got the producer's attention, waving in their direction. Valen glanced at them and approached, holding a hand out.  
  
"Gentlemen," he said, shaking each of their hands. "I understand one of the other Survivors has been giving you trouble. Maybe we could go somewhere quieter to discuss it?"  
  
Colin looked instantly reassured by the man's professional bearing, and Ryan was relieved to be taken seriously, but he was still pretty sure this guy was going to be thinking of what was best for the network, not what was best for him and Colin.  
  
"How about the mess tent," Colin suggested, and Valen nodded. In the afternoon lull between lunch and dinner the tent was pretty much deserted, only a random crew person washing the tables slowly. He took one look at the approaching producer and found something to be busy with at the other end of the tent.  
  
They sat down, Ryan and Colin on one side of a table, shoulders brushing together and knees touching, and Valen on the other side, regarding them steadily, hands laced together on the table in front of him. "So," he said briskly. "I finally get to meet Ryan and Colin. You two have been quite the hot topic up in the production offices."  
  
Colin ducked his head slightly, then lifted his chin, clearly making an effort not to look embarrassed. Ryan squeezed his leg under the table. "I'm sure," he said. "So you already know about the problems Eric has been giving us?"  
  
Valen nodded, frowning. "Yes. Of course, fighting within the tribe is always something we try to avoid, but when it does happen we take measures to ensure the safety of the Survivors. In this case, Eric has been placed in isolation, but the actual logistics of such a solution are problematic at best. It's not really fair to expect him to stay alone in a little cabin for the next few weeks."  
  
"But it's okay to let him threaten us?" Colin replied, and Ryan was glad of Colin's even voice, his calm, reasonable tone because he knew he wouldn't have been able to pull that off right then.  
  
"Obviously not," Valen said. "The crew brings him his food and escorts him to the hygiene facilities whenever he asks, but we don't have the manpower or the budget for full time guard duty. If he were to attack you, there would, of course, be consequences."  
  
"It'd be a little late by then," Ryan said, and this time it was Colin's hand on his leg, rubbing gently, easing him back down.  
  
"I understand this is a difficult situation." Valen sighed, pressing his fingertips together. "Of course none of us wants physical violence here; that would be bad for everyone. Also, if I may be frank, you two have proven to be very popular with our test marketing groups, and any ill treatment you suffered while here would reflect very poorly on the network as a whole. Allowing you on the show in the first place was highly experimental, but we are always striving for new and different twists and it was considered an acceptable risk."  
  
"That's interesting," Colin said, in a tone that said it was anything but. "I still haven't heard what you intend to do to solve the problem."  
  
"My options are limited," Valen admitted. "What do you suggest?"

Ryan paused, exchanging a glance with Colin. He hadn't expected to be asked like this. "Well... can you move him? Is this the only camp?"  
  
"Hmm." Valen frowned, considering. "There is the small transmission station at the south end of the island, where our satellite link to the mainland handles all transfer of footage and communication. It's also where our fresh supplies are received and transported up here. There's a small crew manning the station, and a rough support system in place for their living needs, so they should be able to handle one more person. It's not quite as hospitable as this place; no indoor plumbing, for one, and they have tents for sleeping, not cabins, but it's livable."  
  
"Sounds perfect," Ryan grinned, thinking of Eric shuffled off to sleep on the ground and wash in the ocean while he and Colin relaxed in their cabin.  
  
"Very well," Valen said. "I'll have to inform the crew stationed there and make sure they have the supplies and facilities to handle one more person, but it shouldn't be a problem. Eric could be moved there by... oh, tomorrow morning. Would that be acceptable?"  
  
"That would be great," Colin said, and Ryan nodded, giving him a smile. One more day of hiding out in their cabin and avoiding Eric, and then he'd be out of their hair.


	44. Enceinte, Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the final part of this fic right now… so it will be all ready to post next week (once I'm finished posting the previous parts). I'm thinking it will be next Saturday if my calculations are correct, Marty. Are you excited? 'Cause you totally should be. :D

And life went on. They spent every day together, and even though Ryan normally hated clinginess, and needed lots of time to himself to recharge, he loved having someone to share things with even more. And Ryan thought to himself how strange it would be, once they got back to their lives, to not have Colin by his side all of the time, how both of them would be pulled off in a million different directions like usual. It made him want to hold onto these slow, easy moments, because he knew it couldn't last.   
  
But in the meantime, he enjoyed it. He felt closer to Colin than ever. It wasn't just the kissing, the sex, the physical closeness. It was something deeper than that, something in the beat of Colin's heart next to his on lazy mornings, in the way they snuck around the camp, having mini-adventures and sometimes stealing things from the crew, in the long talks in the middle of the night, Colin's hand always tightly clasped in his.   
  
They didn't see Eric again, and Ryan concluded that he must have moved to the transmission station that Valen mentioned. They were safe. And they'd just have to pray that Eric wouldn't find them again after they left.   
  
They were in the cabin right now, trying to escape the heat of the day. Ryan's stomach was full with lunch, and he thought that the island was a lot nicer now that he had hot showers and three square meals a day. Colin was stretched out beside him, head leaning on his shoulder.  
  
Colin had been quieter than usual today, and Ryan knew there was something on his mind. Something he wanted to say. And even though it was obvious that Colin was happy with him, Ryan still couldn't stop that little swoop of fear that filled his chest. What if Colin  _wasn't_  happy with him?   
  
He tried to think. Did he do something wrong? Was it something he said? Or was Colin just bored with him?   
  
He was just about to confront Colin, ask him what the hell was going on, when Colin hesitantly said, "Ry?"   
  
Ryan squinched his eyes shut. "Yeah?"   
  
Colin put a hand on Ryan's chest, stroking him. "It's okay," he said, and Ryan got the courage to open his eyes. "It's nothing bad. I just... I want to talk."   
  
Ryan's chest hitched, because "I want to talk" was usually code for "I want to break up". He gulped, and tried to force his face into a neutral expression. Tried to pretend like he didn't care, so Colin wouldn't know his heart was breaking. "Yeah? So talk."   
  
Colin leaned in, placing a kiss on Ryan's cheek, and Ryan almost wanted to turn away, wanted to tell Colin to stop pitying him and just give it to him straight. "I've been thinking about it and... I want to move back to Vancouver," he said. "I mean, I want  _us_  to move to Vancouver."   
  
Ryan blinked, and his heartbeat skipped, sped, slowed all at once. He smiled, relief coating his insides. "You want to go back to Vancouver?" he repeated, a little dumbly.  
  
Colin's forehead wrinkled, and he looked down at his hands. "Maybe it was a silly idea," he said. "Forget it."  
  
Ryan reached over, caressing Colin's cheek for a moment before he pulled him in for a hug. "No," he said into Colin's hair. "No, Col. I was thinking the same thing, about Vancouver. I just didn't know how to bring it up, and-- wow. You and me, in Vancouver again?"   
  
"You and me," Colin confirmed, pulling back.  
  
And when they kissed, for a moment Ryan allowed himself to believe that Colin wasn't going to leave him. 

 

***

 

Gossip circulated around the camp regularly, speculation about what was going on with the tribes still playing and who was winning. Each time there was an immunity challenge and a tribal council, they got a new exile added to their numbers, and each one brought new information.   
  
Ryan was pleased to find out that the remainder of their tribe, Gina, Shannon, and Dave had made it to the merge, but the first single tribe council was that night, and he wondered who'd get sent to them. The word was that someone from the old Maguela had won individual immunity this time.  
  
"You wondering how they're doing?" Ryan asked as they sat by the fire that evening, roasting some marshmallows.  
  
Colin didn't need to ask what Ryan was referring to. "Yeah," he said, staring contemplatively at the glowing coals. "How do you think the other tribe reacted to Dave?"  
  
Ryan laughed and shook his head. "How does anyone react to that guy? You just kind of get taken along for the ride."  
  
"Mmm." Colin lifted a browned marshmallow, poking it idly. He tended to cook his until they were perfectly bronzed, gooey and crisp, while Ryan was more a fan of the flame and extinguish method. "I hope they treated him all right."  
  
"Dave's springy," Ryan said. He slipped an arm around Colin's shoulders, gathering him close against the chill of the evening. "It takes a lot to knock him down."  
  
"Springy," Colin echoed, smiling. "Yeah, he is."  
  
They lapsed into silence, Ryan occasionally stealing one of Colin's marshmallows and feeding it to him, letting him lick the sweet melted stuff from his fingertips. The mosquitoes were out and they would have normally retreated to their cabin by now, but Ryan knew they were both waiting, half-hoping to see one of their friends again and at the same time wanting them to survive a little longer.  
  
"Getting late," Colin said eventually, glancing up at the sparkling sprawl of stars overhead.  
  
"Mmm-hmm," Ryan agreed. He pulled Colin back against his chest, kissing his temple, arms wrapped snugly around Colin's waist. He knew Colin loved that from the way he always leaned into it and sighed, wriggling a little.  
  
They both froze at the sound of a very familiar Tarzan yell, and exchanged a grin. Colin stood, pulling Ryan up by the hand, and they headed for the main entrance to the camp, where the trail led from the council area. They heard him before they saw him, chattering loudly and asking the trees for directions.  
  
"Hey," Colin said, waving. "Over here."  
  
There was a pause, and then a crowed sound of delight and Dave came barreling out of the darkness, tackling Colin hard enough to knock him over if Ryan hadn't been behind him to catch him. "Colin!" Dave said, petting his head and planting loud, happy kisses on his cheeks. "You're here and I'm here and I waited and waited so long and you didn't forget!"  
  
"Hi, Dave," Colin said, and he looked so happy that Ryan could forgive the way Dave clung to him and ruffled his fringe of hair.  
  
"Good to see you again," Ryan added, reaching around Colin to pat Dave's back.  
  
"Tall guy! Ryan, I mean, you're all better!" Dave unwound himself from Colin and slammed into Ryan, bony arms locked around his waist and his head resting on Ryan's shoulder. "Dave is supposed to say hi to you. For Gina and Shannon, they told me to make extra sure to remember and say hi to both of you and they miss you and they hope you're doing okay."  
  
"We're doing fine," Colin said, and Dave stretched an arm out so he could hold onto both of them, swinging between them like a little kid.

"Colin and Ryan," he chattered happily, tugging them toward the lights of the camp. "ColinandRyan, ColinandRyan, I waited and I was good and you're here, we're all here and we can play again. Let's go play!"  
  
He dashed ahead, hollering for them to follow, and Ryan exchanged a weary glance with Colin. "You didn't plan on actually sleeping tonight, did you?" he asked wryly.  
  
Colin just grinned up at him and the open gladness on his face was enough to make Ryan pull him close and kiss him, hands cradling his cheeks, feeling Colin laugh into the kiss.  
  
"You missed him," Ryan said as they trailed in Dave's wake.  
  
"Yeah," Colin said simply. "You did too."  
  
"Come on!" Dave shouted, raising several complaining responses from the tired crew. "Quiet!" he told them imperiously. "Dave is playing with his special favorite friends."  
  
"We'd better go take care of him before we get a lynch mob on our hands," Ryan said. "And don't you let him think he can share our cabin. That's where I draw the line."  
  
"Of course not," Colin agreed. Then, almost too quiet to hear, "Not  _every_  night, anyway."  
  
Ryan sighed and thought his life had just gotten a lot less peaceful, but a lot more interesting.

 

***

 

Early the next morning, the bed bounced, a warm body crawled between them, and Ryan groaned, wondering what the hell was going on. He opened his eyes, and there was Dave, grinning into both their faces, arms winding around both of them as he wedged his way into the middle.   
  
"Hey, sleepyheads! Dave is here!" Dave exclaimed. "Good morning!" And he gave each of them smacking kisses on the cheek.   
  
And as Ryan wiped his wet cheek he thought to himself that this must be what it was like to have children.   
  
But Colin laughed, and Dave looked so happy that Ryan couldn't stay angry. "Morning, Dave," he said, and with some effort he even managed to make his voice sound non-grumbly.   
  
"Good morning, Dave," Colin said, grinning and patting Dave's head affectionately.   
  
"Morning! Dave is a rooster today!" And Dave crowed a perfect cockadoodledoo to illustrate.   
  
Ryan felt sorry for whoever was in the cabin next door.   
  
"Let's play!" Dave said, trying to drag them up.   
  
But neither Ryan nor Colin particularly wanted to move. They'd spent hours last night chasing around after Dave, and it had been fun, but they were both stiff and sore by the time they got back to the cabin. Not that Ryan minded, because at least he'd scored another backrub session out of it...  
  
"Why don't we take a break for a little while?" Colin asked, nudging Ryan for support. "We'll teach you a new game."   
  
Ryan nodded, not sure exactly what Colin had in mind, but trusting him enough to go along anyway.   
  
"A new game?" Dave asked, eyes lighting up at the thought. "Better than Crazy Eights? That's Dave's best game, you know."  
  
"I know," Colin said, glancing at Ryan to let him know that he'd explain later. "I remember."   
  
"Is it cards?"   
  
"No, it isn't cards. It's more of a pretend game," Colin said, and Ryan thought he knew what Colin was getting at.   
  
And for the next few days, all Dave wanted to do was play improv with them. They even got up and performed for the crew one night at the mess tent, to thunderous laughter and applause. And afterwards, Dave's crocodile smile was the broadest that Ryan had ever seen it. 

 

***

 

They fell easily into a routine, listening to the latest news from what Colin had taken to calling the "front line" and playing with Dave and enjoying the simple pleasures they'd missed so much. A couple more exiles were sent to them, one of them that girl who'd wanted an on-the-spot hoedown from Colin the day of one of the immunity challenges.   
  
She'd somehow already heard the rumors about their relationship (possibly from Gina and Shannon, Ryan supposed, although he didn't want to believe they'd spread it around like that) and was openly gleeful, often watching them with rapt attention.   
  
Her name was Carol; they'd learned that on the first morning after she was voted off, when she sat down beside them at breakfast and stared at the way Ryan's hand rested gently against Colin's on the table. "Hi," she chirped. "I'm Carol and I love you guys, you're so funny. Is it true what they're saying? Are you together now?"  
  
Colin smiled blandly at her. "Thanks for loving us," he said, and Ryan hid a smile because that was what Colin always said to professions of love from perfect strangers; it was a glib, polite sidestep that always came with a sweet smile.  
  
"Oh yeah, you're great," she said, nodding. "But really, is it true? I've suspected for years, you know, a lot of us have. That's so awesome."  
  
Ryan sighed, folding his arms. The curiosity and scrutiny had been a little weird coming from Gina and Shannon, but somehow more acceptable because they'd been there from the beginning, they'd seen it develop and accepted it. Plus, they hadn't really known who he and Colin were; for all he knew this girl was one of those fans who memorized his birthday and looked for his home address on the internet.  
  
Still, they'd have to get used to this sort of thing, he knew. People were going to be curious, and their private lives were not likely to stay that way. So he met Carol's eyes and took Colin's hand, squeezing it. "Yes," he said simply. "We're together."  
  
Carol's eyes got very big, and she brought both hands to her mouth and squeaked. "Oh my god," she said. "Really? How long? Is it a long time? I bet it is, you're so married."  
  
Ryan narrowed his eyes, but before he could say something biting, Colin nudged him with an elbow and stepped in. "That's personal," he said. "Thanks for your support."   
  
It was an obvious dismissal, but Carol didn't take the hint until Dave came along, tray loaded with food, and plopped down beside her. He looked at her and snapped his teeth together meaningfully and she frowned, edging away. "Um," she said. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"  
  
"Not if I can help it," Ryan muttered under his breath, and Colin smacked his shoulder reprovingly. "What?" Ryan asked. "She was way too pushy."  
  
"I know," Colin sighed. "Good thing we've got our guard dog." He grinned at Dave, who smiled back, busily devouring his breakfast. For such a little guy, he certainly did eat a lot. Ryan supposed he had to, to keep up the manic energy levels.

 

"I hope they're not all like that," Ryan said later, when they were taking a walk through the trees, Dave zipping around them.  
  
"It won't last forever," Colin replied. "We'll be the story of the week, and then someone else will do something and we'll end up yesterday's news. Besides, we'll be in Canada; my country happens to be very cool about that sort of thing."  
  
" _Your_  country," Ryan said dryly. "Like I didn't grow up there too."  
  
"I'll be willing to grant you an honorary citizenship," Colin said. "Provided you get better at ice skating. You really can't call that stork wobble thing you do real skating."  
  
"Skating?" Dave asked, popping out of the trees beside them. "Wanna go skating? Dave is a very good skater. Dave slides like a penguin on his belly."  
  
"Tell you what," Ryan said. "If you find us some ice and some skates, we'll go skating with you."  
  
"Okay!" Dave said. "I'll go look!"  
  
They watched him dart off, and Colin laughed, shaking his head. "Never a dull moment with him around, is there?"  
  
"Yeah," Ryan replied. They walked quietly for a few minutes, and he sighed, stopping by a tree and leaning against it. Colin stopped too, turning to him, slipping an arm around Ryan's waist.  
  
"What?"  
  
Ryan shrugged. "I should have asked you first, shouldn't I? With Carol, I shouldn't have just said flat out that we were together."  
  
"Ryan..." Colin pulled him close, kissing him lightly. "It's too late to hide anything, and I wouldn't want to even if we could. Why lie about it? I'm not saying we need to give everyone the intimate details, but a simple acknowledgement is fine."  
  
"Really? It doesn't bother you?"  
  
"Nah," Colin said. "I'm glad, actually. The whole keeping it secret thing really sucked."  
  
Ryan grinned. "Not that we ever kept it a secret. We weren't much for discretion out there, were we?"  
  
Colin shook his head, then rested his cheek against Ryan's shoulder. "I meant before," he said softly. "When I was keeping it a secret from you, too."  
  
"Oh," Ryan murmured, running a hand down Colin's back. "Long time?"  
  
"I think so," Colin said. "I didn't even realize it, but I think I've loved you for years."  
  
Ryan kissed his temple and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Yeah," he said. "I know the feeling."

 

***

 

The days flew by with Dave there. Colin and Ryan taught him some more improv games. He especially liked "Three Headed Broadway Star", even if a lot of his word choices didn't fit within the context of the song. Although that often got the biggest laughs, as Ryan recalled from all those times with Drew.   
  
And Dave taught them so many card games it made Ryan's head spin. He had no idea where Dave picked them all up, and sometimes the rules were a little fuzzy because Dave couldn't always remember them right. Every night they'd sit around a table at the mess tent, dealing cards. Some of the other rejected Survivors joined in sometimes, even if they were a little wary of Crazy Crocodile Dave, as he came to be known around camp.   
  
Ryan refused to let Dave stay in their cabin overnight, because he wanted at least the illusion of privacy with Colin. But every morning he would wake up to Dave crawling in between them, and he had to admit that he would miss the sloppy kisses and the rooster crows when this whole thing was over.   
  
One night they had a sleepover with Dave. They huddled around the fire, roasting marshmallows and making s'mores. And then he and Colin walked back to their cabin, hand in hand, with Dave running excited circles around them.   
  
They managed to steal a sleeping bag from the supply tent, thanks to Ryan's flirting skills. He had to admit that he kind of liked the jealous, possessive way Colin had shown up after he'd managed to convince the female crew member that he needed the sleeping bag. And even though Ryan could've easily told Colin that he was everything Ryan wanted, and he had no reason to stray, when Colin dragged Ryan back to the cabin to claim him, Ryan certainly wasn't complaining.   
  
At any rate, the sleepover was a blast. Dave rolled out the pilfered sleeping bag right next to their bed, and they spent the whole night telling spooky ghost stories. None of Dave's made much sense, but that was all right.   
  
Dave made animal shadow figures with the flashlight, always with the accompanying animal noise. And when Dave finally ran out of energy and collapsed on his side, Colin snuggled in next to Ryan and gave him several long, passionate kisses that drove Ryan crazy. Colin was such a tease.   
  
They heard more little tidbits through the grapevine about how the remaining Survivors were doing. Gina and Shannon were a powerhouse team, and there was a lot of speculation about how they'd go all the way to the end.   
  
Colin, Ryan, and Dave all rooted for them. And every time there was a new Tribal Council, they waited to hear more news from the latest rejected Survivor. And they always crossed their fingers and hoped that it wouldn't be Gina or Shannon.   
  
And then there was Matt. Surprisingly enough, Ryan and Colin had seen him a few times around camp, but he steered clear of them. Even Dave didn't want to talk to him. Not that Ryan could blame him, after all the shit Matt pulled.   
  
That was why, one day when Dave was off playing in the jungle, and Ryan and Colin were enjoying some quality cuddling time in front of the river, it was completely out of the blue when Matt stepped in front of them, looking like he had something to say...


	45. Enceinte, Part III

"You two," Matt began, folding his arms and looking down at them.  
  
Ryan exchanged a glance with Colin and stood, Colin rising beside him. They faced Matt warily, shoulders pressed together, presenting a unified front. "What?" Ryan asked.  
  
"What did you do with Eric? Work another of your backroom deals to get him sent off to some little punishment camp?"  
  
Ryan felt Colin elbow him gently, so he kept his mouth shut, waiting. Colin sighed and spread his hands. "Eric threatened us," he said. "He's already attacked us once. We had to do something about it. He's not in a punishment camp, he's just down at the communication center with some of the crew... actually, it's probably better for him there than it was here, because at least now he doesn't have to stay in isolation."  
  
Matt snorted, glaring at them. "Yeah, once you two got here, they locked him up. Like what happened was  _his_  fault. It wasn't enough to get him kicked out of the tribe, you had to send him away again just so he wouldn't disturb your precious  _personal time_?"  
  
"Eric brought it upon himself," Colin replied a lot more calmly than Ryan would have. He ground his teeth together and remained quiet, telling himself he needed to give Colin a chance to settle this diplomatically.  
  
"Sure he did," Matt scoffed. "Because nobody crosses you two, do they? Everyone has to be nice to the  _stars._ "  
  
"Being civil isn't a requirement," Colin shot back, adding, " _Obviously,_ " with a wave at Matt. "However, making blatant death threats in front of witnesses wasn't the smartest move. You don't have to like us. We'd prefer it that way, frankly, and there's a very simple answer to this. You leave us alone and we leave you alone."  
  
Matt stepped closer, his chin jutting out belligerently. "Or what?"  
  
"Okay, that's enough," Ryan said, planting one hand on Matt's chest and pushing him back a step. "You're just not happy unless you're bossing people around, are you? Well, find someone else to try it with, because we're not buying."  
  
Matt stared at him, and then looked deliberately down at his chest. "You just attacked me," he said. "That's grounds for being placed in isolation. See how  _you_  like it."  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes. "If I had attacked you, believe me, you'd know it. But hey, feel free to run and tattle to everyone about how I pushed you back six inches. Hey, cry if you think it'll be more dramatic."

"Stop," Colin said before Matt could reply. "Both of you, this is stupid. Matt, what do you  _want?_  Why do you keep hounding us?"  
  
"I want everyone to know what you did," Matt replied. "How you manipulated the system and used your 'status' to get what you wanted. You got rid of Eric because he had the nerve to call you what you are--and don't even bother denying it, everyone knows. You had an unfair advantage from the start and you swayed the tribe over to your side and turned them all against me. There are  _rules_  to this game and you think you're above them, but I've got news for you; you're not."  
  
Ryan threw his hands up in the air and turned toward Colin, shaking his head. "Forget it. He's never going to listen to us; he's got his own version of reality."  
  
But Colin apparently wasn't quite ready to give up. "Matt, think about this," he said, laying a quelling hand on Ryan's shoulder to keep him still. "Don't you think the producers knew who we were from the beginning? Wasn't everything we did on camera? Everyone  _does_  know what we did, and it's all been allowed. Besides, it's not like we cheated--I don't know if you've noticed, but we're out of the game. We're not going to win any more than you are."  
  
"I would have," Matt growled, stabbing a finger at both of them. "I would have, if you hadn't screwed it up. I had that tribe. It was  _my_  tribe!"  
  
"Threats and intimidation don't make you a leader," Ryan said tiredly. "If the others really had respected you, if they'd really been loyal, we wouldn't have had a chance. You lost, Matt, and you have no one to blame but yourself."  
  
"You'll see," Matt insisted. "You won't get away with this. I won't forget. You think this ends when we're off the island? I know plenty of people who will hear my side of things. Plenty." Then he turned and stalked away, fists clenched at his side.   
  
Ryan watched him go, and found himself leaning into Colin's side, grateful when Colin wrapped an arm around his waist and held him. "He's all talk," Colin said, but Ryan could hear the uncertainty in his voice.  
  
"I hope so," Ryan replied. He put his arms around Colin's shoulders and rested their foreheads together for a moment, taking a deep breath. "We'll be okay," he said, and Colin nodded, and Ryan wondered who they thought they were fooling.

 

***

 

After Matt left, neither Ryan nor Colin felt much like doing anything. Even waiting for Dave to come back had lost its luster. They walked back to their cabin in silence, and Ryan could tell that Colin was still a little shaken up by the whole thing. In all honesty, he was kind of worried himself, but he really didn't want Colin to know that.  
  
Usually it was no use hiding things from Colin. He always seemed to know, no matter what Ryan did. Sometimes Ryan loved it, sometimes he hated it.   
  
But today, Colin was staring down at his feet and wringing his hands as they moved towards the cabin, completely lost in his own thoughts.   
  
"Hey," Ryan said as soon as they closed and locked the door. Colin tensed when Ryan's hand fell on his shoulder.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm being stupid, I know. It's just that I don't understand why he doesn't like us..."  
  
Ryan laughed, giving Colin a fond look. "You  _still_  want him to like us?"   
  
Colin blushed. "Well..."   
  
Ryan shook his head. "Col, it's just a fact of life. Not everybody's gonna like you. That's just how it is."   
  
Colin scratched his ear. "I know, and I don't even care for him all that much, but I still... I guess it just bothers me. Like I said, it's stupid."  
  
"I like you," Ryan said. He grinned and nudged Colin.   
  
"That's not what you said last night."  
  
"Yeah, well, I was pretty out of it last night," Ryan said, leering down at Colin. Last night had been... intense, to say the least.   
  
"Last night, you said you loved me. Now I've been downgraded to like?" And Colin looked at up Ryan, blinking those big brown eyes in that infuriatingly adorable way.   
  
"Like, love. What's the difference?" Ryan teased.  
  
"Hmm... guess you'll find out when you don't get any tonight," Colin said, but the dimples creased his cheeks and Ryan knew he wasn't serious.   
  
"Aww, Colin,  _baby_ , no!" And Ryan got down on his knees, pretending to beg. "I'll do anything!"   
  
Colin cracked a smile, just a tiny one, but Ryan saw it before he bit it back. "Ah, get up, you big goof," he said affectionately, offering his hand.   
  
Ryan took it, as daintily as a six and a half foot tall man could, and stood up, brushing off his knees. "So, about tonight..." he began, leaning in to kiss Colin's neck.   
  
"Hmm?" was all Colin could manage to say.   
  
"What do you say we get started early?" Ryan asked in between bites and sucks. "The door's locked, Dave's gone..."  
  
"Mmm," Colin replied, throwing his head back to give Ryan a better angle.   
  
Ryan happily obliged, dipping his tongue in the hollow of Colin's throat. "Is that a yes?"   
  
But Colin was too far gone for anymore coherent answers. 

 

***

 

With plenty of pleasant distractions, like playing improv games with Dave and slipping off to the showers in the middle of the night for the playful daring of it, and just being together whenever they wanted to be, it was easy to forget this wouldn't last forever. When the little row of cabins was almost full and the final three had their vote, Shannon came to them, disappointed to be out of the game, but glad to see them again.  
  
They were sitting by the fire again when she arrived from the path, and they stood, waving and grinning. "Shannon!" Colin said, going to her. She laughed and gave him a hug, and then Ryan, although she looked a little overwhelmed by the way his tall frame dwarfed her.  
  
"Hi, guys," she said. "Guess I didn't make the final cut."  
  
Colin took her by the arm and led her over to the fire, handing over his cup of cocoa and the apple he'd been saving for later. She fell on the food eagerly, muttering thanks around a mouthful. Ryan smiled, thinking that Colin's instinctive generosity would never stop impressing him.  
  
"So what happened?" Colin asked, sitting beside her. "We figured it would be you and Gina to the end."  
  
She sighed and shook her head. "I thought so too, but she didn't have a choice. Doug--he's the third person, from the old Maguela--he won immunity so she had to either vote against me or herself. I don't blame her; I voted against her too. It was up to Doug and I guess he didn't like me."  
  
"You made it really far," Ryan said, patting her back.   
  
"Yeah, but I wish I could've made it to the end," she replied, and then sighed and put on a smile. "Never mind. It is good to see you two, at least. You feeling better, Ryan?"  
  
Ryan grinned and wrapped an arm around Colin's shoulders, squeezing him. "Oh yeah," he said. "I'm feeling great."  
  
"Suck-up," Colin said, rolling his eyes. "He'll expect favors in return for that later, you know," he added in an aside to Shannon.  
  
"You two," she said. "You're still so cute."  
  
And Ryan found to his surprise that he was the one ducking and smiling shyly this time; Colin just nodded and patted the hand resting on his shoulder.  
  
"How about Dave?" Shannon asked, looking around. "Is he doing okay?"  
  
"He's having a ball," Ryan replied. "All day, every day. Starting really, really early in the morning."  
  
"He's our alarm clock," Colin explained wryly. "He takes the job very seriously."

 She laughed, nodding. "I'll bet. I'm just glad he's happy; you should have seen him the day after you left, Colin. Poor guy was heartbroken. He kept chasing after us, asking if we were really sure you wouldn't forget him, and he made us promise not to leave him too."  
  
Colin winced, grimacing slightly. "Sorry about that. You know I didn't want to leave that way."  
  
"My fault, really," Ryan put in. "For being stupid and drinking that water in the first place."   
  
"Any one of us could have made that mistake," Colin pointed out, and Ryan smiled and kissed his forehead impulsively because Colin always did that, found the answer that made him feel better without blaming someone else. He always hated to see anyone unhappy; if a fight was brewing, he was likely to make himself a target rather than see someone else get hurt. Not always the smartest move, but Ryan loved it about him anyway.  
  
"Aww," Shannon said, tilting her head to the side.   
  
"Oh, not again," Ryan sighed. "Is there anyone who  _doesn't_  think you're adorable?" he asked Colin, rolling his eyes. "You're like a universal 'awwww' magnet."  
  
"I know," Colin said cheerfully. "It's a gift."  
  
Shannon laughed again, and then yawned, scrubbing her hands over her face. "I'd love to stay and talk with you guys, but all I want right now is a shower and a good night's sleep. Think you can point me in the right direction?"  
  
They did, indicating the facilities building and one of the last remaining empty cabins. Shannon headed off, waving and telling them she'd see them in the morning. Ryan leaned against Colin and felt him leaning right back, both of them staring into the fire contemplatively.  
  
"Almost there," Colin said after a while, and his hand crept over to Ryan's, lacing their fingers together.  
  
Ryan nodded. "Hard to believe, isn't it? Feels like we've been out here forever."  
  
"Yeah." Colin sighed, turning his head enough to press a kiss to Ryan's shoulder through his shirt. "I'll be sorry to see it end."  
  
Ryan closed his eyes for a moment. "We'll still be together, though," he said, and he hoped it didn't sound like a question.  
  
"Of course we will," Colin said immediately. He nodded, as if agreeing with himself, or just reassuring himself that it was true.  
  
Ryan squeezed his hand, and they sat quietly and watched the fire.

 

***

 

The next morning, Ryan woke up to a wiggling Dave. "Hey! Time to play!" Dave announced, waving his arms around.   
  
"I think it's time for breakfast first," Ryan said, scratching his neck and stretching.  
  
Colin smiled him a good morning, and then patted Dave's arm. "I'm with Ryan."  
  
Dave pouted. "You're not Dave's special friends anymore."   
  
"Lucky Charms," Colin reminded him.   
  
Dave's eyes lit up. "Yeah! Lucky Charms! Do you think Steve will have some today?" Steve was the cook at the mess hall, and another of the guys who had inexplicably fallen under Dave's spell.   
  
"Can't hurt to ask," Colin said gently, eyes crinkling. The dimples in his cheeks deepened, and Ryan knew he was trying not to laugh.   
  
Dave sprang out of the bed and ran towards the door as fast as a cheetah. "I'll talk to you guys later! I got me a date with a big bowl of magically delicious!"   
  
And Colin and Ryan both collapsed on their stomachs. A bowl of magically delicious indeed, Ryan thought to himself as he watched Colin laugh. He wanted to get up, go over and lock the door, but he was so entranced by Colin that he didn't want to move.   
  
"He's so..." Colin began.  
  
"Weird?"   
  
"Cute," Colin said instead.  
  
Ryan propped his head up with one hand and glanced at Colin. "Cute?" he repeated warily.   
  
"Not... not like that!" Colin insisted.  
  
"As long as you think I'm cuter," Ryan said, puffing out his chest.   
  
Colin rolled closer to Ryan, and rested his head in his hands. "Well, I wouldn't call you  _cute_  exactly. You're more... sexy."   
  
"I'm too sexy for my shirt," Ryan sang in a low baritone, tearing off his t-shirt.   
  
"You're too sexy for all your clothes," Colin said, his eyes darting towards Ryan's bare chest, and Ryan wanted to kiss that leer off his lips.   
  
"That's got too many syllables."  
  
"And you've got too many clothes on," Colin said, tugging at Ryan's shorts.   
  
Ryan covered Colin's hand with his own, and kissed him, heat flaring in his belly. "Me?" he said, bringing Colin's hand down towards his front, towards what was growing there. Colin stroked him, and the leer was an outright  _grin_  now. "What about you? You're still fully dressed."  
  
"Mmm, not for long," Colin said, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt. His eyes twinkled, and Ryan pulled back, wanting to watch as every inch of Colin's skin was revealed.   
  
Ryan groaned when the door burst open and Dave came dancing in.   
  
"Colin! Ryan! I saw Shannon! She's at the mess tent eating eggs and bacon and sausage and pretty much everything else! She said hi to me! And Steve has Lucky Charms but I couldn't wait to tell you about Shannon!"   
  
"I knew I should've locked that door," Ryan muttered to himself. 

 

***

 

The week leading up to the finale was full of things ending. The crew was already making preparations, taking down some of the secondary tents and packing away the unused cabins; one had been meant for Eric, another for Colin, who of course didn't use it because he shared with Ryan.   
  
In an effort to save money, the network stopped shipping a wide variety of fresh food so none would be left over and wasted when everyone left; instead they got the last remains of previous shipments and basic rations, but it was still better than the food they'd managed to scrounge for themselves in the live camp.  
  
That was how it was referred to among the exiles: the live camp. Where things were still happening and all the focus was centered. There were nightly showings of the day's events in the camp, although Ryan felt sure they weren't getting all the footage; even now there were network politics steering the editing process, showing the people who would eventually vote for the winner only what the network wanted them to see.   
  
From what he could tell, though, Gina seemed to be a favorite and he was glad. He and Colin had been ejected too early in the game to have a vote, but he knew Shannon was a lock for Gina's side, and a lot of others seemed to be as well. Ryan and Colin used the small amount of pull they had due to their popularity to make sure everyone knew which contestant they were rooting for.  
  
The night before they were all due to leave the island and go back to their respective homes, they had another sleepover with Dave. He'd picked up on the mood around the camp, impatience and a certain melancholy, saying goodbye, and it had made him unusually clingy in the past few days.  
  
He started out in a sleeping bag on the floor, but as soon as they'd finally finished playing games and telling stories and turned the lights out, he'd crept onto the bed with them. It was a tight fit for just Ryan and Colin; adding Dave made sleeping comfortably pretty much out of the question.  
  
"Dave," Ryan said, trying to keep the edge of tired impatience from his voice. "Go to sleep. We'll be here in the morning."  
  
"We already told you we'll try to take you with us," Colin added, petting Dave's hair absently.   
  
They'd talked it over between themselves once they'd gotten the word trickled down through the supervising producer, Mr. Valen. Apparently Mark Burnett had been good to his word and looked into Dave's history; his flimsy cover story had fallen apart with the slightest prodding, and it turned out he was essentially homeless and had been committed "for his own good." The network had been planning to turn him back over to the state when they sent everyone home.   
  
Technically, escaping from the state hospital and lying on the entrance contracts had been illegal, so Colin and Ryan couldn't just take Dave away with them and do whatever they wanted. There would have to be some kind of hearing for custodial rights, but Mark had seemed sure the state would be happy to have Dave taken out of their hands once the appropriate paperwork was in order.  
  
Explaining all that to Dave, however, hadn't gone over well. All he’d heard was that he had to go back to the hospital and Colin and Ryan weren't completely sure they'd be able to get him out again.

 "Stay here," Dave said, burrowing under the covers between them. "Dave will build you a house even better than this. We'll stay in the trees and swim in the river and play all day. I can take good care of you! Crocodiles are very strong."  
  
Ryan sighed, and exchanged a glance with Colin over Dave's head. Colin bit his bottom lip and shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "That isn't how this works."  
  
"You'll be okay," Ryan added. "Like you said, crocodiles are strong, right? You can be strong until we come get you again."  
  
Dave twisted fretfully, bunching the blanket in his fists. "You won't," he muttered. "You'll leave Dave with the doctors and forget."  
  
"We could never," Ryan said, surprising himself with a sudden burst of stark honesty. "Dave, you're..." And he wasn't sure how to explain it in a way that Dave would understand, but Colin laid a hand on his arm and stepped in easily.   
  
"You're our special favorite," Colin said. "Our crocodile, our hummingbird, our climber monkey. You're our friend, Dave. We won't forget."  
  
Dave lifted his head and regarded them both, wary and hopeful. "Promise?" he asked. "Like before, when you left and then I came and we were all together again? Like that, you promise?"  
  
"Of course," Ryan said, at the same time as Colin echoed, "Promise."  
  
"Okay," Dave said after mulling it over for a moment. "I believe you." And he rolled over and wriggled until he had an arm wrapped around each of them; apparently his belief wasn't quite sturdy enough to actually let go. Then he closed his eyes and dropped effortlessly into sleep, like a light switch being turned off.  
  
Colin sighed and shifted until he could rest his cheek against Ryan's shoulder. Ryan stroked fingertips through his hair and kissed his forehead, closing his eyes and swallowing hard.  
  
"We'll work it out," Colin said, more of his determined optimism that was sounding just a bit thin and worn.  
  
Ryan just nodded and kissed him again, then turned onto his back and stared at the featureless gray plastic of their roof. They'd made shaky plans about their first few days off the island; Ryan's home in Washington was closer, and he had pressing work in L.A. within weeks of their return, so they'd stay there first. They'd have to deal with so much: getting custody of Dave, finding a home in Vancouver, working their careers around to fit with their new living arrangements, and of course facing the repercussions when the show went on air and their relationship was broadcast to the world.  
  
It was tempting to stay and live in the trees with Dave, but Ryan knew they couldn't hide forever. He fumbled for Colin's hand in the dark, brushing over Dave's limp form between them before he found the familiar clasp of warm, strong fingers. Colin sighed heavily beside him, and Ryan heard the catch in his breathing, the soft sound of him swallowing. He looked over and found the glitter of Colin's eyes watching him.  
  
They didn't sleep.


	46. Epilogue, Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is... the epilogue of the most cracktastic fic this fandom has ever seen. :) Watch us twist ourselves up in knots trying to tie together all these loose ends... an entertaining time will be had by all!

Ryan knew one thing: he never wanted to ride on a plane again. "You always say that after a flight," Colin teased him.  
  
Ryan clutched onto Colin's arm while he stumbled down the little passageway towards the gate. "This time I mean it."   
  
"Then how will we get to Vancouver?" Colin asked, nudging him.   
  
"We'll hitchhike if we have to," Ryan muttered, and he was only partly kidding. "Anyway, we can probably drive."  
  
"A road trip?" Colin perked up at the thought as he led Ryan towards the baggage claim. Ryan could practically see the wheels turning in Colin's head. He was probably planning the whole thing already-- where they'd stop, what they'd see, exactly how many cheap motels they could get away with staying at...   
  
Or maybe that was just him.   
  
After they grabbed their measly belongings off of the conveyor belt, they made their way towards the doors and freedom. And Ryan for one could not wait. He hated airports almost as much as he hated airplanes. They were cold and stuffy and far too crowded for his liking.   
  
Colin took Ryan's hand, and Ryan flinched involuntarily.   
  
"What?" Colin asked, blinking over at him.   
  
"What if someone recognizes us?" Ryan asked, hating himself a little bit unable to stop the squiggle of worry deep in his stomach.   
  
Colin laughed. "What? We've got our ballcaps on."   
  
"Like Superman and Clark Kent?" Ryan asked, smirking. "Oh, no one will be able to tell it's me. I have my glasses on!"   
  
"Yeah, today we're Captain Hair and Big Wing Boy!"   
  
Ryan groaned, but squeezed Colin's hand, letting his arms relax enough to swing between them. "Where the hell did you ever come up with Big Wing Boy anyway?"  
  
Colin just hummed innocently as they stepped out into the Seattle-- well, he'd be lying if he said it was sunshine. It was more like clouds and overcast and grey, but hey, that was Seattle for you. "That's for me to know and you to find out," Colin said, grinning over at Ryan. He ran his thumb across the edge of Ryan's palm, and Ryan shivered.   
  
And as they waited for a cab, Ryan felt a drop of rain land on his head. "I'll get it out of you," Ryan whispered out of the side of his mouth.  
  
Colin leaned towards Ryan, until his lips grazed Ryan's ear. "I can't wait," Colin muttered back, breath warm against Ryan's cheek.   
  
The drops turned into a downpour, and Ryan smiled, the plane and the fear and everything else suddenly far away. He was home, with his best friend, his lover, in the rain. They were both home. 

 

***

 

The first thing they did (well, not the first thing, but after they'd appropriately christened Ryan's hot tub, it was the very next thing) was to get in touch with a lawyer and start working on getting Dave. Since Dave was originally in the custody of the state of California, he'd gone back there while Colin and Ryan wound up in Washington. Ryan thought he might be willing to get on another plane if, for Dave's sake, they needed to be back in California quickly, but if it was at all possible to do this thing long distance, that was clearly the first choice.  
  
Ryan called Drew, who was thrilled to have them back and wanted them both to come to one of his parties; he was disappointed to hear they weren't in L.A. after all. But, once Ryan explained about Dave, as much as anyone really  _could_  explain about Dave, Drew was able to bring up a name out of his ridiculously large list of contacts, and they had themselves a lawyer.  
  
With the addition of Drew's name and Ryan's own not inconsiderable influence, the lawyer, Ben Krensky, immediately found time to speak to both Ryan and Colin over the phone and get the full story, and promised to find out the details on Dave's condition and start the ball rolling for a transfer of custody.  
  
After that, they were kind of at loose ends. "I suppose," Ryan said one morning while they were lazing on the back deck, "we should get a realtor in Vancouver or something. Start looking for a place."  
  
"Hmm," Colin said, nodding slightly. He didn't look away from the view over the back railing, though, the expanse of green trees and damp gray sky that blurred the horizon and made the world seem close and quiet around them.  
  
"Col?"  
  
Shaking himself slightly, Colin turned and smiled up at him, laying a palm over the hand that Ryan rested on his shoulder. "Sorry," he said. "Daydreaming a little."  
  
"Yeah?" Ryan sat down beside him on the little bench and scooted until they were leaned together. "What about?"  
  
Colin lowered his gaze, shrugging. "They'll start airing the show soon, won't they?"  
  
"In a few weeks, I think," Ryan agreed.  
  
"Right. How long do you suppose it'll take people to figure it out?"  
  
Ryan wrapped an arm around Colin's shoulders and squeezed him, sighing. "I don't know," he said. "Not long."

 "Maybe we should tell people now," Colin said, and his voice was calm, contemplative, but he didn't meet Ryan's eyes.  
  
"Now? Like a public announcement or something?" Ryan caught himself shaking his head automatically and forced an open, neutral expression.  
  
"No, no," Colin replied. "Just our friends and family. So they don't have to find out for the first time on network TV."  
  
"Ah." Ryan imagined his mother's reaction to some of the more blatant touches and kisses he was sure the cameras had captured. "Maybe we should tell them not to watch at all."  
  
Colin chuckled softly and nodded. "If we tell them now, give them time to come to terms, then they can decide for themselves if they really want to see the... the live version."  
  
Ryan winced and covered his face with one hand. "I'm starting to wish we'd been a little more discreet."  
  
"I know what you mean," Colin muttered. "But hey, for all we know they might not even show the bits that are really..." He trailed off, making explanatory hand gestures.  
  
"I doubt that," Ryan replied. "But I guess we can always hope."  
  
Colin leaned into him and Ryan kissed his forehead, and then his cheek, feeling the faint flutter of Colin's eyelashes against his upper lip. "You really want to tell people?"  
  
"Yeah," Colin said after a moment. "It's like... telling people will make it real. Or... official? I don't quite know what I'm trying to say," he admitted, squirming a little.  
  
"That's okay," Ryan said. "I understand." And maybe that's why it was scary; as long as it was their private relationship, he felt like he could protect it, protect both of them from prejudice and backlash. They would be safe. But that wouldn't last and if he was being honest with himself, Ryan didn't want it to. He didn't want to hide what he had with Colin, and he didn't want Colin to think he was ashamed.  
  
"We'll make some calls," Ryan murmured in Colin's ear, feeling him shiver slightly at the contact. "We'll do it today. Together."  
  
Colin nodded, one hand finding Ryan's and tangling their fingers together. "Good," he said. "I think I'm ready."

 

***

 

Ryan reached for Colin's hand, kissing the back of it once as they headed for the phone. He decided to turn on the speaker, so they could both talk at the same time.   
  
"Who should we call first?" Colin asked, and his hand trembled in Ryan's.   
  
Ryan patted him, even though his mouth was dry and his heart pounded in his temples. Still, someone had to be the strong one. "Let's call Drew first," he decided. "He'll be happy for us, at least."  
  
"He will?"   
  
"Uh, yeah," Ryan admitted, blushing a little. "He teases me about you all the time on the set of  _Drew Carey_. He, uh... I think he knew before we did."   
  
"What does he say?" Colin asked, eyes dancing as he blinked up at Ryan.  
  
Ryan felt his cheeks grow even hotter. "Nothing," he croaked. "Not important." He coughed, and began dialing Drew's number in Los Angeles.  
  
Colin let it drop, but Ryan knew he wasn't off the hook yet. Colin had ways of getting Ryan to talk, as Ryan was quickly finding out. However, it all evened out, because Ryan was pretty good at coaxing things out of Colin too...   
  
"Hello?" came Drew's voice, filling up Ryan's living room.  
  
Ryan pulled Colin down onto the couch, and they curled together, still hand in hand.   
  
"Drew? Hey, it's me," Ryan said.  
  
"Oh, hey, Ryan! Are you back in L.A.?"  
  
"No, I'm-- uh,  _we're_  still in Washington," Ryan replied.  
  
"'We're'?" Drew asked. "You mean, Colin's still there? Oh, man. So, when's the wedding? 'Cause I know that--"  
  
"Um, hi, Drew!" Colin cut in, laughing.   
  
Ryan wanted to crawl in a hole and die.   
  
"Colin? Wait, what? Where's Ryan?"  
  
"We're on the speaker phone," Ryan grumbled, unable to meet Colin's eyes.  
  
"Oh." Drew at least had the decency to sound embarrassed. "Sorry. Uh, just pretend you didn't hear that, Colin."  
  
"It's okay," Colin said, and he squeezed Ryan's hand. "I love you," he mouthed, and Ryan felt chills all down his spine. "See, um... we..." He chuckled, looking down at his lap, and Ryan noticed the tips of his ears were pink.   
  
"What Colin's trying to say is... we're, uh..." And Ryan gulped, wincing a little at how stupid he sounded.   
  
"See? It's not so easy now, is it?" Colin teased.  
  
"Shut up," Ryan muttered.  
  
"We're, um... we're kind of... together," Colin blurted out, since Ryan wasn't saying anything.  
  
The stunned silence from the other end seemed to last forever, and Ryan's face felt stretched and tight. Then all at once Drew let out a whoop so loud that both of them jumped back from the phone. "You guys are together?! Well, it's about freaking time!"   
  
Colin and Ryan exchanged relieved grins. "It doesn't bother you?" Ryan asked, just to make sure.   
  
"Bother me? Are you kidding? I've been waiting for this for years! Oh, man... if you two were here right now I'd throw you a party!"  
  
"Maybe you can throw us one when we get back," Colin said. "But just a little one. And no strippers!"   
  
"Aw, how about just one little stripper? Seriously, I'm happy for you guys. When did it happen?"  
  
And Colin and Ryan told him the whole story, taking turns. Drew did sound genuinely happy for them, and when they got off the phone a few minutes later, Ryan kissed Colin.   
  
"What was that?" Colin asked.  
  
"Just... I love you," Ryan said earnestly.   
  
Colin's eyes softened, and he gave Ryan a long hug. "Now let's hope that the rest of our calls go so well..." 

 

***

 

"Okay," Ryan said, dusting his hands together. "Drew can tell everyone at work who needs to know. So... who from your work do you need to call?"  
  
Colin shrugged. "Most of my stuff is kind of transitory. You know, a spot on a show here, a few commercials there, a startup series or two. I guess I could call my manager and she'll take it from there."  
  
"You're not worried?" Ryan asked.  
  
"Nah," Colin said glibly, but Ryan didn't miss the way he leaned closer as he dialed the phone.   
  
A receptionist answered first, but quickly recognized Colin's voice and transferred him over to his manager's office. "Matheson Talent, Sara Matheson speaking," a woman's voice said, tinny over the speaker phone. "Colin?"  
  
"Hi, Sara," Colin said. "I'm back from doing _Survivor_."  
  
"Oh, how'd it go?" Sara asked. "Do you have a shot at winning?"  
  
"No, I was voted out pretty early," Colin replied.   
  
"Sorry to hear that," Sara said briskly. "While you were gone, I got a possible movie role lined up for you; can you make it to Toronto for an audition next week?"  
  
"Um..." Colin shared an uncertain glance with Ryan, who spread his hands and shrugged. "I don't know," Colin answered eventually. "Probably not. I've got a lot going on right now, and actually, I called to tell you about that. See, uh..." He looked at Ryan for help, widening his eyes plaintively.  
  
"Yes?" Sara prodded.  
  
"Hi, uh, Sara?" Ryan said, leaning toward the phone. "This is Ryan Stiles, I'm here with Colin."  
  
A pause, and then, "Oh, Ryan, hi! Didn't we meet at last year's wrap party for _Whose Line_?"  
  
"Yeah," Ryan said, although he had no idea if they had or not. "Listen, the thing is, Colin and I..."  
  
"Our relationship has changed," Colin continued for him. His voice was strong, confident, but his hand landed on Ryan's thigh and squeezed until Ryan covered it with his own. "That's going to be obvious when they start airing _Survivor_. I just wanted to let you know in advance."  
  
Another, longer pause. "Ah," Sara said eventually. "You mean you're not together anymore?"  
  
Ryan closed his eyes and pressed his lips together to muffle a laugh. Of course. 

"What?" Colin asked, looking baffled for a moment. "You... no, we are, but... wait, you knew that?"  
  
"Sure," Sara said. "I've known for a while. So if you're still together, what's changed?"  
  
Ryan turned, smothering another laugh against Colin's shoulder. Colin blinked dazedly at the phone. "Nothing," he said. "Nothing's changed. Except we're going to be moving in together and I suppose that means going public."  
  
"Okay," she chirped, and Ryan could hear the distant rustling of papers on her end. "I'll be ready if there is media attention, although really, Colin, I'm pretty sure everyone knew already. This will just be a formality."  
  
"Right," Colin replied faintly. "Just out of curiosity, how long have you known?"  
  
"Hmm... well, I guess it would be when I saw you two at that wrap party last year. Was it..." She hesitated, lowering her voice slightly. "Was it supposed to be a secret?"  
  
"Apparently not," Colin said. "So, you'll make sure everyone who needs to know in advance is informed?"  
  
"Of course," she replied. "When will I be seeing you again?"  
  
"I'll get back to you once we figure out our new address," Colin said. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem."   
  
They said their goodbyes, and Colin broke the connection, then slumped back on the couch and gave Ryan a disbelieving look. "Ever feel like you're the last one to know about something?"  
  
Ryan grinned and pulled him closer, stroking his back until he could feel Colin relax against him. "Hey, at least she took it well."  
  
"She's had time to adjust," Colin replied dryly. "Seriously, why were we the last ones to figure this out?"  
  
Ryan shook his head, thinking of all the time they could have had and didn't. It made the time they had now all the more valuable. On the island, he'd learned to not take a lot of things for granted; the most important among those was Colin.  
  
They sat quietly for a little while, and then Colin seemed to shake off the brief air of melancholy and he straightened, looking at the phone again. "So," he said. "Whose family do we want to call first?"


	47. Epilogue, Part II

They decided to call Colin's family first. "They're Canadian," Colin said with pride. "They won't be upset."   
  
"I thought they were Scottish," Ryan teased.   
  
"They're Scottish-Canadian," Colin amended, whacking Ryan.   
  
So they called Colin's parents, and they called Colin's younger brother and sister. And it was more of the same-- none of them seemed surprised by the news.   
  
The fans, Drew, Colin's agent, Colin's family... they all knew. They all saw what Ryan had been too blind to acknowledge-- that he and Colin were in love and had been for years.   
  
Ryan's hands trembled as he phoned his mom. His dad passed away a couple years ago, and even though Ryan loved him and of course still missed him, he couldn't help but think how relieved he was to not have to tell his father. Sonny Stiles was a bit of a homophobe, and even though Ryan still wasn't actually sure that he was gay, because he loved  _Colin_ , not Colin's gender, he thought that his dad wouldn't see it that way. He'd hear about him and Colin being together and assume that Ryan was "one o'them queers".   
  
Ryan's mom seemed... all right with the news. She didn't exactly jump for joy, but she didn't scream at him and threaten to disown him either. And she told Ryan that she loved him, and even offered to cook them dinner, the next time they were in town.   
  
Ryan's sister didn't even bat an eye, but Ryan knew he was in for it when he called his oldest brother, Roger. All his brothers were traditional, straight-laced, nine-to-five married types. Ryan had always pretty much been the black sheep of the family. Off following the dream of becoming a star while his brothers sat around comparing stock portfolios and planning their retirements.  
  
Although Ryan had to admit that he'd gotten the last laugh. Here he was, rich and successful beyond anything he'd ever thought possible. Not that his brothers were exactly bad off either, but it secretly pleased him that he had more money now than they did, after years of being mocked by them and made to feel less because he didn't want to jump through all the hoops like a trained seal. He remembered how he'd always hated going to family functions and listening to them yammer on about their fancy vacations, showing off their brand-new cars, bragging about the gifts they showered their wives with. Meanwhile, Ryan was struggling to scrape together the cash to pay rent on his shitty little apartment and they didn't even care...   
  
It was like they were in different worlds. And they still were. Even though Ryan had money now, he still wasn't like them. And he hoped that he never would be.   
  
"Ry?" Colin asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You all right?"  
  
"Sorry," Ryan muttered. "I just... this is gonna be hard."   
  
"I'm here," Colin said, kissing Ryan's cheek. "If he says anything bad, we'll just hang up, all right?"   
  
Ryan gulped, and nodded, the knot in his stomach untying a little bit as he looked into Colin's warm eyes. He punched out Roger's number.

 Roger wasn't pleased, to say the least. He  _laughed_  at Ryan, and said, "You're kidding, right? You, and that other guy? I mean, I guess I should've figured, when a number of my coworkers who watch the show kept asking me if the two of you were together in real life, but... oh. That's just rich. My little brother's finally coming out of the closet."  
  
Ryan growled. "Listen, Roger, I don't really care what you think. I just wanted you to know, as a courtesy. But I guess you don't know the meaning of the word."  
  
Colin's hand brushed Ryan's shoulder as Roger said, "Whatever, Ryan. Looks like you haven't grown up yet."  
  
Pain spread through Ryan's chest, bringing back all the old feelings of inadequacy. "Oh, that's right. I guess that me having a million dollars isn't enough. I have to have the corner office, and the BMW, and the soul sucking job."   
  
"At least I actually  _work_  for my money," Roger said snidely.  
  
Ryan's jaw dropped. He did  _not_  just say that. "At least I--"  
  
"Hey," Colin interrupted. "Um, listen... It was nice talking to you, Roger, but we have a few other calls to make. So we'll just speak with you later, okay?"  
  
And without waiting for Roger's reply, Colin hung up. He wrapped his arms around Ryan, and Ryan leaned into his embrace, soaking up the comfort of Colin's heartbeat.  
  
"I'm sorry," Ryan said into Colin's chest. "He always does that. He's such an asshole."  
  
"Well, we couldn't expect everybody to be happy for us," Colin said, stroking Ryan's hair.  
  
"And that thing about the real job? I hate that shit. He always knows just how to push my buttons like that..."  
  
"He doesn't know what he's talking about," Colin said, pulling back so he could look into Ryan's eyes. "Ry, you work harder than anyone I know. You've  _earned_  all this, no matter what he thinks. You deserve it."   
  
"Thank you," Ryan whispered, even though he wasn't so sure anymore.

 

***

 They'd told the people who mattered most, and as Colin pointed out, a little ruefully, everyone else had either figured it out on their own or would know soon enough, once the show went on the air. In the meantime, there were arrangements to be made in regards to Colin's various acting jobs in Canada and how he would perform them from the other end of the country; he had to give up a couple spots, but there were a lot of opportunities in Vancouver and his manager already had some people up there interested.  
  
Ryan had already been planning to cut his hours back with the _Drew Carey Show_ , and decided he'd insist on it in the next round of contract negotiations coming up in a few months. It would mean only a couple months out of the year spent in California for filming season, and Colin promised to come with him so he wouldn't have to stay in his usual small part-time home alone.  
  
He and Colin had already speculated about doing a tour together, really taking their time with it on the road and hopefully making enough so they wouldn't need to find full time acting work. Some of the other guys from _Whose Line_ would probably join up if asked, but Ryan wasn't sure he wanted to ask. He liked the idea of just he and Colin out there, free to play exactly the way they wanted to without having to accommodate someone else.  
  
Now they were down to house hunting and, of course, Dave. The lawyer that Drew had hooked them up with called with updates regularly, and one day about a week after they'd returned to civilization, he called and asked if they felt like talking to Dave.  
  
"Are you kidding?" Ryan asked. "Yeah, of course!" He covered the mouthpiece with one hand and yelled, "Colin, come here, we're going to talk to Dave."  
  
Colin came in from the back yard, where he'd been doing some gardening. His pant legs were grass stained at the knees and he had a smudge of dirt up one cheek that made Ryan smile. "Really?" Colin asked, beaming. "Great, put him on."  
  
Ryan hit the speaker, and there was a rustle and a spate of hushed conversation, and then Dave's voice, bright and curious and a little doubtful. "RyanandColin?" he asked. "Can you hear me?"  
  
"Hey, Dave," Colin said, and he looked downright gleeful for a moment, snatching up a couch cushion and squeezing it until he noticed Ryan watching him and put it down sheepishly.  
  
Dave's shriek of "Colin!" was loud enough to make the phone line give a crackle of protest. "Colin, Colin, guess what, I've been very good and the doctors are much nicer to me now and they were going to give me pills but smart guy--I mean, Ben--he wouldn't let them and he said a lot of very long things that made them do what he told them to. And he says I can come see you very soon and maybe I can stay and maybe I go to another hospital but close to where you are and you can visit and he'll make the doctors there be nice to me too."  
  
Colin laughed and Ryan pulled him close, saying wryly, "That's our boy."  
  
"Don't even joke about that," Colin muttered, shaking his head.  
  
"Sounds like you're doing great," Ryan said into the phone, and leaned back in time to avoid the close-up squeal when Dave heard his voice.  
  
"Ryan!" There was a clatter and several thumping sounds, and Ryan could picture Dave's instant happy dance knocking the phone off the table.  
  
After a moment, the lawyer's voice came back on. "Are you still there?"  
  
"We're here," Ryan answered. "So you think we'll get him?"  
  
"It's all but decided," Ben answered. "Dave has already been legally declared incompetent to care for himself, but he's nonviolent, provided he's not forced to take a bunch of poorly planned medication, and transferring him to a smaller, private facility close to you is entirely doable. He'll still require a certain amount of medical supervision, but you'll be able to see him whenever you like, and check him out for day trips as long as you agree to take responsibility for him."

 Ryan paused, giving Colin a dubious look. "Do we want to do that?" he muttered.  
  
Colin shoved him, rolling his eyes. "I'm glad to hear it," he said to the lawyer. "Keep in mind we'll be living in Vancouver, Canada once we find a place; is that going to be a problem?"  
  
"Hmm... well, moving him to a different country does add a little extra layer, but no, I don't see why it should be a serious stumbling block. Do you have an address yet?"  
  
"We're working on it," Ryan replied. "We'll let you know as soon as we have one."  
  
"Okay," Ben said, and then there was more clamoring and Dave's voice in the background. "He wants to talk to you again; they'll only let him use the phone for a limited time, so try to keep it brief, please."  
  
"Sure," Ryan said, and waited a beat. Then, "Dave?"  
  
"Hi, Ryan!" Dave said cheerily. "Did you hear? Did Ben tell you? He says I get to see you all the time and maybe go on trips and he's here because you wanted him to be here and you wanted  _me_  and you didn't forget and you're both my special favorites and today Dave is a dragon!"  
  
Ryan covered his face with one hand, chuckling. He told himself firmly not to ask, and managed to bite his tongue. Colin, on the other hand, was obviously far too curious. "A dragon?" Colin echoed.  
  
"A big green dragon with shiny scales and big wings and I can fly and roar and go way way up in the sky and everyone can hear me. A  _happy_  dragon." Dave made a roar that Colin and Ryan both winced at, mostly due to the sheer volume and growly realism, and Ryan felt vaguely sorry for anyone who was in the room with Dave right then.  
  
"I've missed you, Dave," Colin said, and Dave sighed audibly.  
  
"Dave missed you too," he said, in a much softer voice. "When do I get to come see you?"  
  
"Pretty soon," Ben broke in, his voice muffled in the background. "But for now it's time to go, okay? Time to play with the art group. You like drawing, remember?"  
  
Dave grumbled, but relented eventually. "I'll draw you a picture, Colin," he said. "You too, Ryan. I'll draw a picture of both of you and me and we'll be on a boat and the wind will take us everywhere."  
  
"I'd like that," Ryan said, stepping in when Colin looked away and closed his eyes, swallowing. "See you soon, Dave."  
  
"Bye," Dave murmured in a very small voice. "Keep remembering me, okay? Don't forget about Dave."  
  
Then there was a click and then nothing. Ryan turned the speaker off, and Colin pressed against his side and Ryan wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Colin's shirt for a moment. "He keeps catching me by surprise," he murmured.  
  
Colin nodded and stroked a hand slowly up and down Ryan's back. "It's coming together now," he said. "Not much longer."  
  
"Yeah," Ryan said, and curled his fingers around the back of Colin's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. They stayed curled quietly together on the couch for a long time.

 

***

 

Ryan's days fell into an easy routine. He and Colin would wake up in the morning, lounge around in bed for a little while, cuddling and saying good morning. Then there would be showers, or sometimes just one shower... Colin would make breakfast, while Ryan watched a little tv or read the paper. Then Ryan would get up, set the table, and Colin would set out an entire smorgasbord of food, tempting Ryan and making his mouth water.  
  
And Ryan would always joke that he was going to be as big as Drew, if Colin didn't quit doing this, and Colin would always joke that he knew that Ryan was a stick no matter what he ate, and he'd poke him in the ribs to illustrate his point. And then after breakfast, they'd do the dishes, with Ryan washing, and Colin drying-- or at least, pretending to dry. Most of the time he'd wind up whipping Ryan with the dish towel, and Ryan would flick soap bubbles at him, and they'd laugh, arms wound around each other. And then they would do the crossword in the paper together.  
  
Colin would go out into the garden, and sometimes Ryan would watch him. He especially liked it when it was hot and Colin would take his shirt off... he'd managed to keep his weight down, and he even kept his tan, although Ryan didn't know how since it still rained more often than not in Washington. But he had to admit that the man had never looked better. Or sometimes Ryan would go off and try and get a little work done around the house.   
  
They'd make lunch together-- something simple like sandwiches because Ryan would inevitably still be stuffed from Colin's huge breakfast. Colin's sandwiches were the stuff of legends though, piled high with alternating stacks of meat and cheese, and this fancy mustard that Colin had sent to him all the way from Canada that was to die for. And Ryan would think to himself as he patted his full stomach that Colin was completely spoiling him, but he loved every minute of it.   
  
After lunch, they'd play cards or watch a movie or sometimes take a nap if Colin's sandwiches were turkey. Or sometimes they wouldn't take a nap, but they'd go to bed. And afterwards they'd go outside, exploring the property. Sometimes they'd bring out a frisbee or a football and play in Ryan's large backyard. Sometimes they'd just walk, hand in hand, and Ryan would look over at Colin and think to himself how lucky he was, and sometimes he thought from the calm, steady way that Colin smiled back at him that Colin was thinking the same thing.   
  
And Colin would joke that they should get a tent. And Ryan would always react with exaggerated horror and proclaim that he was never camping again. But then Colin would cock his head, blinking his eyes, and Ryan would think that maybe he would go camping, if Colin seriously asked him to.   
  
And then the next thing Ryan knew it would be dinner time. Colin would be bustling around the kitchen, rattling pots and pans and shooing Ryan out from underfoot. And Ryan would hover around, sneaking bites of the cooking food, and telling Colin how delicious it all smelled. And Colin would always blush, light pink from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, and say thank you down to the floor. And Ryan would caress his cheek and think to himself how adorable his boyfriend was when he was all flustered.   
  
And when dinner was over then they'd look through the Vancouver paper for houses, and Colin would gaze at the pictures and then glance up at Ryan when he saw one he liked, eyes shining, soft little smile on his lips. And Ryan knew that Colin was happy here, but that he wanted a home that was  _theirs_.   
  
So one night after the dishes were put away, and Colin's dinner filled his stomach, Ryan told Colin that they were going up to Vancouver this weekend for a house hunting trip. And Colin's answering hug told him that it was time. 


	48. Epilogue, Part III

Bellingham was so close to the Canadian border that driving up to Vancouver only took about an hour and a half, something Ryan was grateful for because it turned out that Colin took a wicked delight in distracting him. Oh, not enough to put them in any danger of actually running off the road; just a light touch here, a teasing kiss there, enough to leave him hovering on that edge between waiting until they got there and finding a place to pull over and finish this right in the car.  
  
It was interesting crossing the border with Colin; even though he'd spent a lot of time in Canada when he was growing up, Ryan was still an American citizen and got the same treatment as he usually did; polite distance and a calm, dutiful welcome. Colin, on the other hand, got smiles and a friendly "welcome home" from the guard.   
  
"Ahhh," Colin sighed as they continued up the road. He laced his fingers behind his head, leaned back, and smiled at the bilingual road signs, the metric and the French and really, it wasn't such a big difference from northern Washington but he looked inordinately pleased.  
  
"Glad to be back?" Ryan asked.  
  
Colin nodded, then rested a hand on Ryan's thigh, his fingertips curling around and tracing the inner seam of his jeans. "Glad to be here with you," he amended.  
  
"You're such a sap," Ryan said, but he covered Colin's hand with his own and Colin just grinned at him, knowing he meant it fondly.  
  
They'd called ahead and arranged for a local realtor to meet them at her office; when they arrived, she was ready with a thick packet of home summaries and a planned list of which places to look at first. She shook both their hands, and her small frame and auburn hair reminded Ryan a little of Shannon, without the freckles and giggling.  
  
"Gentlemen," she said, rattling her papers briskly. "Shall we get started?"  
  
So they did, and Ryan was startled by the gorgeous houses that were in their price range. He knew he had money, of course, and although Colin wasn't quite as rich he certainly wasn't struggling, but it had been years since he had looked for a new place to live and the sudden jump in the quality of what he could afford was startling.  
  
After the fourth house that came close to falling into the "mansion" category, he sat down with Colin in the huge, professionally appointed kitchen, and shook his head. "They're all..." he began, shrugging.  
  
"Too big," Colin finished for him. "Too much. I know what you mean."  
  
"Jenny?" Ryan called to the realtor, and she popped into the kitchen with them as if she'd been lurking just out of sight.  
  
"What do you think?" she asked. "It's not quite as spacious as the second place, true, but the garage is bigger and it has these lovely bay windows."  
  
Ryan held up a hand, stopping her. "We don't actually want the biggest place we can afford. Something smaller and..." He glanced at Colin, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"I think we're looking for cozy," Colin said. "A big yard would be nice; I like to garden. But it's just the two of us and we really don't need all this space."  
  
Jenny looked a little baffled, but regrouped quickly, shuffling through her list of possible houses. "Well... okay, then let's do this from the other end. I think I know a few places that should be just perfect for you."  
  
By a few, it turned out she meant about eight, and by the seventh one Ryan was tired and hungry and Colin was looking worn out and dazed with the blur of choices. They leaned together in the entryway, shoring each other up, and looked around.  
  
Ryan felt Colin slowly straighten, taking a deep breath as he looked up the curving staircase, the vaulted ceiling with a geometrical circle of skylights filling the entry with sunshine. The floors were gleaming hardwood, except for a living area furnished in soothing earth tones, with thick, dark carpeting. "This is nice," Colin said cautiously, venturing down the hall.

 

"Not bad," Ryan agreed. He went to the back, where tall French doors opened out onto a multi-level deck, more natural wood and a winding boardwalk that led down to the large backyard, a long stretch of neatly trimmed grass that was bordered by a creek in the rear, then by dense forest. He could hear the water distantly, and birds, and not a single sound of traffic or other people. He leaned against the deck railing, and looking down, caught sight of a covered hot tub, sunk into a lower level of the deck. "Not bad at all," he murmured to himself, smiling.  
  
Colin came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Ryan's waist and kissing the side of his neck. "Nice view," he said.  
  
Ryan nodded, turning to kiss him back, lingering playfully and indulging himself after a long day of few touches. "How's the rest of the house?" he asked.  
  
"Beautiful kitchen," Colin said. "Granite counters, new appliances, lots of room but not... you know, not like I could get lost in there. The living room has one of those bars that can be hidden away in the wall, and there's a study. Bookshelves all along the walls, room for a couple desks, all dark wood; very old fashioned, mellow."  
  
Ryan snorted and slipped an arm around Colin's waist, squeezing him closer. "You sound like the realtor."  
  
Colin shrugged. "Well, I've certainly heard her enough today to pick it up. I haven't seen the upstairs yet, you want to look?"  
  
"Sure," Ryan said, and took one last deep breath of the fresh cedar scented air before following Colin into the house.  
  
The master bedroom came with an attached bath with the biggest tub Ryan had ever seen. He shared a speculative glance with Colin, who grinned at him and smacked his arm lightly. "Mind out of the gutter," he said, and Ryan widened his eyes innocently.  
  
There was also a small balcony off the master bedroom, and down the hall, two smaller bedrooms that Ryan supposed they could use for storage or guests or... well, anything they wanted. He poked his head into the bedroom at the end of the hall and paused, his mouth falling open as he stared. "Col?" he said over his shoulder, waving him forward.  
  
"What... oh, wow." Colin stepped into the room, looking around, wide-eyed, and he turned a bright grin on Ryan. "Can you imagine Dave in this room? He'd  _love_  it."  
  
Ryan nodded, because Dave was his first thought when he'd looked in there, too. The room was done in a jungle style, the walls painted with a beautifully detailed mural of trees, vines, jungle animals and a river winding around one corner. The ceiling continued the trees that were on the walls, and then opened in the center to a sky, blue and sunny on one side, fading to black with twinkling stars on the other. The floor was wood; clean, light pine boards that gave Ryan the feeling of standing in a tree house.  
  
"There you are," Jenny said, joining them in the room. "I see you found the nature room."  
  
"Why is it like this?" Colin asked, spreading his hands.  
  
"The family who lived here before decorated it this way for their son, I believe," Jenny replied. "I didn't show you this house first because this room is really only appropriate for a child, and since you said you didn't have any, I didn't think you'd want the trouble of repainting."  
  
"It's perfect," Ryan said, and Colin smiled up at him, taking his hand briefly. "Colin?"  
  
"Yes," Colin said. "I love it. This is the one."  
  
"Good enough for me," Ryan said, and turned to Jenny. "We'll take it."

 

***

 

One month later they closed the deal on the house and began merging their lives together. Colin flew out to his house in Toronto to get his things packed up for the move. Some of it had migrated to Ryan's house anyway, but he still had plenty of furniture and other assorted items that he didn't want to part with. And Ryan was excited to put their things together. To have not his and Colin's but  _theirs_.   
  
Colin decided that the easiest thing to do would be to pay a moving van to drive everything across country, and then fly back to Vancouver. It would be less expensive than shipping it all, and he certainly didn't feel like doing all that driving himself, as he told Ryan. Not that Ryan could blame him. He liked driving more than flying, but Vancouver was several days' drive from Toronto, and even Ryan didn't think he could stand that much time on the road without going nuts.   
  
Ryan rented a moving van for all of his things at the house, and since Vancouver was only an hour and a half away, he decided that he could manage to make the trip himself. It was kind of sad, looking around at his empty house. It seemed too big, and his footfalls echoed in the bare rooms. He had loved living here, and although he was happy with their new place, he would still miss Washington. He'd even miss the rain, a little.   
  
He hadn't found a buyer yet, but he had a real estate agent working the mojo or whatever it was they did. And Colin's place was going on the market too. Hopefully both houses would sell quickly. Ryan thought they would. They were both nice places, and there was the added appeal of them formerly belonging to stars.   
  
In the meantime,  _Survivor_  was set to premiere in a week. Ryan still wasn't sure if he and Colin would watch it, but he thought they would. Even though Ryan normally didn't like to see himself on tv, he thought that this time, he might not mind. If only for all the kissing scenes. Although then again, that might just end up being embarrassing, depending on exactly what the cameras had caught and exactly what they ended up showing on tv...   
  
Ryan could just picture it now-- a  _Too Hot for Survivor_  special, with unedited, uncut clips of him and Colin. Just the thought was enough to make his face burn. Although he wouldn't mind maybe having his own personal copy...   
  
He shook his head, thwacking himself on the arm. He was just missing Colin, that was all. He'd gotten so used to having Colin around, always nearby. It was strange not having him here, strange to not be able to reach out and touch him whenever he wanted.   
  
Ryan's thoughts drifted to Dave. Ben had been giving them updates about him every few days, and they even got to talk to him a couple more times. Things were almost settled, and soon, with a little luck, Ben thought they'd be able to move him out to a nearby hospital in Vancouver.   
  
They hadn't told Dave about his room at the new house yet. They wanted to surprise him. And Ryan thought it would be fun to take Dave out on a little shopping trip, let him figure out how he wanted to decorate his room.   
  
He gave his house one last look and stepped outside, locking the door behind him. "Goodbye," he whispered as he started up the van, and he felt himself getting a little choked up.   
  
He wondered to himself what the hell he was doing. And he prayed that Colin would be there, waiting for him, when he arrived. 

 

***

 

Driving all his stuff to Vancouver was simple enough, once Ryan got used to sitting that high off the ground in the big moving van. He'd hired movers to help him pack and load everything up; with his bad back he really couldn't be lifting all that heavy furniture, and it would have taken him a lot longer to pack everything on his own anyway. He hadn't really thought about what to do when he got there, though, which was why he found himself standing in his new driveway, looking between a big full moving truck and a big empty house and frowning.  
  
There were no other cars there, which meant that Colin probably hadn't arrived yet. Ryan tried calling him on his cell, but Colin didn't answer, so maybe he was already in the air. Or maybe he'd just put the phone down somewhere and forgotten it, because Colin was notorious for doing just that. He'd never really grasped the idea of a cell phone actually staying close to the user in order to be practical.  
  
Ryan opened up the back of the van and stared blankly at the tightly packed stuff, and he tugged a little on one of the big mattresses within reach, but his back gave a warning twinge and he shook his head.   
  
A few phone calls later, he found that the soonest he could get some guys to come do the heavy lifting and unpacking would be tomorrow, so he was left with one night in an empty house. He did manage to dig a few blankets out of the truck, and his basic necessities bag was in the front seat, with everything he needed for a shower and a change of clothes. He didn't especially relish the thought of sleeping on the floor, but he felt silly considering a hotel when he had this perfectly nice house with his name on the deed.  
  
Well, his and Colin's, that was. Ryan wandered through the dim, empty house and smiled a little, thinking of the stack of paperwork that had taken. Joint domicile agreements, palimony, putting each other on their emergency health information, combining all their insurance and legal powers of attorney and really, it would have been simpler to just get married but Ryan hadn't been quite ready to suggest that.   
  
He went out on the back deck and saw that the hot tub had been uncovered and cleaned, and grinned. Chalk one up for the benefits of having such a secluded, private back yard. He stripped down to his boxers, considered for a moment, and then dropped them as well. The water was a bit chilly at first, but once he turned the jets on it warmed up quickly, and was heavenly on his back, sore from the long drive and all the packing he'd tried to help with.  
  
Leaning back and allowing himself to float, Ryan watched the sky and wondered what it would be like to really marry Colin. He knew it was legal here in Canada, but the idea of actually standing in front of all his friends and family, everyone wearing their best and flowers everywhere and a cake and dancing, it was all so... so  _possible._  So real and permanent and his stomach fluttered nervously just thinking about it.  
  
"Too soon," he muttered to himself. "Plenty of time for that." After all, they'd only just moved in together. Better to take their time and make sure this would last, although the thought of it  _not_  lasting was far scarier and he quickly shook his head, trying to focus on the quiet peace of the sunny backyard and nothing else.

 

He dozed off for a while, half hoping Colin would be there when he woke, but when he opened his eyes the sky was purpling with twilight and the air was chilly and his fingers were pruny from the water, but no Colin. Sighing, he got out of the hot tub and wished he'd thought to bring a towel. He went in the house, dripping water on the floor, still naked, and that was when he heard the voices coming from the front hall.  
  
Ryan flattened himself against a wall and quickly pulled his shorts back on, although they stuck to his damp skin and left little to the imagination. He peered around a corner and saw a couple guys he didn't recognize, but they were carrying boxes and for a second he thought they were the movers he'd called but that didn't work, because they weren't supposed to be there until the next day. Plus, he didn't recognize the boxes; the ones he'd used all had his handwriting on them indicating what was inside and where it should go.  
  
He debated going out there and asking who they were and what they were doing, but he felt awkward and defenseless mostly undressed like this and they were probably Colin's movers anyway; his truck had been due to arrive either today or tomorrow, while Colin stayed behind in Toronto for a few days tying up loose ends with his various jobs. Still, if the truck was here, then Colin shouldn't be far behind.  
  
As if on cue, Colin came through the front door and looked around. He was rumpled and obviously tired, probably coming off a long flight and the time change, and he leaned against a wall and watched dully as the moving guys created a pile of boxes in the middle of the floor.  
  
"Colin!" Ryan whispered, waving from around the corner. "Hey!"  
  
Colin frowned and tilted his head to one side, glancing around. "Ryan?" The movers gave him brief, dubious glances and then went back to their work.   
  
Ryan waited until the guys went back out to the truck, and then stepped away from the wall, letting Colin see him. "Here," he said, and Colin stared for a long moment, then grinned widely.  
  
"Ryan," he said, going to him and wrapping his arms around Ryan, burrowing close. Ryan relished the warmth against his damp, chilled skin and tugged Colin around the corner. He slid his hands under Colin's shirt, soaking up the feel of his skin and breathing in his scent and he sighed, resting his cheek on Colin's shoulder.  
  
"You're all wet," Colin observed. "And you're in your underwear."  
  
"Wanted to welcome you home," Ryan replied. Colin gave him a skeptical look, and Ryan shrugged, smiling. "It's a long story. Just tell me you can find some clothes for me, okay?"  
  
Colin laughed. "I don't know... I kind of like this look on you."  
  
"The cold and soggy look?"  
  
"No, the half naked and edible look," Colin said, adding a brief nibble to Ryan's neck, making him squirm.  
  
"Later," Ryan promised. Colin kissed him again, smiling against his mouth, and Ryan closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "Missed you," he said, and Colin nodded, his arms around Ryan holding on a little tighter.  
  
"Mmm," Colin sighed, nuzzling in the hollow of his neck. "Good to be home."

 

***

 

After Colin found him some clothes, Ryan asked Colin's movers to help with unloading his van too, and with the promise of more money, they gladly pitched in. Soon they had an entire forest of boxes and furniture piled in various rooms. And Colin had a blast going into his frantic "Hollywood Director" mode-- jumping around, waving his arms, telling them all what to do and where to put things. Ryan thought that if he could've gotten away with it, he'd be yelling, "Crap! You're all crap!" and asking them to do it as synchronized swimmers this time. And he loved him for it.   
  
The movers finally finished, looking more than a little frightened of Colin, and for once it was Ryan smiling and saying thank you and being the nice one. After they were paid and gone, Colin hung his head, blushing. "I guess I was a little too... intense?" he asked, picking at the corner of one of the boxes.   
  
"It's okay. You're just excited," Ryan reassured him, and for some reason it made him think of a bride on her wedding day... but he wasn't going to go there.   
  
Colin grinned and gave Ryan a hug. "I am," he said, looking up at Ryan, his arms still looped around Ryan's neck. "This is... this is perfect, Ry."   
  
Ryan kissed him, letting his lips linger for a long time. "You're really happy?"   
  
"Yes," Colin said immediately, eyes never leaving Ryan's.   
  
"Good," Ryan replied, squeezing Colin around the waist. "Good."   
  
And even though he was exhausted he couldn't wait to start unpacking. 


	49. Epilogue, Part IV

By the time the new season of _Survivor_ started airing, Dave was with them nearly every day. They'd developed a routine that involved picking him up from the home in the morning and spending most of the day together; they'd even put in a big and elaborate set of climbing equipment in the backyard because Dave needed a place to burn off all that energy.   
  
He was allowed to stay over twice a week, and the rest of the time he slept at the home, but he was clearly happy there and Ryan was reassured to see that the doctors and staff seemed genuinely fond of Dave, and interested in his care. That would be even more important when Ryan had to go back to L.A. to do Drew's show and Colin came with him; then Dave would be on his own but for phone calls, and it was good to know he'd be well taken care of.   
  
Dave filled their mornings and afternoons with activity and was so unpredictable he kept them on their toes, not to mention polishing up their improv chops with his frequent requests to "play a laughing game" with them. Then Ryan and Colin had their quiet evenings together, just the two of them; and sometimes they'd go out, meeting some old friends who still lived in the area and finding some new ones, but for the most part they stayed in. Ryan thought the best part of his day was probably those long, lazy evenings, curled with Colin on the couch or in the hot tub, or lying in bed watching TV while Colin read a book.  
  
Dave adored his jungle painted room, and the netted hammock they'd put in for him to sleep in hung from sturdy hooks in the ceiling and made him say it was his web and he was a spider. They'd offered him a bed first, of course, but they'd been hunting through a catalog on the internet, showing him the pictures and he'd nearly fallen off his chair in glee when Colin scrolled past the hammock. So now he had the hammock for when he slept over.  
  
They made sure to schedule Dave's nights with them to match the _Survivor_ showings. Colin had told Ryan he was worried about Dave, about how he might react to seeing himself on the screen acting so differently. Ryan had said something bland and reassuring at first, but Colin had given him that not-buying-it-for-a-second face, and then he'd admitted to being worried too.  
  
That night they were on the couch, Dave plopped down between them as usual, one arm slung around Colin's waist because as much as he liked them both, Colin was still his favorite. Ryan had to tell himself often that it was silly to be jealous; not because Colin was so fond of Dave, but because Dave had an obvious preference for Colin. Ryan felt weirdly like the less-favored parent, but then again, he was the one Dave would really listen to when he got too wound up and hyper and needed calming.  
  
"It's you, it's you!" Dave said, pointing eagerly to the screen and pulling Ryan out of his thoughts. "Look, there's Colin and there's Ryan and look, look, there's Gina and Shannon and mean old Eric and stinky Matt and oh, oh, it's Dave! It's me!"  
  
Ryan chuckled and exchanged a glance with Colin over Dave's head. "Here we go," he muttered, and Colin nodded.  
  
The first week was mostly introductions, and Ryan watched their intitial interviews with a faintly amused smile. Dave was shifty and brittle in his, eying the camera warily and twitching, his eyes glittering and scary. Ryan looked at the man sitting beside him and the one on the screen, and was amazed at the difference; he knew it was partly the medication, but he liked to think it was also his and Colin's friendship that helped settle Dave a bit.

 "That's bad Dave," Dave said, frowning at the screen. "Not nice Dave. I'm nice Dave now, right?"  
  
"Yes you are," Colin assured him. "We like nice Dave."  
  
Dave considered this for a moment. "Okay," he said brightly. "Good. I like nice Dave too."  
  
And just like that, he was calm again, watching and giggling at Colin and Ryan's interview, which was the only one not done individually. Ryan watched himself and Colin answer questions, and he could see the way Colin leaned closer to him when a question made him uncomfortable, and the way his hand brushed Colin's leg when he wanted Colin to answer or step in, and the small, almost secretive glances they shared. Even then, before their little tent, before the night in the river, before any of it, it was so clear.  
  
"Maybe we're not very bright," Colin sighed after the interview was over, and the camera captured them walking away, Ryan's arm around Colin's shoulders and Colin smiling up at something he'd said.  
  
"How do you mean?" Ryan asked, muting the commercials.  
  
Colin smiled wryly at him. "Come on. How did we not see that?"  
  
Ryan shrugged, reaching over to trace two fingertips down Colin's cheek. "We've always been like that. I guess we were just used to it."  
  
"Mmm." Colin leaned into his hand, then kissed his palm, the tip of his tongue darting out teasingly.   
  
Ryan gave him a reproving look and indicated Dave with a glance. "Wait till the kid's in bed, dear," he said dryly, and Colin snorted, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Look, look," Dave said, bouncing between them. "It's on again and we're making tents!"  
  
So Ryan turned the sound back on and watched as he and Colin slipped the piece of canvas from the pile and separated themselves from the group, making their tent. The sight left a feeling in his chest and throat almost like homesickness, and Colin reached across the back of the couch to take his hand and Ryan squeezed it gratefully.   
  
Then he thought of their house all around them, and their bed upstairs and the way Colin would look at him in the mornings when they first woke up, as if he was so happy to find Ryan there in bed with him, so amazed. There was no need to feel homesick, he realized; he was already home.

 

***

 

"Well, Dave, where do you want to go today?" It was a lazy Thursday morning, and Ryan was itching to get out of the house.   
  
"Wal-Mart!" Dave yelled immediately, bouncing around Ryan.   
  
"Again?" Colin groaned. "Dave, we always go to Wal-Mart."   
  
"Wal-Mart!" Dave repeated even louder, clapping his hands.  
  
And Ryan sighed, because he knew it meant another long drive to the Washington border, since Wal-Mart wasn't a presence in Canada. "What about... what about... Dave, would you like to see animals instead?"   
  
Dave stopped mid-bounce and swung his head towards Ryan, eyes bright with interest. "Aminals? I mean, animals?"  
  
"Yeah, 'cause I was thinking... Vancouver's got a really nice zoo. But if you'd rather go to boring old Wal-Mart again..." Ryan trailed off, trying to pretend like he didn't care one way or the other.   
  
"No, Ryan, nonononono! Dave wants to change his vote!" And Dave tugged on Ryan's arm, pleading. "Dave wants to vote for the zoo!"   
  
Colin shot him a look, silently asking if Ryan was ready for Dave unleashed at the zoo, but Ryan nodded. He could handle Dave with no problem.   
  
And that's how, an hour later, Ryan found himself at the Vancouver Zoo, hand in hand with Colin, and Dave beside them chattering away like a monkey. Dave dragged them everywhere, and Ryan had never seen him so excited, which was saying something.   
  
He lingered for a long time at the crocodile exhibit, and snapped his jaws up and down. Soon all of the kids in the area were doing their own crocodile imitations, while Dave laughed and laughed, spinning around. And all of their parents glared at Ryan and Colin, who just shrugged and smiled sheepishly.   
  
They saw the lions, the tigers, and the bears, and oh my, Ryan even managed to pull Colin behind a tall patch of grasses near the "African" area of the zoo and give him several kisses that left both of them breathless. And then Dave caught them and pulled them back out, wanting to show them the giraffes.   
  
"Ryan is like a giraffe!" he exclaimed, which made Colin laugh.   
  
And then Ryan asked Dave to find an animal that was like Colin. And Dave studied Colin for a long time, hands exploring every nook and cranny of Colin's face, murmuring to himself. And Ryan fought back the urge to yank Dave away. Colin was  _his_  special favorite, to put it in Davespeak.   
  
Dave hooted and took off, Ryan and Colin trailing after him. They didn't have far to go, because at the next exhibit, Dave slowed, pointing towards the gazelles.   
  
"See? See how they have Colin's eyes? And see how nice they are, how quiet, how they move all light on their feet? Colin is... is... what are these things anyway?"   
  
"Gazelles," Colin said, giving Dave a hug. "These are gazelles, Dave."   
  
"Colin is a gazelle!" Dave exclaimed.   
  
And Ryan had a crazy image of gazelle Colin and giraffe Ryan, grazing on the African plains together, while crocodile Dave watched them from a nearby river.   
  
At the end of the day, they visited the gift shop. And somehow, Ryan walked out with a giraffe plush, Colin was clutching a gazelle, and Dave was dancing around with a brand new crocodile. 

 

***

 

It was both amazing and a little embarrassing to watch their _Survivor_ show and see exactly when their relationship changed. That morning they played together in the river and then chased into the jungle, kissing for real for the first time; the kiss itself wasn't on camera but the intent was so clear, the predatory grin on Colin's face and the half-uncertain and half-joyous look that Ryan had, running out in front of him.   
  
Then, in later shots, them sitting by the fire in the evening, cuddled close, feeding each other, washing each other in the river, crawling into the tent together and the camera would linger on the blank canvas, letting the viewer speculate as to what was going on inside.   
  
There were a few scenes where they kissed, which made Dave crack up every time for some reason, and he often insisted on giving them a kiss on the cheek or hand, to "see how they tasted" because they seemed to be enjoying it so much on the screen. The immunity challenge with the obstacle course, where Ryan hesitated and almost fell off the balance beam, that got a lot of screen time, with a closeup of Colin holding him steady and murmuring calming things in his ear.   
  
Overall, though, it was relatively tame; the network could only get away with so much and while their relationship was perfectly obvious, nothing graphic made it to air. The most deliberate portrayal of their closeness came when Ryan was sick, and then there were a lot of shots of Colin holding him and hovering and demanding that he be taken care of and touching his face as if verifying that he was real and alive and whole.   
  
When they watched it Colin seemed to get worried all over again, scooting close to Ryan and asking Dave very sweetly if he could sit in the middle for a while. Dave seemed to understand, nudging them together and, with a dramatic sense of gravitas and ceremony, he picked Ryan's arm up and wrapped it around Colin's shoulders, giving Ryan a stern look. "Colin is sad for you," he said. "Make it better."  
  
"You got it," Ryan said, and kissed Colin until he was breathless and Colin had forgotten all about the Ryan on the screen, lying so pale and still.  
  
It was actually interesting to watch the bits that happened after he'd been taken to the medical tent, because he hadn't been there for that, and Ryan winced at the sight of Colin throwing the immunity challenge and Dave's obvious distress about it. There was an interview with Gina that neither of them had known about and when she was blatantly asked if she thought Colin had lost on purpose, she danced around the question glibly and said only that she thought he would be glad to see Ryan again and she hoped they would both be happy.

 Once they were both off the show, it wasn't so interesting to watch; mostly because they'd seen the raw footage in the exile camp anyway and knew who had won which immunity challenges and who the finalists were. Halfway through the airing season, they had to go to California so Ryan could do Drew's show anyway, and there were tapings of _Whose Line_ to do on the weekends. They promised Dave they'd call every day and closed up the house, which had already become familiar and comfortable and home.  
  
By the time the filming season for their shows was over, it would be time to go to the final live vote on _Survivor_ and find out who the winner would be. But first they had to face all their friends--they'd told everyone about their relationship already, of course, but telling and having it broadcast to the world on national TV were two different things.  
  
Although Colin wasn't actually a part of Drew's show, he'd promised to hang out at the set for "moral support" and Ryan was glad. That first day, sitting in the parking lot outside the studio, he gripped the steering wheel a little too hard and, for a brief and slightly panicky moment, gave serious thought to turning around and fleeing back to Canada. Then Colin rested a hand on his leg and cupped his cheek in his other hand, turning his face for a kiss.  
  
"Come on," Colin murmured against his lips. "Let's go."  
  
It wasn't an empty reassurance and it wasn't a question about whether he was sure; it was support and solidarity and exactly what he needed, and Ryan kissed Colin back with a sudden fierceness that startled him. "Love you," he said, and Colin smiled.  
  
"I know," he said, and they walked into the studio together.

 

***

 

Ryan wasn't surprised by all of the teasing that went on, but no one was serious about it. Everybody seemed genuinely happy for him, and kept crowding around him patting his back and asking him when the wedding was, much to his embarrassment. Which he supposed was the whole point.   
  
Colin blushed the whole time, of course, and he was quieter, because he didn't know most of the people Ryan worked with all that well except for Drew. It was funny how Colin kind of held back around people he didn't know, and Ryan even thought it was a little sweet. Sure, he was still nice, and he still smiled a lot, but there was something missing. It was like he lost that indefinable spark that made him  _Colin_.   
  
But Ryan knew it wouldn't last forever. He knew that if he brought Colin around enough to the  _Drew Carey_  set, Colin would have everybody eating out of his palms in no time. He always did that. It was downright freaky. From their early years at the TheatreSports League in Vancouver, through to Second City, and then, of course,  _Whose Line_ , Colin had always possessed this innate ability to charm everyone around him without even trying.   
  
The taping was long, but Ryan didn't have too many lines. Usually he wanted more lines, more things to do, more ways to make his presence known in the scene, but this time... this time Colin was waiting for him in the trailer, and whenever Ryan appeared Colin poured him lemonade and massaged his shoulders... Ryan wondered how the hell Colin even got lemonade, but this was Colin. And Colin just did impossible things like that, for Ryan, all the time. And Ryan loved him for it, so much it ached sometimes.   
  
Not that he could do anything about it, now...   
  
After taping wrapped up, Drew insisted that they all go to a bar to celebrate. Ryan didn't really want to, and he knew that Colin probably wouldn't either, but he couldn't say no. After all, Drew had been so happy for them, so supportive, that Ryan didn't want to hurt his feelings.  
  
So off they went to crappy little rundown bar in one of the sleaziest parts of Hollywood, because no one felt like dealing with autograph hounds or paparazzi. True, Drew was really the only one who usually merited that kind of attention, but the whole cast of  _The Drew Carey Show_  might be enough to draw some people in...   
  
And Ryan and Colin sat in the corner, nursing drinks and laughing. And it was so dark that Ryan could barely make out Colin's features, but it didn't matter. Because he didn't need to see Colin, didn't need to talk to him, didn't need to do anything except  _be_  with him.   
  
And then Colin slid in next to him, so their knees were brushing, and leaned against him. And Ryan automatically slid his arm around Colin's shoulder, claiming him. And Colin looked up at him, head tilted to one side, and even in the near darkness Ryan could see the love shining in Colin's eyes and it almost scared him... because how the hell could someone love  _him_  that much?   
  
And when they crawled into a cab at who knew what time in the morning, Ryan couldn't let go of Colin. But Colin didn't seem to mind.


	50. Epilogue, Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _finally_ completed the final part of this fic early this morning, hooray! *flashes victory sign* Only one more part after this until I post it, so get ready. And damn, let me tell you, it was tough wrangling all of the loose ends and points I wanted to hit into just one little part with such an epic fic as this. But hopefully I pulled it off. I guess we'll see in a couple of days. Thanks so much for reading and sticking with this through all of the twists and turns. :)

Life in L.A. was not quite the same as life in their new home in Vancouver, but Ryan consoled himself with the thought that it was only for a couple months and then they could have their peace and privacy again. He had a nice house in the classy suburb of Sherman Oaks just a few miles from the studios, and sharing it with Colin made it far more comfortable and pleasant than it ever had been when he lived there alone, but he knew they both missed the home they'd chosen together.  
  
Although he tried to shrug it off, Ryan missed Dave as well, and he knew Colin did too. There were phone calls every day, and for the most part Dave seemed happy and always excited to hear from them, but at the end of each call he'd get quiet and make them promise to remember and call him again; make them promise to keep on liking him. Ryan hoped that eventually Dave wouldn't need that constant reassurance anymore, but for now, they always gave him the promises he asked for.  
  
Colin became comfortable on the set of Drew's show pretty quickly, and Ryan watched with quiet amusement as the support crew gravitated toward him, bringing him snacks and pointing out the best places to watch the filming from, often saving him a seat. Colin had won them over, as he seemed to do with everyone.  
  
Halfway through the taping season for _The_ _Drew Carey Show_ , it was time to start doing the weekend shootings for _Whose Line_. Those were tiring on the days when Ryan would do a full day of filming on Drew's set and then go over to the _Whose Line_ studio for another two or three hours of work; he and Colin both made sure to catch naps during the day whenever there was a break in filming. Still, on that first day back to the _Whose Line_ set, they were both a little worn out, and they walked into the Green Room nearly shoring each other up, their shoulders brushing and Colin looking sleepily at the floor.  
  
"Aww," said a very familiar voice, and Ryan sighed, grinning wryly at Greg.  
  
"Yeah, okay," he said, waving one hand in a 'come on' gesture. "Let's get the teasing out of the way early."  
  
Greg smirked, and Ryan saw Colin grin and roll his eyes. "Who's teasing?" Greg asked. "I can't express how cute you two are without people thinking I'm being sarcastic?"  
  
Ryan raised an eyebrow and gave him a pointed look. "You? No, doesn't work."  
  
Greg shrugged and dropped the wide eyed innocent look, instead showing them a genuine smile. "I've been watching you two on that show," he said. "You've somehow hoodwinked me into watching  _reality television._  I'll be sending you the therapy bills."

 Colin chuckled and slipped an arm around Ryan's waist, fingertips toying with the hem of his shirt. "Don't start," he said. "Unless you want to really be scarred for life."   
  
"No, no, that's okay," Greg said hastily, holding his hands out. "I'll pass, thanks." He grinned, eying them speculatively. "Besides, you'll get to all that on stage anyway, won't you?"  
  
Ryan put on a mysterious smile. "You'll just have to wait and see."  
  
"Guys, hey!" Wayne said, coming through the door behind them. He looked a little uncertain, hesitating before giving them both quick hugs, and the moving to sit on one of the couches. "So, ah... how have you been?"  
  
Ryan exchanged a glance with Colin, and Colin gave a slow blink, dipping his chin slightly. It was enough for Ryan to know Colin wanted him to handle the explanations. "Oh, you know," Ryan said. "Pretty good." He smiled down at Colin for a moment. "Pretty great, actually."  
  
"Yeah," Wayne said, shifting his weight nervously. "I saw you on _Survivor_. That was, um... pretty funny? I mean, the whole act you were doing."  
  
Colin gave him a patient look. "It's okay, Wayne," he said. "Everyone knows now."  
  
"Oh, okay," Wayne said, relaxing a bit. "I just... you know, I didn't want to assume. But that was for real?"  
  
"Yep," Ryan said briskly. "And don't worry about assuming. Everyone else already has, apparently."  
  
"Well, not  _everyone_ ," Colin said. Ryan gave him a skeptical look. "Okay, mostly everyone," Colin amended, shrugging.  
  
"We're going to have some fun," Greg said. He stood and nudged his way in between them, throwing an arm over each of their shoulders. "The audience is going to love this, you know. And Drew isn't going to let them forget it for a second. You know this is just the kind of thing he likes; a guaranteed laugh."  
  
Colin smiled wryly and nodded, and Ryan listened to the distant murmur of the audience; even from here, it was excited, threaded with a bright chatter of anticipation. "Fun," he echoed, swallowing back a nervous flutter in his belly. "Right."

 

***

 

When it was time to appear on stage, Ryan didn't know exactly what to expect. He wasn't prepared for the deafening roar of the crowd when he and Colin appeared, and Drew sitting at the desk, beaming at them both. Everyone was on their feet, cheering and whistling, and Ryan felt about an inch tall, which was completely bizarre.   
  
Ryan wondered what the hell Drew had said to them to get them so riled up. On second thought, he probably didn't want to know.   
  
Beside him, Colin blushed and clutched onto his hand as they made their way to their seats. And then Greg and Wayne stood up and began applauding too, Greg raising one eyebrow, Wayne flashing white teeth. Ryan wanted to sink underneath the stage and never come out.   
  
Colin squeezed his hand, and the audience settled down enough for Drew to ask, "So, is it true, then?"   
  
That made the whole place erupt in mixed laughter and applause again. And Ryan knew that Drew was doing this whole routine just for their benefit.   
  
"What do you want us to say, Drew?" Ryan asked, his hand still covering Colin's protectively. "Do you want us to say we're together? Do you want details? 'Cause I can give you details. They're not filming yet, so the censors can't touch any of this. Like, did you know that Colin here loves it when I--"  
  
"Ugh!" Drew shuddered, holding up one hand. "No, that's quite all right. I'd like to keep my lunch, thanks."  
  
"You could probably stand to lose it," Greg teased, which made everyone laugh. Ryan shot Greg an approving grin.   
  
"Ryan and Colin are boyfriends!" Wayne exclaimed, his voice pitched high. He squealed, clapping his hands.   
  
"Ryan? And me?" Colin snorted. "Oh, please. I have better taste than that. I might as well just date one of those stick insects."   
  
"And what does that leave for me? A bald eagle?"   
  
"Only if it's a Canadian bald eagle," Colin replied, sitting up primly.  
  
"There's no such thing," Ryan exclaimed, pretending to be horrified.   
  
And just like that things were back to normal on the set.

 

***

 

Halfway through the taping, they took an intermission break, which meant a good fifteen minutes of relative peace backstage. Relative, of course, because Drew and Greg and Wayne were back there with them.  
  
Wayne was probably the easiest to deal with; he'd gained a lot of confidence over his years on the show, but there were times that Ryan thought he still felt like the new guy, and he kept the teasing very light and supportive. It was almost as if he wanted to step very carefully, giving them both a wide and cautious berth, and Ryan wondered if Wayne was really as comfortable with the idea of him and Colin together as he acted.  
  
Drew and Greg, on the other hand, had no such caution or tact. Drew had been egging them on all evening, taking the more suggestive game ideas from the audience and nudging them in the direction of doing something on stage that would most likely upset the censor. Drew loved to upset the censor. Greg was more subtle, with sly looks and the occasional wry quip that most people didn't get until several minutes later.  
  
Backstage, Ryan flopped down on a couch and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. Soon he felt Colin's weight settle beside him, and when he opened his eyes Colin was holding out one of the little sandwiches Ryan liked from the snack table. Ryan grinned at him and took it, slinging an arm around Colin's shoulders and squeezing him gently in thanks.  
  
"Always knew you'd make someone a good wife someday," Greg said to Colin. Drew chuckled, and Wayne gave them both a bland smile that said he didn't want to get involved in this conversation.  
  
"Funny," Colin replied dryly. "And so original."  
  
"Come on," Drew said, "you're totally the girl, aren't you? I mean, how does that work?"  
  
Ryan straightened in his seat, but Colin put a hand on his leg, keeping him still. A brief, steady glance from Colin was enough to settle Ryan, knowing that Colin wanted to handle this himself. "Do you really want to know?" Colin asked. "You certainly are curious about this stuff, Drew. Anything you want to tell us?"  
  
Drew sputtered for a moment, and much to Ryan's amusement, he went red in the face, but he recovered enough to smile and shake his head after a moment. "No, no... you guys are just the hot topic right now. Look, I don't mean to be an asshole about it, really. It's just funny."

 Colin gave Drew a sweet smile, and Ryan pressed his lips together to hide a grin, because he knew perfectly well what Colin was doing. Colin was the master of the guilt trip when it came to these things. He'd be quiet and gentle and let everything said just roll off his back, and everyone would feel bad for picking on him.  
  
And sure enough, Drew sighed and shrugged, offering a sheepish look. "Okay, I should lay off, I know. I really do think it's great that you guys figured it out."  
  
" _Finally_ ," Greg added. He tilted his head to the side and looked at Colin speculatively. "So you're  _not_  the girl?"  
  
"Not the last time I checked," Ryan muttered, and then laughed as Drew's face went red again.  
  
"We take turns," Colin added, in that bright, cheerful voice that somehow allowed him to get away with saying the wildest things and still seem sweet and innocent.  
  
Greg, who had just been taking a sip of his soda, spit it out and covered his face with one hand, laughing. Ryan gave Colin an incredulous look, and Colin grinned, shrugging at him. "They wanted to know," he pointed out.   
  
"I didn't," Wayne muttered, and his smile looked a little strained to Ryan.  
  
"Okay," Ryan said, "I think that's enough. Don't we have anything better to talk about?"  
  
There was quiet for a minute, and then Drew volunteered one of his wildly inaccurate stories about his exploits with strippers, and Greg inserted sarcastic remarks whenever Drew paused for breath, and Wayne watched them all with his bright smile, like even after all this time he was amazed and grateful to be here.  
  
Colin leaned more comfortably into Ryan's side, resting his cheek on Ryan's shoulder, and Ryan gave him a quick kiss on the top of his head. "How're you doing?" he murmured.  
  
"Good," Colin replied. "I think we might actually survive the taping season."  
  
Ryan nodded and raised one eyebrow. "Maybe. It's not over yet."

 

***

  
After the taping was over, Ryan snagged Wayne by the arm. Wayne had been acting fine about the two of them onstage, but Ryan could tell he was just putting up a front. Ryan was the master of that, after all the years he spent hiding his feelings for Colin, and there was no fooling him.   
  
Colin was talking to Greg and Drew, and Ryan looked back over his shoulder, struck anew at how cute Colin looked when he laughed and smiled. Colin caught him staring, but Ryan didn't mind. Their eyes met, Colin's face lighting up, and he nodded, letting Ryan know that he understood what Ryan was doing and that he'd be right here, if Ryan needed him.   
  
"Hey, Ryan," Wayne said, and his smile looked a little tight.   
  
"Hey, Wayne," Ryan responded rather inanely. "Uh, listen. Can we talk?"   
  
"Yeah, sure. Talk away, man."   
  
"I guess I just wanted to make sure you're all right with me and Colin. I guess you just seem a little..." Ryan paused, trying to come up with the right word. This tact stuff was hard for him. It was more Colin's thing, and he didn't want to screw this up. "You seem a little like you're holding back with us, and we don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything like that."   
  
Wayne sighed. "I know. Look, I'm not homophobic or anything. God knows I can't be, working on this show all these years." He laughed, and Ryan nodded, knowing just what Wayne meant. "It's just... it's hard, when you're a Christian, because the Bible says..." And he fidgeted, looking down at his hands for a moment before raising his eyes to meet Ryan's. "Well, you know. And I guess I just don't know what to believe?"   
  
"I can understand that," Ryan said. "I've never been much for the whole God thing, you know that. But I know it's important to you."   
  
"I mean, I look at you and Colin, and the other gay friends I have, and you're all just so happy. And then I read what it says in the Bible and I just... I don't know, man. It all doesn't add up, you know what I mean? But I feel like I'm betraying God by even questioning it."   
  
"I don't know what to tell you," Ryan said. "But Col and I... if your God's gonna put us in hell 'cause we fell in love with each other, that's..." And he sighed, knowing he was going into dangerous territory but unable to stop himself from voicing his opinion. "That just doesn't seem right to me."   
  
"You really love him, man? I mean, seriously?" Wayne asked.   
  
"Isn't it obvious yet?" Ryan said, laughing for a moment before turning serious. "Yeah, Wayne. I do. He's... good for me, you know? We're good for each other."   
  
Wayne must've seen something in Ryan's face, because he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I hear you, man. When I met Mandie, I knew. And she makes me want to be a better person, not for me, but for her."   
  
"Yeah," Ryan sighed, turning his head slightly to catch a glimpse of Colin. "That's it. That's exactly it."   
  
"Well, look, I'm sorry, you know, for kind of freaking out on you about the whole thing. I didn't mean to. I guess it's just gonna take some getting used to. But if you love him, man, and I truly think you do, then... hell, that's good enough for me," Wayne said, clapping Ryan on the back.   
  
Normally Ryan wasn't affectionate with anyone except for Colin. But he was so relieved that he pulled a very surprised Wayne into a tight hug. "Thank you," he said, closing his eyes briefly against Wayne's shoulder before pulling back.   
  
He was starting to think that maybe things really would be okay, after all. 

 

***

 

That first taping was the hardest, or at least the most awkward in terms of settling into their new roles as a couple in the public eye. Things settled eventually, though, and soon the crowd reacted to them as usual and Drew eased back on the suggestive games and quirks, although he didn't stop them entirely. Ryan was a little amused to realize that of course he wouldn't stop them, because they'd always toed that line on stage before all this; why should they change it now?  
  
Every time a new fourth-seater came around, they'd go through the explanations again, the brief conversation of  _Really? Yes, really._  Brad just shrugged and wished them both good luck, and Jeff gave them one of his unreadable looks that somehow implied he'd known all along. Chip was obviously uncomfortable with the idea at first, but Wayne took him aside and they talked about it, and after that the stiff distance eased up.  
  
Kathy was really the only one who was obviously surprised and upset, and Ryan caught the unhappy, almost betrayed look she shot at Colin and figured she'd had some kind of crush on him. Drew watched her stalk out of the room and exchanged a worried glance with Ryan and Colin. "Is this going to be a problem?" he asked.  
  
Colin shook his head. "I'll talk to her. I think she just wasn't expecting this."  
  
Ryan wondered what she  _had_  been expecting, but he didn't ask. Colin would set things right with her, and if she wouldn't listen to whatever gentle let down he gave her, Ryan would be next in line with a stronger approach.  
  
That didn't turn out to be necessary, though, because whatever Colin said to her did the trick. They disappeared for about twenty minutes and when they came back, Kathy looked like she'd been crying, but she had a smile on her face now and Colin had a friendly arm around her shoulders.   
  
"Hey, um," Kathy began, giving Ryan a sheepish look. "Sorry about before."  
  
"That's okay," Ryan said, and he actually felt sorry for her, because how would he feel if he'd wanted Colin for years and suddenly found out that Colin was with someone else? Of course, he had no way of knowing if Kathy had been attracted to Colin or not, but the way she looked at him left little doubt.

 "I'm happy for you guys," she said, and it obviously took a lot of effort.  
  
"Thank you," Colin said, squeezing her a little. "You're a good friend."   
  
She smiled very bravely and then excused herself to go clean up, and Colin sighed, moving to stand at Ryan's side. Ryan stroked his back and said, "It's better this way; she is married, after all."  
  
Colin nodded. "I think she liked the idea of it being possible, that's all."  
  
Kathy was a little too smilingly brittle for their first taping together, but she adjusted and seemed to make peace with the idea, and Ryan was glad of that. It meant the only hassle they had left were the occasional reporters calling and wanting information about the way they'd acted on _Survivor_.  
  
One day when their time in L.A. was almost up and they were getting ready to go back and make the final vote on _Survivor_ , Colin's manager called him up and asked if they'd be willing to do a full interview about what had happened between them on the show.  
  
Ryan's first reaction was a simple, "No. People don't need to pry into our personal lives."  
  
"And normally I'd agree with that," she said, "but in this case your personal lives became public when you went on national television and very visibly fell in love. At this point, with no concrete confirmation or denial from you two, people are making up their own stories."  
  
Colin frowned at the phone and then raised his eyebrows at Ryan, questioningly. "We could set the record straight, I guess," he said.  
  
"If you'll pardon the term," Ryan added dryly. Colin rolled his eyes and smacked Ryan's shoulder.   
  
"Okay, I'll set up a press release. Someone will be calling in a day or two to schedule an interview. Thanks for doing this, guys." And she was gone, leaving Colin and Ryan looking at each other uncertainly.  
  
"What did we just agree to?" Colin asked.  
  
Ryan spread his hands, shrugging. "Hey, it's an interview. We do them all the time. How hard could it be?"


	51. Epilogue, Part VI

About a week later, a flat yellow envelope came in the mail, addressed to Mr. Ryan Stiles and Mr. Colin Mochrie. Ryan tore it open, and out fell several sheets of typed paper. It was a copy of the interview that they had given, with a note that said it would be appearing in two weeks' time, as the cover story for  _People_  magazine, since the live  _Survivor_  finale would be airing that same week.   
  
Ryan grinned. A cover story. That was pretty cool, he had to admit. He'd never actually been on the cover of a major magazine before.   
  
Colin came out of the kitchen, and Ryan noticed he was beaming too. "Hey, guess what?" he said, putting a hand on Ryan's shoulder. He was wearing an apron, and Ryan wondered if he'd been cooking something.   
  
"You're baking pie?" Ryan asked hopefully.   
  
"No," Colin said, laughing. "But I can start one, if you want."  
  
"Blueberry?" Ryan begged. Blueberry pie with Colin was still one of his favorite pastimes.   
  
"Okay," Colin agreed, shaking his head, but he was smiling and Ryan didn't mind. "But listen to this. I just got off the phone with my manager. She says we've got the cover story on  _People_  in a couple weeks, and she asked what my schedule was like, because they need to take some photos of us."   
  
"I know," Ryan said. "Check this out." And he held up the article.  
  
Colin grinned. "Too cool," he said.  
  
A timer went off in the kitchen, and he yelped. "That's the chicken!" And he dashed back into the kitchen, leaving Ryan to read the article and wonder what exactly Colin was making this time...

 

***

 

Ryan had just settled down on the couch to read the article when Colin came back in and plopped down beside him. "Go on, let's see it," Colin said, poking the sheets of paper impatiently.  
  
"Didn't you have...?" Ryan jerked a thumb toward the kitchen, where the scent of savory roasting chicken was beginning to waft out.  
  
"It's fine," Colin said, waving a dismissive hand. "The sauce needs to sit and thicken. Why are we talking and not reading?"  
  
Ryan chuckled softly. "Impatient much?"  
  
Colin gave him a look. "Dragging your feet much? What, don't you  _want_  to read it?" Then he paused, and studied Ryan's expression for a moment. "Ryan?"  
  
Ryan shrugged and rattled the papers in his hands. The cover sheet only had their names and the proposed printing date of the interview; all the good stuff was still hidden. "I don't know," he mumbled. "What if it makes us look like... like the cheap publicity stunt of the week or something?"  
  
"It won't," Colin said. "And if it does, this is why we get to read it first and pull the plug if we don't like it." He covered Ryan's hands with his own, and then gently pulled the printed interview from his fingers. "It'll be fine."   
  
Ryan nodded and handed Colin his reading glasses from the coffee table, and they leaned close together so they could both see.  
  
_People:_  Today I had to chance to speak with Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles; improv comics, actors, best friends, and more recently, contestants on this year's _Survivor_. They were the surprise hit of the show, lending a big boost to ratings and generating speculation about just how "real" this reality TV is. Ryan, Colin, thanks for taking the time to talk with us.  
  
_Colin Mochrie:_  Oh, you're welcome.  
  
_Ryan Stiles:_  He's so polite, isn't he?  
  
CM: Anyway. Where do we start?  
  
P: Well, the obvious first question--on screen, it seemed like the start of a new relationship. Is that really what happened? (At this point, the two of them exchanged a look, and I got the feeling of a whole conversation going over my head.)  
  
RS: Yes, that's what happened. We've been friends for years, but out there...  
  
CM: We figured some things out.  _Finally._  
  
RS: (laughs) Yeah, apparently we were the last to know.  
  
P: What do you mean?  
  
RS: Just that most of our friends weren't too surprised to hear the news. A lot of them had assumed we were already together, actually.  
  
CM: It was kind of embarrassing, you know? That we were close for so long and never took that step.  
  
RS: We got here. That's what's important. (He put his hand on Colin's then, and Colin gave him a sweet smile. They gave an immediate impression of being very comfortable in each other's presence, and very attuned to each other.)  
  
P: So the reaction from friends and family has been positive?  
  
CM: For the most part, yes, a lot of support. We're grateful to them, and to the fans as well, who have been just wonderful about this whole thing.  
  
RS: Of course, they saw it coming for years.  
  
CM: (laughs) Of course. So they're feeling very validated right now.  
  
P: How about NBC? Did the _Survivor_ producers encourage you, or was it the other way around?  
  
RS: (shrugs) Little of both, I guess. The director didn't like us.  
  
CM: And we're all broken up about that.  
  
RS: Oh yes. (rolls eyes) But mostly they were good. The camera crew got a little pushy sometimes; it was hard to get any privacy.  
  
CM: We had our tent.   
  
RS: (smiles) Oh yeah, the tent.

 P: They left you alone in there?  
  
RS: Mostly. Not always. When I got sick they were all crowded in.  
  
CM: Because they needed to take care of you.  
  
RS: I was okay.  
  
CM: You  _were not._  
  
RS: I got better, though.   
  
P: (Colin seemed a little upset, but calmed when Ryan put an arm around his shoulders.) So you really did get sick, Ryan? There was some speculation that it was a ploy to get you off the show.  
  
RS: (shakes head) No, I really was sick. My fault for drinking the untreated water.  
  
CM: It could have happened to any of us, really. Just a mistake.  
  
P: So, what are your plans for after the finale?  
  
CM: We're going back home.  
  
RS: We've got a place together in Canada.  
  
CM: And Dave is waiting for us. (laughs) He'll probably knock us over when he sees us again.  
  
P: Is that the same Dave from _Survivor_? Crocodile Dave?  
  
RS: Is that what they're calling him? He'd love that.  
  
CM: Crocodile Dave. (laughs) Yeah, that's him. He's... well, he's unusual, but we really like him. We kind of adopted him.  
  
RS: Or he adopted us. I'm not sure.  
  
P: So you're looking forward to going home again.  
  
CM: Very much, yes. We're grateful for the support and the interest, but really, we'd just like to live our lives without being under the microscope for a while.  
  
RS: It was kind of silly for us to go on _Survivor_ in the first place, since living under the microscope is what that show does.  
  
CM: But I'm glad we did it. It gave us this.  
  
RS: (smiles) True. So it's worth it.  
  
P: Well, thanks for talking with us, and congratulations.  
  
Ryan and Colin can be seen together on  _Whose Line is it Anyway?_  on ABC, and next week on the _Survivor_ finale, when the winner will be announced.   
  
"And that's it," Colin said, putting the papers down. "Wasn't so bad, was it?"  
  
"Hmm." Ryan smiled wryly. "I could have done without all the little descriptive bits. Did she have to mention  _every_  time we touched or looked at each other?"  
  
"I thought it was nice," Colin said. "Subtle and respectful. And she left out the bit where you suggested we did more than swim in that river."  
  
"Oh right, that," Ryan muttered. He ducked his head, remembering how he'd slipped a bit in the interview and allowed some innuendo to sneak in. Colin had elbowed him and asked the woman to leave that out, and apparently she'd respected his wishes there. So yeah, as interviews went, this was probably as clean as it was going to get.  
  
"Yes, that," Colin replied dryly. "So now we just have to do some pictures, and we're finished."  
  
"Great," Ryan said. He stood, offering Colin a hand up off the couch. "Now come on, let's eat."  
  
Colin laughed. "I knew you only loved me for my cooking."  
  
"Nah," Ryan said. "Your blowjobs are pretty good too."  
  
Colin smacked him on the shoulder, rolling his eyes. "Just for that, you don't get any pie."  
  
Ryan grinned and immediately began plotting ways to change Colin's mind.

 

***

 

Before Ryan knew it, it was the last taping of the season. He was tempted to do something risky, really push the boundaries. But then again, did he even need to after everything else they had planned for this taping?  
  
He laughed as he thought of the big surprise waiting for the audience tonight. He couldn't wait to see what their reaction would be. He hoped for all their sakes that things would turn out okay.  
  
Ugh, listen to him. He was getting as bad about this worrying thing as Colin. What the hell was wrong with him? Of course things would be all right.  
  
And if by some twist of fate things  _didn't_  turn out okay, they would improvise.  
  
Colin squeezed his shoulder, and Ryan instantly relaxed. It was amazing the effect that Colin's presence had on him. Sometimes he wondered if he could bottle it and sell it on the black market. But then again, Ryan didn't like to share. And besides, he wasn't sure that anyone else would be quite as soothed by Colin as he was.  
  
"You ready for this?" Colin asked, and now his fingers kneaded in between Ryan's shoulderblades.  
  
"Well, even if I'm not, it's too late now," Ryan replied, leaning in as Colin massaged his neck. "Mmm...  _Col_..."  
  
Colin swatted Ryan on the back of the neck. "Stop it! We're at work!"  
  
"So?" Ryan murmured, fixing Colin with a smoldering gaze. He pinched Colin's inner thigh, which made Colin yelp. "That never stopped us before," he continued, lost in memories of that time last week, in his trailer...  
  
"Well, anyway, we shouldn't this time," Colin said.  
  
As if on cue, a wiry man-child with a shock of brown hair came bounding into the Green Room and crawled across both of their laps. "Ryan! Colin! Oh, ColinandRyan, RyanandColin! Dave is here!"  
  
"Not in front of the kid, huh?" Ryan sighed over Dave's head, giving Colin a frustrated look that almost made Colin laugh.  
  
"It'll be worth it," Colin promised, and Ryan damn well hoped that meant Colin would be making it up to him later. "You ready for your big debut, Dave?"  
  
Dave screeched and clapped his hands over his head, making Ryan wince. "Dave is a trained monkey today!"  
  
And Ryan thought to himself that this was going to be a very long taping.

 

***

 

Dave sprawled across them on the couch, chattering rapidly about his trip down from Canada and the guardian assigned by the hospital to keep him from getting lost on the way.   
  
"Where's this guardian now?" Colin asked, looking around.  
  
Dave shrugged. "I think he was tired. He was quiet a lot and he sighed and he didn't want to play driving games with Dave! I even said I'd hold the wheel for him so he could rest and I did, I held it and we were going down the road and I was very good and only went over the lines a little bit but he still didn't like it." Dave shook his head, spreading his hands as if to say, 'what can you do?'   
  
Ryan winced slightly as he realized that it would fall to him and Colin to drive Dave back home when this was over. That promised to be an interesting road trip. "So he brought you to the studio and got while the getting was good, huh?"  
  
Dave nodded cheerfully. "Yep! Maybe he went to lay down. I think his head was hurting him. I tried to pat it for him but he didn't like that either."  
  
"Imagine that," Colin murmured. "But you made it here in one piece, so I guess he did the job. Are you glad to be here?"  
  
"Yes!" Dave shouted, bouncing on them again. "Dave is here and Colin and Ryan are here and we are here together! Do we get to play in the ocean? Dave likes the ocean. I'll be a shark!"  
  
"I don't know if that's a great idea," Ryan said, closing his eyes and briefly picturing Dave chasing screaming people from the water at a crowded L.A. beach. "Maybe you should be a dolphin. People like dolphins."  
  
Dave seemed to consider this, tilting his head to the side and pursing his lips. Greg chose that moment to appear in the doorway of the Green Room, leaning one shoulder against the doorframe and smirking at the three of them.  
  
"So, this is the famous Dave," he said, cocking one eyebrow.  
  
Dave lifted his head and grinned at Greg. "Hi!" he said. "Who are you? Do you want to play? Dave knows lots of games and RyanandColin said we get to play today with their friends and I think maybe you get to play with us to because I remember you from the TV and I'll play with you if you want but you have to be nice and no biting. That's the rule at the hospital, no biting, because crocodile bites hurt."  
  
Greg blinked slowly and turned an incredulous glance at Ryan and Colin. "Are you kidding me?"   
  
"He's harmless," Colin said, giving a dismissive wave. "And he's a lot of fun."  
  
"In small doses," Ryan added quietly, earning an elbow in the ribs from Colin.  
  
"If you say so," Greg muttered, crossing the room to stand by them. He stretched a hand out and offered Dave a polite smile. "Nice to meet you, Dave."  
  
"Hi!" Dave said again, and launched himself off the couch, tackling Greg with a hug. He was light enough and Greg was solid enough that the move didn't topple them to the floor, but Greg staggered and gave Ryan and Colin a wide-eyed glance over his armful of happy Dave.   
  
"You'll get used to him," Ryan assured him. "He grows on you."  
  
"I'll bet," Greg said, carefully disentangling himself. He steered Dave toward the couch, looking relieved when Dave plopped happily down between Ryan and Colin again. "So," Greg began, "you two planning any more surprises for us? Besides monkey boy here, I mean."  
  
Ryan glanced over at Colin, who was giving Greg the wide-eyed cherubic look. "Surprises?" Colin echoed. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean your official 'coming out' interview hits newsstands tomorrow," Greg pointed out. "I don't suppose you're thinking of doing a little advance reveal tonight, hmm?"  
  
"Would we do that?" Ryan asked, smiling sweetly.  
  
Greg grinned and gave them a knowing look. "Oh yeah," he said. " _Party._ "


	52. Epilogue, Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is at last: the long-awaited final part of _Overcome_. Can you believe it? I only hope it will live up to your expectations. :) Thank you so much for reading and enjoying this fic! Both Kalimyre and I had a blast writing it, all 150k or so words. *sheepish grin*
> 
> Crocodile Dave forever! <3

A part of Ryan still couldn't believe that this was his life now. He was standing on the _Whose Line_ stage with his arms wrapped around both Colin and Dave, performing a game of "Three-Headed Broadway Star". To think that being on _Survivor_ had led to Colin and to this moment, right here… the whole thing seemed unreal to him sometimes. But as he squeezed his makeshift little family's shoulders he knew that there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

They finished the song to thunderous applause, with Dave wiggling every which way and beaming out into the audience like an excited child. Which he basically was, when you got right down to it. When the applause died down, Drew said, "Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our special guest from this season's _Survivor_ , Dave!"

Dave ran offstage hooting like an owl the entire way, and in spite of himself Ryan had to smile at his adopted pseudo-son. A jolt of nervous excitement passed through him as he thought about the final surprise he had planned, one that Colin didn't know about. He just hoped that Dave would come through for him. Beside him, Colin grabbed his hand and smiled that shy smile of his, peering up at him through long lashes, and Ryan felt his stomach flip once more as they returned to their seats. When Colin looked at him like that, he still felt like the luckiest bastard in the world.

His hand went to his left pants pocket, checking to make sure his surprise was still there, and he caught Drew's eye. Drew smiled the smile of a co-conspirator. Ryan groaned and sunk down in his seat, hoping that Colin wouldn't notice. But Colin was too busy chatting with Wayne, the two of them chuckling together about something or other. Even though Ryan and Wayne had never been particularly close, he was still glad that Wayne had come around about the two of them. He was especially glad for Colin, because he knew that Colin counted Wayne as one of his friends.

"And now, it's time for a game called 'Secret'," Drew announced, his grin getting even broader as his eyes darted towards Ryan once more. Ryan wondered how the hell Drew ever won any money in Vegas, because his poker face was absolute crap.

"This game is for Ryan and Colin, so come on down, guys," Drew continued, as Ryan shuffled up to the front of the stage with Colin beside him. His heart felt like it was going to keel over from all of the anticipation. "So, in this game, the two of you are out on a romantic date. But there's a secret waiting to be discovered. We'll pick up the scene a few minutes before the secret comes out. Now, what I need from the audience is the location of the secret. Where will it be hiding, any ideas?"

Ryan looked out into the audience and bit back a laugh when he saw Dave doing his trademark crocodile snap. "In Ryan's pocket!" he yelled with cupped hands for added volume, throwing Ryan an exaggerated wink. Beside him, Colin blinked his eyes up at Ryan, like he was wondering what the hell was going on. All Ryan could do was give him a tight-lipped smile in return.

 "In Ryan's pocket," Drew agreed a little too casually, unable to keep the glee out of his voice. Ryan gulped, because he knew there was no going back now. "So, Ryan and Colin, you're on a romantic date, there's a secret, and it's in Ryan's pocket. Go ahead and start the scene whenever you're ready."

Ryan bullshitted his way through the beginning of the scene, only half paying attention because his nerves were starting to get the best of him. He kept wiping the side of his face, jiggling his leg, even stuttering his sentences a few times. He knew Colin noticed from all of the questions lurking in his eyes, but ever the professional, he continued on as best as he could in spite of Ryan's increasingly odd behavior. 

By the time the "secret" was about to be revealed in front of their friends and co-workers, the entire studio audience, and not to mention the millions of people who would eventually be watching this from home, Ryan felt like he was going to throw up. Why had ever he thought this would be a good idea? But then he looked at the lovable man standing in front of him, reaching for his pocket, and he knew why.

Ryan gently batted Colin's hand away, pulling the velvet jewelry box out of his pocket himself as he got down on one knee. A hush came over the audience, cast, and crew, and one of Colin's hands flew up to his cheek instinctively. "Colin Andrew Mochrie," Ryan began, looking up into his best friend's calm eyes, which were filling up with tears. He barely registered the squeals of the audience, the hot lights, Drew's cheers. Even Dave's owl hoots seemed far away. He continued, "You have been my best friend for over twenty years, and I'm only sorry it took getting stuck in a tent with you on an island in the middle of nowhere for me to finally admit my feelings. I should have told you so much earlier, but I'll tell you now, I love you. You're my home, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

He opened the jewelry box, presenting it to Colin. Two simple silver bands glittered underneath the lights, one larger and one smaller. He held his breath, waiting for Colin's answer, and it seemed to him that the entire studio held its collective breath along with him.

After a beat that felt like it stretched out forever, Colin nodded, his lip quivering, too overcome to speak. Ryan laughed and caught Colin up, twirling him around. He didn't even care how much his back protested, because Colin had said yes. Ryan was going to marry his best friend, after so many years of waiting, and nothing could ever top that as far as he was concerned.

In a dizzy blur of the audience's applause, Drew's laughter, and most of all Colin's smile, the next thing he knew his ring was on Colin's finger, and Colin was sliding the larger ring onto Ryan's finger with trembling hands. "I love you too, Ry," he whispered into Ryan's ear, his soft words meant for Ryan and Ryan alone. " _So much_. You're my home too."

Ryan stroked Colin's cheek before pulling him in for a fierce hug, at long last allowing the bubbling joy of the moment to fill his every empty place. Colin clutched him, his hands wrapped up in Ryan's curls as they sighed into each other. He could hear Greg behind them yelling something about getting a room, but at the moment, he was too giddy to care. And once again Ryan couldn't believe that this was his life now. This was his life, with Colin.

Neither one of them would ever be alone again.

 

***

 

Ryan jittered his leg up and down while Colin sat beside him. He had been a live performer for even longer than he had known Colin, and he should have been used to it by now, but the live finale of _Survivor_ was a much huger deal than anything he'd ever been involved with. They were sitting before the biggest audience Ryan had ever seen, on a massive stage, with at least half of it devoted to recreating the original Tribal Council set on the island. The other part of the stage was filled with all of the voted off Survivors, sitting in rows on risers in the order they were voted off. Since he and Colin had been voted off so early, they were towards the back of the rows, but Ryan didn't mind, because hopefully that meant they wouldn't draw too much attention. Matt and Eric were both missing, which Ryan was grateful for. He knew the producers liked drama, so he had been half expecting that one or both would be here, but to his and Colin's relief neither one of them had showed.

Colin patted his knee and took Ryan's left hand, tracing Ryan's new ring with his fingers. "It's okay, Ry, I'm here," he whispered, and Ryan's leg stilled at last.

He reached across Colin's lap for his left hand, kissing Colin's ring in thanks. It had been about a week since the proposal, and Ryan still felt like flying every time he saw the silver ring shining on Colin's finger. The man looked damn good wearing Ryan's ring, and Ryan couldn't be prouder.

Dave was sitting in the row in front of them looking very natty in a collared polo shirt, with his hair all slicked back. He turned around then, grinning at the two of them and their joined hands. "Hi, Ryan, hi, Colin!" he exclaimed, giving a little wiggle in his seat. "Big Dave is going to be an angel crocodile today, just like I promised you." He mimed playing an imaginary harp, hooting at the thought.

Before either one of them could answer, the now familiar chanting of the _Survivor_ opening theme began playing on the large screens on either side of the stage. Dave snapped his head back around, but not before tracing a halo around his head. Ryan watched on one of the studio monitors as the final episode began to play. And even though he already knew much of what had happened thanks to viewing the feeds back at the crew camp, he still found himself getting sucked into the story unfolding. 

Towards the end of the episode, Gina, Doug, and the eight Survivors who made up the jury sat down on the logs over in the Tribal Council set, with Jeff sitting in front of them, waiting. The final vote scene filmed back on the island played on the screens before dissolving to the live studio, where Jeff would read out the votes in real time.

Ryan was thrilled when Gina was announced as the winner of this season's _Survivor_ , and he and Colin both cheered for their friend, their arms waving wildly from their spot on the risers. They watched as Shannon, who was one of the jury members, embraced Gina, and Gina laughed, picking tiny Shannon up in her excitement. Thousands of balloons and confetti rained down on Gina while her family ran up and surrounded her in congratulations. Her family looked nice, Ryan reflected. Two boys and a husband, along with an older couple that he guessed were her parents.

Then it was time for the live discussion show, where Jeff interviewed all of the Survivors. Thankfully, most of the focus was on Gina, which was fine with Ryan. He also knew that Colin didn't want to call too much more attention to them, especially after their _People_ magazine article, and not to mention Ryan's very public proposal, which had caused a second flurry of media activity once word got out. And he could only imagine what the reaction would be once that episode of _Whose Line_ finally aired on television. But as he ran his fingers over Colin's ring for what felt like the hundredth time, Ryan couldn't bring himself to have any regrets. After all, he had so much more than he ever thought he deserved. 

Still, it wasn't a huge surprise when about mid-way through the program Jeff's sharp eyes focused on the two of them. "Ryan, Colin," he said. "The two of you caused quite a stir with your island romance. What's it been like for you now that you're back at home?"

Ryan exchanged glances with Colin, who had that wide-eyed "deer in the headlights" look he specialized in. Ryan covered one of Colin's hands with his, cleared his throat and answered, "Well, so far everyone has been very supportive of us, which we're very thankful for," he said. "And we recently bought a house together up in Vancouver." He didn't mention the proposal, but neither he nor Colin did anything to hide the matching rings visible on their left hands.

"You two are still the sweetest!" Gina exclaimed from her spot in the front row, craning her head back to look at them. Ryan could see Shannon nodding in agreement. "These guys are the best, let me tell you."

"They certainly have proved popular with our audience," Jeff agreed. And on the monitor Ryan could see a montage starting with clips of various Ryan and Colin "moments" from their time on the show.

Ryan was a little awed to see the live audience aww-ing and applauding along with all of the hugs and kisses and affectionate touches shown between the two men. It made him think about the _Whose Line_ fans, and their delight when he and Colin had confirmed their relationship. And it reminded him of how thrilled the audience had been at the taping when he had proposed to Colin. Because if Ryan was being honest with himself, one of the reasons he'd never gone for it with Colin had been because he was worried about what people would think, how they would judge him, for wanting to be with another man. When Ryan was growing up, being gay wasn't even an option, not if you wanted a decent life. But here it was, a new millennium. Sure, there were still ignorant people like Matt and Eric out there, but maybe at last, the tide was turning.

Colin squeezed Ryan's hand, like he knew exactly what Ryan was thinking, and Ryan realized that maybe he didn't have to be afraid anymore. Maybe it was okay to love Colin, because the reality was, he did. He had loved Colin for over half of his life, and that wasn't something he should have to hide away anymore.

As the montage ended Ryan couldn't resist brushing his lips across Colin's cheek. The playful swat he got across his knee was completely worth it, in light of the audience's roaring approval.

 

***

 

As soon as spring gave way to summer and the leaves had fully bloomed on the trees in their backyard, Ryan and Colin pledged their love and lives to each other on a private Vancouver beach. They stood in front of a small gathering of their closest family members and friends: all of their siblings and parents, and various cohorts from their work throughout the years in Canada, England, and America, including many of their friends from _Whose Line_ and _Drew Carey_. Even Gina and Shannon and their respective families flew in to witness the event, and of course, Dave was there too.

The beach was secluded, away from the public areas, which were always thronged with far too many people for Ryan's liking. He and Colin had actually discovered it many years ago, when they first became friends. For a moment Ryan allowed himself to get lost in old memories of the two of them in their younger days, running down the beach together before tossing their shoes off to walk in the surf. Colin had really been something back then-- confident onstage but deeply shy off of it, to the point where sometimes he wouldn't even talk above a whisper. His dark, shaggy bangs flopped into these big brown eyes that seemed to take up about half of his face, and he had the sweetest, most mischievous smile Ryan had ever seen, a smile that could make him do just about anything. So many times when they were wrestling and teasing each other in the sand, Ryan had wanted to lean down and capture Colin's lips, to taste them and claim them as his own. And now here they were, twenty years later, on the same beach, about to wed. Again that feeling of unreality swept over Ryan, and again he thanked his lucky stars for the man who was about to become his husband.

Dave stood beside them, wearing several dozen different daisy chains in every conceivable color, all piled on his head and wrapped in various places around his body. He had insisted on being the Flower Crocodile. Ryan still wasn't entirely clear on what that was, but Dave seemed happy enough to just stand nearby, beaming at them both, and it wasn't like he was hurting anyone, so Ryan let him be.

He and Colin had written their own vows, and Ryan was the first to speak. He gazed at the now balding man before him, still just as full of smiling mischief as he had been twenty years ago, and Ryan felt his love for Colin swelling in his chest like the waves crashing to the shore beside them. 

"I love you, Colin," he said, speaking straight to Colin, without any hesitation. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You are the most incredible man that I've ever met: giving, patient, and kind. No one has ever made me laugh as much as you do. And I know I'm not always an easy guy to get to know, but no one has ever understood me as well as you do. We fell in love here in Vancouver without even realizing it. Many years passed, but our connection to each other only continued to deepen. Even when we were living thousands of miles apart and only saw each other a few times a year, I want you to know that you were always there with me. When we were on the island, I didn't know what would happen. A part of me always wanted this with you, but I was too afraid to risk what we already had. But after getting to spend all that of time with you again, I realized that I couldn't go back to the way things were, because you and I belong together. I am so glad that we went on _Survivor_ together, if only because it led me to you. You're the best part of both of us, you're so much more than I will ever deserve, and you mean more to me than you'll ever know."

The entire time Ryan was speaking, Colin's eyes never left his face. Ryan called upon every ounce of his training as an actor, using his voice, his eyes, and his body to convey that he meant every word that he was saying. And by the end, tears were spilling down both of their cheeks.

"Ryan, you are my best friend, the best friend I'll ever have, and I love you with all of my heart," Colin began, his voice still quivering with emotion. "You've done so much for me throughout the years, and I feel like I can never thank you enough. You have been a constant presence in my life, and I want you to know that I would be lost without you. I admire your strength, your intelligence, your commitment to being the best in everything you do. I love how you take care of me, how you watch over me, how you're always there for me to hold onto. I have loved you for so long that I don't even remember a time when I didn't love you. Even before I knew the depth of my feelings for you, your love was always there, anchoring me. When our relationship changed into more than friendship, I was overjoyed, because I never thought that I had a chance with you. You are everything I ever wanted, everything I ever needed. Our time on the island was so amazing, and I feel like it only brought us closer together. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life loving you."

When Colin was finished, Ryan couldn't resist catching him up in a tight hug. Colin's words were the sweetest music that Ryan had ever heard, and he was touched all over again that Colin still thought that much of him, even after all of these years. Part of him wanted tug Colin off somewhere and ravish him, the rest of the ceremony be damned, but he knew that he shouldn't. Besides, they had their whole lives for that.

The bouncing Flower Crocodile handed them their wedding bands, each one gold with a palm tree engraved on it, to commemorate their time on _Survivor_. Ryan had wanted a river, but Colin had overruled him, his face flushing at the mere thought of that night in the river. This led Ryan to throw out increasingly ridiculous suggestions, like their tent, the immunity necklace, even a chicken-bird, until they were both curled up laughing together on the couch. And as Ryan watched Colin's laughing face all he could think was how much he loved this man and how much he was looking forward to spending the rest of their lives together.

Ryan and Colin slid the rings onto each other's fingers, and sealed their union with a soft, chaste kiss that was so pure it left Ryan breathless. Even after all of this time, Ryan still couldn't get enough of Colin's kisses. He had been missing them for so many years that he still felt like he had a lot of them to catch up on. But the best part about all of this was that now he finally could kiss Colin, for as much and for as long as he wanted to.

After the ceremony, after the reception on the beach, after an afternoon of food and dancing and music and laughter with their gathered family and friends, the number of guests started to dwindle. Dave was one of the last ones to leave, because he had to wait for someone from the home to pick him up. When the van finally arrived he ambushed Ryan and Colin, draping several of his daisy chains around each of their necks and giving them each his trademark sloppy kisses on the cheek.   
  
"I love you, Ryan, and I love _you_ , Colin!" he exclaimed as he was herded off to the van. "Dave is so happy that you mated. Wolves mate for life, just like Ryan and Colin!" He let out an ear-piercing howl that drifted down the beach before being stuffed into the back of the van.

Ryan and Colin exchanged laughing glances with each other as Dave rolled down the window, howling at them until the van disappeared from sight.

When they could no longer hear even the faintest trace of Dave's howls, Colin wrapped his fingers around one of the daisy chains circling Ryan's neck, using it to pull Ryan closer. "I love you," he said, looking up into Ryan's eyes with an open trust that Ryan had always envied.

Ryan smiled down at his husband, feeling lighter than he had felt in years. "I love you, too," he said simply, pressing in for another kiss. He grabbed Colin's left hand in his, admiring the way their golden rings shone in the afternoon sun.

 

***

 

In another hour they were standing on a dock next to the shore, hand in hand. Ryan took a deep breath, inhaling the salty sea air as he stood looking at the sailboat rising before them. Doubt started to fill his mind. Sailing away on a boat trip had been a fun fantasy to get lost in when they were on the island, but he wasn't sure how it would turn out in reality. He and Colin had taken a few sailing lessons in preparation for the trip, and he knew the boat was well stocked with supplies, but after everything else they had been through to get to this point, all Ryan wanted was for their honeymoon to go smoothly.

"So, are we going to try to find the island?" Colin asked, grinning at Ryan.

"Absolutely not," said Ryan, pretending to be horrified at the thought.   
  
"But I packed a tent," Colin replied a little too innocently, nudging Ryan with one foot. "And five pounds of rice and beans. That oughtta be enough to get us started, anyway."

"Ugh, you did not," said Ryan with a shudder. "I'm never eating rice and beans again. Or _fish_ , for that matter."

"Oh, did I forget to mention the fishing poles? 'Cause I totally packed a couple of those too."

"I'm not listening," Ryan said, covering his ears and humming over Colin's teasing laughter.

Colin pulled Ryan's hands away from his ears, a mock pout on his lips. "Come on, Ry. It'll be romantic," he sang. "Can we at least go camping one night?"  
  
"No."

"Please?" Colin's dimples flashed in his cheeks, and his eyes got big and round, like he was doing his best to kill Ryan with his utter adorableness.  

"We are sleeping in hotels and taking showers and eating real food for the entire duration of our honeymoon and that's final," Ryan said.

But as he said it, his eyes twinkled, because he wanted to let Colin know that if he really wanted to go camping one night, they could. He had to admit, sleeping in a tent again with Colin would be pretty fun. They could toast marshmallows and make s'mores. And maybe they could even go for another midnight swim. But Ryan was still drawing the line at eating anything involving rice, beans, or fish. And he was _definitely_ not doing any hunting.

They boarded the boat, bickering like an old married couple instead of the newlyweds they were. But then again, it had taken them a long time to get to this point, and they had known each other for so long that Ryan supposed it made sense. After all, maybe they had only been married for less than a day but they had been in love for a lifetime. 

With Colin's help, Ryan prepared the boat, both of them untying the knots and unfurling the sail, which flapped in the mild June breeze. Then Colin pulled him in for another kiss, still just as exhilarating to Ryan as every kiss that had come before it. Because maybe Dave was right, and he and Colin really were like wolves, mates for life. And for a moment Ryan didn't care if they did wind up on an island in a flimsy little tent eating rice and beans for the rest of their lives. Because with Colin by his side, he knew he could overcome anything.

As they sailed off, Ryan fixed his eyes on the bright horizon, wondering what new adventure awaited them. He only knew that whatever it was, he and Colin would be together. And in the end, that was all that really mattered.


End file.
